ask again, or remind us where in the discussion it was, please
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/9/02 9:12:31 AM, mummyone24@... writes:
<< Well I know I posted about a problem I would have loved to have any answer
to at all and got none. >>
ask again, or remind us where in the discussion it was, please
<< Well I know I posted about a problem I would have loved to have any answer
to at all and got none. >>
ask again, or remind us where in the discussion it was, please
Mary Bianco
>From: SandraDodd@...Well it was posted as physical squabbles I believe. If I can dig it up, I'll
>
><< Well I know I posted about a problem I would have loved to have any
>answer
>to at all and got none. >>
>
>ask again, or remind us where in the discussion it was, please
post again. Still would love some answers.
Mary B
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Join the world�s largest e-mail service with MSN Hotmail.
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In a message dated 9/9/02 11:12:14 AM, mummyone24@... writes:
<< Well it was posted as physical squabbles I believe. If I can dig it up,
I'll
post again. Still would love some answers. >>
That was discussed at length. Especially if you were the one to first use
the word "squabble."
Sandra
<< Well it was posted as physical squabbles I believe. If I can dig it up,
I'll
post again. Still would love some answers. >>
That was discussed at length. Especially if you were the one to first use
the word "squabble."
Sandra
Mary Bianco
>From: SandraDodd@...No Sandra, you're lost again. I wasn't the one that used the word squabbles
><< Well it was posted as physical squabbles I believe. If I can dig it up,
>I'll
>post again. Still would love some answers. >>
>
>That was discussed at length. Especially if you were the one to first use
>the word "squabble."
and I posted this after the whole squabble postings and after all the
"saying NO posts" got heated. I sincerely wanted an answer and also thought
a change of thought would help.
Mary B
_________________________________________________________________
Send and receive Hotmail on your mobile device: http://mobile.msn.com
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In a message dated 9/9/02 12:20:17 PM, mummyone24@... writes:
<< ><< Well it was posted as physical squabbles I believe. If I can dig it up,
squabbles -=-
I'm really not lost.
I don't look at who read what, but I comment on the topics and questions.
I read that post three times and saved it in new mail, because I hadn't
responded to it, and I looked back and it's still in my new mail.
What I thought every time was about you saying "old soul." That's not what
you asked about, but "old soul" is usually in reference to someone who seems
spiritually evolved. Yet your problem involves hitting and not having self
control. So I wondered what a good response would be like.
I had already described in great detail our methods about hitting. The
conversation had been for what seemed days about "what if Kirby HITS Marty,
and I had no more to say about it than I had already, in detail, said. When
that was a problem I would say "Did you talk about it?"
"Yes."
"Did you ask for a grownup's help?"
"No."
"Then you shouldn't have hit him. FIRST talk, then get a grownup. If that
doesn't help, THEN you can hit him."
Is there anything the girl can do to keep the situation from escalating?
They won't be six and eight forever, not even for another year. She will
develop better communication skills. He will develop better self control.
<<I just can't seem to get him to come to me or
say something to her first. His first reaction is to pop her one.>>
If he really, truly, can't even talk to her first, I would tell him he can't
play with her,, and I would tell her not to get within arm's length of him
unless a grownup was there.
But I would make a joke of it, and make it sweet and as funny as possible,
and say, "Oh no... Kirby might get dangerous, so you sit over here and just
talk to him."
I would talk to her about recognizing the danger signals when he was losing
it.
Is it possible that he's needing more protein in his diet? Kirby and I both
are quick to get headaches if we don't have protein and three meals a day are
not enough. Between meal protein snacks are good preventative for the
Kirby-grumpies, and even now that he's older, I try to remember to slip him a
snack if there's a many-hours stretch from one meal to another.
Since you said you had tried all kinds of things but didn't say what they
were, I'm hesitant to give the best few I can think of because you probably
already tried them..
I think that's why your post was very hard to respond to. It said "done
lots; no benefit," and the general topic had just been discussed at length on
the list.
Sandra
<< ><< Well it was posted as physical squabbles I believe. If I can dig it up,
>I'll >>-=-No Sandra, you're lost again. I wasn't the one that used the word
squabbles -=-
I'm really not lost.
I don't look at who read what, but I comment on the topics and questions.
I read that post three times and saved it in new mail, because I hadn't
responded to it, and I looked back and it's still in my new mail.
What I thought every time was about you saying "old soul." That's not what
you asked about, but "old soul" is usually in reference to someone who seems
spiritually evolved. Yet your problem involves hitting and not having self
control. So I wondered what a good response would be like.
I had already described in great detail our methods about hitting. The
conversation had been for what seemed days about "what if Kirby HITS Marty,
and I had no more to say about it than I had already, in detail, said. When
that was a problem I would say "Did you talk about it?"
"Yes."
"Did you ask for a grownup's help?"
"No."
"Then you shouldn't have hit him. FIRST talk, then get a grownup. If that
doesn't help, THEN you can hit him."
Is there anything the girl can do to keep the situation from escalating?
They won't be six and eight forever, not even for another year. She will
develop better communication skills. He will develop better self control.
<<I just can't seem to get him to come to me or
say something to her first. His first reaction is to pop her one.>>
If he really, truly, can't even talk to her first, I would tell him he can't
play with her,, and I would tell her not to get within arm's length of him
unless a grownup was there.
But I would make a joke of it, and make it sweet and as funny as possible,
and say, "Oh no... Kirby might get dangerous, so you sit over here and just
talk to him."
I would talk to her about recognizing the danger signals when he was losing
it.
Is it possible that he's needing more protein in his diet? Kirby and I both
are quick to get headaches if we don't have protein and three meals a day are
not enough. Between meal protein snacks are good preventative for the
Kirby-grumpies, and even now that he's older, I try to remember to slip him a
snack if there's a many-hours stretch from one meal to another.
Since you said you had tried all kinds of things but didn't say what they
were, I'm hesitant to give the best few I can think of because you probably
already tried them..
I think that's why your post was very hard to respond to. It said "done
lots; no benefit," and the general topic had just been discussed at length on
the list.
Sandra
[email protected]
.<< If Sam's grumpy and we suggest maybe he's hungry or
that he didn't eat anything very solid lately, he gets really mad. How
(what
words, tones, etc.) do people talk to kids about paying attention to their
body signals, or their moods, or about nutrition in general?>>
I get mad when people tell me I'm hungry when I'm cranky too. Even when it's
true!
I fix the kids some thing to eat, and AFTER they come "back to earth" I
mention the connection. I do it in a very impersonal way.
"When our bodies tense up and feel that way, it is telling us it needs
rest."
"When we get tense and feel anxious, and our bellies hurt, it's our body's
way of saying it needs some healthy food to give us more energy."
I try to avoid words like cranky, grumpy, orphrases like YOU ARE hungry, YOU
ARE tired.
Telling kids what they feel can be somewhat insulting, it comes from the
automatic assumption that I Know Better Than You.
~Elissa Cleaveland
An unlesson'd girl, unschool'd, unpractic'd;
Happy in this, she is not so old
But she may learn.
W.S. The Merchant of Venice III, ii, 160
that he didn't eat anything very solid lately, he gets really mad. How
(what
words, tones, etc.) do people talk to kids about paying attention to their
body signals, or their moods, or about nutrition in general?>>
I get mad when people tell me I'm hungry when I'm cranky too. Even when it's
true!
I fix the kids some thing to eat, and AFTER they come "back to earth" I
mention the connection. I do it in a very impersonal way.
"When our bodies tense up and feel that way, it is telling us it needs
rest."
"When we get tense and feel anxious, and our bellies hurt, it's our body's
way of saying it needs some healthy food to give us more energy."
I try to avoid words like cranky, grumpy, orphrases like YOU ARE hungry, YOU
ARE tired.
Telling kids what they feel can be somewhat insulting, it comes from the
automatic assumption that I Know Better Than You.
~Elissa Cleaveland
An unlesson'd girl, unschool'd, unpractic'd;
Happy in this, she is not so old
But she may learn.
W.S. The Merchant of Venice III, ii, 160
[email protected]
<<Maybe I should say, have I totally blown it in having communicated that
belief to my kids, since I already have? >>
Someone said here recently something similar to:
I don't make the choice for them but I sure will give my opinion!
I tell my kids my opinion about many things, and usually give the other side
too. I try not to get too vehement but I do let them know.
~Elissa Cleaveland
An unlesson'd girl, unschool'd, unpractic'd;
Happy in this, she is not so old
But she may learn.
W.S. The Merchant of Venice III, ii, 160
belief to my kids, since I already have? >>
Someone said here recently something similar to:
I don't make the choice for them but I sure will give my opinion!
I tell my kids my opinion about many things, and usually give the other side
too. I try not to get too vehement but I do let them know.
~Elissa Cleaveland
An unlesson'd girl, unschool'd, unpractic'd;
Happy in this, she is not so old
But she may learn.
W.S. The Merchant of Venice III, ii, 160
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/10/02 2:15:15 AM, warblwarbl@... writes:
<< But what's the transistion from
that to taking responsibility for themselves? This has become very
contentious for us. If Sam's grumpy and we suggest maybe he's hungry or
that he didn't eat anything very solid lately, he gets really mad. >>
I would just hand him food instead of talking about it!
<<How (what
words, tones, etc.) do people talk to kids about paying attention to their
body signals, or their moods, or about nutrition in general?>>
I say "Here."
And after, I say "Do you feel any better now that you've eaten?" But I say
it nicely.
Kirby as depressed Sunday morning, kinda pouty, about somethings that
happened when a big batch of kids went to a Lifehouse concert at the state
fair. I had been planning to talk to him anyway, since even the way they got
into cars had an oddity. So he told me what he was unhappy about, we talked
at home and on the way taking him to work. I played devil's advocate, taking
the other kids' sides, and bringing up potential justifications for their
attitudes and actions. And I told him stories of himself to remind him that
sometimes those things happen with NO malice.
Monday morning, I asked him if he felt better about it. He said not really.
So I said he should find something fun and distraction to do that would make
him laugh, because if he stays sad and focussed on frustration too many days
in a row it's harder to recover and get cheerful again.
If he seems sad again today, I'll probably get him to go do something with me
(we have real reasons to need to go shopping or on other errands) and I'll
consciously keep the conversation OFF that other topic, bring up happier
things, maybe go rent a new comedy he hasn't seen. He wants to watch
Unbreakable, but that's not cheery, so I won't suggest that one if he doesn't
bring it up.
And I'll feed him protein. Some days he's wholly on his own. Some days
there's one fixed-meal. But today I won't let him get hungry, because he has
a specific need just as if he were sick with the flu.
His social awareness didn't benefit him this time. Two of the other kids who
are less concerned with nuances of interpersonal relations just said Kirby
over-reacts and should get over it. But I see it as Kirby having an ability
which USUALLY is beneficial to the group, but this time worked against him.
He wasn't able to "just ignore" what was so glaring to him, and neither was
he able to subtly turn the situation a better way as he often can do.
He hurt his shoulder and couldn't figure out how. I asked if it was the
mechanical bull. He hadn't thought of that, but other kids told me he had
"dashboarded" (hit his head on the bull), and that he was good natured about
it and not too embarrassed. But that could easily have been the shoulder
injury too. So today he teaches karate at 4:15, has his own regular class at
5:00, and ordinarily would stay two more hours for the adult kobudo (weapons)
class, but he said last night he wants to come home at 6:00 instead of 8:00
because of the shoulder.
I'm happy with his handling of these various difficulties, but I think given
his own biochemistry that he'll be better equipped to get happier sooner if
he has more than the usual amount of protein today.
Sandra
<< But what's the transistion from
that to taking responsibility for themselves? This has become very
contentious for us. If Sam's grumpy and we suggest maybe he's hungry or
that he didn't eat anything very solid lately, he gets really mad. >>
I would just hand him food instead of talking about it!
<<How (what
words, tones, etc.) do people talk to kids about paying attention to their
body signals, or their moods, or about nutrition in general?>>
I say "Here."
And after, I say "Do you feel any better now that you've eaten?" But I say
it nicely.
Kirby as depressed Sunday morning, kinda pouty, about somethings that
happened when a big batch of kids went to a Lifehouse concert at the state
fair. I had been planning to talk to him anyway, since even the way they got
into cars had an oddity. So he told me what he was unhappy about, we talked
at home and on the way taking him to work. I played devil's advocate, taking
the other kids' sides, and bringing up potential justifications for their
attitudes and actions. And I told him stories of himself to remind him that
sometimes those things happen with NO malice.
Monday morning, I asked him if he felt better about it. He said not really.
So I said he should find something fun and distraction to do that would make
him laugh, because if he stays sad and focussed on frustration too many days
in a row it's harder to recover and get cheerful again.
If he seems sad again today, I'll probably get him to go do something with me
(we have real reasons to need to go shopping or on other errands) and I'll
consciously keep the conversation OFF that other topic, bring up happier
things, maybe go rent a new comedy he hasn't seen. He wants to watch
Unbreakable, but that's not cheery, so I won't suggest that one if he doesn't
bring it up.
And I'll feed him protein. Some days he's wholly on his own. Some days
there's one fixed-meal. But today I won't let him get hungry, because he has
a specific need just as if he were sick with the flu.
His social awareness didn't benefit him this time. Two of the other kids who
are less concerned with nuances of interpersonal relations just said Kirby
over-reacts and should get over it. But I see it as Kirby having an ability
which USUALLY is beneficial to the group, but this time worked against him.
He wasn't able to "just ignore" what was so glaring to him, and neither was
he able to subtly turn the situation a better way as he often can do.
He hurt his shoulder and couldn't figure out how. I asked if it was the
mechanical bull. He hadn't thought of that, but other kids told me he had
"dashboarded" (hit his head on the bull), and that he was good natured about
it and not too embarrassed. But that could easily have been the shoulder
injury too. So today he teaches karate at 4:15, has his own regular class at
5:00, and ordinarily would stay two more hours for the adult kobudo (weapons)
class, but he said last night he wants to come home at 6:00 instead of 8:00
because of the shoulder.
I'm happy with his handling of these various difficulties, but I think given
his own biochemistry that he'll be better equipped to get happier sooner if
he has more than the usual amount of protein today.
Sandra
Betsy
**I get mad when people tell me I'm hungry when I'm cranky too. Even
when it's true!**
Right. And we probably wouldn't appreciate it if we were squabbling
with our spouse for cause and he said "You don't have a reason to be mad
at me -- it's just PMS."
Betsy
when it's true!**
Right. And we probably wouldn't appreciate it if we were squabbling
with our spouse for cause and he said "You don't have a reason to be mad
at me -- it's just PMS."
Betsy