Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] single mom with 2 home businesses
LLindsey
Julie... me too.. but in my optimistic manner i believe i can answer questions and give some direction even as i work work work.. at least it's all in one place. and often MY activities and business can include my son.. as learning experiences.. and even tho so far he tends toward the NO.. i wanna stay home and watch wrestling... he is getting more and more open to seeing life in general as learning....so i have faith it will be fine.... for BOTH of us
it would be nice to find more unschoolers close by, tho. .. to share special excursions..
(are you the julie in SA?... or north of?)
L
it would be nice to find more unschoolers close by, tho. .. to share special excursions..
(are you the julie in SA?... or north of?)
L
----- Original Message -----
From: julie means
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, July 02, 2002 6:53 PM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] single mom with 2 home businesses
i'm just wondering if there's anyone else out there who fears that they don't have the TIME to UNschool with their kids. i'm a single mom, trying to make two home businesses work. sometimes i feel i just don't have time to even read to my son; yet i'm still making the decision to pull him out of school because i feel that being home with an often too busy mom has got to be better than being told what to do and how to do it all day long in school.
thank goodness i don't feel the need to actually TEACH my son, but i still worry that i am not available enough for him. does anyone else struggle with this?
thanks,
julie
----- Original Message -----
From: Tia Leschke
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, July 02, 2002 12:55 PM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] thanks for a new reality
>
>
>Schools consciously try to separate kids from parents. If the separation
>begins at birth, it's easier for the schools to do their job.
Not just the schools. It seems to be all of society. I took Lars for some
speech therapy when he was 3. I kept trying to tell them that he would
*not* speak to them at all if he was alone with them. I was just the
over-protective mother. I've seen this attitude in all kinds of medical
situations. (They did finally let me come in with him, but I'm sure they
believed he would be fine on his own.)
Tia
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Eleanor Roosevelt
*********************************************
Tia Leschke
leschke@...
On Vancouver Island
If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email the Moderator, Joyce Fetteroll, at fetteroll@...
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email the Moderator, Joyce Fetteroll, at fetteroll@...
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
LLindsey
don't worry about the reading. he'll do it.. he's probly just thinking about it first...
my quite brilliant and gifted (and oh so strange) teenager did not read till like third grade..i think he was just contemplating the task for a few years...cause when he started... well, he never stopped.. EVER.. i got a lot of complaints from teachers.. "Lindsey's not paying attention ... all he does is read.." GOOD GRIEF
L
my quite brilliant and gifted (and oh so strange) teenager did not read till like third grade..i think he was just contemplating the task for a few years...cause when he started... well, he never stopped.. EVER.. i got a lot of complaints from teachers.. "Lindsey's not paying attention ... all he does is read.." GOOD GRIEF
L
----- Original Message -----
From: MDMomatHm@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, July 02, 2002 9:17 PM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] single mom with 2 home businesses
I'm a single Mom, too. I have a just turned 13yr old daughter and an almost 7
yr old son. I never feel that they would be better off in school. It is
sometimes a struggle to keep it all together but it is all worth it. I'm
getting a little grief from outsider's right now because is still not
reading. I know he will one day and he's has a natural grasp of numbers and
math. Everyone seems to tell me at one time or another how much 'easier' my
life would be if they were both in school....I really annoy them when I tell
them that life...or parenting isn't supposed to be easy...
Regina
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email the Moderator, Joyce Fetteroll, at fetteroll@...
To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
LLindsey
not to mention.."easy".. can be kind of boring..
L
L
----- Original Message -----
From: MDMomatHm@...
.........
I really annoy them when I tell
them that life...or parenting isn't supposed to be easy...
Regina
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
julie means
i'm just wondering if there's anyone else out there who fears that they don't have the TIME to UNschool with their kids. i'm a single mom, trying to make two home businesses work. sometimes i feel i just don't have time to even read to my son; yet i'm still making the decision to pull him out of school because i feel that being home with an often too busy mom has got to be better than being told what to do and how to do it all day long in school.
thank goodness i don't feel the need to actually TEACH my son, but i still worry that i am not available enough for him. does anyone else struggle with this?
thanks,
julie
thank goodness i don't feel the need to actually TEACH my son, but i still worry that i am not available enough for him. does anyone else struggle with this?
thanks,
julie
----- Original Message -----
From: Tia Leschke
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, July 02, 2002 12:55 PM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] thanks for a new reality
>
>
>Schools consciously try to separate kids from parents. If the separation
>begins at birth, it's easier for the schools to do their job.
Not just the schools. It seems to be all of society. I took Lars for some
speech therapy when he was 3. I kept trying to tell them that he would
*not* speak to them at all if he was alone with them. I was just the
over-protective mother. I've seen this attitude in all kinds of medical
situations. (They did finally let me come in with him, but I'm sure they
believed he would be fine on his own.)
Tia
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Eleanor Roosevelt
*********************************************
Tia Leschke
leschke@...
On Vancouver Island
If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email the Moderator, Joyce Fetteroll, at fetteroll@...
To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
I'm a single Mom, too. I have a just turned 13yr old daughter and an almost 7
yr old son. I never feel that they would be better off in school. It is
sometimes a struggle to keep it all together but it is all worth it. I'm
getting a little grief from outsider's right now because is still not
reading. I know he will one day and he's has a natural grasp of numbers and
math. Everyone seems to tell me at one time or another how much 'easier' my
life would be if they were both in school....I really annoy them when I tell
them that life...or parenting isn't supposed to be easy...
Regina
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
yr old son. I never feel that they would be better off in school. It is
sometimes a struggle to keep it all together but it is all worth it. I'm
getting a little grief from outsider's right now because is still not
reading. I know he will one day and he's has a natural grasp of numbers and
math. Everyone seems to tell me at one time or another how much 'easier' my
life would be if they were both in school....I really annoy them when I tell
them that life...or parenting isn't supposed to be easy...
Regina
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
I'm not particularly worried. He didn't really talk until he was 2 1/2 and
was potty trained at 4 1/2 ....he like's to think about things a lot....
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
was potty trained at 4 1/2 ....he like's to think about things a lot....
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Fetteroll
on 7/3/02 12:17 AM, MDMomatHm@... at MDMomatHm@... wrote:
There may be free time during the day but the stressful rush in the morning
and the stress in the evening of kids recovering from school and being made
to do homework while mom gets dinner ready and the rush to get to bed on
time doesn't make for quality family time. If the goal is to get the day
alone, why have kids? They aren't like projects to be dragged out when it's
convenient for us.
Joyce
> Everyone seems to tell me at one time or another how much 'easier' myHa!
> life would be if they were both in school....
There may be free time during the day but the stressful rush in the morning
and the stress in the evening of kids recovering from school and being made
to do homework while mom gets dinner ready and the rush to get to bed on
time doesn't make for quality family time. If the goal is to get the day
alone, why have kids? They aren't like projects to be dragged out when it's
convenient for us.
Joyce
marji
Hi, Julie.
I TOTALLY know what you mean! (Warning: This is a long message!)
I also work from home. I have one son only. I'm not a single mom, but my
husband works during the day outside the home and teaches privately here,
so he's not all that available during the week. The kind of work I do
(medical transcription) demands all my attention when I'm doing it. For a
while there I was able to work in the very early morning hours and very
late evening hours, keeping a lot of my day open for my son. But, the
availability of work has changed recently, and I have to work almost all
day to get the kind of work I need to make ends meet. The fact is that I
don't feel I'm providing opportunities for a very interesting life for Liam
in this context.
The great love of his life is watching Power Rangers movies and then
creating his own Power Rangers episodes alone or with his friends in their
play. He also loves hiking and camping and we try to do that whenever we
can. And, he loves pottery and we do that a couple of times a week. Other
than that, he plays computer games from time to time, we work in our
garden, and we now swim in our newly rehabilitated-from-a-frog-pond
swimming pool (catching and releasing the tadpoles and frogs was tremendous
fun and a beautiful way to learn about these little guys). He gets urges
to do things like playing with water in the sink or bathtub or
experimenting with mixing paint colors and other kinds of various
experiments, like what happens when you take mom's patchouli oil and mix it
with...? He is now slowly beginning to recognize words (I turned on the
closed captioning in our VCR/TV combo, and he is actually beginning to
learn to read that way!). He plays with the Cuisenaire rods in ways that
are entirely his own. At more than 7-1/2 years of age, he has just now
developed a wiggly lower tooth.
I took Liam out of a Montessori school in February because he totally hated
it. He was in the "first grade," and didn't like having to do activities
that were totally meaningless to him. He may have benefited from these
activities in a small, forgettable way, but most of the stuff he had to do
was stupid as far as he was concerned. I volunteered there several days a
week, and I saw what he meant. Anytime he would try to do something that
MEANT something to him, he was called on the carpet for not doing the
"work" on his "goal sheet" (not HIS goals, mind you, but goals somebody
else had established for him!). Pulling him from there was absolutely the
right thing to do, and I will never regret that move. I just regret that
he didn't have a better mom to come home to!
Truth be told, I feel like an early failure as an unschooling mom because I
am so unavailable to him much of the time. It's not that I feel the need
to "teach" him stuff. it's just that we don't get to do too many
interesting things or go too many places because I have to work. I think
he is bored. I would be, too. I'm not in any kind of position to blow off
work because my income is so essential. Even though we are really
frugal--two old cars, no car payments, low insurance, small house, little
utility bills, shopping only at thrift stores, etc.--making ends meet is a
real challenge for us. Our only extravagance is that we are scrupulous
about eating organic, but I run a food coop to help with that expense and
we have a large garden.
Every time I write an email about this subject, I get appalled at the
length and breadth of the message, and then I don't send it. I confess
that I feel shame about this issue, and I wish I could find a
solution. There is no one in the world I would rather be with than Liam;
he is delightful, compassionate, witty, loving and sweet, and of course, he
is my son! Even if he had none of those excellent qualities, I would crave
to be with him. I feel blessed to be with him, yet I feel in my darker
moments that I was a fool for thinking I could be a mom at all, let alone
an unschooling mom.
I wish I could offer words of encouragement to you, Julie. The one thing I
can say is that knowing what we know about the alternatives, our kids are
dramatically better off unschooling, and we are doing the very best we can!
Best wishes,
Marji in Orange County NY (who wishes she could find other unschoolers
close by)
At 21:53 7/2/02 -0400, you wrote:
I TOTALLY know what you mean! (Warning: This is a long message!)
I also work from home. I have one son only. I'm not a single mom, but my
husband works during the day outside the home and teaches privately here,
so he's not all that available during the week. The kind of work I do
(medical transcription) demands all my attention when I'm doing it. For a
while there I was able to work in the very early morning hours and very
late evening hours, keeping a lot of my day open for my son. But, the
availability of work has changed recently, and I have to work almost all
day to get the kind of work I need to make ends meet. The fact is that I
don't feel I'm providing opportunities for a very interesting life for Liam
in this context.
The great love of his life is watching Power Rangers movies and then
creating his own Power Rangers episodes alone or with his friends in their
play. He also loves hiking and camping and we try to do that whenever we
can. And, he loves pottery and we do that a couple of times a week. Other
than that, he plays computer games from time to time, we work in our
garden, and we now swim in our newly rehabilitated-from-a-frog-pond
swimming pool (catching and releasing the tadpoles and frogs was tremendous
fun and a beautiful way to learn about these little guys). He gets urges
to do things like playing with water in the sink or bathtub or
experimenting with mixing paint colors and other kinds of various
experiments, like what happens when you take mom's patchouli oil and mix it
with...? He is now slowly beginning to recognize words (I turned on the
closed captioning in our VCR/TV combo, and he is actually beginning to
learn to read that way!). He plays with the Cuisenaire rods in ways that
are entirely his own. At more than 7-1/2 years of age, he has just now
developed a wiggly lower tooth.
I took Liam out of a Montessori school in February because he totally hated
it. He was in the "first grade," and didn't like having to do activities
that were totally meaningless to him. He may have benefited from these
activities in a small, forgettable way, but most of the stuff he had to do
was stupid as far as he was concerned. I volunteered there several days a
week, and I saw what he meant. Anytime he would try to do something that
MEANT something to him, he was called on the carpet for not doing the
"work" on his "goal sheet" (not HIS goals, mind you, but goals somebody
else had established for him!). Pulling him from there was absolutely the
right thing to do, and I will never regret that move. I just regret that
he didn't have a better mom to come home to!
Truth be told, I feel like an early failure as an unschooling mom because I
am so unavailable to him much of the time. It's not that I feel the need
to "teach" him stuff. it's just that we don't get to do too many
interesting things or go too many places because I have to work. I think
he is bored. I would be, too. I'm not in any kind of position to blow off
work because my income is so essential. Even though we are really
frugal--two old cars, no car payments, low insurance, small house, little
utility bills, shopping only at thrift stores, etc.--making ends meet is a
real challenge for us. Our only extravagance is that we are scrupulous
about eating organic, but I run a food coop to help with that expense and
we have a large garden.
Every time I write an email about this subject, I get appalled at the
length and breadth of the message, and then I don't send it. I confess
that I feel shame about this issue, and I wish I could find a
solution. There is no one in the world I would rather be with than Liam;
he is delightful, compassionate, witty, loving and sweet, and of course, he
is my son! Even if he had none of those excellent qualities, I would crave
to be with him. I feel blessed to be with him, yet I feel in my darker
moments that I was a fool for thinking I could be a mom at all, let alone
an unschooling mom.
I wish I could offer words of encouragement to you, Julie. The one thing I
can say is that knowing what we know about the alternatives, our kids are
dramatically better off unschooling, and we are doing the very best we can!
Best wishes,
Marji in Orange County NY (who wishes she could find other unschoolers
close by)
At 21:53 7/2/02 -0400, you wrote:
>i'm just wondering if there's anyone else out there who fears that they[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>don't have the TIME to UNschool with their kids. i'm a single mom, trying
>to make two home businesses work. sometimes i feel i just don't have time
>to even read to my son; yet i'm still making the decision to pull him out
>of school because i feel that being home with an often too busy mom has
>got to be better than being told what to do and how to do it all day long
>in school.
>
>thank goodness i don't feel the need to actually TEACH my son, but i still
>worry that i am not available enough for him. does anyone else struggle
>with this?
>
>thanks,
>julie
Kristie Hodas
"Everyone seems to tell me at one time or another how much 'easier' my
life would be if they were both in school"
It always amazes me how many parents do NOT want to be with their children. My neighbor sends her two young daughters to school from 8:00 am until 4:30 and then calls me to see if they can come over my house, she doesn't mind if they stay until 8 pm!! She works on the Sunday's and Saturday's again she tries to get them to a friends house. I wish I could say this is an isolated case but just about every mother in our area seem to pass their kids off as often as possible! I have had so many people say "how brave I am to keep homeschool" and all I can think of is how brave (or stupid) they are to send them to school!
Peace,
Kristie
MDMomatHm@... wrote: I'm a single Mom, too. I have a just turned 13yr old daughter and an almost 7
yr old son. I never feel that they would be better off in school. It is
sometimes a struggle to keep it all together but it is all worth it. I'm
getting a little grief from outsider's right now because is still not
reading. I know he will one day and he's has a natural grasp of numbers and
math. Everyone seems to tell me at one time or another how much 'easier' my
life would be if they were both in school....I really annoy them when I tell
them that life...or parenting isn't supposed to be easy...
Regina
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
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Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
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---------------------------------
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New! SBC Yahoo! Dial - 1st Month Free & unlimited access
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
life would be if they were both in school"
It always amazes me how many parents do NOT want to be with their children. My neighbor sends her two young daughters to school from 8:00 am until 4:30 and then calls me to see if they can come over my house, she doesn't mind if they stay until 8 pm!! She works on the Sunday's and Saturday's again she tries to get them to a friends house. I wish I could say this is an isolated case but just about every mother in our area seem to pass their kids off as often as possible! I have had so many people say "how brave I am to keep homeschool" and all I can think of is how brave (or stupid) they are to send them to school!
Peace,
Kristie
MDMomatHm@... wrote: I'm a single Mom, too. I have a just turned 13yr old daughter and an almost 7
yr old son. I never feel that they would be better off in school. It is
sometimes a struggle to keep it all together but it is all worth it. I'm
getting a little grief from outsider's right now because is still not
reading. I know he will one day and he's has a natural grasp of numbers and
math. Everyone seems to tell me at one time or another how much 'easier' my
life would be if they were both in school....I really annoy them when I tell
them that life...or parenting isn't supposed to be easy...
Regina
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email the Moderator, Joyce Fetteroll, at fetteroll@...
To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
---------------------------------
Do You Yahoo!?
New! SBC Yahoo! Dial - 1st Month Free & unlimited access
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
julie means
hi marji!
this too is long!
i can totally relate to your letter! thank you so much for sharing. maybe together, and with this group, we can work toward overcoming our guilt about this issue. after all, it's got to be better than school....but the problem is that i want to be the BEST mom possible at ALL times - not just the best mom possible inbetween jobs! right?
i, too, am totally unavailable to my son when i am working. one of my jobs sounds very similar to yours in terms of intensity and intellectual involvement. i'm a freelance indexer - i write indexes for the back of books, usually for university presses, so they're very scholarly, and demand total concentration. i've been doing this for 12 years, and like you, used to do it in the early morning hours, and in spare moments while the kids happily played. but now that i'm a single mom, i need to do it whenever i can whenever i have the work....
my other business at home is massage therapy. and of course, when i'm with a client, not only am i NOT with my kids, they must be in their (separate) rooms quiet as mice. not really a bad thing, except for the unavailability of the mom part.
oh yeah, and then when i don't have a job, i really SHOULD be spending time marketing myself! argghhhh! and then...i'm also learning to teach yoga, something i've been practicing for over 10 years, and need to steal time for everyday.
and i agree - it's great for them to be independent. i've always gotten many compliments about how creative and happily independent my kids are.
but i still struggle with how much time i DON'T spend with them, and i also struggle with feeling guilty about ANY time that i take for myself, for yoga. i don't have much "down" time, except my yoga time, and some gardening...and sleep.
and like you, we live as inexpensively as possible.
and like you, my younger son WAS in school...during the transition from marriage to single, before i was able to work so much at home. and i saw how destructive it was to him. so i've traded the quiet space to work (along with the stress of rushing him to school and the intensely horrible stress of making sure that he did the required and usually totally inane homework assignments) for having my sweet boy home all day long with me often ignoring him.
i literally couldn't HOMEschool. it's a good thing that UNschooling has always fitted into my philosophy. (i unschooled my older son till the middle of 6th grade when i left my ex.)
and i, too, i my darker moments feel that i was a fool to think i could ever be a good mother at all, let alone a homeschooling mom.
thanks for letting me vent and complain! and thank you so much for sharing your feelings. i'm sure that some of the other unschooling moms -even if they are home all day - feel that they don't DO enough, or that they aren't available enough, or that they must split their attention between so many other demands (or even several children).
ultimately, i think we can only do the best that we can do in any given situation. and the lessons of patience and time management that i've learned thru all this have been invaluable. if kids are learning all the time, they are learning thru HOW gracefully and lovingly we handle our time limitations with them, too.
looking forward to hearing more on this from you and others.
julie
this too is long!
i can totally relate to your letter! thank you so much for sharing. maybe together, and with this group, we can work toward overcoming our guilt about this issue. after all, it's got to be better than school....but the problem is that i want to be the BEST mom possible at ALL times - not just the best mom possible inbetween jobs! right?
i, too, am totally unavailable to my son when i am working. one of my jobs sounds very similar to yours in terms of intensity and intellectual involvement. i'm a freelance indexer - i write indexes for the back of books, usually for university presses, so they're very scholarly, and demand total concentration. i've been doing this for 12 years, and like you, used to do it in the early morning hours, and in spare moments while the kids happily played. but now that i'm a single mom, i need to do it whenever i can whenever i have the work....
my other business at home is massage therapy. and of course, when i'm with a client, not only am i NOT with my kids, they must be in their (separate) rooms quiet as mice. not really a bad thing, except for the unavailability of the mom part.
oh yeah, and then when i don't have a job, i really SHOULD be spending time marketing myself! argghhhh! and then...i'm also learning to teach yoga, something i've been practicing for over 10 years, and need to steal time for everyday.
and i agree - it's great for them to be independent. i've always gotten many compliments about how creative and happily independent my kids are.
but i still struggle with how much time i DON'T spend with them, and i also struggle with feeling guilty about ANY time that i take for myself, for yoga. i don't have much "down" time, except my yoga time, and some gardening...and sleep.
and like you, we live as inexpensively as possible.
and like you, my younger son WAS in school...during the transition from marriage to single, before i was able to work so much at home. and i saw how destructive it was to him. so i've traded the quiet space to work (along with the stress of rushing him to school and the intensely horrible stress of making sure that he did the required and usually totally inane homework assignments) for having my sweet boy home all day long with me often ignoring him.
i literally couldn't HOMEschool. it's a good thing that UNschooling has always fitted into my philosophy. (i unschooled my older son till the middle of 6th grade when i left my ex.)
and i, too, i my darker moments feel that i was a fool to think i could ever be a good mother at all, let alone a homeschooling mom.
thanks for letting me vent and complain! and thank you so much for sharing your feelings. i'm sure that some of the other unschooling moms -even if they are home all day - feel that they don't DO enough, or that they aren't available enough, or that they must split their attention between so many other demands (or even several children).
ultimately, i think we can only do the best that we can do in any given situation. and the lessons of patience and time management that i've learned thru all this have been invaluable. if kids are learning all the time, they are learning thru HOW gracefully and lovingly we handle our time limitations with them, too.
looking forward to hearing more on this from you and others.
julie
----- Original Message -----
From: marji
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, July 03, 2002 7:13 AM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] single mom with 2 home businesses
Hi, Julie.
I TOTALLY know what you mean! (Warning: This is a long message!)
I also work from home. I have one son only. I'm not a single mom, but my
husband works during the day outside the home and teaches privately here,
so he's not all that available during the week. The kind of work I do
(medical transcription) demands all my attention when I'm doing it. For a
while there I was able to work in the very early morning hours and very
late evening hours, keeping a lot of my day open for my son. But, the
availability of work has changed recently, and I have to work almost all
day to get the kind of work I need to make ends meet. The fact is that I
don't feel I'm providing opportunities for a very interesting life for Liam
in this context.
The great love of his life is watching Power Rangers movies and then
creating his own Power Rangers episodes alone or with his friends in their
play. He also loves hiking and camping and we try to do that whenever we
can. And, he loves pottery and we do that a couple of times a week. Other
than that, he plays computer games from time to time, we work in our
garden, and we now swim in our newly rehabilitated-from-a-frog-pond
swimming pool (catching and releasing the tadpoles and frogs was tremendous
fun and a beautiful way to learn about these little guys). He gets urges
to do things like playing with water in the sink or bathtub or
experimenting with mixing paint colors and other kinds of various
experiments, like what happens when you take mom's patchouli oil and mix it
with...? He is now slowly beginning to recognize words (I turned on the
closed captioning in our VCR/TV combo, and he is actually beginning to
learn to read that way!). He plays with the Cuisenaire rods in ways that
are entirely his own. At more than 7-1/2 years of age, he has just now
developed a wiggly lower tooth.
I took Liam out of a Montessori school in February because he totally hated
it. He was in the "first grade," and didn't like having to do activities
that were totally meaningless to him. He may have benefited from these
activities in a small, forgettable way, but most of the stuff he had to do
was stupid as far as he was concerned. I volunteered there several days a
week, and I saw what he meant. Anytime he would try to do something that
MEANT something to him, he was called on the carpet for not doing the
"work" on his "goal sheet" (not HIS goals, mind you, but goals somebody
else had established for him!). Pulling him from there was absolutely the
right thing to do, and I will never regret that move. I just regret that
he didn't have a better mom to come home to!
Truth be told, I feel like an early failure as an unschooling mom because I
am so unavailable to him much of the time. It's not that I feel the need
to "teach" him stuff. it's just that we don't get to do too many
interesting things or go too many places because I have to work. I think
he is bored. I would be, too. I'm not in any kind of position to blow off
work because my income is so essential. Even though we are really
frugal--two old cars, no car payments, low insurance, small house, little
utility bills, shopping only at thrift stores, etc.--making ends meet is a
real challenge for us. Our only extravagance is that we are scrupulous
about eating organic, but I run a food coop to help with that expense and
we have a large garden.
Every time I write an email about this subject, I get appalled at the
length and breadth of the message, and then I don't send it. I confess
that I feel shame about this issue, and I wish I could find a
solution. There is no one in the world I would rather be with than Liam;
he is delightful, compassionate, witty, loving and sweet, and of course, he
is my son! Even if he had none of those excellent qualities, I would crave
to be with him. I feel blessed to be with him, yet I feel in my darker
moments that I was a fool for thinking I could be a mom at all, let alone
an unschooling mom.
I wish I could offer words of encouragement to you, Julie. The one thing I
can say is that knowing what we know about the alternatives, our kids are
dramatically better off unschooling, and we are doing the very best we can!
Best wishes,
Marji in Orange County NY (who wishes she could find other unschoolers
close by)
At 21:53 7/2/02 -0400, you wrote:
>i'm just wondering if there's anyone else out there who fears that they
>don't have the TIME to UNschool with their kids. i'm a single mom, trying
>to make two home businesses work. sometimes i feel i just don't have time
>to even read to my son; yet i'm still making the decision to pull him out
>of school because i feel that being home with an often too busy mom has
>got to be better than being told what to do and how to do it all day long
>in school.
>
>thank goodness i don't feel the need to actually TEACH my son, but i still
>worry that i am not available enough for him. does anyone else struggle
>with this?
>
>thanks,
>julie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/2/02 10:25:49 PM, llindsey@... writes:
<< I really annoy them when I tell
them that life...or parenting isn't supposed to be easy...
AND that it's pretty much a big fat lie!
Having kids in school is all KINDS of hard, even if it goes well for them
every day for thirteen years.
But people speak platitudes more to comfort themselves sometimes than to help
the person they're speaking to.
Many platitudes could be paraphrased "Don't rock the boat."
And that, in turn, sometimes means "Don't make us think."
Sandra
<< I really annoy them when I tell
them that life...or parenting isn't supposed to be easy...
>><<not to mention.."easy".. can be kind of boring..>>
AND that it's pretty much a big fat lie!
Having kids in school is all KINDS of hard, even if it goes well for them
every day for thirteen years.
But people speak platitudes more to comfort themselves sometimes than to help
the person they're speaking to.
Many platitudes could be paraphrased "Don't rock the boat."
And that, in turn, sometimes means "Don't make us think."
Sandra
Joseph Fuerst
YES! I know how you feel. I have four children 10,7,4,1. My attention is
often divided. I don't feel I'm available to answer their questions and
give each of them what they need an a regular basis. None of my children
read independently yet, which means they need me for many basic things. I
finally *got* what unschooling means. I've been lurking and trying to let
it sink in to change me, but where I'm at now is that I'm not sure
unschooling is something I'm capable of managing in our home right
now.....though schooling is certainly NOT an alternative!
BTW, I've heard I'm going to be given a "talking to" by my mil and fil
about why I should enroll their grandchildren in private/parochila schools
this weekend at a family get together. yikes!
Susan (momentary de-lurk)
often divided. I don't feel I'm available to answer their questions and
give each of them what they need an a regular basis. None of my children
read independently yet, which means they need me for many basic things. I
finally *got* what unschooling means. I've been lurking and trying to let
it sink in to change me, but where I'm at now is that I'm not sure
unschooling is something I'm capable of managing in our home right
now.....though schooling is certainly NOT an alternative!
BTW, I've heard I'm going to be given a "talking to" by my mil and fil
about why I should enroll their grandchildren in private/parochila schools
this weekend at a family get together. yikes!
Susan (momentary de-lurk)
----- Original Message -----
From: "julie means" <jmeans@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Tuesday, July 02, 2002 9:53 PM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] single mom with 2 home businesses
> i'm just wondering if there's anyone else out there who fears that they
don't have the TIME to UNschool with their kids. i'm a single mom, trying
to make two home businesses work. sometimes i feel i just don't have time
to even read to my son; yet i'm still making the decision to pull him out of
school because i feel that being home with an often too busy mom has got to
be better than being told what to do and how to do it all day long in
school.
>
> thank goodness i don't feel the need to actually TEACH my son, but i still
worry that i am not available enough for him. does anyone else struggle
with this?
>
> thanks,
> julie
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: Tia Leschke
> To: [email protected]
> Sent: Tuesday, July 02, 2002 12:55 PM
> Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] thanks for a new reality
>
>
>
> >
> >
> >Schools consciously try to separate kids from parents. If the
separation
> >begins at birth, it's easier for the schools to do their job.
>
> Not just the schools. It seems to be all of society. I took Lars for
some
> speech therapy when he was 3. I kept trying to tell them that he would
> *not* speak to them at all if he was alone with them. I was just the
> over-protective mother. I've seen this attitude in all kinds of medical
> situations. (They did finally let me come in with him, but I'm sure
they
> believed he would be fine on his own.)
> Tia
>
> No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
> Eleanor Roosevelt
> *********************************************
> Tia Leschke
> leschke@...
> On Vancouver Island
>
>
>
>
>
>
> If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email
the Moderator, Joyce Fetteroll, at fetteroll@...
>
> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
> [email protected]
>
> Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
>
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to
http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
>
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
> If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email
the Moderator, Joyce Fetteroll, at fetteroll@...
>
> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
> [email protected]
>
> Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
>
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
>
>
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/3/02 5:14:25 AM, zintz@... writes:
<< There is no one in the world I would rather be with than Liam;
he is delightful, compassionate, witty, loving and sweet, and of course, he
is my son! Even if he had none of those excellent qualities, I would crave
to be with him. >>
Marji,
Maybe you should schedule him in at least the amount of time you were
spending getting him to school and back, and get away from the house and work
and do ANYTHING with him. Hike a bit, have lunch in a park, drive to look at
something he's never seen. Because if you wait for the opportunities to
present themselves, they might not. And he won't be this age again ever.
If you have to go to the post office, make it a ten-minute-longer trip by
driving back another way and stopping to do any tiny thing--walk on a low
wall or feed ducks or any ten-minute escapade.
Things don't have to last 55 minutes to be real.
Sandra
Sandra
<< There is no one in the world I would rather be with than Liam;
he is delightful, compassionate, witty, loving and sweet, and of course, he
is my son! Even if he had none of those excellent qualities, I would crave
to be with him. >>
Marji,
Maybe you should schedule him in at least the amount of time you were
spending getting him to school and back, and get away from the house and work
and do ANYTHING with him. Hike a bit, have lunch in a park, drive to look at
something he's never seen. Because if you wait for the opportunities to
present themselves, they might not. And he won't be this age again ever.
If you have to go to the post office, make it a ten-minute-longer trip by
driving back another way and stopping to do any tiny thing--walk on a low
wall or feed ducks or any ten-minute escapade.
Things don't have to last 55 minutes to be real.
Sandra
Sandra
[email protected]
On Wed, 3 Jul 2002 08:38:36 -0400 "julie means" <jmeans@...> writes:
noticed a lot of these emails seem to imply that unschooling takes less
time and attention than homeschooling, and that concerns me. Unschooling
does take a lot of time and energy, it's just different time and energy.
A homeschooling mom could give the kid his assignments and then go do her
work - an unschooling mom needs to be more flexible, IME anyway. Rain
does do a lot of stuff on her own, but she also does a lot of stuff with
me, and of course I drive her to the ends of the earth (not really, it
just feels like it this summer).
Dar, another single unschooling mom
> i literally couldn't HOMEschool. it's a good thing that UNschoolingI'm rushing off to town but I just wanted to address one thing... I've
> has always fitted into my philosophy. (i unschooled my older son
> till the middle of 6th grade when i left my ex.)
>
noticed a lot of these emails seem to imply that unschooling takes less
time and attention than homeschooling, and that concerns me. Unschooling
does take a lot of time and energy, it's just different time and energy.
A homeschooling mom could give the kid his assignments and then go do her
work - an unschooling mom needs to be more flexible, IME anyway. Rain
does do a lot of stuff on her own, but she also does a lot of stuff with
me, and of course I drive her to the ends of the earth (not really, it
just feels like it this summer).
Dar, another single unschooling mom
Fetteroll
on 7/3/02 9:31 AM, SandraDodd@... at SandraDodd@... wrote:
I think work and the things we "have" to do tend to expand to fill the time
available. And unless that time is scheduled specifically for something,
it's going to get eaten up by "have tos".
So make your son a "have to".
One of the problems with parenting (and unschooling) is that no one thing of
it seems important enough that it must be done. Obviously the whole thing
adds up into a great big something, but there aren't any immediate deadlines
on any one thing. They don't need a book read to them today. He doesn't need
to go to the park by the end of the week. The "deadline" for parenting feels
like it's years in the future so nothing really *needs* done right now. But
there's (seemingly!) hundreds of other things that do have very real
deadlines.
So create a schedule and deadlines for being with him. Make sure he does get
x books read to him (or whatever *he* likes to do). Make sure he does gets x
hours hanging out together to explore freely with you, time that belongs to
him even if it doesn't feel like you're accomplishing anything. In terms of
relationship, it will be accomplishing something for him.
Joyce
> Maybe you should schedule him in at least the amount of time you wereOh, that's a good point!
> spending getting him to school and back, and get away from the house and work
> and do ANYTHING with him.
I think work and the things we "have" to do tend to expand to fill the time
available. And unless that time is scheduled specifically for something,
it's going to get eaten up by "have tos".
So make your son a "have to".
One of the problems with parenting (and unschooling) is that no one thing of
it seems important enough that it must be done. Obviously the whole thing
adds up into a great big something, but there aren't any immediate deadlines
on any one thing. They don't need a book read to them today. He doesn't need
to go to the park by the end of the week. The "deadline" for parenting feels
like it's years in the future so nothing really *needs* done right now. But
there's (seemingly!) hundreds of other things that do have very real
deadlines.
So create a schedule and deadlines for being with him. Make sure he does get
x books read to him (or whatever *he* likes to do). Make sure he does gets x
hours hanging out together to explore freely with you, time that belongs to
him even if it doesn't feel like you're accomplishing anything. In terms of
relationship, it will be accomplishing something for him.
Joyce
marji
Thanks very much to Sandra and Joyce for pointing this out to me. It's way
too easy for me to let work and other pressures intrude on what should be
our own time. Doing that simple thing will probably help us feel like we
are doing so much more together, and will also help me enjoy my life a
little more!
Thanks from Marji and Liam
From Sandra:
too easy for me to let work and other pressures intrude on what should be
our own time. Doing that simple thing will probably help us feel like we
are doing so much more together, and will also help me enjoy my life a
little more!
Thanks from Marji and Liam
From Sandra:
> > Maybe you should schedule him in at least the amount of time you were[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> > spending getting him to school and back, and get away from the house
> and work
> > and do ANYTHING with him.
> From Joyce:
>Oh, that's a good point!
>
>I think work and the things we "have" to do tend to expand to fill the time
>available. And unless that time is scheduled specifically for something,
>it's going to get eaten up by "have tos".
>
>So make your son a "have to".
marji
Hey, {{{{{{{{{Julie}}}}}}}}} (I *think* that's a 'cyberhug').
Once again I COMPLETELY relate to nearly everything you said. I didn't
mention earlier that I am also a musician and perform and rehearse
(hopefully) frequently. My son can be more present for that, though, but
he doesn't really care to be. I can remember a couple of years ago
performing at a benefit for a womens' and childrens' shelter on this huge
stage, and Liam was playing with toy on the stage that he would roll over
to me and I would stop with my foot and pass back to him while we were
performing. The other folks in the band didn't mind this at all (one of
them, in fact, was my husband), and they agreed that anytime Liam wanted to
be with us during a performance, we would be more than glad to have him be
there. But, again, I am not completely available to him during these
times. It's way better, though, than being completely unavailable!
I knew when he was born that it was important for Liam to see us, his
parents, pursuing our dreams and goals, even if they were not in sync with
societal norms.
Anyway, it is a big relief to read a message from someone else who is
struggling with the same stuff as me.
Warmly,
Marji
P.S. This unschooling group is the single biggest boon to me! Thanks to
everyone for your excellent questions and your excellent answers. I wish
we all lived close together so we could argue and discuss and have fun in
person! This is the kind of village I would LOVE to live in!
At 08:38 7/3/02 -0400, you wrote:
Once again I COMPLETELY relate to nearly everything you said. I didn't
mention earlier that I am also a musician and perform and rehearse
(hopefully) frequently. My son can be more present for that, though, but
he doesn't really care to be. I can remember a couple of years ago
performing at a benefit for a womens' and childrens' shelter on this huge
stage, and Liam was playing with toy on the stage that he would roll over
to me and I would stop with my foot and pass back to him while we were
performing. The other folks in the band didn't mind this at all (one of
them, in fact, was my husband), and they agreed that anytime Liam wanted to
be with us during a performance, we would be more than glad to have him be
there. But, again, I am not completely available to him during these
times. It's way better, though, than being completely unavailable!
I knew when he was born that it was important for Liam to see us, his
parents, pursuing our dreams and goals, even if they were not in sync with
societal norms.
Anyway, it is a big relief to read a message from someone else who is
struggling with the same stuff as me.
Warmly,
Marji
P.S. This unschooling group is the single biggest boon to me! Thanks to
everyone for your excellent questions and your excellent answers. I wish
we all lived close together so we could argue and discuss and have fun in
person! This is the kind of village I would LOVE to live in!
At 08:38 7/3/02 -0400, you wrote:
>hi marji![Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>this too is long!
>
>i can totally relate to your letter! thank you so much for
>sharing. maybe together, and with this group, we can work toward
>overcoming our guilt about this issue. after all, it's got to be better
>than school....but the problem is that i want to be the BEST mom possible
>at ALL times - not just the best mom possible inbetween jobs! right?
>
>i, too, am totally unavailable to my son when i am working. one of my
>jobs sounds very similar to yours in terms of intensity and intellectual
>involvement. i'm a freelance indexer - i write indexes for the back of
>books, usually for university presses, so they're very scholarly, and
>demand total concentration. i've been doing this for 12 years, and like
>you, used to do it in the early morning hours, and in spare moments while
>the kids happily played. but now that i'm a single mom, i need to do it
>whenever i can whenever i have the work....
>
>my other business at home is massage therapy. and of course, when i'm
>with a client, not only am i NOT with my kids, they must be in their
>(separate) rooms quiet as mice. not really a bad thing, except for the
>unavailability of the mom part.
>
>oh yeah, and then when i don't have a job, i really SHOULD be spending
>time marketing myself! argghhhh! and then...i'm also learning to teach
>yoga, something i've been practicing for over 10 years, and need to steal
>time for everyday.
>
>and i agree - it's great for them to be independent. i've always gotten
>many compliments about how creative and happily independent my kids are.
>
>but i still struggle with how much time i DON'T spend with them, and i
>also struggle with feeling guilty about ANY time that i take for myself,
>for yoga. i don't have much "down" time, except my yoga time, and some
>gardening...and sleep.
>
>and like you, we live as inexpensively as possible.
>
>and like you, my younger son WAS in school...during the transition from
>marriage to single, before i was able to work so much at home. and i saw
>how destructive it was to him. so i've traded the quiet space to work
>(along with the stress of rushing him to school and the intensely horrible
>stress of making sure that he did the required and usually totally inane
>homework assignments) for having my sweet boy home all day long with me
>often ignoring him.
>
>i literally couldn't HOMEschool. it's a good thing that UNschooling has
>always fitted into my philosophy. (i unschooled my older son till the
>middle of 6th grade when i left my ex.)
>
>and i, too, i my darker moments feel that i was a fool to think i could
>ever be a good mother at all, let alone a homeschooling mom.
>
>thanks for letting me vent and complain! and thank you so much for
>sharing your feelings. i'm sure that some of the other unschooling moms
>-even if they are home all day - feel that they don't DO enough, or that
>they aren't available enough, or that they must split their attention
>between so many other demands (or even several children).
>
>ultimately, i think we can only do the best that we can do in any given
>situation. and the lessons of patience and time management that i've
>learned thru all this have been invaluable. if kids are learning all the
>time, they are learning thru HOW gracefully and lovingly we handle our
>time limitations with them, too.
>
>looking forward to hearing more on this from you and others.
>
>julie
Sue
>All the best - I have been there too many times for my liking, and my kids
> BTW, I've heard I'm going to be given a "talking to" by my mil and fil
> about why I should enroll their grandchildren in private/parochila schools
> this weekend at a family get together. yikes!
> Susan (momentary de-lurk)
>
are still only little - one of the main reasons why we shifted to the other
side of Australia - so that comparisons would not be made between my son and
his two cousins the same age.
Sue
>
Beth Ali
I am tactless enough to have actually told people who said this to me that I thought they were the brave ones in sending their children off to school; and then when they gave me incredulous looks I would then rattle off all the negative things that their children are exposed to and bring home with them after school! I don't make too many friends this way, but maybe I open some eyes.
Beth
I have had so many people say "how brave I am to keep homeschool" and all I can think of is how brave (or stupid) they are to send them to school!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Beth
I have had so many people say "how brave I am to keep homeschool" and all I can think of is how brave (or stupid) they are to send them to school!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
julie means
hi lindsay,
yes, that's how i feel on my good days, and actually most of my days ARE good. i guess i feel frustrated sometimes when i read accounts of homeschooling parents who have the time everyday to really BE with their kids in a way that i can't. but yeah, answer questions and work at the same time...you wouldn't believe the number of things i can do at once!
i am the julie in western pennsylvania.
thanks!
yes, that's how i feel on my good days, and actually most of my days ARE good. i guess i feel frustrated sometimes when i read accounts of homeschooling parents who have the time everyday to really BE with their kids in a way that i can't. but yeah, answer questions and work at the same time...you wouldn't believe the number of things i can do at once!
i am the julie in western pennsylvania.
thanks!
----- Original Message -----
From: LLindsey
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, July 02, 2002 2:09 AM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] single mom with 2 home businesses
Julie... me too.. but in my optimistic manner i believe i can answer questions and give some direction even as i work work work.. at least it's all in one place. and often MY activities and business can include my son.. as learning experiences.. and even tho so far he tends toward the NO.. i wanna stay home and watch wrestling... he is getting more and more open to seeing life in general as learning....so i have faith it will be fine.... for BOTH of us
it would be nice to find more unschoolers close by, tho. .. to share special excursions..
(are you the julie in SA?... or north of?)
L
----- Original Message -----
From: julie means
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, July 02, 2002 6:53 PM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] single mom with 2 home businesses
i'm just wondering if there's anyone else out there who fears that they don't have the TIME to UNschool with their kids. i'm a single mom, trying to make two home businesses work. sometimes i feel i just don't have time to even read to my son; yet i'm still making the decision to pull him out of school because i feel that being home with an often too busy mom has got to be better than being told what to do and how to do it all day long in school.
thank goodness i don't feel the need to actually TEACH my son, but i still worry that i am not available enough for him. does anyone else struggle with this?
thanks,
julie
----- Original Message -----
From: Tia Leschke
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, July 02, 2002 12:55 PM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] thanks for a new reality
>
>
>Schools consciously try to separate kids from parents. If the separation
>begins at birth, it's easier for the schools to do their job.
Not just the schools. It seems to be all of society. I took Lars for some
speech therapy when he was 3. I kept trying to tell them that he would
*not* speak to them at all if he was alone with them. I was just the
over-protective mother. I've seen this attitude in all kinds of medical
situations. (They did finally let me come in with him, but I'm sure they
believed he would be fine on his own.)
Tia
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Eleanor Roosevelt
*********************************************
Tia Leschke
leschke@...
On Vancouver Island
If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email the Moderator, Joyce Fetteroll, at fetteroll@...
To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
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Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email the Moderator, Joyce Fetteroll, at fetteroll@...
To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email the Moderator, Joyce Fetteroll, at fetteroll@...
To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
julie means
hi marji,
you said,
"I knew when he was born that it was important for Liam to see us, his parents, pursuing our dreams and goals, even if they were not in sync with societal norms."
can i ever relate to that!!! and on my good days (which are many!), i know that my working at home, especially pursuing work that is meaningful to me, is part of showing my children how i pursue my dreams and goals. and yeah, we have never been in synch with societal norms! not even when we try!
where do you live? i have family in upstate ny.
julie
you said,
"I knew when he was born that it was important for Liam to see us, his parents, pursuing our dreams and goals, even if they were not in sync with societal norms."
can i ever relate to that!!! and on my good days (which are many!), i know that my working at home, especially pursuing work that is meaningful to me, is part of showing my children how i pursue my dreams and goals. and yeah, we have never been in synch with societal norms! not even when we try!
where do you live? i have family in upstate ny.
julie
----- Original Message -----
From: marji
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, July 03, 2002 6:55 PM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] single mom with 2 home businesses
Hey, {{{{{{{{{Julie}}}}}}}}} (I *think* that's a 'cyberhug').
Once again I COMPLETELY relate to nearly everything you said. I didn't
mention earlier that I am also a musician and perform and rehearse
(hopefully) frequently. My son can be more present for that, though, but
he doesn't really care to be. I can remember a couple of years ago
performing at a benefit for a womens' and childrens' shelter on this huge
stage, and Liam was playing with toy on the stage that he would roll over
to me and I would stop with my foot and pass back to him while we were
performing. The other folks in the band didn't mind this at all (one of
them, in fact, was my husband), and they agreed that anytime Liam wanted to
be with us during a performance, we would be more than glad to have him be
there. But, again, I am not completely available to him during these
times. It's way better, though, than being completely unavailable!
I knew when he was born that it was important for Liam to see us, his
parents, pursuing our dreams and goals, even if they were not in sync with
societal norms.
Anyway, it is a big relief to read a message from someone else who is
struggling with the same stuff as me.
Warmly,
Marji
P.S. This unschooling group is the single biggest boon to me! Thanks to
everyone for your excellent questions and your excellent answers. I wish
we all lived close together so we could argue and discuss and have fun in
person! This is the kind of village I would LOVE to live in!
At 08:38 7/3/02 -0400, you wrote:
>hi marji!
>
>this too is long!
>
>i can totally relate to your letter! thank you so much for
>sharing. maybe together, and with this group, we can work toward
>overcoming our guilt about this issue. after all, it's got to be better
>than school....but the problem is that i want to be the BEST mom possible
>at ALL times - not just the best mom possible inbetween jobs! right?
>
>i, too, am totally unavailable to my son when i am working. one of my
>jobs sounds very similar to yours in terms of intensity and intellectual
>involvement. i'm a freelance indexer - i write indexes for the back of
>books, usually for university presses, so they're very scholarly, and
>demand total concentration. i've been doing this for 12 years, and like
>you, used to do it in the early morning hours, and in spare moments while
>the kids happily played. but now that i'm a single mom, i need to do it
>whenever i can whenever i have the work....
>
>my other business at home is massage therapy. and of course, when i'm
>with a client, not only am i NOT with my kids, they must be in their
>(separate) rooms quiet as mice. not really a bad thing, except for the
>unavailability of the mom part.
>
>oh yeah, and then when i don't have a job, i really SHOULD be spending
>time marketing myself! argghhhh! and then...i'm also learning to teach
>yoga, something i've been practicing for over 10 years, and need to steal
>time for everyday.
>
>and i agree - it's great for them to be independent. i've always gotten
>many compliments about how creative and happily independent my kids are.
>
>but i still struggle with how much time i DON'T spend with them, and i
>also struggle with feeling guilty about ANY time that i take for myself,
>for yoga. i don't have much "down" time, except my yoga time, and some
>gardening...and sleep.
>
>and like you, we live as inexpensively as possible.
>
>and like you, my younger son WAS in school...during the transition from
>marriage to single, before i was able to work so much at home. and i saw
>how destructive it was to him. so i've traded the quiet space to work
>(along with the stress of rushing him to school and the intensely horrible
>stress of making sure that he did the required and usually totally inane
>homework assignments) for having my sweet boy home all day long with me
>often ignoring him.
>
>i literally couldn't HOMEschool. it's a good thing that UNschooling has
>always fitted into my philosophy. (i unschooled my older son till the
>middle of 6th grade when i left my ex.)
>
>and i, too, i my darker moments feel that i was a fool to think i could
>ever be a good mother at all, let alone a homeschooling mom.
>
>thanks for letting me vent and complain! and thank you so much for
>sharing your feelings. i'm sure that some of the other unschooling moms
>-even if they are home all day - feel that they don't DO enough, or that
>they aren't available enough, or that they must split their attention
>between so many other demands (or even several children).
>
>ultimately, i think we can only do the best that we can do in any given
>situation. and the lessons of patience and time management that i've
>learned thru all this have been invaluable. if kids are learning all the
>time, they are learning thru HOW gracefully and lovingly we handle our
>time limitations with them, too.
>
>looking forward to hearing more on this from you and others.
>
>julie
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[email protected]
i know.. like i just read in the newsletter .. the woman with the hot chocolate in the middle of the night and taking the kids all around all the time.. .. thank goodness i have my mom to help.. she's realy obsessive compulsive about her pedagogue-ical leanings.. and my oldest learned ALL about texas history, castles, farms, zoo animals, etc etc from his saturday excursions with her.. luckily school has not totally knocked all this information out of him.. nor his love of learning.. now with the other one homeschooling, she can spend more time with him.. the younger one.. he needs it.. and he'll love it.. and she will if she can get him to stop talking about wrestling! lolollll
Linda LL
Linda LL
----- Original Message -----
From: julie means
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, July 03, 2002 7:22 PM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] single mom with 2 home businesses
hi lindsay,
yes, that's how i feel on my good days, and actually most of my days ARE good. i guess i feel frustrated sometimes when i read accounts of homeschooling parents who have the time everyday to really BE with their kids in a way that i can't. but yeah, answer questions and work at the same time...you wouldn't believe the number of things i can do at once!
i am the julie in western pennsylvania.
thanks!
----- Original Message -----
From: LLindsey
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, July 02, 2002 2:09 AM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] single mom with 2 home businesses
Julie... me too.. but in my optimistic manner i believe i can answer questions and give some direction even as i work work work.. at least it's all in one place. and often MY activities and business can include my son.. as learning experiences.. and even tho so far he tends toward the NO.. i wanna stay home and watch wrestling... he is getting more and more open to seeing life in general as learning....so i have faith it will be fine.... for BOTH of us
it would be nice to find more unschoolers close by, tho. .. to share special excursions..
(are you the julie in SA?... or north of?)
L
----- Original Message -----
From: julie means
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, July 02, 2002 6:53 PM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] single mom with 2 home businesses
i'm just wondering if there's anyone else out there who fears that they don't have the TIME to UNschool with their kids. i'm a single mom, trying to make two home businesses work. sometimes i feel i just don't have time to even read to my son; yet i'm still making the decision to pull him out of school because i feel that being home with an often too busy mom has got to be better than being told what to do and how to do it all day long in school.
thank goodness i don't feel the need to actually TEACH my son, but i still worry that i am not available enough for him. does anyone else struggle with this?
thanks,
julie
----- Original Message -----
From: Tia Leschke
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, July 02, 2002 12:55 PM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] thanks for a new reality
>
>
>Schools consciously try to separate kids from parents. If the separation
>begins at birth, it's easier for the schools to do their job.
Not just the schools. It seems to be all of society. I took Lars for some
speech therapy when he was 3. I kept trying to tell them that he would
*not* speak to them at all if he was alone with them. I was just the
over-protective mother. I've seen this attitude in all kinds of medical
situations. (They did finally let me come in with him, but I'm sure they
believed he would be fine on his own.)
Tia
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Eleanor Roosevelt
*********************************************
Tia Leschke
leschke@...
On Vancouver Island
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Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
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In a message dated 7/3/02 8:42:14 PM, llindsey@... writes:
<< now with the other one homeschooling, she can spend more time with him..
the younger one.. he needs it.. and he'll love it.. and she will if she can
get him to stop talking about wrestling! lolollll >>
If she will get interested in wrestling, he'll feel better about his interest
and she'll discover some really cool things she knows.
I hope she doesn't shame him about the thing he most is enthusiastic about,
because all entrances lead to the whole universe.
Sandra
<< now with the other one homeschooling, she can spend more time with him..
the younger one.. he needs it.. and he'll love it.. and she will if she can
get him to stop talking about wrestling! lolollll >>
If she will get interested in wrestling, he'll feel better about his interest
and she'll discover some really cool things she knows.
I hope she doesn't shame him about the thing he most is enthusiastic about,
because all entrances lead to the whole universe.
Sandra