Heather Woodward

The message here is: Let. Let it happen. Watch, and trust, and help if you
can, but also trust from just the right distance, not too close, not
distant.


I have a question - and it doesn't have anything to do with religion :) I grabbed the above quote from Ned because I think it incorporates a lot of what I am having a problem with. The Trust issue. Trusting my children to learn I find relatively easy. I see it happening every day. I have read the discussions on parenting that go along with unschooling. Not forcing children to clean their rooms, brush their teeth, - logical consequences will follow by themselves etc. Trusting that I am not being to lienent and that they will become responsible adults is another matter. Here's an excerpt from my day...

So, here I am taking a shower and my guys are downstairs watching Tarzan and Jane ( 8, 4, & 3) I come down to find smushed blueberries - the whole container on my floor and they are laughing - as this is obviously fun. I wonder am I doing something wrong here? maybe the key is to get up before everyone and take my shower... maybe I am not supervising enough... If I just let them do whatever, they break everything - I keep the "school room" our space with all our art supplies, many bookshelves etc. open. Inevitablely someone writes on the walls, crushes playdough into the carpet, or purposely breaks someone elses toy. My daughter famous for her "adventure trips" always has some sort of moldy, rotting food in a bag - stuffed under her bed or somewhere out of sight - until we can smell it. I keep telling myself these things shall pass - and I will laugh about them - but I can't imagine my kids are alone in this behavior. So what have your experiences been and what am I doing wrong here? My husband thinks I am not "structured" and they are learning by my example not to be neat - My office is always full of books, papers, coffee cups, etc. The difference I see is that I am not messing up everyone else's space... whereas I would say their behavior leans to the destructive. Maybe it's all part of being kids. I don't know...

I am letting it happen - I am trying to trust - - but in the meantime it can drive me nuts! Any ideas...

By the way, they did clean up the blueberries - to a point, there are still stains I can't seem to get out... but only after me yelling - and I hate to do that.... yelling is the worst - and it seems so hard sometimes to not yell in these circumstances..... It's hard to imagine anyone else here as a "yelling, unschooler"....

Heather




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

KT

>
>
>The difference I see is that I am not messing up everyone else's space... whereas I would say their behavior leans to the destructive. Maybe it's all part of being kids. I don't know...
>
I'd be at a loss, too. I've always noticed that some kids tend to think
of things to do that I or my kids would never in a million years
actually *do*. (We might think of it. <g>) Maybe it's a function of
impulse control. Maybe it's a personality thing.

In my house we kinda draw the line between messes that can be permanent
and those that won't. I'm right there for the non-permanent ones. But
I'm downright COERCIVE when it comes to the permanent ones. I wouldn't
leave a carton of blueberries accessible to a 3 yo, knowing what could
happen. I wouldn't leave an important piece of paper on the table where
they're eating cereal. I understand that 8 yo's can get into anything
they want. I expect my 8 yo to know better than a 3 yo. If he can't or
doesn't, then I take other preventative measures.

There's a red Jello Jiggler stain in my dining room that was caused by
my 8 yo showing off for his friends--his lack of caution and sense of
consequence astonished me at the time. It was an accident that it
landed on the carpet, but it was no accident what he was doing with it.
He knew that Jello wouldn't stand up for long. He should have thought
to do it in the kitchen. ;) It really wasn't like him not to think so.

But that's what I mean by drawing the line. Messy things are part of
life, and a great part of learning. Give them a batch of pudding to
play with in the bathtub. Hand them old broken appliances and a
screwdriver, or a hammer and an old piece of drywall to bust apart.

And take your shower before they get up. ;)

Tuck

inmdcrew

--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., KT <Tuck@m...> wrote:
> >
> >
> >The difference I see is that I am not messing up everyone else's
space... whereas I would say their behavior leans to the destructive.
Maybe it's all part of being kids. I don't know...
> >
> I'd be at a loss, too. I've always noticed that some kids tend to
think
> of things to do that I or my kids would never in a million years
> actually *do*. (We might think of it. <g>) Maybe it's a function
of
> impulse control. Maybe it's a personality thing.
>
> In my house we kinda draw the line between messes that can be
permanent
> and those that won't. I'm right there for the non-permanent
ones. But
> I'm downright COERCIVE when it comes to the permanent ones. I
wouldn't
> leave a carton of blueberries accessible to a 3 yo, knowing what
could
> happen. I wouldn't leave an important piece of paper on the table
where
> they're eating cereal. I understand that 8 yo's can get into
anything
> they want. I expect my 8 yo to know better than a 3 yo. If he
can't or
> doesn't, then I take other preventative measures.
>
> There's a red Jello Jiggler stain in my dining room that was caused
by
> my 8 yo showing off for his friends--his lack of caution and sense
of
> consequence astonished me at the time. It was an accident that it
> landed on the carpet, but it was no accident what he was doing with
it.
> He knew that Jello wouldn't stand up for long. He should have
thought
> to do it in the kitchen. ;) It really wasn't like him not to think
so.
>
> But that's what I mean by drawing the line. Messy things are part
of
> life, and a great part of learning. Give them a batch of pudding
to
> play with in the bathtub. Hand them old broken appliances and a
> screwdriver, or a hammer and an old piece of drywall to bust
apart.
>
> And take your shower before they get up. ;)
>
> Tuck



I'm agreeing w/ you there, Tuck. I tend to not mind "constructive"
messes. But I draw the line at non regard to belongings. With only
my husband working I teach the kids to respect their belongings.
Their father works hard for the little money we get. Money doesn't
grow on a tree and those blueberries that smushed cost such and such.
They know that their silliness is tolerated and encouraged as long as
something doesn't get broken or rendered useless; and that includes
food. For example, they know they can draw color to their hearts
content but don't waste paper. Not only does sketch pads cost (what
I think is too much) but for every pad trees are being killed.

I also agree that showering, devotions, meditation, whatever needs to
be done before they get up. It kinda kills my sleeping in time
(which is such a bummer- I hate to even think about it) but at least
I've had some time to myself and can then be ready to do whatever
they want.

Sounds like I'm strict doesn't it? Not really. I'm a very relaxed
person and love to lounge around. My house isn't the cleanest and we
have stuff everywhere. But like I said our money is not unlimited
and I prefer to only have to buy that pint of blueberries once. Ha!

Just my opinions-flame away
Tina