sleepovers
Mary Bianco
So now you have me questioning all kinds of things.
I'm wondering about something else now. What has anyone experienced with
older kids that have boyfriends/girlfriends and wanting to have them stay
over? Is it okay with you and if so at what age and what are the
circumstances? Do they stay together or in separate areas of the house? What
about those kind of choices with the children?
Mary B
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I'm wondering about something else now. What has anyone experienced with
older kids that have boyfriends/girlfriends and wanting to have them stay
over? Is it okay with you and if so at what age and what are the
circumstances? Do they stay together or in separate areas of the house? What
about those kind of choices with the children?
Mary B
_________________________________________________________________
Join the world�s largest e-mail service with MSN Hotmail.
http://www.hotmail.com
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/11/2002 6:00:28 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
mummyone24@... writes:
My son, Cameron, had a girlfriend who stayed over. She was a regular
overnighter---spent whole weekends and holidays here. She had the choice of
where to sleep. She could spend the night in Duncan's (4 years old) top bunk
or she could sleep with Cam in Cameron's room. Or she could have Cameron
sleep in Duncan's room and she could have Cam's room to herself. We were
never uncomfortable with her staying over. THEY chose "clothes on" (no PJ's)
and decided what was acceptable or not. "Nothing" happened. This is common in
Germany--there's a name for it, but I can't remember what it is. They kiss
and snuggle and hold each other, but they are well aware of how far *not* to
go.
His next girlfriend's parents were so strict, they were never allowed alone
in a room together; they couldn't go for a walk around the block, they were't
allowed to kiss---just hold hands. They weren't allowed to see each other
more than once a week---and then for a max of three or four hours. She was
allowed here twice for parties, but arrived at 6:00 and was picked up at
9:30. I'm afraid what will happen there when she "gets out". (and no, they
didn't know of our "lack of rules" with Lauren. <G>)
Cameron was there when I gave birth to his brother. He was turned off enough
about childbirth (BAD labor and emergency c-section), that he's in NO hurry
to be a father!
Right now he's a "bachelor". I hope the next girlfriend's parents are open
enough to allow overnights. It seemed quite healthy to me (but I spent
several years in Germany/Austria <g>).
Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
mummyone24@... writes:
> I'm wondering about something else now. What has anyone experienced withMary,
> older kids that have boyfriends/girlfriends and wanting to have them stay
> over? Is it okay with you and if so at what age and what are the
> circumstances? Do they stay together or in separate areas of the house?
> What
> about those kind of choices with the children?
>
My son, Cameron, had a girlfriend who stayed over. She was a regular
overnighter---spent whole weekends and holidays here. She had the choice of
where to sleep. She could spend the night in Duncan's (4 years old) top bunk
or she could sleep with Cam in Cameron's room. Or she could have Cameron
sleep in Duncan's room and she could have Cam's room to herself. We were
never uncomfortable with her staying over. THEY chose "clothes on" (no PJ's)
and decided what was acceptable or not. "Nothing" happened. This is common in
Germany--there's a name for it, but I can't remember what it is. They kiss
and snuggle and hold each other, but they are well aware of how far *not* to
go.
His next girlfriend's parents were so strict, they were never allowed alone
in a room together; they couldn't go for a walk around the block, they were't
allowed to kiss---just hold hands. They weren't allowed to see each other
more than once a week---and then for a max of three or four hours. She was
allowed here twice for parties, but arrived at 6:00 and was picked up at
9:30. I'm afraid what will happen there when she "gets out". (and no, they
didn't know of our "lack of rules" with Lauren. <G>)
Cameron was there when I gave birth to his brother. He was turned off enough
about childbirth (BAD labor and emergency c-section), that he's in NO hurry
to be a father!
Right now he's a "bachelor". I hope the next girlfriend's parents are open
enough to allow overnights. It seemed quite healthy to me (but I spent
several years in Germany/Austria <g>).
Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Fetteroll
on 9/11/02 8:32 PM, kbcdlovejo@... at kbcdlovejo@... wrote:
couples would snuggle together in bed with their clothes on.
The Art of Bundling
http://www.fortklock.com/bundlingartcontents.htm
Joyce
> This is common inThere used to be a practice in early America called bundling where courting
> Germany--there's a name for it, but I can't remember what it is. They kiss
> and snuggle and hold each other, but they are well aware of how far *not* to
> go.
couples would snuggle together in bed with their clothes on.
The Art of Bundling
http://www.fortklock.com/bundlingartcontents.htm
Joyce
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/12/2002 8:05:00 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
fetteroll@... writes:
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
fetteroll@... writes:
> There used to be a practice in early America called bundling where courtingThat's it.
> couples would snuggle together in bed with their clothes on.
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/12/02 7:06:11 AM Central Daylight Time,
fetteroll@... writes:
houses were heated with one stove and the family was all around the stove in
the main living area, they would send the couple to the bedroom. The couple
would get into bed with all their clothes on and the board would be placed
between them.
On the same kind of note, TV censures used to say any scene with a couple in
a bedroom had to have each couple in a twin bed. Later if there was only one
bed in the room, each actor had to keep one foot on the floor on their side
of the bed. <g>
~Nancy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
fetteroll@... writes:
> There used to be a practice in early America called bundling where courtingAt our local History Museum there is a bed with a board down the middle. When
> couples would snuggle together in bed with their clothes on.
>
> The Art of Bundling
> http://www.fortklock.com/bundlingartcontents.htm
>
> Joyce
>
houses were heated with one stove and the family was all around the stove in
the main living area, they would send the couple to the bedroom. The couple
would get into bed with all their clothes on and the board would be placed
between them.
On the same kind of note, TV censures used to say any scene with a couple in
a bedroom had to have each couple in a twin bed. Later if there was only one
bed in the room, each actor had to keep one foot on the floor on their side
of the bed. <g>
~Nancy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
hello all,
Been lurking for a while, and thought I would respind to this topic. When I
was a teenager, I had an older boyfriend. My mom never really put boundries
on us, she trusted me and him enough to set up our own boundries and it
worked.
He practically lived at my house, he didn't like his home situation and my
mom felt more comfortable with me at home. We had self inflicted rules, we
could sleep in my room, in the same bed, but we always kept the door open
just a smidge.
My poor mother went through a lot of hell from other family members for this
situation but it was probably the best thing she could do for me. By taking
away the restrictions she made sex less enticing for me, I didn't have any
interest in rebelling, with no rules what was there to rebel against.
OTOH, my poor sister had it much worse, being the baby of the family, Mom had
a million rules for her. As it ended up, she lost her virginity early, is
married to a druggie, and pregnant with her third child ( that cps wants to
take away), all at the ripe old age of 21.
I believe the trust and respect that my mom showed me was the foundation for
the healthy marriage that my husband and I share. Thanks to her I don't have
a distorted view of intimacy or sex. In today's society that is far to
common.
Anyway, just thought I would add my opinion, I'll go back to lurking now.
Thanks for listening.
Mary P.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Been lurking for a while, and thought I would respind to this topic. When I
was a teenager, I had an older boyfriend. My mom never really put boundries
on us, she trusted me and him enough to set up our own boundries and it
worked.
He practically lived at my house, he didn't like his home situation and my
mom felt more comfortable with me at home. We had self inflicted rules, we
could sleep in my room, in the same bed, but we always kept the door open
just a smidge.
My poor mother went through a lot of hell from other family members for this
situation but it was probably the best thing she could do for me. By taking
away the restrictions she made sex less enticing for me, I didn't have any
interest in rebelling, with no rules what was there to rebel against.
OTOH, my poor sister had it much worse, being the baby of the family, Mom had
a million rules for her. As it ended up, she lost her virginity early, is
married to a druggie, and pregnant with her third child ( that cps wants to
take away), all at the ripe old age of 21.
I believe the trust and respect that my mom showed me was the foundation for
the healthy marriage that my husband and I share. Thanks to her I don't have
a distorted view of intimacy or sex. In today's society that is far to
common.
Anyway, just thought I would add my opinion, I'll go back to lurking now.
Thanks for listening.
Mary P.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Valerie
--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., kbcdlovejo@a... wrote:
She was 17. He needed a place to stay (bad things happening at his
house) and I offered him our extra room. They became bf/gf a few
months later. He lived with us for about a year, then got a place
with some of his friends. He stayed in her room at times. I never
monitored it. They did talk to me about "everything" and so I always
knew what was going on. He moved back in with us a year later, then I
moved out and they remained roommates. They broke up but stayed
roommates for another year. They are still friends five years later.
He is sitting at the computer on my left right now. He spent the day
with us. They find dates for each other now. lol
love, Valerie
> In a message dated 9/11/2002 6:00:28 PM Eastern Daylight Time,experienced with
> mummyone24@h... writes:
> > I'm wondering about something else now. What has anyone
> > older kids that have boyfriends/girlfriends and wanting to havethem stay
> > over? Is it okay with you and if so at what age and what are thehouse?
> > circumstances? Do they stay together or in separate areas of the
> > WhatLaurie's boyfriend moved in with us before he became her boyfriend.
> > about those kind of choices with the children?
> >
> Mary,
>
She was 17. He needed a place to stay (bad things happening at his
house) and I offered him our extra room. They became bf/gf a few
months later. He lived with us for about a year, then got a place
with some of his friends. He stayed in her room at times. I never
monitored it. They did talk to me about "everything" and so I always
knew what was going on. He moved back in with us a year later, then I
moved out and they remained roommates. They broke up but stayed
roommates for another year. They are still friends five years later.
He is sitting at the computer on my left right now. He spent the day
with us. They find dates for each other now. lol
love, Valerie
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/11/02 4:00:48 PM, mummyone24@... writes:
<< I'm wondering about something else now. What has anyone experienced with
older kids that have boyfriends/girlfriends and wanting to have them stay
over? Is it okay with you and if so at what age and what are the
circumstances? >>
We've had a girlfriend's whole family over, we've had female friends
not-girlfriends over, and when the time comes that Kirby is involved with a
girl I wouldn't throw her out unless she was really irritating. <g>
My mom used to let my boyfriend stay over (because we would show up to take
care of her infant while she went to the bar, partly). My dad said NO, and
made him leave in the snow one night rather than let him sleep in the house
under any circumstances. I thought it was the most horrible thing ever.
My dad didn't believe in having sex with women out of wedlock (not counting
my mom's sister, I guess, since they were both married...). So he had three
ex wives when he married the fourth, who was my age. He would have been way
better off fooling around.
Tangent... but others have such memories, perhaps, and it's worth not JUST
looking at our kids, but at what we know of our own lives and those of
others.
One of the other girls who grew up in my house had sex early and often, in
the daytime, at her boyfriend's house because his mom worked. She could be
home early EVERY night and NEVER be suspect. Another one of them used to
have back-seat-of-car dates with practical strangers. I was the straightest
of the four of us. I was nearly 18 when I had sex, and then it was
respectable-like, in a DORM room.
My husband's mother, before we were married, wouldn't let us stay in the same
room although we were in our late 20s and had been living together for years.
Sandra
<< I'm wondering about something else now. What has anyone experienced with
older kids that have boyfriends/girlfriends and wanting to have them stay
over? Is it okay with you and if so at what age and what are the
circumstances? >>
We've had a girlfriend's whole family over, we've had female friends
not-girlfriends over, and when the time comes that Kirby is involved with a
girl I wouldn't throw her out unless she was really irritating. <g>
My mom used to let my boyfriend stay over (because we would show up to take
care of her infant while she went to the bar, partly). My dad said NO, and
made him leave in the snow one night rather than let him sleep in the house
under any circumstances. I thought it was the most horrible thing ever.
My dad didn't believe in having sex with women out of wedlock (not counting
my mom's sister, I guess, since they were both married...). So he had three
ex wives when he married the fourth, who was my age. He would have been way
better off fooling around.
Tangent... but others have such memories, perhaps, and it's worth not JUST
looking at our kids, but at what we know of our own lives and those of
others.
One of the other girls who grew up in my house had sex early and often, in
the daytime, at her boyfriend's house because his mom worked. She could be
home early EVERY night and NEVER be suspect. Another one of them used to
have back-seat-of-car dates with practical strangers. I was the straightest
of the four of us. I was nearly 18 when I had sex, and then it was
respectable-like, in a DORM room.
My husband's mother, before we were married, wouldn't let us stay in the same
room although we were in our late 20s and had been living together for years.
Sandra