John O. Andersen

Our unschooling approach is to expose our children to as wide a variety of
the good things of the world as we possibly can. It is up to them what they
want to choose from all of that exposure.

That, I think, is the role and responsibility of the unschooling parent.
Yes, we should let our children be self-directed, but to help them with
that, we need to flood their brains with as many of the good ideas and
possibilities as we can. That will give them a far better foundation from
which to be self-directed.

Personally, I take each Friday off in order to spend time with my children.
We go places. We visit museums, zoos, parks, historic sites, more museums,
bridges (talk about how they were built), river locks, wildlife sanctuaries,
working farms, living history sites, nature trails, libraries, factories,
etc., etc. Each of these experiences broadens my childrens' world.

During the other weekdays, my wife does the unschooling, a.k.a., serving up
platters packed with positive experiences from which the children choose.

John Andersen
Portland, Oregon
http://members.xoom.com/joandersen

Joel Hawthorne

I am currently taking a "course" from Gordon Neufeld, a developmental (with
attachment being the center piece) and clinical psychologist and from his point
of view ( and I am in agreement) our emphasis on stimulation is vastly overdone.

I agree that we should support our children's enthusiasms and our own interests
and passions. At the same time I think that, in fact, providing a stable, deep
connection with our children is the paramount task. I think caution is advised
when it comes to the idea of "flooding" their brains. Children require lots of
reflective, unorganized, idle, "down" time to develop. Our stimulus mad society
has in fact flooded children with a jittery mass of shiny, bauble filled
stimulation and they suffer terribly as a result.

Of course going places is good. Seeing lots of the world is good. Stimulation
is good AND laying around the house, playing in a desultory, ambling,
undirected, relaxed, nowhere to go and "nothing" to do sort of fashion is truly,
really, equally good.

Packed platters are great for a feast but it is possible to overeat. ( I am not
suggesting that your particular example is necessarily one of these excessive
banquets).

Dr. Neufeld believes that we got completely carried away with a few pieces of
research about the value of stimulation and (imo in our typical western fashion)
went to a grotesque extreme.

"John O. Andersen" wrote:

> From: "John O. Andersen" <andersen@...>
>
> Our unschooling approach is to expose our children to as wide a variety of
> the good things of the world as we possibly can. It is up to them what they
> want to choose from all of that exposure.
>
> That, I think, is the role and responsibility of the unschooling parent.
> Yes, we should let our children be self-directed, but to help them with
> that, we need to flood their brains with as many of the good ideas and
> possibilities as we can. That will give them a far better foundation from
> which to be self-directed.
>
> Personally, I take each Friday off in order to spend time with my children.
> We go places. We visit museums, zoos, parks, historic sites, more museums,
> bridges (talk about how they were built), river locks, wildlife sanctuaries,
> working farms, living history sites, nature trails, libraries, factories,
> etc., etc. Each of these experiences broadens my childrens' world.
>
> During the other weekdays, my wife does the unschooling, a.k.a., serving up
> platters packed with positive experiences from which the children choose.
>
> John Andersen
> Portland, Oregon
> http://members.xoom.com/joandersen
>
> > Check it out!
> http://www.unschooling.com

--
best wishes
Joel

For a wonderful gift possibility and to support a great cause check out:
http://www.naturalchild.com/calendar_pictures.html

All children behave as well as they are treated. The Natural Child
Project http://naturalchild.com/home/

John O. Andersen

Joel,

I agree with your cautions.

> I agree that we should support our children's enthusiasms and our own
interests
> and passions. At the same time I think that, in fact, providing a stable,
deep
> connection with our children is the paramount task.

Yes, and they will likely grow up with a love of learning, if we model that
ourselves.

> I think caution is advised
> when it comes to the idea of "flooding" their brains. Children require
lots of
> reflective, unorganized, idle, "down" time to develop. Our stimulus mad
society
> has in fact flooded children with a jittery mass of shiny, bauble filled
> stimulation and they suffer terribly as a result.

Discrimination is the key word here. I think a flood of ideas is one of
life's most exquisite experiences. Intellectual nirvana is hard to beat.

> Of course going places is good. Seeing lots of the world is good.
Stimulation
> is good AND laying around the house, playing in a desultory, ambling,
> undirected, relaxed, nowhere to go and "nothing" to do sort of fashion is
truly,
> really, equally good.

Everything in balance. You may know that I'm very anti-day planner and
goal-setting. Nevertheless, I have an ever-growing fascination with so many
things in the world, and love to experience as much as I can. No, we're not
always on the go either. We do love our quiet evenings in, which are most
of the evenings in the week. It's really an attitude more than how we use
our time.

> Dr. Neufeld believes that we got completely carried away with a few pieces
of
> research about the value of stimulation and (imo in our typical western
fashion)
> went to a grotesque extreme.

Yes, I believe as a culture, we have. On the other hand, seeking
stimulation as it springs from natural curiosity is mostly a good thing.
Stimulation in order to mold children to be more adept at "getting ahead" or
getting better grades, getting into college, or getting a "good job," is the
type of stimulation we could do without.

John Andersen

[email protected]

In a message dated 11/5/99 8:08:33 AM CST, jhawthorne@... writes:

<< Seeing lots of the world is good. Stimulation
is good AND laying around the house, playing in a desultory, ambling,
undirected, relaxed, nowhere to go and "nothing" to do sort of fashion is
truly,
really, equally good. >>

Whoo! I am glad to hear someone say this! My kids love having all that
nothing-to-do time! Sometimes I think we do miss out on some stuff, but they
do just fine with bringing the world to them little pieces at a time. That is
just what works for us.
Blessings, Lori in TX

[email protected]

In a message dated 11/5/99 8:35:50 AM, andersen@... writes:

<< we got completely carried away with a few pieces

of

> research about the value of stimulation and (imo in our typical western

fashion)

> went to a grotesque extreme.


<<Yes, I believe as a culture, we have. On the other hand, seeking

stimulation as it springs from natural curiosity is mostly a good thing.

Stimulation in order to mold children to be more adept at "getting ahead" or

getting better grades, getting into college, or getting a "good job," is the

type of stimulation we could do without. >>

but also the type that has us react to and fill our unschooling lives with
any good sounding option. i have known many hsing moms burn out by taking
advantage of all the many educational opp.'s in the area. i am referring to
all really good sounding opportunities! it can really be a struggle for moms
to not step into the busyness and instead embrace the value of downtime. i
am so glad that i have had the chance to try and then love the "mostly home"
model as opposed to the "running to a class/fieldtrip, etc" each day of the
wk. having several children tends to make it both harder to get out the door
while simultaneously attracting you to the different activities that peak the
interests of the different people in the household. so it causes us to
really remain in the more thoughtful mode before rushing out to sign up for
the latest exciting class...

along the same lines, unschoolers might be more likely to sign up for more
things because of the lack of structured lessontime that other hsing fam's
have. but doing that puts us at risk for not knowing as well where we are
with things (eg. what kids true interests are, how they are really
understanding concepts that they come across in everyday life, etc.) i find
that when we fall into that busy schedule pace we dont have time for the
discussions and sinking in of concepts and later resurfacing thoughts that
reaffirm to me/us we are all really learning...
(like joel says: Stimulation

> is good AND laying around the house, playing in a desultory, ambling,

> undirected, relaxed, nowhere to go and "nothing" to do sort of fashion is

truly,

> really, equally good.)

erin

[email protected]

In a message dated 11/5/99 9:35:59 AM Eastern Standard Time,
andersen@... writes:

<< Yes, I believe as a culture, we have. On the other hand, seeking
stimulation as it springs from natural curiosity is mostly a good thing.
Stimulation in order to mold children to be more adept at "getting ahead" or
getting better grades, getting into college, or getting a "good job," is the
type of stimulation we could do without. >>

It's funny but I have always been a very busy person. (I have 6 kids,4
now at home) However not until I decided to hs did I realize how little of a
life I had. I have great kids and am in a wonderful marriage but when I
wanted to unschool I realized that you really need an interesting life to be
able to share that with your kids.
I don't mean that I needed to be constantly busy with something but I had
over the years let so many of my interests dwindle. I had been a
professional crafter for the last several years and was very ready to get
out. All of a sudden I realized that I had no life.LOL
Now I am in the process of putting my real life back together. We do go
on field trips and visit the library, go shopping etc. However the great part
is the life we are developing again. The two younger boys and I decided at
10:00 last night to take a walk. My husband is even relaxing a bit, he didn't
act as though I was crazy.
We had a great time. Doing nothing really. we took a flashlight and
watched our breath in the light, looked at the stars and discussed the houses
they trick or treated at. They asked if we could do this every night. As I am
beginning to realize it takes very little to have a life.

Laura

Joel Hawthorne

I think you have touched on some of the core issues Laura. A simpler, relaxed,
full of interests life is what it is about. The interests however need to spring
from the heart and not just be imposed interests from someone else. I am
inspired by your account. I know I have let many past interests atrophy to a
certain extent mostly because of having to do the money earning thing for my
family. Salaried employment occupies so much time. It has its own interests so I
am not horrendously bored by my work but I want more time. Reflective time.

My daughters really love to go for neighborhood walks. They would always go
longer and farther than me because I am usually tired. I never want to do it as
much as they do and yet the walks we have had are usually very pleasant.

There is a lesson here for me.

Bonknit@... wrote:

> From: Bonknit@...
>
> In a message dated 11/5/99 9:35:59 AM Eastern Standard Time,
> andersen@... writes:
>
> << Yes, I believe as a culture, we have. On the other hand, seeking
> stimulation as it springs from natural curiosity is mostly a good thing.
> Stimulation in order to mold children to be more adept at "getting ahead" or
> getting better grades, getting into college, or getting a "good job," is the
> type of stimulation we could do without. >>
>
> It's funny but I have always been a very busy person. (I have 6 kids,4
> now at home) However not until I decided to hs did I realize how little of a
> life I had. I have great kids and am in a wonderful marriage but when I
> wanted to unschool I realized that you really need an interesting life to be
> able to share that with your kids.
> I don't mean that I needed to be constantly busy with something but I had
> over the years let so many of my interests dwindle. I had been a
> professional crafter for the last several years and was very ready to get
> out. All of a sudden I realized that I had no life.LOL
> Now I am in the process of putting my real life back together. We do go
> on field trips and visit the library, go shopping etc. However the great part
> is the life we are developing again. The two younger boys and I decided at
> 10:00 last night to take a walk. My husband is even relaxing a bit, he didn't
> act as though I was crazy.
> We had a great time. Doing nothing really. we took a flashlight and
> watched our breath in the light, looked at the stars and discussed the houses
> they trick or treated at. They asked if we could do this every night. As I am
> beginning to realize it takes very little to have a life.
>
> Laura
>
> > Check it out!
> http://www.unschooling.com

--
best wishes
Joel

For a wonderful gift possibility and to support a great cause check out:
http://www.naturalchild.com/calendar_pictures.html

All children behave as well as they are treated. The Natural Child
Project http://naturalchild.com/home/

[email protected]

laura, love this shared thought! it is so true, that being busy is different
than having a life! thanks for the reflection. i guess it says well what i
was trying to say in one of my last posts about the joy of being at home,
rather than busy. but you seemed to say it clearly. it feels so much
richer, less shallow...
erin
<< when I
> wanted to unschool I realized that you really need an interesting life to be
> able to share that with your kids. >>