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Sorry about that last post!

My MIL has always known that I planned to hs my children. When I didn't send
them to preschool she was upset, but blew it off with comments like "Well in
a few years you will see! You will get tired of doing nothing all day and
having them underfoot all the time..." When Moly turned 5 and didn't go she
said I would learn... When Moly turned 7 and it was time to "legally" declare
our intent she almost died. Last fall when Jack went off to kindergarten I
thought she was going to throw a party! When I explained that this was just
for this year and things would go back to normal after this, she said what I
do to the kids certainly isn't normal and I would change my mind by this time
and next fall both kids would be in school where they belong. I have learned
in the ten years I have been with my husband to tune her out and not let her
very personal remarks get to me. But the other day she called with a
suggestion and it *almost* sounded good to me. I know her ulterior motives
are that she thinks the kids need all the help they can get since their Mom
is utterly wacky! She told me she was going to send a box (that the kids can
decorate! <her words>) filled with note cards. On the cards she is going to
write little phrases and words and the kids can take one out, write about it
and send it to her.
Now I don't think this is unschooling, and doubt it will go over too well
with either of the kids, although Jack (who enjoys writing) might turn it
into some kind of game. If one of them were to come to me and say "I want you
to give me some suggestions of things to write about." I might sit down and
help them brainstorm, but wouldn't write out a bunch of cards. Am I wrong
here?
I am thinking that now maybe the time for me to really explain what we do. It
is getting hard for all of us to deal with her questions and comments. I
think she thinks we use some sort of curriculum, she questions the kids on
individual subjects, and asks me all sorts of questions about their "school
books" and where do we get them. The problem with this isn't how I deal with
her, I am just vague, the kids OTOH haven't learned that art yet. Do I call
her up and say "Hey, thanks for the writing box suggestion, but we don't
believe in forced learning. BTW, the kids don't use a curriculum, we do
what's called unschooling or child-led learning, we let them pick and choose
freely from all the world and this just doesn't fit our ideal. How about I
give you a book on unschooling?" (wouldn't she just flip then?) I just don't
know how to broach this subject with this woman! I would write a letter to a
school principal and let it all out, but don't know which way to turn when it
comes to my MIL!
~Nancy


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Fetteroll

on 5/27/02 11:35 PM, Dnowens@... at Dnowens@... wrote:

> I would write a letter to a
> school principal and let it all out, but don't know which way to turn when it
> comes to my MIL!

It's easy to lay it out straight for someone you don't need to deal with
face to face ;-)

> Now I don't think this is unschooling

If you require it, it isn't unschooling. But if you show them to the kids
and tell them what you MIL said and they can do it or not as the mood
strikes them, then it can be unschooling.

Perhaps think of it as a birthday present that (supposedly!) has no strings
attached and shove it in the back of the closet as you would with any other
gift that doesn't get used.

> I am thinking that now maybe the time for me to really explain what we do.

I think what I would do is say that you understand she doesn't agree with
homeschooling the kids and you'd be glad to discuss it if she'd like to read
some books since you've done a great deal of research on the subject. And
give her a stack of books and articles and stuff printed off the internet.

(There are some articles at http://www.home-ed-magazine.com,
http://www.unschooling.com, http://www.sandradodd.com to get you started.
The first 2 also have book suggestions. (Make sure you have some John Holt
and The Unschooling Handbook. If Frank Smith's The Book of Learning and
Forgetting isn't on the lists, throw that in too.) You might be able to find
some of them used on http://www.half.com You might also try the place I just
suggested for used books http://www.addall.com that searches a lot of used
book lists and makes a nice comparison chart.)

> she questions the kids on
> individual subjects

Some have suggested helping the kids come up with counter questions (and
answers!) For each question she asks them, have them ask one of her. ;-)

You could also talk to her and suggest that if she went to a friend's house
she probably wouldn't appreciate it if the friend gave her pop quizes. And
what does she think it would do to their friendship. You can say you
understand she's asking because she's concerned about their education but
that her concern is making her grandkids not want to be around her or
uncomfortable around her (or whatever the truth is.) Tell her since they are
your kids that you're even more concerned than she is and then do the above
suggestion with the books.

Joyce

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Nancy,
About your MIL, isn't it funny how we --I do this ,too-- don't
really want to step on others toes but she has no problem butting into
YOUR lifestyle. I think Joyce has a great way to go about this when she
suggested your MIL read some books on unschooling. Or maybe she should
just take up some extensive hobby!<G>

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I would let her send the box and not argue with her. The kids might have fun
with it and likely make up some game. Maybe if you pull one out and read it,
the game could just be to see how many days or hours before there's some
reference to it in the real world and maybe you as mom could note those on
the card and put them back in the box. That could be proof for you AND your
mom someday that whatever she can devise also exists in the real world!

Sandra