Mary Bianco

>From: SandraDodd@...

>>The autistic child wouldn't have been in the normal range for his age in
the "your seven year old" books, but because my kids were aware that there
are some things younger kids are still not good at and they were able to
treat him as being at an earlier developmental stage, it worked out.>>



Now that this has been brought up, I have another question. What a
shocker!!!
My kids also have no problem with children that are different in so far any
kind of way they have encounterd. Autistic, special needs or CP. I had a
fellow homeschooler come over to our house for a day of play and swimming.
She has a 6year old daughter that my daughter was thrilled to meet. Most her
age are boys in our group. I hadn't remembered this child but for once at a
park when she was 4. At that time I did notice she was happier to be alone
but when the mother said she was immature for age, I never thought twice
about it. She just seemed like she wasn't into playing with other kids at
that time.

Well as soon as the mother and daughter walked into my house, I knew there
was something different. At the end of our play day, the mother and daughter
had fun, I was uncomfortable and my kids really didn't seem different aside
from the fact that they had no one to play with when they thought they were
going to. The child to me, as far as the info I have which isn't much, seems
slightly autistic. She doesn't interact at all with anyone. She talks but
not to anyone, not the kids or me or even her mom. She never makes eye
contact and just goes very quickly from one thing to another like no one
else is around. It was a bit uncomfortable for me because her mother doesn't
really watch her as if there is a problem. (my mother has a connecting MIL
quarters to our house and this little girl just walked right in never saying
a word and went into my mother's bedroom for awhile and then just left) I
found this out later. I've never had any child, whether schoooled or not go
through my house like that. So I had to watch her and make comments when she
did what we don't do here in the house. Like push people and grab things
from others and so on.

My kids tried to play with her but it just wasn't possible. They had nothing
to say other than she seemed to not like them. The mother gives no
indication at all that she sees a problem. She just says being an only
child, that the girl is immature. Now the only autistic children I know go
to special classes daily. I'm not sure if that's the best thing or not but I
can't help but wonder that maybe this child could benefit from some other
type of help the mother isn't giving. The mother unschools in as far as I
know of, only not having work to do. I know nothing else of how she is with
the child.

Do I say something to this mother? She frequently calls me for advice and
marvles at how I do it with 4 kids and thanks me greatly for suggestions I
have made that help her. Now I see things differently and realize why she
seems to need help with things. Not usre if it's for me to say something or
what I would exactly say.

Mary B


_________________________________________________________________
Chat with friends online, try MSN Messenger: http://messenger.msn.com

Karin

> Do I say something to this mother? She frequently calls me for advice and
> marvles at how I do it with 4 kids and thanks me greatly for suggestions I
> have made that help her. Now I see things differently and realize why she
> seems to need help with things. Not usre if it's for me to say something
or
> what I would exactly say.
>
> Mary B
>

Hi Mary -
This does sound like an awkward situation.
I might say something like "so, did your daughter have a good time at our
house the other day when you visited? My kids mentioned that she didn't
really want to play with them and they were wondering why. Did she say
anything to you about it? Does she act that way to most other children, too?
Does she have any close friends? etc.."

This line of questioning might sound a bit intrusive depending on the type
of relationship you have with her. But you mentioned that she calls you for
advice so you may be able to delve into deeper questions. Who knows? Maybe
she'd really like to break down and talk to someone about her daughter, or
maybe she really is ignoring the subtle ways her daughter is acting
inappropriately in social situations. If she's the one pursuing your
friendship and advice, I would press for more information about her daughter
and how she feels about her. JMO.
Hope it all works out.

Karin