[email protected]

In a message dated 9/10/2002 7:41:16 PM Pacific Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:


> Huh......I don't really know. Can't really say Pam. I do know there are
> times when he does come to me and say "she's bothering me" and times when
> he
> does just "quit" and go in his room. So I guess I need to start keeping
> track of how often each happens. Like I did think of, it seems to be at
> least a week since a hitting incident happened. I guess I was looking for
> an
> answer thinking what we did wasn't working and maybe it is afterall.
> Thanks.

Mary - that's exactly what I was thinking. Maybe you can try to catch him
having self-control and point THAT out to him, so you're supporting what he
IS able to do rather than focusing on the times he blows it.

Another thing -- when he DOES blow it, I'd assume he feels bad about doing so
and I'd comfort him specifically for that. If you punish him in some way,
he's going to feel punished for something he didn't actually have control
over and that is going to just add to the pressure on him when he's next
faced with a similar situation.

Try to articulate reasons why it isn't acceptable behavior- go deep, beyond
just that it isn't nice. What is it about hitting that is so bad? What
feelings is he having when he hits? I'd bet on "frustation" --- notice
frustration happening in stories you're reading -- use the word "frustration"
as in "Wow, so-and-so was probably really frustrated when his freckle juice
didn't work <G>, what would you do if that happened to you? --- make up
stories together about frustrations that happen to kids, make it only thinly
veiled about him - use his name, even. Let HIM finish the stories sometimes -
and don't cringe if he finishes them violently on occasion.

--pam

The National Home Education Network
http://www.NHEN.org
Changing the Way the World Sees Homeschooling!


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 9/10/2002 9:41:23 PM Central Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:


> > the Gesell institute books,
> > Your one Year old
> > Your Two Year old
> > blah
> > blah
> > blah

Someone once told me she thought of these books as the "astrology books"
of parenting books - you can find whatever you're looking for in them. <g> I
still find them helpful for the descriptions (not the advice.)

-Pam T.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Mary Bianco

>From: PSoroosh@...

>Mary - that's exactly what I was thinking. Maybe you can try to catch him
>having self-control and point THAT out to him, so you're supporting what he
>IS able to do rather than focusing on the times he blows it.
>
>Another thing -- when he DOES blow it, I'd assume he feels bad about doing
>so
>and I'd comfort him specifically for that. If you punish him in some way,
>he's going to feel punished for something he didn't actually have control
>over and that is going to just add to the pressure on him when he's next
>faced with a similar situation.
>
>Try to articulate reasons why it isn't acceptable behavior- go deep, beyond
>just that it isn't nice. What is it about hitting that is so bad? What
>feelings is he having when he hits? I'd bet on "frustation" --- notice
>frustration happening in stories you're reading -- use the word
>"frustration"
>as in "Wow, so-and-so was probably really frustrated when his freckle juice
>didn't work <G>, what would you do if that happened to you? --- make up
>stories together about frustrations that happen to kids, make it only
>thinly
>veiled about him - use his name, even. Let HIM finish the stories sometimes
>-
>and don't cringe if he finishes them violently on occasion.


Thanks again Pam. All very good ideas. I will try so much harder to get this
going.

Mary B

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Bill and Diane

These books were lifesavers for me. When dh switched to the stay-home
role, it was terrible until I got him the 4 year old book. Within
minutes he had really eased up on the little guy. I really think he
thought he was seven.

:-) Diane
P. S. I did try to change the subject line, but for unknown reasons my
software didn't let me.

>>>the Gesell institute books,
>>>Your one Year old
>>>Your Two Year old
>>>blah
>>>blah
>>>blah
>>>
>
> Someone once told me she thought of these books as the "astrology books"
>of parenting books - you can find whatever you're looking for in them. <g> I
>still find them helpful for the descriptions (not the advice.)
>