Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Porn
[email protected]
This temporarily went astray but here it is in the right place if a day
or two late.
****It seems to come from some long time
members who have a tendency to jump on the newcomers who are honestly and
hopefully looking for support in their new found or difficult journey of
unschooling, whether it be recent or not.****
Might it be that you feel jumped on when that's not the intent? It is so
easy to feel like we're being criticized because so many of us have had
to deal with criticism from family and friends and sometimes spouses
about our choice to unschool. When it seems like it comes at us from
everywhere maybe we loose perspective some.
****What it does look like, from some, is the "not in
my house never with my kids I always know exactly what to do and always
have
attitude." ****
And this might be what it looks like to the people on the other side of
the discussion. So many times we hear "I know what's best for my kids"
and what the person is hiding behind is their excuse to spank, or shame
or control their kids. I'm not talking about any one here personally,
but when we hear this
"I monitor" "I won't allow" to people who know they can trust their
children, those are words with "attitude". This really is the kind of
thing that gets addressed on unschooling lists.
****Some have actually said, "what I do when that happens is, or why
don't you try etc" but for the most part, no solutions have been
mentioned,
just nit picking terms and words and some saying that what they are doing
is
wrong. ****
I'm really sorry if it feels like nit picking and not help. The thing is
sometimes people need to really think about what they are doing that
might be prompting certain behaviors in their kids. That's not always
the case, but sometimes it is and it really can't hurt parents to think
about their parenting and how they could improve on what they're doing.
No, it's not the job of anyone on this list to tell anyone else how to
parent, BUT if people come and ask a question on an unschooling list they
are going to get unschooling responses.
I think it would help to "assume" every post is meant in the most helpful
way and not meant as a criticism. If it feels like a criticism maybe
there really is something inside that needs to be examined.
What if you really did get "What I do when this happens" responses and
you just didn't read them that way. I DO see the responses here that
way.
Saying that building trust with your kids is a good way to give them
healthy attitudes about sex and women isn't a criticism of the kind of
parenting that's been going on so far, it's just the unschoolish way to
say, control and monitoring might do it but wouldn't everyone be better
off if there was no reason to control and monitor.
Sometimes things that really make me mad and defensive are things I need
to look at within myself and sort out.
People here really are trying to offer good unschooling information. No
one wants to hurt anyone else. If you start from there, maybe the posts
will seem less threatening to you.
Deb L, only scary in the mornings, before coffee.
or two late.
****It seems to come from some long time
members who have a tendency to jump on the newcomers who are honestly and
hopefully looking for support in their new found or difficult journey of
unschooling, whether it be recent or not.****
Might it be that you feel jumped on when that's not the intent? It is so
easy to feel like we're being criticized because so many of us have had
to deal with criticism from family and friends and sometimes spouses
about our choice to unschool. When it seems like it comes at us from
everywhere maybe we loose perspective some.
****What it does look like, from some, is the "not in
my house never with my kids I always know exactly what to do and always
have
attitude." ****
And this might be what it looks like to the people on the other side of
the discussion. So many times we hear "I know what's best for my kids"
and what the person is hiding behind is their excuse to spank, or shame
or control their kids. I'm not talking about any one here personally,
but when we hear this
"I monitor" "I won't allow" to people who know they can trust their
children, those are words with "attitude". This really is the kind of
thing that gets addressed on unschooling lists.
****Some have actually said, "what I do when that happens is, or why
don't you try etc" but for the most part, no solutions have been
mentioned,
just nit picking terms and words and some saying that what they are doing
is
wrong. ****
I'm really sorry if it feels like nit picking and not help. The thing is
sometimes people need to really think about what they are doing that
might be prompting certain behaviors in their kids. That's not always
the case, but sometimes it is and it really can't hurt parents to think
about their parenting and how they could improve on what they're doing.
No, it's not the job of anyone on this list to tell anyone else how to
parent, BUT if people come and ask a question on an unschooling list they
are going to get unschooling responses.
I think it would help to "assume" every post is meant in the most helpful
way and not meant as a criticism. If it feels like a criticism maybe
there really is something inside that needs to be examined.
What if you really did get "What I do when this happens" responses and
you just didn't read them that way. I DO see the responses here that
way.
Saying that building trust with your kids is a good way to give them
healthy attitudes about sex and women isn't a criticism of the kind of
parenting that's been going on so far, it's just the unschoolish way to
say, control and monitoring might do it but wouldn't everyone be better
off if there was no reason to control and monitor.
Sometimes things that really make me mad and defensive are things I need
to look at within myself and sort out.
People here really are trying to offer good unschooling information. No
one wants to hurt anyone else. If you start from there, maybe the posts
will seem less threatening to you.
Deb L, only scary in the mornings, before coffee.
Mary Bianco
>From: ddzimlew@...You posted a lot more than this but I just wanted you to know I was
>Might it be that you feel jumped on when that's not the intent?
>And this might be what it looks like to the people on the other side of
>the discussion. So many times we hear "I know what's best for my kids"
>and what the person is hiding behind is their excuse to spank, or shame
>or control their kids. I'm not talking about any one here personally,
>but when we hear this
>Deb L, only scary in the mornings, before coffee.>>
responding to your whole post without reposting it all.
I understand and agree with it. I see all your points and some of what I
wrote wasn't always coming from my point of view but maybe from what I
understood someone else saying.
It takes quite a lot to scare me away or even offend me, and if I am, I will
say so first to let someone clarify if it was meant that way or not.
May B.
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