Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Playing with the neighbors

Alan & Brenda Leonard

22 Apr 2002, at 10:51pm

> So my solution is NEVER LET THEM PLAY WITH THE NEIGHBORS.
>
> <LOL!>
> Not really, but sometimes I think the get more harm than good from playing
> with some kids.

Please go on, Sandra.
How DO people cope with this? Avoiding the neighbors isn't an option for
us. We live in Army housing, 18 apartments to a building, 26 buildings in
the complex. There are 23 children in my building, 21 of whom are 6 and
under. It's a zoo. (BTW, my son is almost 6)

I can't schedule my son to only play with unschoolers; I haven't met any in
Germany yet. I can't even just play with homeschoolers; there are only
about 10-15 families in the 1-hour radius that our homeschool support group
covers. I believe all are school-at-home (I keep my mouth shut!). And, the
only folks we see most days are military; my German is weak, and
homeschooling is illegal in Germany, anyhow.

My son only likes to play with a few of the kids in the building, but they
create real problems sometimes. I know they're constantly after my son
about why he doesn't go to school, why he reads so much, why he's so wierd
(he's very quiet, and doesn't often do what "everybody" is doing), etc. We
reap problems from this often in the form of nightmares. I keep him at home
a fair bit, and schedule activities out when possible (the Army doesn't
offer us much, and it's usually with the same kids.). But I also worry the
child has to have friends!

Ideas, anybody? I have to go home in a month or so, and deal with it again!
<sigh>

brenda

[email protected]

22 Apr 2002, at 11:02pm

In a message dated 4/22/02 8:42:47 PM, abtleo@... writes:

<< Please go on, Sandra.
How DO people cope with this? Avoiding the neighbors isn't an option for
us. >>

Fortify the kids with answers. Do role playing so they know good answers, if
the kids aren't coming up with their own.

Invite those other kids over so that you know them. Less will happen behind
your back if they're in front of you.

Tell the kids yourself that it's okay that your son doesn't go to school.
Say it in a merry, happy way and they'll maybe be a little jealous, but
they'll back off him if they know that YOU know that they were getting on him.

If they won't be nice, don't let them play.

Those are all bits and pieces I've used repeatedly.

Gradually we've come to have other homeschooling families in our lives, and
some we've known since La Leche League days.

Sunday there were several kids here after a play they had all gone to.
Including the one who had been in the play...17g, 16b(x2), 15b (x2), 14b,
13b, 13g, 10g and they played games, told jokes, ate ice cream, three went
home and the rest stayed over. But Kirby asked at one point how long he and
the 17 yr old girl had known each other. She was two and he was four months
when our families became friends. She's an unschooler. Of that batch listed
above, only one goes to school, and he likes it a bunch (because of band,
orchestra and Japanese).

Sandra

rumpleteasermom

23 Apr 2002, at 9:52am

Brenda,

I'm not sure how to instill this in a nother, but my girls are weird
with a capital WEIRD. The revel in it. When someone tells them they
are strange, they say "Thanks!"

Maybe one thing you can do to help is find him some 'heroes' and
explore how they were thought of in theri day. Einstein was a geek,
Bill Gates a nerd, etc.

But I think finding that sense of self-identity I was speaking of in
the sexuality thread is what helped my girls the most with this issue.

Bridget

--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., Alan & Brenda Leonard <abtleo@e...>
wrote:

> I know they're constantly after my son
> about why he doesn't go to school, why he reads so much, why he's so

wierd

> (he's very quiet, and doesn't often do what "everybody" is doing),

etc. We

> reap problems from this often in the form of nightmares. I keep him

at home

> a fair bit, and schedule activities out when possible (the Army

doesn't

> offer us much, and it's usually with the same kids.). But I also

worry the

> child has to have friends!
>
> Ideas, anybody? I have to go home in a month or so, and deal with

it again!

> <sigh>
>
> brenda

Valerie Cifuentes

23 Apr 2002, at 1:51pm

Hey Brenda,
I am a Navy wife, we live on base here in Camp LeJeune.
My son is 9. He reads a lot, LOVES to watch Discovery, PBS and the TLC.
He only likes to play with his friends, "Alex, DJ and Bookie" when HE
feels like it. He takes social things in "very small doses."
In the beginning they didn't understand this AT ALL. They came to the
door and asked if he can play and he says "no or yes."
They have come to terms with his different attitude and his talks about
science and the things he enjoys that his friends typically don't think
about.
I have heard them say, "Zechie is smart." They sort of think of him as a
novelty!
My son looks different too. He has very long hair, like an Indian. He
chooses not to cut it and I'm okay with it as long as it's neat when we
go somewhere.
As for grades; when asked "What grade are you in." he says, "What
subject are you referring to?"
He also says, "I'm homeschooled and I'm 9 years old I'm not in a
grade."
That ends that.
My girls deal with quite a bit of social pressure by the pre-teens and
teens here, especially when it comes to clothing. But they are learning
to be different and to accept the diversity! If anything, they are
confident in our lifestyle and see the lack of time that the
neighborhood children have with their parents or their personal
interests.
:O)

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I CAN NO LONGER ACCEPT FORWARDS, CHAIN LETTERS AND PETITIONS. THEY ARE
FILLING UP MY BOX AND TAKING UP MY TIME. THANK YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING!
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I'm A Navy Brat & Wife of HM2 Cifuentes; Active Duty Navy, & Mother of
Three Young Navy Brats!
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-----Original Message-----
From: rumpleteasermom [mailto:rumpleteasermom@...]
Sent: Tuesday, April 23, 2002 9:52 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Re: Playing with the neighbors

Brenda,

I'm not sure how to instill this in a nother, but my girls are weird
with a capital WEIRD. The revel in it. When someone tells them they
are strange, they say "Thanks!"

Maybe one thing you can do to help is find him some 'heroes' and
explore how they were thought of in theri day. Einstein was a geek,
Bill Gates a nerd, etc.

But I think finding that sense of self-identity I was speaking of in
the sexuality thread is what helped my girls the most with this issue.

Bridget

--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., Alan & Brenda Leonard <abtleo@e...>
wrote: