[email protected]

In a message dated 5/29/02 8:41:55 AM Central Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:

<< . I guess
part of my hesitation with the strewing thing is the effect of family
"peer pressure". How can you be sure they are not just doing what
they think you want or trying to please you? >>

How on Earth is any "pressure" involved by making items available?
It sounds like this is arguing just for the sake of arguing...not to actually
understand anything.

Ren

rumpleteasermom

--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., starsuncloud@c... wrote:

>
> How on Earth is any "pressure" involved by making items available?
> It sounds like this is arguing just for the sake of arguing...not to
actually
> understand anything.
>
> Ren

Have you never loved someone enough to want to please them? Some
children get the want to please part before they get the it's okay not
to do what mommy is suggesting as an option part.

Bridget

Fetteroll

on 5/29/02 10:42 AM, rumpleteasermom at rumpleteasermom@... wrote:

> Have you never loved someone enough to want to please them? Some
> children get the want to please part before they get the it's okay not
> to do what mommy is suggesting as an option part.

This is getting into arguing hypotheticals. We can "what if" these types of
situations to death. But what we can't do is explore the *whys* of the
situation:

Why is this child a people pleaser? What's his home life like? Are his
parents verging on divorce and he's trying to make everyone happy? Is he
just imagining this based on something he overheard?

No matter how reasonable a hypothetical situation sounds, it's foundation
isn't real people with real motives based in real situations.

Now, if someone has a real child who is a people pleaser and you're worried
that he is following interests to satisify your needs instead of his own,
then please speak up and we can offer real discussion and real ideas.

I suspect you're trying to get people to give advice to cover all
permutations of the situation. But it can't. All we can say indirectly by
discussing why we do things and why they work is "Here's what works for us
and it's up to you to learn to listen to your children."

Joyce

rumpleteasermom

--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., Fetteroll <fetteroll@e...> wrote:

>
> Now, if someone has a real child who is a people pleaser and you're
worried
> that he is following interests to satisify your needs instead of his
own,
> then please speak up and we can offer real discussion and real
ideas.
>
> I suspect you're trying to get people to give advice to cover all
> permutations of the situation. But it can't. All we can say
indirectly by
> discussing why we do things and why they work is "Here's what works
for us
> and it's up to you to learn to listen to your children."
>
> Joyce

Nope, I'm just pondering things based on my previous experience.
We've talked about the fact that I had one of those kids before. The
situation is handled now and she is quite capable of saying nah, I
don't wanna . . . but there was a time when she went along with
whatever just to be agreeable. It had nothing to do with family life
being disrupted, or emotional trauma, it was a just a quirk of her
personality. It took her longer to get that she didn't have to be
interested in everything placed in front of her.

And what I have said is exactly this "Here's what works for us and
it's up to you to learn to listen to your children." I said too much
strewing was not a good thing for US. I did not say others should
avoid strewing altogether, although there are some who seem to be
trying to put those words in my mouth.

Bridget

[email protected]

In a message dated 5/29/02 8:42:05 AM, rumpleteasermom@... writes:

<< Have you never loved someone enough to want to please them?>>

Of course we all have.

<<Some children get the want to please part before they get the it's okay not
to do what mommy is suggesting as an option part.>>

If the mom is clear that the child can pass or play, this isn't a problem.

Tia Leschke

>
>Nope, I'm just pondering things based on my previous experience.
>We've talked about the fact that I had one of those kids before. The
>situation is handled now and she is quite capable of saying nah, I
>don't wanna . . . but there was a time when she went along with
>whatever just to be agreeable. It had nothing to do with family life
>being disrupted, or emotional trauma, it was a just a quirk of her
>personality. It took her longer to get that she didn't have to be
>interested in everything placed in front of her.

Sounds to me like a kid who especially needed strewing, of the kind that
just appears in her life without being handed to her by a parent. If it's
just there, among many other things, she's not likely to pick it up and
think it's something you want her to do. Other kids might not pick up
interesting things in their path and might need to have it handed to them
and be told it's something they *might* want to try.
Tia

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Eleanor Roosevelt
*********************************************
Tia Leschke
leschke@...
On Vancouver Island