Jeff & Kate Kerr

We've been unschoolers for a few years now, it's a philosophy I have embraced since before I had children and my husband joined me in this attitude with very little persuasion. Our oldest child is also a dedicated unschooler, he can't imagine having to sit in
a classroom and do what is told, no time for spontaneous reading or cookie baking or trips to the beach.
The problem we are having is our youngest, who sees her friends (all ages) getting ready to go back to school and going for the first time. She wants to be just like them, she loves to sit at the table with assignments and wants to be a part of the lunch box
carrying crowd. I've tried to handle some of this by supplying her with "school type" books (she loves them and does them with no prompting from me although she really wants me to say "ok, now it's time for...") and when school starts again in this area I want
to do something with her (and older son) to help take the sting out of her friends not being around much anymore. (Even the ones who homeschool are "going back to school.") Maybe a trip to the dinosaur exhibit at the Natural History Museum?
Anyway the point of this is to ask: What do you do when the whole family is unschooling and one doesn't want to?

Kate
to be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best night and day to make you like everybody else means to fight the hardest battle any human being can fight and never stop fighting. e.e.cummings

Lewis

I may be totally off line here, keep in mind we are very new to unschooling.

However, wouldn't letting her go to school, be child lead learning, and
letting her follow her own path?

I have always thought that if one of my sons actually wanted to go to
school, that I should just let them go, but also if they wanted to come back
home, they could do that also.

All the friends my boys have, go to public school, and my boys have no
desire whatsoever to go to school with them, so far, but I have always
envisioned that one of them may want to just try it out and see what it is
like.

Chances are your daughter, if allowed to just try it out would not like it
anyway. Maybe ask her what she thinks it would be like, so you know EXACTLY
what it is she thinks she is missing by not going to school. Is it the
clothes shopping before hand, the new notebook, etc..?? Is it the
socialization, because there would not be as much as she probably thinks
there is, with her coming from an unschooling family. Maybe she wants a
"desk" of her own, for "school". Is she involved in any extra-curricular
activities with her friends, like gymnastics, sports, or dance, etc...??

Just my meanderings for the morning........mind you I am barely awake......

Debbie

Leslie Avery

My daughter was like that after having been in school
for two years. It was hard for her to break away.
She felt that she was missing something. I tried to
fight her and insist on unschooling, but she wouldn't
do it. So I gave her what she wanted. I would take
her in September and do the school shopping thing.
She loved it. I even bought her a new lunch box and
made her lunch. I gave her assignments and graded her
(of course she always got A's). I got already made up
worksheets on enchantedlearning.com and would give
those to her. Every year when it came time for school
to start she would go through this, than one year she
said I feel sorry for kids who are in school and I am
glad I am home. But she had to come to it in her own
time. One thing I have learned, just because I
believe something and have believed it from the start
does not necessarily mean my children will. They also
need to be given time to process things in life and
come to terms with it at their own time. Even though
our kids are home with us society still influences
them a bit. So homeschool her where she is at.

Leslie
--- Jeff & Kate Kerr <windystreet@...>
wrote:
> We've been unschoolers for a few years now, it's a
> philosophy I have embraced since before I had
> children and my husband joined me in this attitude
> with very little persuasion. Our oldest child is
> also a dedicated unschooler, he can't imagine having
> to sit in
> a classroom and do what is told, no time for
> spontaneous reading or cookie baking or trips to the
> beach.
> The problem we are having is our youngest, who sees
> her friends (all ages) getting ready to go back to
> school and going for the first time. She wants to
> be just like them, she loves to sit at the table
> with assignments and wants to be a part of the lunch
> box
> carrying crowd. I've tried to handle some of this
> by supplying her with "school type" books (she loves
> them and does them with no prompting from me
> although she really wants me to say "ok, now it's
> time for...") and when school starts again in this
> area I want
> to do something with her (and older son) to help
> take the sting out of her friends not being around
> much anymore. (Even the ones who homeschool are
> "going back to school.") Maybe a trip to the
> dinosaur exhibit at the Natural History Museum?
> Anyway the point of this is to ask: What do you do
> when the whole family is unschooling and one doesn't
> want to?
>
> Kate
> to be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing
> its best night and day to make you like everybody
> else means to fight the hardest battle any human
> being can fight and never stop fighting.
> e.e.cummings
>
>


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In a message dated 7/24/02 10:08:16 AM Central Daylight Time,
windystreet@... writes:


> Anyway the point of this is to ask: What do you do when the whole family is
> unschooling and one doesn't want to?
>
> Kate
>

This time last year, Jack saw all his neighborhood friends getting ready for
kindergarten. He came home one day all excited and informed me that school
was starting soon and didn't I think it was about time to take him? He was
actually shocked when I told him that no, I didn't think it was time, nor did
I plan on ever taking him. (Needless to say, Jack went to school last year!)
He begged, he pleaded, he told us exactly why he wanted to go to school and
Darin and I finally agreed that he would go, so he did. School wasn't all
Jack thought it would be, he had to get up early (Jack likes his sleep) he
had to go on days Moly and I were doing things he would rather be doing... By
Christmas time, Jack was beginning to do the *I don't wanna* thing every
morning. Don't get me wrong, he loved being in school, he just hated the
hours. After a year of it, he was glad to be done. He realizes he plays with
his friends more after school than during school, he doesn't have to miss out
on what Moly and I are doing, and he can get those much needed zzz's that he
loves so much.

I don't recommend school, but it wasn't the worst experience of our lives. He
didn't come out damaged, he wasn't labeled... (although I was sure he would
be) I don't know if he learned anything he wasn't already learning here at
home but he took from it what it offered and thankfully left the rest. It
wasn't unschooling, but it certainly wasn't forced either.
~Nancy


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

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In a message dated 7/24/02 9:16:19 AM, lapin@... writes:

<< However, wouldn't letting her go to school, be child lead learning, and
letting her follow her own path? >>

Yes.
I would let my kids go to school if they really wanted to.

But while they were in school I wouldn't consider them to be unschooling.

I don't personally equte "child led learning" and "unschooling" straight
across.

Sandra

Lewis

Yes Sandra, I agree with what you said.

Another point that leads to the fears of unschooling, is the HUGE amount of
curriculum suppliers, and "Hooked on Phonics", Sylvan Learning Center, and
others, that tend to make parents feel like they are never doing "enough"
for their children.

I at first felt this pressure. I would scour the net and catalogs for this
and that, and always thought I had found something better. We are in the
process of moving AGAIN, and AGAIN, I am packing up all this stuff we paid
so much money for that either hardly or never was used, or was a total waste
of time or money. They have to be making so much money off all these
homeschool curriculum materials, really.

Of course one of the first questions of other homeschoolers, when I began to
homeschool was "oh, what curriculum are you using?".

Debbie




-----Original Message-----
From: SandraDodd@... [mailto:SandraDodd@...]
Sent: Wednesday, July 24, 2002 10:50 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] how to unschool when your child wants
to go to school



In a message dated 7/24/02 9:16:19 AM, lapin@... writes:

<< However, wouldn't letting her go to school, be child lead learning, and
letting her follow her own path? >>

Yes.
I would let my kids go to school if they really wanted to.

But while they were in school I wouldn't consider them to be unschooling.

I don't personally equte "child led learning" and "unschooling" straight
across.

Sandra


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Cheryl

As long term 'Unschoolers" (13 years) we've had to face this "problem" a few
times. Particularly, when our daughter's friends were just starting school
and again when she decided not to attend High School. (School years are
separated differently in Australia - Primary School is up to and including
Year 6 and High School being Years 7 to 12.) I hope my thoughts are
helpful.

> The problem we are having is our youngest, who sees her friends (all ages)
getting ready to go >back to school and going for the first time. She wants
to be just like them, she loves to sit at the >table with assignments and
wants to be a part of the lunch box
> carrying crowd.

She probably doesn't really want to go to school just to "play" at going to
school? Maybe you could make up a lunch box for her for a little while so
she feel like her friends. After all, she probably has very pleasant
associations with picnics which is what a lunch box probably represents in
her experience.

Why not let her design her own assignments on subjects that interest her.
Whether or not she ever completes the assignments could be her choice - our
daughter, on occasion, has insisted I put pressure on her to finish what she
has started so she can feel a sense of accomplishment on completion. Even if
no assignments are ever completed what she will learn about about the
subject and how to research a topic are valuable anyway.

> I've tried to handle some of this by supplying her with "school type"
books (she loves them and >does them with no prompting from me although she
really wants me to say "ok, now it's time >for...")

Is it possible that the real "problem" here is that your daughter is not
choosing to learn the way you think she should. I have found that, for us
"unschooling" is about letting go of our preconcieved ideas of how a child
"ought" to learn and respecting the learning style of the child at any given
time. If your daughter is happy to learning by doing worksheets and using
"school type books" why not let her? There is a big difference between
having to use a particular resource and choosing to use it. (If you REALLY
want her to stop using these books why not try making her sit down and do
"school". lol) What she covers in her "school books" can be a wonderful
spring board for discussion about how the knowledge is used in the real
world.

If she wants a timetable why not involve her is setting one up that doesn't
inconvenience others - a great lesson in time management. By trying to
stick to a schedule she will learn how restricting it is to have a timetable
dictate when and for how long you can study a particular subject. On the
other hand, she may thrive on having her days regulated.

Our 13 yo daughter has gone through several phases where she wanted her
learning to be more regulated. None of which lasted long. Each time she
had bought into the "social wisdom" that says learning only happens when you
are made to do "school work". It never took long for her to find the
"school work" boring and restrictive and revert to, what I prefer to call,
"free-range" learning.

>and when school starts again in this area I want
> to do something with her (and older son) to help take the sting out of her
friends not being around >much anymore. (Even the ones who homeschool are
"going back to school.") Maybe a trip to the >dinosaur exhibit at the
Natural History Museum?

It doesn't hurt to point out that field trips like this don't happen very
often for children who go to school.

> Anyway the point of this is to ask: What do you do when the whole family
is unschooling and one doesn't want to?

I suggest you trust her and respect her desire to experiment with a variety
of learning methods and resources while she finds out what works for her.
If we truly want our children to think for themselves, and not be the drones
that school turns out, then we need to respect all their choices even when
those choices are not what we would choose for them.

Hugs,
Cheryl

zenmomma *

>>Anyway the point of this is to ask: What do you do when the whole family
>>is unschooling and one doesn't want to?>>

Every so often my Casey toys with the idea of school. I've tried to take her
inquiries seriously and also tried to figure out what it was she was really
looking for.

At this time of year I take her to the store for Not-back-to-School
supplies. After all, why should only the school kids get all the cool stuff?
I get her new markers, pencils, notebooks...whatever catches her fancy. One
year it was indeed the fancy lunchbox she was wanting. I bought her a cool
one and then packed her lunch up for her each morning just as if she she
were off to school. I did this for as long as she wanted. I think it was
about a week or two before the novelty wore off. Now she uses it for park
visits and such.

For awhile she asked me for work folders and assignments. :-P I made some up
for her and we played school. Of course I had no expectation that this
"work" would be completed. She did what she liked, got bored with the
repetition soon enough and I think this also lasted for a week or two.

Last winter she actually visited a classroom with her friend and decided
she'd like to go part-time. I made inquiries to see if I could make it
happen for her. In the time it took to get some answers from the school,
Casey decided tht she really wasn't interested. I think her exact comment
was "It would take up too much of my time and interfere with all my real
activities."

Casey is really a diehard unschooler and appreciates every bit of freedom
she has. Every so often she just wants to see what the rest of the kids are
up to. I try to help her get a glimpse and that seems to be all she is
really wanting.

Life is good.
~Mary



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