"Bored No More"
[email protected]
A few people have written about boredom, and I have some ideas. This was
written in 1998, but it's easier for me to plug it in here than to write it
again.
BORED NO MORE
by SandraDodd, 1998
Another homeschooling mom once wrote, “It's a valuable lesson to learn to
deal with boredom, just like all other emotions.”
Until I read that, I hadn’t ever thought of boredom as an emotion. I liked
the idea. When a child comes to me seeking advice on how to deal with any
emotional state, I'm flattered and glad for the opportunity.
Traditionally in this culture boredom is seen as a state of sin. “I’m bored”
is met by unthinking parents with, “Then mop the kitchen,” or “You have a
thousand dollars’ worth of toys, you can’t be bored,” or “Boredom’s good
for you.” I believe the VERY common habit of belittling children who use the
word “bored” should be rethought (or “thought,” since it seems many parents
have never considered it carefully but just repeat what their parents said to
them).
If a child came and said she was heartbroken would you tell her she was a
brat and should clean the garage? If a child came and said he was angry
enough to hit would you say, “Then sit down and read a book whether you want
to or not”? Wouldn’t you try to help them? It's nonsensical to me that some
parents shame their children for saying they are at a loss about what to do
next.
The most to be accomplished from punishing or sending bored kids away is that
the kids will learn not to go to that parent for advice and ideas.
Sometimes the real message behind "I'm bored" is "I'm little and feeling
agitated and vaguely unhappy and I don't know what I can do to get over this
uncomfortable feeling. What would you do if you were my age, in this house,
on a day like this?"
I think that deserves a helpful, respectful response.
It is rare that my children say, “I’m bored,” but when they do I walk with
them where they are, or to some other part of the house, thinking quickly
about what I might have that they have never seen, or haven’t seen for a
while. I think of art supplies or games or toys or musical instruments they
haven’t thought of for a long time. I scan my mind and the house for things
which would provide some visual, auditory, olfactory, or mental stimulation,
preferably two or three of those. Tactile stimulation is good too--perhaps
the offer of a shower or bath with new/different toys, or different soap or
something. Sometimes “watering the yard” (playing with the hose) will do.
When a baby cries for no clear reason, parents will often joyfully see
whether the baby means “I’m uncomfortable.” They’ll try a change of
clothes, physical contact, a change of temperature, more air, less air, hot
food, cold food, a stroll outside, a car ride, SOMETHING different. Older
kids have the same needs, and the expression of that need might come through
as whining, irritability, or a claim of boredom.
Maybe it’s not physical need, but intellectual need. Boredom is a desire for
input which unschooling parents should welcome. It’s a child saying “How can
I add excitement to my life?” This can be a big opportunity to introduce a
new subject, activity, or thought-collection.
Maybe it’s an emotional need, and the parent’s undivided attention for a
little while will solve the problem. A walk, some joking, a hug, inquiries
about progress on the child’s projects or plans or friends might serve many
purposes at once. If after a walk and a talk the child is not quite
refreshed, you still had that time together, which made “I’m bored” a useful
invitation to bonding.
Sometimes “bored” means tired, low on energy, needing a break from conscious
thought and responsibility. Arranging a nap, or putting on a soothing video
(even for older kids--a romance instead of an action flick, or light drama
instead of comedy), leaving a pillow on the couch and herding the rest of the
family in other directions might result in an unplanned but needed nap.
I’m grown. I still get bored occasionally. Thinking about why I’m bored and
forgiving myself for being bored have helped me assist my children in
learning some coping skills they can use in their own lives. I have also used
my occasional boredom as a trigger to seek out the kids. If there’s a lull in
my life now I should fill it with those children who will be gone too soon.
Welcome opportunities to learn about when and why your child asks for your
advice and stimulation. The threshhold of needing the parent will change over
time, and parents can really use knowing where it is and seeing the benefit
in it. One complaint of parents of school kids is that communications are
lacking or are misunderstood. Homeschoolers have the fulltime luxury of the
chance to do better. Unschoolers have the added advantage of “counting”
every interaction as a learning experience. Self awareness, interpersonal
skills, creativity and compassion all come into play when a child and a
parent can build an uplifting memory from “I’m bored.”
written in 1998, but it's easier for me to plug it in here than to write it
again.
BORED NO MORE
by SandraDodd, 1998
Another homeschooling mom once wrote, “It's a valuable lesson to learn to
deal with boredom, just like all other emotions.”
Until I read that, I hadn’t ever thought of boredom as an emotion. I liked
the idea. When a child comes to me seeking advice on how to deal with any
emotional state, I'm flattered and glad for the opportunity.
Traditionally in this culture boredom is seen as a state of sin. “I’m bored”
is met by unthinking parents with, “Then mop the kitchen,” or “You have a
thousand dollars’ worth of toys, you can’t be bored,” or “Boredom’s good
for you.” I believe the VERY common habit of belittling children who use the
word “bored” should be rethought (or “thought,” since it seems many parents
have never considered it carefully but just repeat what their parents said to
them).
If a child came and said she was heartbroken would you tell her she was a
brat and should clean the garage? If a child came and said he was angry
enough to hit would you say, “Then sit down and read a book whether you want
to or not”? Wouldn’t you try to help them? It's nonsensical to me that some
parents shame their children for saying they are at a loss about what to do
next.
The most to be accomplished from punishing or sending bored kids away is that
the kids will learn not to go to that parent for advice and ideas.
Sometimes the real message behind "I'm bored" is "I'm little and feeling
agitated and vaguely unhappy and I don't know what I can do to get over this
uncomfortable feeling. What would you do if you were my age, in this house,
on a day like this?"
I think that deserves a helpful, respectful response.
It is rare that my children say, “I’m bored,” but when they do I walk with
them where they are, or to some other part of the house, thinking quickly
about what I might have that they have never seen, or haven’t seen for a
while. I think of art supplies or games or toys or musical instruments they
haven’t thought of for a long time. I scan my mind and the house for things
which would provide some visual, auditory, olfactory, or mental stimulation,
preferably two or three of those. Tactile stimulation is good too--perhaps
the offer of a shower or bath with new/different toys, or different soap or
something. Sometimes “watering the yard” (playing with the hose) will do.
When a baby cries for no clear reason, parents will often joyfully see
whether the baby means “I’m uncomfortable.” They’ll try a change of
clothes, physical contact, a change of temperature, more air, less air, hot
food, cold food, a stroll outside, a car ride, SOMETHING different. Older
kids have the same needs, and the expression of that need might come through
as whining, irritability, or a claim of boredom.
Maybe it’s not physical need, but intellectual need. Boredom is a desire for
input which unschooling parents should welcome. It’s a child saying “How can
I add excitement to my life?” This can be a big opportunity to introduce a
new subject, activity, or thought-collection.
Maybe it’s an emotional need, and the parent’s undivided attention for a
little while will solve the problem. A walk, some joking, a hug, inquiries
about progress on the child’s projects or plans or friends might serve many
purposes at once. If after a walk and a talk the child is not quite
refreshed, you still had that time together, which made “I’m bored” a useful
invitation to bonding.
Sometimes “bored” means tired, low on energy, needing a break from conscious
thought and responsibility. Arranging a nap, or putting on a soothing video
(even for older kids--a romance instead of an action flick, or light drama
instead of comedy), leaving a pillow on the couch and herding the rest of the
family in other directions might result in an unplanned but needed nap.
I’m grown. I still get bored occasionally. Thinking about why I’m bored and
forgiving myself for being bored have helped me assist my children in
learning some coping skills they can use in their own lives. I have also used
my occasional boredom as a trigger to seek out the kids. If there’s a lull in
my life now I should fill it with those children who will be gone too soon.
Welcome opportunities to learn about when and why your child asks for your
advice and stimulation. The threshhold of needing the parent will change over
time, and parents can really use knowing where it is and seeing the benefit
in it. One complaint of parents of school kids is that communications are
lacking or are misunderstood. Homeschoolers have the fulltime luxury of the
chance to do better. Unschoolers have the added advantage of “counting”
every interaction as a learning experience. Self awareness, interpersonal
skills, creativity and compassion all come into play when a child and a
parent can build an uplifting memory from “I’m bored.”
marji
>BORED NO MOREYeah! Great essay! Just the ticket!
>by SandraDodd, 1998
Thanks for writing; I'm sure Liam (my sweet son) will want to thank you, too!
Love,
Marji
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
JONES
Wow! I never thought of it that way! I've always told my kids, "Bored people are boring people." But I think you're right. It might just be a way of reaching out. Thanks! Cris
----- Original Message -----
From: SandraDodd@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, May 22, 2002 10:26 AM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] "Bored No More"
A few people have written about boredom, and I have some ideas. This was
written in 1998, but it's easier for me to plug it in here than to write it
again.
BORED NO MORE
by SandraDodd, 1998
Another homeschooling mom once wrote, “It's a valuable lesson to learn to
deal with boredom, just like all other emotions.”
Until I read that, I hadn’t ever thought of boredom as an emotion. I liked
the idea. When a child comes to me seeking advice on how to deal with any
emotional state, I'm flattered and glad for the opportunity.
Traditionally in this culture boredom is seen as a state of sin. “I’m bored”
is met by unthinking parents with, “Then mop the kitchen,” or “You have a
thousand dollars’ worth of toys, you can’t be bored,” or “Boredom’s good
for you.” I believe the VERY common habit of belittling children who use the
word “bored” should be rethought (or “thought,” since it seems many parents
have never considered it carefully but just repeat what their parents said to
them).
If a child came and said she was heartbroken would you tell her she was a
brat and should clean the garage? If a child came and said he was angry
enough to hit would you say, “Then sit down and read a book whether you want
to or not”? Wouldn’t you try to help them? It's nonsensical to me that some
parents shame their children for saying they are at a loss about what to do
next.
The most to be accomplished from punishing or sending bored kids away is that
the kids will learn not to go to that parent for advice and ideas.
Sometimes the real message behind "I'm bored" is "I'm little and feeling
agitated and vaguely unhappy and I don't know what I can do to get over this
uncomfortable feeling. What would you do if you were my age, in this house,
on a day like this?"
I think that deserves a helpful, respectful response.
It is rare that my children say, “I’m bored,” but when they do I walk with
them where they are, or to some other part of the house, thinking quickly
about what I might have that they have never seen, or haven’t seen for a
while. I think of art supplies or games or toys or musical instruments they
haven’t thought of for a long time. I scan my mind and the house for things
which would provide some visual, auditory, olfactory, or mental stimulation,
preferably two or three of those. Tactile stimulation is good too--perhaps
the offer of a shower or bath with new/different toys, or different soap or
something. Sometimes “watering the yard” (playing with the hose) will do.
When a baby cries for no clear reason, parents will often joyfully see
whether the baby means “I’m uncomfortable.” They’ll try a change of
clothes, physical contact, a change of temperature, more air, less air, hot
food, cold food, a stroll outside, a car ride, SOMETHING different. Older
kids have the same needs, and the expression of that need might come through
as whining, irritability, or a claim of boredom.
Maybe it’s not physical need, but intellectual need. Boredom is a desire for
input which unschooling parents should welcome. It’s a child saying “How can
I add excitement to my life?” This can be a big opportunity to introduce a
new subject, activity, or thought-collection.
Maybe it’s an emotional need, and the parent’s undivided attention for a
little while will solve the problem. A walk, some joking, a hug, inquiries
about progress on the child’s projects or plans or friends might serve many
purposes at once. If after a walk and a talk the child is not quite
refreshed, you still had that time together, which made “I’m bored” a useful
invitation to bonding.
Sometimes “bored” means tired, low on energy, needing a break from conscious
thought and responsibility. Arranging a nap, or putting on a soothing video
(even for older kids--a romance instead of an action flick, or light drama
instead of comedy), leaving a pillow on the couch and herding the rest of the
family in other directions might result in an unplanned but needed nap.
I’m grown. I still get bored occasionally. Thinking about why I’m bored and
forgiving myself for being bored have helped me assist my children in
learning some coping skills they can use in their own lives. I have also used
my occasional boredom as a trigger to seek out the kids. If there’s a lull in
my life now I should fill it with those children who will be gone too soon.
Welcome opportunities to learn about when and why your child asks for your
advice and stimulation. The threshhold of needing the parent will change over
time, and parents can really use knowing where it is and seeing the benefit
in it. One complaint of parents of school kids is that communications are
lacking or are misunderstood. Homeschoolers have the fulltime luxury of the
chance to do better. Unschoolers have the added advantage of “counting”
every interaction as a learning experience. Self awareness, interpersonal
skills, creativity and compassion all come into play when a child and a
parent can build an uplifting memory from “I’m bored.”
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