Annette Naake

Patti, I wish I had answers for you. I do feel like I know exactly what
you're going through. Today I had to take my two boys, 5 and 9, home from
the pool early because they wouldn't stop fighting, chasing and teasing each
other. It was that same kind of thing: "He LOOKED at me!" "He TOUCHED me!"
followed by glass-splintering screams from the younger guy. The other
parents at the pool were politely ignoring them, or being sympathetic, but
the other kids were starting to shoot us some annoyed looks. I was feeling
like a bad mom and a bad pool member!

Anyway, though I don't have any answers to this situation, I'll be looking
at the discussion with great interest to see if anyone else does.

One thing I have heard is that sibling rivalry is really a way that kids
compete for our attention. So therefore time alone with each child on a
regular basis should help. I try to do that. I don't know how much good it
does, other than it's good to get them apart for a while, LOL.

Also, I think the fighting around here was particularly bad today because
both boys were very tired. They'd both had sleepovers last night and stayed
up very late. I find that when they're tired or hungry, the fighting is a
lot worse.

Just my two cents. Good luck.

Annette

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Patti

Annette Naake wrote:

> One thing I have heard is that sibling rivalry is really a way that
> kids
> compete for our attention.

I think it can be, but my kids know full well that there are better ways
to get my attention if they want it right then and there. I've said to
both of them, together and alone, that any time they want my attention
and don't have it they just need to ask me. I also *offer* my full
attention quite often- as in "I'll be done with this in a minute...would
you like to read a book/play a game with me?" or "I'm about to bake
cookies would you like to help?" etc etc. The answer is "no thanks" as
often as it is "yes," so I don't think it's my plain old attention that
they're craving so much - they seem to be more interested in the type
of attention where I'm "on their side" at the expense of their sibling.
Not that I take sides- I try very hard to see both sides, but they each
try just as hard to get me to take theirs.
I'm also afraid there might be a little bit of an adrenaline addiction
going on.

> Also, I think the fighting around here was particularly bad today
> because
> both boys were very tired. They'd both had sleepovers last night and
> stayed
> up very late. I find that when they're tired or hungry, the fighting
> is a
> lot worse.

Yes. Our worst days are when the factors all combine... sleep
deprivation (I dread those days following unusually late nights), too
much crappy food, especially with food dye, and the worst of all-
isolation. They don't usually have a problem with each other when
they're in the midst of other children or playing in the neigborhood-
but those times are an exception in our often lonely unschooling life.

Summers are much better, as their friends aren't in school all day, and
we do more with other people and spend lots of time at the beach.
So hopefully things will be looking up soon- at least temporarily.

Patti



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