Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] defensiveness
Michael Millard
I think asking someone " why do you ask?" is rude. It puts the other person
( the one to whom you are directing the question) on the defensive. What a
way to have a conversation! Maybe the other person is just nosy or curious
in which case you can take the responsibility of the conversation and say "
I dont see why that matters." BOOM! End of subject. Now the other person can
stop talking about that subject, walk away or or explain why they think it
matters. In which case, you can yawn, look bored or walk away. Let's not
purposely be antagonistic with one another. Unless of course that is your
purpose..... Mary in Va.
( the one to whom you are directing the question) on the defensive. What a
way to have a conversation! Maybe the other person is just nosy or curious
in which case you can take the responsibility of the conversation and say "
I dont see why that matters." BOOM! End of subject. Now the other person can
stop talking about that subject, walk away or or explain why they think it
matters. In which case, you can yawn, look bored or walk away. Let's not
purposely be antagonistic with one another. Unless of course that is your
purpose..... Mary in Va.
Annamae
----- Original Message -----
From: "Michael Millard" <nomads3@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Monday, September 16, 2002 3:21 PM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] defensiveness
> I think asking someone " why do you ask?" is rude. It puts the other
person
> ( the one to whom you are directing the question) on the defensive. What a
> way to have a conversation! Maybe the other person is just nosy or curious
> in which case you can take the responsibility of the conversation and say
"
> I dont see why that matters." BOOM! End of subject. Now the other person
can
> stop talking about that subject, walk away or or explain why they think it
> matters. In which case, you can yawn, look bored or walk away. Let's not
> purposely be antagonistic with one another. Unless of course that is your
> purpose..... Mary in Va.
>
>
>
> ~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
>
> If you have , please email > Visit the Unschooling website:
http://www.unschooling.com
>
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
>
> The person asking has already been very,very rude.People
> that are sensitive and well bred (as my Grandma used to say) don`t ask
personal questions. I am upset at the lack of courtesy that seems to abound
now.Annamae
Betsy
**I think asking someone " why do you ask?" is rude.**
How about saying "what would you like to know"? It sounds open and
friendly but it has the possibility that you'll get more information
from the questioner before committing yourself.
If they don't get more specific about their question and their motive,
THEN drag out the big, vague, distracting answer.
Betsy
How about saying "what would you like to know"? It sounds open and
friendly but it has the possibility that you'll get more information
from the questioner before committing yourself.
If they don't get more specific about their question and their motive,
THEN drag out the big, vague, distracting answer.
Betsy
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/16/02 3:24:27 PM, ecsamhill@... writes:
<< How about saying "what would you like to know"? It sounds open and
friendly but it has the possibility that you'll get more information
from the questioner before committing yourself. >>
That does sound more friendly. Like you're trying to do them a favor,
instead of trying to shut them out or brush them off.
And honestly, I think half or more of the conversations about homeschooling
are no deeper or more real than the traditional dialog that adults have with
children they don't know very well or see very often.
Hi! What's your name?
[state your name]
Do you like school?
or
Where do you go to school?
What's your teacher's name?
What do you like best at school?
And then the conversation's over.
They could talk to kids about baseball or tv or bicycles or the sky or
Superman, but they say "How do you like school?"
So if someone's homeschooling, others will say "So. Are you still
homeschooling?"
or
"Have you started your school year?"
or
"How's the homeschooling going?"
When people say "SO. How are you?"
the answer is
Fine! Thanks! How are you?
or
Pretty good, and you?
Even if your foot is a purple and green baseball and you can't walk.
So maybe we just need some stock answers for those stock questions.
Maybe the answers are "Great!"
"Yeah!"
"Yep!"
"So far so good!"
"We're having a good time."
Are they going to college?"
"I'm sure they will."
"Oh probably."
"Maybe, but maybe not right away."
All accompanied by a smile.
Because they don't want to hear about John Holt, I'll bet you $5.
Sandra
<< How about saying "what would you like to know"? It sounds open and
friendly but it has the possibility that you'll get more information
from the questioner before committing yourself. >>
That does sound more friendly. Like you're trying to do them a favor,
instead of trying to shut them out or brush them off.
And honestly, I think half or more of the conversations about homeschooling
are no deeper or more real than the traditional dialog that adults have with
children they don't know very well or see very often.
Hi! What's your name?
[state your name]
Do you like school?
or
Where do you go to school?
What's your teacher's name?
What do you like best at school?
And then the conversation's over.
They could talk to kids about baseball or tv or bicycles or the sky or
Superman, but they say "How do you like school?"
So if someone's homeschooling, others will say "So. Are you still
homeschooling?"
or
"Have you started your school year?"
or
"How's the homeschooling going?"
When people say "SO. How are you?"
the answer is
Fine! Thanks! How are you?
or
Pretty good, and you?
Even if your foot is a purple and green baseball and you can't walk.
So maybe we just need some stock answers for those stock questions.
Maybe the answers are "Great!"
"Yeah!"
"Yep!"
"So far so good!"
"We're having a good time."
Are they going to college?"
"I'm sure they will."
"Oh probably."
"Maybe, but maybe not right away."
All accompanied by a smile.
Because they don't want to hear about John Holt, I'll bet you $5.
Sandra
Judy
Someone else: How's the homeschooling going?
Me: I Love It!
Shuts then up every single time. No one can possibly understand why
anyone would want to spend all day with their own kids.... so, my
enthusiasm always leaves them speechless.
-J
SandraDodd@... wrote:
[Image]
Me: I Love It!
Shuts then up every single time. No one can possibly understand why
anyone would want to spend all day with their own kids.... so, my
enthusiasm always leaves them speechless.
-J
SandraDodd@... wrote:
>ADVERTISEMENT
> In a message dated 9/16/02 3:24:27 PM, ecsamhill@... writes:
>
> << How about saying "what would you like to know"? It sounds open and
>
> friendly but it has the possibility that you'll get more information
> from the questioner before committing yourself. >>
>
> That does sound more friendly. Like you're trying to do them a favor,
>
> instead of trying to shut them out or brush them off.
>
> And honestly, I think half or more of the conversations about
> homeschooling
> are no deeper or more real than the traditional dialog that adults
> have with
> children they don't know very well or see very often.
>
> Hi! What's your name?
> [state your name]
> Do you like school?
> or
> Where do you go to school?
>
> What's your teacher's name?
>
> What do you like best at school?
>
> And then the conversation's over.
>
> They could talk to kids about baseball or tv or bicycles or the sky or
>
> Superman, but they say "How do you like school?"
>
> So if someone's homeschooling, others will say "So. Are you still
> homeschooling?"
> or
> "Have you started your school year?"
> or
> "How's the homeschooling going?"
>
>
> When people say "SO. How are you?"
> the answer is
> Fine! Thanks! How are you?
> or
> Pretty good, and you?
>
>
> Even if your foot is a purple and green baseball and you can't walk.
>
> So maybe we just need some stock answers for those stock questions.
>
> Maybe the answers are "Great!"
> "Yeah!"
>
> "Yep!"
> "So far so good!"
> "We're having a good time."
>
>
> Are they going to college?"
>
> "I'm sure they will."
> "Oh probably."
> "Maybe, but maybe not right away."
>
> All accompanied by a smile.
>
> Because they don't want to hear about John Holt, I'll bet you $5.
>
> Sandra
>
> Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
[Image]
>[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> ~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
>
> If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please
> email the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the
> list owner, Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
>
> To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address
> an email to:
> [email protected]
>
> Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
>
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
Mary Bianco
>From: "Michael Millard" <nomads3@...>Well then, I guess I'm rude. But I ask "why do you ask" in a let me
>I think asking someone " why do you ask?" is rude. It puts the other person
>( the one to whom you are directing the question) on the defensive. What a
>way to have a conversation! Maybe the other person is just nosy or curious
>in which case you can take the responsibility of the conversation and say "
>I dont see why that matters." BOOM! End of subject. Now the other person
>can
>stop talking about that subject, walk away or or explain why they think it
>matters. In which case, you can yawn, look bored or walk away. Let's not
>purposely be antagonistic with one another. Unless of course that is your
>purpose>>
understand you and answer your question better kind of way. The nosey ones
and the ones looking for trouble will stammer. The interested ones
understand and ask specifics. I don't see where asking is any more rude than
yawning and looking bored and walking away.
Mary B
_________________________________________________________________
Send and receive Hotmail on your mobile device: http://mobile.msn.com
[email protected]
> Because they don't want to hear about John Holt, I'll bet you $5But my husband always tells people about John Holt...and John Taylor Gatto
and James Herndon!
Come to think of it, they do shut up...
Pam T.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]