Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Special Needs Was Digest Number 1984
John Julian
<<My Danny (3) was born addicted to cocaine. He is a "wild child". He is
intense and problematic and wonderful and funny. Much more "pressure per
square inch" than any of my other 4 children or any of the 14 foster kids we
had.>> ...He has great difficulty regulating
himself. He often hurts himself or others because he is either angry or too
wound up.>>
<<Point being....we unschool Danny the exact same way we do the other
children....we PARENT Danny differently. Danny has special issues that when
left to his own devices (not taking a nap and getting tired) he interferes
with other family member's rights to their lives (he gets too wound up,
angry and hits the 2yo)
That doesn't mean that unschooling doesn't work. It means that everyone is
an individual, even within a diagnostic category.>>
Julie,
We have very similar issues in our home. All three of our kids were cocaine / alcohol exposed in the womb. None have full blown FAS, but all deal with different aspects of FAE, PTSD, etc. .
What's amazing is that Unschooling is the ONLY thing that did work for all three (really two, because my youngest is 3, and would be living the same life he is now, even if his siblings were in school). Between Unschooling and swithching our parenting mode from rewards/consequences to what is described in The Explosive Child, we have seen dramatic improvements all the way around.
Not only are the kids happier, but we are as parents too. Just a greater sense of well-being, harmony in the family. There is a feeling of respecting everyone - value for what each person needs, feels. For my children this was key, because so much happened TO them which they had no say in. We are still striving to move more and more in these directions.
Our children's special issues have led us to choose to limit t.v. / video games / exposure to violence - sexual stuff. I am reading emails about "t.v. viewing" with an open mind, and I do keep an open debate in my head about "should we or shouldn't we?", but in the past, excessive Nintendo led to violent, destructive tantrums directly following the play session, e.g. throwing controller and smashing it when frustrated by the game, and hurting people after playing ( and we only had "E" games like Mariocarts and Banjo Kazooie ). We saw the same pattern with movies or cartoons with violence.
They do have unlimited access to Discovery Channel-type shows, PBS, videos from the library, etc. . Our life has been much more peaceful since we made these adjustments, and it has been a positive change for the kids. After about a year and a half they don't even ask to play. I guess I haven't been tempted to try unlimited access because when my son plays nintendo at his friends' homes, sure enough he comes home and explodes. It is literally like clockwork.
So we have had to make modifications to total freedom, but it works for the family, as a whole.
Shelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
intense and problematic and wonderful and funny. Much more "pressure per
square inch" than any of my other 4 children or any of the 14 foster kids we
had.>> ...He has great difficulty regulating
himself. He often hurts himself or others because he is either angry or too
wound up.>>
<<Point being....we unschool Danny the exact same way we do the other
children....we PARENT Danny differently. Danny has special issues that when
left to his own devices (not taking a nap and getting tired) he interferes
with other family member's rights to their lives (he gets too wound up,
angry and hits the 2yo)
That doesn't mean that unschooling doesn't work. It means that everyone is
an individual, even within a diagnostic category.>>
Julie,
We have very similar issues in our home. All three of our kids were cocaine / alcohol exposed in the womb. None have full blown FAS, but all deal with different aspects of FAE, PTSD, etc. .
What's amazing is that Unschooling is the ONLY thing that did work for all three (really two, because my youngest is 3, and would be living the same life he is now, even if his siblings were in school). Between Unschooling and swithching our parenting mode from rewards/consequences to what is described in The Explosive Child, we have seen dramatic improvements all the way around.
Not only are the kids happier, but we are as parents too. Just a greater sense of well-being, harmony in the family. There is a feeling of respecting everyone - value for what each person needs, feels. For my children this was key, because so much happened TO them which they had no say in. We are still striving to move more and more in these directions.
Our children's special issues have led us to choose to limit t.v. / video games / exposure to violence - sexual stuff. I am reading emails about "t.v. viewing" with an open mind, and I do keep an open debate in my head about "should we or shouldn't we?", but in the past, excessive Nintendo led to violent, destructive tantrums directly following the play session, e.g. throwing controller and smashing it when frustrated by the game, and hurting people after playing ( and we only had "E" games like Mariocarts and Banjo Kazooie ). We saw the same pattern with movies or cartoons with violence.
They do have unlimited access to Discovery Channel-type shows, PBS, videos from the library, etc. . Our life has been much more peaceful since we made these adjustments, and it has been a positive change for the kids. After about a year and a half they don't even ask to play. I guess I haven't been tempted to try unlimited access because when my son plays nintendo at his friends' homes, sure enough he comes home and explodes. It is literally like clockwork.
So we have had to make modifications to total freedom, but it works for the family, as a whole.
Shelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
rumpleteasermom
--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., "John Julian" <jsjulian@e...> wrote:
children may have differences in how unschooling looks. Sure, the
actual school part of it may look the same, but the other aspects of
family life are going to vary. But the point has been hammered home
here that you can't seperate life from learning.
So either unschooling is only about education and is not a total
lifestyle OR unschooling is going to be different for those with
special needs children. That was the point I was stumbling around I
think.
Bridget
>for the family, as a whole.
> So we have had to make modifications to total freedom, but it works
>And that is exactly what I meant when I said that special needs
> Shelly
children may have differences in how unschooling looks. Sure, the
actual school part of it may look the same, but the other aspects of
family life are going to vary. But the point has been hammered home
here that you can't seperate life from learning.
So either unschooling is only about education and is not a total
lifestyle OR unschooling is going to be different for those with
special needs children. That was the point I was stumbling around I
think.
Bridget
[email protected]
In a message dated 4/25/2002 7:55:03 AM Pacific Daylight Time,
rumpleteasermom@... writes:
carries over to many other aspects of life.
Unschooling is different for every kid - so I don't really understand your
point here.
The either/or statement sets up a false dichotomy.
--pamS
Some of what is said here may challenge you, shock you, disturb you, or seem
harsh. But remember that people are offering it to be helpful and what feels
uncomfortable to you might be just what someone else needed to hear.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
rumpleteasermom@... writes:
> So either unschooling is only about education and is not a totalUnschooling is about giving up the trappings of school --- but it very often
> lifestyle OR unschooling is going to be different for those with
> special needs children.
carries over to many other aspects of life.
Unschooling is different for every kid - so I don't really understand your
point here.
The either/or statement sets up a false dichotomy.
--pamS
Some of what is said here may challenge you, shock you, disturb you, or seem
harsh. But remember that people are offering it to be helpful and what feels
uncomfortable to you might be just what someone else needed to hear.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]