Re: Re:nurturing
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/11/1999 7:45:28 AM Pacific Daylight Time,
fuerst@... writes:
<< Do you mean husband and wife take turns nurturing each other?
I tossed this question in here because SO many evenings I feel like I NEED
some nurturing. And my dh feels this same need....and wants me to nurture
him! I sometimes feel drained.....like if I give one more thing before I
receive some nurturing, then I may just BURST :-)
Anyway, I suppose taking turns might work- thank you for the
suggestion, I hadn't though to try that >>
Since thinking about it, this is how I think it works for us in our home. I
suppose we take turns, but in a much broader sense. Instead I nuture you
today, it will be my turn tomorrow, we probably go in spells of months at
a time. For instance after a new baby is born, dh gets very little nuturing
from me for several months. This is his period of nuturing me. Gradually
as babe gets bigger I return the favor. When his work schedule gets crazy
and he really needs me to be all and do all becuase he is working so much,
I go out of my way to make sure that when he is at home he has as little
to worry about as possible and just in general try to be very supportive.
Now I am not saying if during my nuturing period he needs me or vice
versa that we aren't there for each other, we definitely are. Right now
we are in a period of mutual nuturance (is that a word <g>
Kathy
fuerst@... writes:
<< Do you mean husband and wife take turns nurturing each other?
I tossed this question in here because SO many evenings I feel like I NEED
some nurturing. And my dh feels this same need....and wants me to nurture
him! I sometimes feel drained.....like if I give one more thing before I
receive some nurturing, then I may just BURST :-)
Anyway, I suppose taking turns might work- thank you for the
suggestion, I hadn't though to try that >>
Since thinking about it, this is how I think it works for us in our home. I
suppose we take turns, but in a much broader sense. Instead I nuture you
today, it will be my turn tomorrow, we probably go in spells of months at
a time. For instance after a new baby is born, dh gets very little nuturing
from me for several months. This is his period of nuturing me. Gradually
as babe gets bigger I return the favor. When his work schedule gets crazy
and he really needs me to be all and do all becuase he is working so much,
I go out of my way to make sure that when he is at home he has as little
to worry about as possible and just in general try to be very supportive.
Now I am not saying if during my nuturing period he needs me or vice
versa that we aren't there for each other, we definitely are. Right now
we are in a period of mutual nuturance (is that a word <g>
Kathy
Jeff & Diane Gwirtz
> To try and make a long story short.....I have really had to struggleOh man, can I identify with this. When my second was born, he was
> with healing while trying to manage our home and family (three youngsters).
> Finding ways to get my healing/nurturing needs met and trying to be
> there for my husband to nurture him .... and the children. WHEW!!!
>
sick and in the hospital for 10 days. About 2 weeks after he came
home, I was hospitalized and ended up having my gall bladder removed
the old fashioned way. (I've read that this is the most common dual
hospitalization - pregnancy followed by gall bladder surgery).
Dh helped as much as he could, but he had
used his vacation when ds was sick and in the hospital. My older
child was in Kindergarten and really was helpful, but I felt like
she was being ignored. I ended up having wonderful friends that
helped by having her over to play, etc. Also, we flew my mil out
for two weeks to help with the baby. It was an unbelievable time,
but a lot of good came out of it. Mil and ds bonded like they never
would have had she been 500 miles away. They're close to this day,
even now that he's 13 and she's 800 miles away. Also, we really
learned to prioritize. It's so easy when things are running smoothly
to let the details get in the way. I believe that stressful times
like this help me realize what's really important. I know that
doesn't help you much right now. Just, do what you have to and everything
else will fall into place. Don't be too proud to accept help!
Diane from KS
jagwirtz@...
Joseph A. & Susan D. Fuerst
Kathy,
How nice to be at a point where you can mutually nurture each other!!
I think I understand what you mean, but we've been SO 'off track' - or
maybe on a differnt track - than that for such a long time. For us, the
past two years have been so challenging for ME. During my pregnancy with my
third child, I was really struggling with some work issues and feeling
physically extremely exhausted all the time. We finally decided I needed to
put my part time career behind me for awhile and I'd be SAHM. Well,
quitting was quite and adjustment for me...I had loved my job. When the
baby arrived.....things were rough. She was jauncide for a month and a poor
latcher/nurser ...so no sleep for mom. We struggled for several months. I
tried to begin exercising, but it was literally painful to even walk. I
finally decided to see the doctor and made an appt. The day of the appt, I
noticed while getting ready, that my eyeballs were yellow!! And my urine
discolored. The only people I had ever seen jaundiced were hospice patients
with liver failure. The Dr. suspected hepatitis C, took blood work, and
requested an ultrasound to check gall bladder. I never made it until the
ultrasound test.....the day after seeing the doctor I awakened in the night
with extreme pain and vomiting. Turns out I had acute pancreatitis due to
gallstones in the bile duct.
To try and make a long story short.....I have really had to struggle
with healing while trying to manage our home and family (three youngsters).
Finding ways to get my healing/nurturing needs met and trying to be
there for my husband to nurture him .... and the children. WHEW!!!
I know this will all pass....it's just occasionally overwhelmimg!!
I appreciate everyone's insights on how nurturing the parents works in your
home.
Suz
-----
How nice to be at a point where you can mutually nurture each other!!
I think I understand what you mean, but we've been SO 'off track' - or
maybe on a differnt track - than that for such a long time. For us, the
past two years have been so challenging for ME. During my pregnancy with my
third child, I was really struggling with some work issues and feeling
physically extremely exhausted all the time. We finally decided I needed to
put my part time career behind me for awhile and I'd be SAHM. Well,
quitting was quite and adjustment for me...I had loved my job. When the
baby arrived.....things were rough. She was jauncide for a month and a poor
latcher/nurser ...so no sleep for mom. We struggled for several months. I
tried to begin exercising, but it was literally painful to even walk. I
finally decided to see the doctor and made an appt. The day of the appt, I
noticed while getting ready, that my eyeballs were yellow!! And my urine
discolored. The only people I had ever seen jaundiced were hospice patients
with liver failure. The Dr. suspected hepatitis C, took blood work, and
requested an ultrasound to check gall bladder. I never made it until the
ultrasound test.....the day after seeing the doctor I awakened in the night
with extreme pain and vomiting. Turns out I had acute pancreatitis due to
gallstones in the bile duct.
To try and make a long story short.....I have really had to struggle
with healing while trying to manage our home and family (three youngsters).
Finding ways to get my healing/nurturing needs met and trying to be
there for my husband to nurture him .... and the children. WHEW!!!
I know this will all pass....it's just occasionally overwhelmimg!!
I appreciate everyone's insights on how nurturing the parents works in your
home.
Suz
-----
>nuturing
>Since thinking about it, this is how I think it works for us in our home. I
>suppose we take turns, but in a much broader sense. Instead I nuture you
>today, it will be my turn tomorrow, we probably go in spells of months at
>a time. For instance after a new baby is born, dh gets very little
>from me for several months. This is his period of nuturing me. Gradually
>as babe gets bigger I return the favor. When his work schedule gets crazy
>and he really needs me to be all and do all becuase he is working so much,
>I go out of my way to make sure that when he is at home he has as little
>to worry about as possible and just in general try to be very supportive.
>Now I am not saying if during my nuturing period he needs me or vice
>versa that we aren't there for each other, we definitely are. Right now
>we are in a period of mutual nuturance (is that a word <g>
>
>Kathy
>
>>Check it out!
>http://www.unschooling.com
>
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/13/99 12:03:28 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
fuerst@... writes:
<< I know this will all pass....it's just occasionally overwhelmimg!!
I appreciate everyone's insights on how nurturing the parents works in your
home.
Suz >>
I think it's hard when kids are young. You're both tired much of the
time. Mainly do some little things for yourself and each other. I am able to
do more for myself and dh now that most of my kids are older. I don't know
about anyone elsa but my kids will take as much of my time as I will let
them. I have had to set limits, I have grown kids, teens, and pre-teens. They
each want something different. I am only one person, sometimes I just say no.
Then they think I'm selfish although they don't always voice it that way. I'm
mom and I should be willing to give 100%, 24/7. If you try you will burnout.
Hold some back for yourself and dh. It's the best gift you could give your
family.
Also It's easier to start when they are young, change is hard.
Laura
fuerst@... writes:
<< I know this will all pass....it's just occasionally overwhelmimg!!
I appreciate everyone's insights on how nurturing the parents works in your
home.
Suz >>
I think it's hard when kids are young. You're both tired much of the
time. Mainly do some little things for yourself and each other. I am able to
do more for myself and dh now that most of my kids are older. I don't know
about anyone elsa but my kids will take as much of my time as I will let
them. I have had to set limits, I have grown kids, teens, and pre-teens. They
each want something different. I am only one person, sometimes I just say no.
Then they think I'm selfish although they don't always voice it that way. I'm
mom and I should be willing to give 100%, 24/7. If you try you will burnout.
Hold some back for yourself and dh. It's the best gift you could give your
family.
Also It's easier to start when they are young, change is hard.
Laura
[email protected]
suz,
maybe you seeing it written all out again will re-validate for you that you
are indeed under a lot!!!! whew! just reading it made me feel for you. i
just want you to know that it is indeed a load you have going right now-- as
if you didnt know! ha!
anyway, how about support from outside the family? i know noone likes to ask
for help much but most of us would want to help someone if they were
overloaded (if we could!) i am part of a hs support group that has a service
component where needs are put out on the email to the group. in order for
this to work well (we have found) the needs listed should be as specific as
possible and include different levels of doing so that anyone who wants to do
something can. because it goes out to the group (about 35 families) people
can respond on as-can basis without being put on the spot. our person in
charge of putting out the emails for this is the one who is told of the need,
and she then contacts the family and gives them ideas about things that might
help them. then she lists them on the email for others if they can.
i am sure there are others who would love to encourage you in some way if you
can think of how! i hope your health prognosis is good now that you are
beginning to heal? nurturing by others is not the same as by your fam, but
sometimes it can lighten your burden and uplift your heart for a bit!
erin
maybe you seeing it written all out again will re-validate for you that you
are indeed under a lot!!!! whew! just reading it made me feel for you. i
just want you to know that it is indeed a load you have going right now-- as
if you didnt know! ha!
anyway, how about support from outside the family? i know noone likes to ask
for help much but most of us would want to help someone if they were
overloaded (if we could!) i am part of a hs support group that has a service
component where needs are put out on the email to the group. in order for
this to work well (we have found) the needs listed should be as specific as
possible and include different levels of doing so that anyone who wants to do
something can. because it goes out to the group (about 35 families) people
can respond on as-can basis without being put on the spot. our person in
charge of putting out the emails for this is the one who is told of the need,
and she then contacts the family and gives them ideas about things that might
help them. then she lists them on the email for others if they can.
i am sure there are others who would love to encourage you in some way if you
can think of how! i hope your health prognosis is good now that you are
beginning to heal? nurturing by others is not the same as by your fam, but
sometimes it can lighten your burden and uplift your heart for a bit!
erin
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/13/1999 9:03:28 AM Pacific Daylight Time,
fuerst@... writes:
<< To try and make a long story short.....I have really had to struggle
with healing while trying to manage our home and family (three youngsters).
Finding ways to get my healing/nurturing needs met and trying to be
there for my husband to nurture him .... and the children. WHEW!!!
I know this will all pass....it's just occasionally overwhelmimg!!
I appreciate everyone's insights on how nurturing the parents works in your
home. >>
Whew! You poor thing! Its hard enough with little ones (I had 3 in 4 1/2
yrs),
let alone health problems, which I never had to experience. Some of the other
posters had good suggestions about outside family and friend help. I would
also suggest getting a mothers helper, maybe a teenager in your neighborhood
or homeschool group who could come over and help around the house, or
to play with the kids while you take a quiet break.
Sometimes just the littlest things can make a difference
in relationships. When I talk about nuturing, it may be something just as
simple as a stroke of a hand, or an unexpected kiss or a quick hug. When
I do this for my husband, it lets him know that he isn't last on my list, that
I still love him, but that frankly he's a big boy and has to take care of
himself <g>. These are the things
that keep our marriage going and keep us from disintegrating some days!
Hope you are feeling better!
Kathy
fuerst@... writes:
<< To try and make a long story short.....I have really had to struggle
with healing while trying to manage our home and family (three youngsters).
Finding ways to get my healing/nurturing needs met and trying to be
there for my husband to nurture him .... and the children. WHEW!!!
I know this will all pass....it's just occasionally overwhelmimg!!
I appreciate everyone's insights on how nurturing the parents works in your
home. >>
Whew! You poor thing! Its hard enough with little ones (I had 3 in 4 1/2
yrs),
let alone health problems, which I never had to experience. Some of the other
posters had good suggestions about outside family and friend help. I would
also suggest getting a mothers helper, maybe a teenager in your neighborhood
or homeschool group who could come over and help around the house, or
to play with the kids while you take a quiet break.
Sometimes just the littlest things can make a difference
in relationships. When I talk about nuturing, it may be something just as
simple as a stroke of a hand, or an unexpected kiss or a quick hug. When
I do this for my husband, it lets him know that he isn't last on my list, that
I still love him, but that frankly he's a big boy and has to take care of
himself <g>. These are the things
that keep our marriage going and keep us from disintegrating some days!
Hope you are feeling better!
Kathy