Re: add
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/31/02 2:36:44 PM Eastern Daylight Time, PSoroosh@...
writes:
Ang
SAHM to
Megan Elizabeth 8/8/92 8lbs 8oz
Ashlyn Olivia 7/25/99 9lbs 8oz
Christian James 6/09/01 9lbs 5oz
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|w|w|
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writes:
> . Lots of the traits listed for ADD are commonthat makes more sense :)
> traits in all kids - the ADD lable just means that these traits are so
> persistent and intense that they always interfere with their functioning in
>
> at least a couple of different environments.
>
> But -- the label itself is not going to be relevant at all unless a kid is
> in
> school and needs special services there.
>
> --pam
>
>
>
Ang
SAHM to
Megan Elizabeth 8/8/92 8lbs 8oz
Ashlyn Olivia 7/25/99 9lbs 8oz
Christian James 6/09/01 9lbs 5oz
*NEW* <A HREF="http://www.geocities.com/megamom08/hometour.html">Ang's Virtual Home Tour</A>
<A HREF="http://www.twgallery.8m.com/MEGAMOM08.html">Meet MEGAMOM08</A>
<A HREF="http://hometown.aol.com/megamom08/christian.html">Christian's Birth Story</A>
<A HREF="http://hometown.aol.com/megamom08/mygirlspage.html">My Girls page</A>
|w|w|
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/31/2002 9:25:03 AM Pacific Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:
to something else smoothly, etc. You can, for example, ask very directly
sometimes, "Is this worth us spending our time arguing about or do you think
it would be better to get going and go get our ice cream now?" <BEG>
Or sometimes you can STOP arguing by making nonargumentative comments,
without really conceding: "You know - you do make a good point." Then just
move on.
Anyway - I'm sure you've experimented with a lot of things -- but if you're
still ending up tense and exasperated (as opposed to having perspective
enough even at the time to grin and think, to yourself, "whew - one
persistent kid") then maybe people here can brainstorm a lot of different
ways to handle a very argumentative kids (my middle daughter has been known
to be like that, too, during different stages in her life).
Also - like you said, she may be wanting your focussed attention more than
anything else. Arguing is really GOOD for getting that. Some kids don't seem
to ever be able to get enough - that can be SO hard on moms and sometimes you
have to be okay with knowing that you ARE giving a reasonable amount of
direct attention - even if the child doesn't seem to think she's getting
enough.
Also - arguing is GOOD for developing thinking ability. I once asked David
Colfax how he'd describe what their kids' learning was like - or some other
lame question <G> - and he said that it was at dinner-table arguments that
the kids really learned to think. But you have to get her to argue bigger
more significant principles - not little petty trivial stuff that drives you
nuts. So - maybe start asking her - "What do you think about .......?" Ask
things that might seem beyond her years -- let her take a stand that you
don't agree with. Don't just beat her at arguing either - give her a lot of
respect for coming up with good arguments even if you don't agree with them.
Why don't you keep track, for a day or two, about what things she's
argumentative about? Tell us and we'll help you think of alternatives ways to
handle it.
--pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected] writes:
> OneYou can learn to keep your cool, not get exasperated, be able to move her on
> example is her constant need to argue, talk back, and not let things go.
> She
> is very persistent, and I can be very impatient. I don't want to stifle a
> trait that could be an asset in adulthood under the proper circumstances.
> She
> would make a great lawyer. But it makes for a very tense situation when she
>
> would rather argue something into the ground and become belligerent and
> disrespectful over something trivial to me. So I guess I can learn to argue
>
> with her(not against her) in a productive way, and try to model to her the
> respectful way to do so.
to something else smoothly, etc. You can, for example, ask very directly
sometimes, "Is this worth us spending our time arguing about or do you think
it would be better to get going and go get our ice cream now?" <BEG>
Or sometimes you can STOP arguing by making nonargumentative comments,
without really conceding: "You know - you do make a good point." Then just
move on.
Anyway - I'm sure you've experimented with a lot of things -- but if you're
still ending up tense and exasperated (as opposed to having perspective
enough even at the time to grin and think, to yourself, "whew - one
persistent kid") then maybe people here can brainstorm a lot of different
ways to handle a very argumentative kids (my middle daughter has been known
to be like that, too, during different stages in her life).
Also - like you said, she may be wanting your focussed attention more than
anything else. Arguing is really GOOD for getting that. Some kids don't seem
to ever be able to get enough - that can be SO hard on moms and sometimes you
have to be okay with knowing that you ARE giving a reasonable amount of
direct attention - even if the child doesn't seem to think she's getting
enough.
Also - arguing is GOOD for developing thinking ability. I once asked David
Colfax how he'd describe what their kids' learning was like - or some other
lame question <G> - and he said that it was at dinner-table arguments that
the kids really learned to think. But you have to get her to argue bigger
more significant principles - not little petty trivial stuff that drives you
nuts. So - maybe start asking her - "What do you think about .......?" Ask
things that might seem beyond her years -- let her take a stand that you
don't agree with. Don't just beat her at arguing either - give her a lot of
respect for coming up with good arguments even if you don't agree with them.
Why don't you keep track, for a day or two, about what things she's
argumentative about? Tell us and we'll help you think of alternatives ways to
handle it.
--pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/31/2002 9:25:03 AM Pacific Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:
own.
I'm not accusing you of this, Ang, but I do know someone who is CONVINCED
that her youngest child is ADHD -- SHE got a diagnosis from the pediatrician
- but it is based on HER own reports about her child's behavior.
This mom is VERY "mild" -- she's reserved and introverted and is exhausted by
doing even one little activity outside the house in a day. Her husband is the
same way. She has another child like that too. But one of her kids seems to
HER to have all those ADD symptoms. In MY family this child would be seen as
quiet, calm, passive, and not very social. In THEIR family - she is seen as
explosive and wild and wanting to be with her friends "all the time."
A bad fit is hard - and it is parents who have the responsibility to let the
kids live the way they need to in order to be happy. Within reason, of
course.
--pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected] writes:
> but I admit it's be difficult for me in the past becauseI think many of us have kids whose personalities don't "fit" well with our
> our personalities are not a good fit. Definately something I will continue
> to
> work on.
own.
I'm not accusing you of this, Ang, but I do know someone who is CONVINCED
that her youngest child is ADHD -- SHE got a diagnosis from the pediatrician
- but it is based on HER own reports about her child's behavior.
This mom is VERY "mild" -- she's reserved and introverted and is exhausted by
doing even one little activity outside the house in a day. Her husband is the
same way. She has another child like that too. But one of her kids seems to
HER to have all those ADD symptoms. In MY family this child would be seen as
quiet, calm, passive, and not very social. In THEIR family - she is seen as
explosive and wild and wanting to be with her friends "all the time."
A bad fit is hard - and it is parents who have the responsibility to let the
kids live the way they need to in order to be happy. Within reason, of
course.
--pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/31/2002 1:58:32 PM Pacific Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:
kid "can't help it" because he/she has ADD.
It shouldn't matter to a parent, of course, but - you know - maybe that's
wishful thinking.
--pamS
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected] writes:
> IF the choice is between labling a child "bad" or "ADD", THEN I can seeIt well might make a TEACHER be nicer to a kid if the teacher thinks that the
> the ADD label being an advantage.
>
> I realize this is a simplistic point and the discussion has been a lot
> more subtle and complicated than this. However, in the past, in
> settings that tended to be punitive or controlling, I can see how the
> label could have helped a child.
kid "can't help it" because he/she has ADD.
It shouldn't matter to a parent, of course, but - you know - maybe that's
wishful thinking.
--pamS
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]