Alan & Brenda Leonard

I have realized something recently in my struggle with the grandparents:
short is better.

I send my parents short, enlightening quotes or ideas periodically. They
respond very well to this, and don't get defensive like they do when I shove
books, articles, etc. on them. But after a few quotes here and a few there,
I think they're starting to "get" that unschooling works.

The latest quote I sent them came straight out of the Unschooling.Com Online
Newsletter. It's copied below. My Dad liked this one well enough to share
around at work. I consider that quite an improvement. My Dad is an
Educational Consultant for the State of Iowa. I *love* when I'm right on
education -- it's pretty rare! Thanks (yet again!), Unschooling.com!

brenda

***
from The Art of Education
Linda Dobson

"Your efforts may, at first, seem more like scrap lumber randomly scattered
across the vast universe that is your child rather than a remarkable
structure you watch rise, floor by measurable floor. But the Eiffel Tower
didn't appear overnight, and the most beautiful cathedrals of the world took
decades to complete.

It helps to think of yourself not as "teacher" the way you remember it, but
like the supplier whose purpose is merely making sure the builder - your
child - can get his hands on the necessary materials when he needs them. Be
happy when you make any sale, however modest. The true architect will use
the
materials in his own way, in his own time.

Schools force a child into using his limited resources today. "Build a bird
house," they demand, "so that we may count how many sticks you've
collected."

At home there's no need for immediate "proof". Be patient. Don't measure.
Who
can say what exquisite masterpiece your child will shape and build from the
scraps tomorrow - or ten years from now? The more he collects, the greater
the structure he's capable of building. And when that structure is life
itself, don't settle for a bird house today. Trust you'll find a castle
tomorrow.

Simply provide the materials."

Lisa M. C. Bentley

> I have realized something recently in my struggle with the grandparents:
> short is better.

Isn't that the truth? My ILs have been the biggest struggle for us in
our homeschooling life. I did the "send them info" stage. I sent
books, articles, websites, and finally a really long letter trying to
explain that we were doing our very best and parenting in the best way
that we knew how based on current information. [They basically believe
that we are saying that they were horrible parents since we were/are
doing everything different than they did- which is NOT what we were
saying (they were the best parents they knew how to be at the time).]

Anyway, they finally told us that we had a lot to learn in life and that
they didn't want anything to do with grandchildren who would probably
die from parents that wanted to homeschool and vegetarian feed them!
So, we had no further contact... for over 3 years. When our second
child was born, after much debate, we decided to tell them that she
existed. She is almost 2 years old now, and we are just starting to
have an acquaintance-type relationship with them. They will never
actually know us (their choice, I've tried being open about who I am),
but at least they are willing to be around us and not scream at us (or
roll their eyes, which is WORSE!). We haven't outright said it (we've
only seen them ONCE in 5 years and that was about 3 months ago), but a
bunch of topics are just off limits.

To the mother who wanted help dealing with her grandmother- Know when
to walk away. Sometimes that makes the biggest statement of them all.
I truly wish and pray that her eyes will open to the greatness of
unschooling, but for some people that is impossible.

Best of luck.
-Lisa in AZ

zenmomma *

>>Anyway, they finally told us that we had a lot to learn in life and that
>>they didn't want anything to do with grandchildren who would probably die
>>from parents that wanted to homeschool and vegetarian feed them! So, we
>>had no further contact... for over 3 years.>>

Good for you, Lisa. You are right, there are definitely times to just cut
your losses and run! You get the "worst in-laws" award!! Yuck. I wish you
well in your new contacts with them. Maybe they'll see how fabulous your
kids are and realize that you're not so evil after all. Maybe not. :-/ So
sad.

Life is good.
~Mary


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Karin

Oh Lisa, this is so sad. I can't believe that grandparents would actually go
so far as to not want to see there own grandchildren for such silly reasons
as being homeschooled and raised vegetarian. DH and I also told his parents
about our plans for homeschooling our boys (who are 9 & 11) and they were
raised vegetarian since birth. Now I can see that their response to our
parenting choices were very mild and even accepting, although they did
question us at first. I guess I should be thankful for the in-laws that I
have.

Karin (also in AZ)



"Lisa M. C. Bentley" <cottrellbentley@...> wrote:
>
> Anyway, they finally told us that we had a lot to learn in life and that
> they didn't want anything to do with grandchildren who would probably
> die from parents that wanted to homeschool and vegetarian feed them!
> So, we had no further contact... for over 3 years. When our second
> child was born, after much debate, we decided to tell them that she
> existed. She is almost 2 years old now, and we are just starting to
> have an acquaintance-type relationship with them. They will never
> actually know us (their choice, I've tried being open about who I am),
> but at least they are willing to be around us and not scream at us (or
> roll their eyes, which is WORSE!). We haven't outright said it (we've
> only seen them ONCE in 5 years and that was about 3 months ago), but a
> bunch of topics are just off limits.
>
> To the mother who wanted help dealing with her grandmother- Know when
> to walk away. Sometimes that makes the biggest statement of them all.
> I truly wish and pray that her eyes will open to the greatness of
> unschooling, but for some people that is impossible.
>
> Best of luck.
> -Lisa in AZ