Trusting your child
[email protected]
08/08 9:41am, fetteroll@... wrote:
"The *real* trick is learning when to stick something out and when to cut
your losses. To learn to assess when something is providing less than what
it's taking.
Is a few swimming lessons worth the price your son is paying in feeling he
is being held prisoner by money, you, the teacher, society's thoughts of him
as a quitter?"
I'm coming out of lurkdom to respond to this. My son Eric has been learning
to play the violin the past year. This was his own choice after watching the
movie "Music of the Heart" with Meryl Streep. He loved playing. Recently he
has decided that he needs to take a break from weekly structured lessons. He
said that he feels now that he's only practicing for the instructor's sake
and not his own.
I e-mailed the concerns to his instructor. Though understanding of his
decision, she really wants him to "work through this low time and make it
through his first book to get his reward". She doesn't think that he'll
practice in the interim if he is not having lessons. Eric read the e-mail
response and wants to stick with his decision to stop lessons. He said that
he doesn't play to get ribbons for completing something. He also wants to
work on the songs that he's already learned to perfect them and not add more
just to complete a book.
I had just read Joyce's response above before I opened his instructors
response. I agree. What good does sticking with something do if you're not
doing it for yourself? I told Eric that it was his decision. You should have
seen his face knowing that I trusted him to decide. It was worth the chance
that his instructor may not have a place for him when he's ready to resume
lessons (if that happens at all).
Sandra, you're so right. This is a trust with my son that I could never buy
back if I had forced him to continue lessons just to say that he'd stuck with
something. I am generally a person that likes to stick with something until
completion, but I've also learned when to bow out. I also don't want my
children to quit whenever something gets a little difficult. I think that's
why many people adopt the stick with it mentality. It's a hard decision to
make, but a decision that has to be made individually. Hopefully my son will
learn when to perservere and when to quit. Thank you all for discussing the
downside to that attitude. I see both viewpoints.
Even though I lurk, I get so much from reading the discussions. Thanks for
the support.
Ginny from Virginia
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
"The *real* trick is learning when to stick something out and when to cut
your losses. To learn to assess when something is providing less than what
it's taking.
Is a few swimming lessons worth the price your son is paying in feeling he
is being held prisoner by money, you, the teacher, society's thoughts of him
as a quitter?"
I'm coming out of lurkdom to respond to this. My son Eric has been learning
to play the violin the past year. This was his own choice after watching the
movie "Music of the Heart" with Meryl Streep. He loved playing. Recently he
has decided that he needs to take a break from weekly structured lessons. He
said that he feels now that he's only practicing for the instructor's sake
and not his own.
I e-mailed the concerns to his instructor. Though understanding of his
decision, she really wants him to "work through this low time and make it
through his first book to get his reward". She doesn't think that he'll
practice in the interim if he is not having lessons. Eric read the e-mail
response and wants to stick with his decision to stop lessons. He said that
he doesn't play to get ribbons for completing something. He also wants to
work on the songs that he's already learned to perfect them and not add more
just to complete a book.
I had just read Joyce's response above before I opened his instructors
response. I agree. What good does sticking with something do if you're not
doing it for yourself? I told Eric that it was his decision. You should have
seen his face knowing that I trusted him to decide. It was worth the chance
that his instructor may not have a place for him when he's ready to resume
lessons (if that happens at all).
Sandra, you're so right. This is a trust with my son that I could never buy
back if I had forced him to continue lessons just to say that he'd stuck with
something. I am generally a person that likes to stick with something until
completion, but I've also learned when to bow out. I also don't want my
children to quit whenever something gets a little difficult. I think that's
why many people adopt the stick with it mentality. It's a hard decision to
make, but a decision that has to be made individually. Hopefully my son will
learn when to perservere and when to quit. Thank you all for discussing the
downside to that attitude. I see both viewpoints.
Even though I lurk, I get so much from reading the discussions. Thanks for
the support.
Ginny from Virginia
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 8/8/02 8:49:00 AM, GDobes@... writes:
<< It was worth the chance
that his instructor may not have a place for him when he's ready to resume
lessons (if that happens at all). >>
Holly went through that, and her old teacher didn't have time or space for
her when she got in the mood again, but he recommended another teacher and
Holly LOVES the new teacher! It was much better in the longrun.
<< I also don't want my
children to quit whenever something gets a little difficult. I think that's
why many people adopt the stick with it mentality. It's a hard decision to
make, but a decision that has to be made individually.>>>
I think at least ten percent of the time Holly is supposed to go to
something, a rehearsal or lesson or playgroup or something, she goes through
a period of whining that she doesn't want to, and she's not in the mood, and
it wasn't that fun last time, and about 90 percent of THOSE times, she perks
up in the last half hour and starts pressuring me to help her get ready!!
Knowing it's her decision is the only way it can actually BE her decision.
So she almost always decides to go, and it probably is a good release of fear
and tension for her to sometimes go through the inventory of the reasons
against going. She gets that all out of her system, and sometimes I say
"Well, could you do this?" or "Who would be the most unhappy if you don't
show up?" or something semi-practical <g>.
Sandra
<< It was worth the chance
that his instructor may not have a place for him when he's ready to resume
lessons (if that happens at all). >>
Holly went through that, and her old teacher didn't have time or space for
her when she got in the mood again, but he recommended another teacher and
Holly LOVES the new teacher! It was much better in the longrun.
<< I also don't want my
children to quit whenever something gets a little difficult. I think that's
why many people adopt the stick with it mentality. It's a hard decision to
make, but a decision that has to be made individually.>>>
I think at least ten percent of the time Holly is supposed to go to
something, a rehearsal or lesson or playgroup or something, she goes through
a period of whining that she doesn't want to, and she's not in the mood, and
it wasn't that fun last time, and about 90 percent of THOSE times, she perks
up in the last half hour and starts pressuring me to help her get ready!!
Knowing it's her decision is the only way it can actually BE her decision.
So she almost always decides to go, and it probably is a good release of fear
and tension for her to sometimes go through the inventory of the reasons
against going. She gets that all out of her system, and sometimes I say
"Well, could you do this?" or "Who would be the most unhappy if you don't
show up?" or something semi-practical <g>.
Sandra
[email protected]
In a message dated 8/8/2002 11:07:54 AM Pacific Daylight Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:
go?" Then they say, sometimes STILL whiningly, "Yeees, I gueeeesss so.....".
So I suppose they want to vent a little and they're trying, themselves, to
figure it out. OR - like me often, they just want to BE there, they don't
want to make the effort to get up and get dressed and go in the car, etc.
--pam
National Home Education Network
http://www.NHEN.org
Changing the Way the World Sees Homeschooling!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
SandraDodd@... writes:
> So she almost always decides to go, and it probably is a good release ofWhen my kids do that, sometimes I just say, "Oh - do you really NOT want to
> fear
> and tension for her to sometimes go through the inventory of the reasons
> against going. She gets that all out of her system, and sometimes I say
> "Well, could you do this?" or "Who would be the most unhappy if you don't
> show up?" or something semi-practical <g>.
go?" Then they say, sometimes STILL whiningly, "Yeees, I gueeeesss so.....".
So I suppose they want to vent a little and they're trying, themselves, to
figure it out. OR - like me often, they just want to BE there, they don't
want to make the effort to get up and get dressed and go in the car, etc.
--pam
National Home Education Network
http://www.NHEN.org
Changing the Way the World Sees Homeschooling!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]