tamokey

Nanci,
Boy do I know what you are talking about!� I have the same problems with my family, although it isn't so much about past history as it is the way they are now.� They seem upset that my family is self sufficient, happy, secure, and emotionally and financially (relatively) independent.� They are bitter and getting worse.� They needle, and are very critical about our lifestyle and even though we have never lived closer than an eight hour drive in over 14 years, they feel like they can tell me what to do in my own home!� I would literally get physically ill before, during and after a visit with them.� Three years ago I told them this is the
way things are, do not give me your opinion on my family's lifestyle unless I am asking for an opinion.� It has not changed their behavior, but I no longer get ill when a visit is pending (one is coming up).� Last year we went there for Christmas and it was horrid beyond belief, but I was physically fine.
My husband's family is totally different--we look forward to each and every visit and usually spend the whole time laughing!
I enjoyed what you had to say about the holidays and paganism.� Do you belong to Many-Paths?� Check it out through onelist.
This is such a wonderful resource/venting/mind enhancing list!!� Bye, have to get that dd to sleep (attachment parenting).
Andi
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> Well, unfortunately I felt the need to move 9 hours away from my parents on purpose.� When the opportunity arose, I jumped on it.� I also have� no desire to go visit their house any time in the near future.� Since we moved in March, they have already been out to visit us once, for a weekend.� That is about all that I can handle of them, one weekend in MY house, MY rules.
> They are much easier for me, and DH, to handle that way.� I make sure that my kids know who they are, talk to them on the phone and have a positive image of them and relationship with them.
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> Right now I am using my energy to work on stability and growth in our immediate family.� I do not have the energy or desire left right now to work on the relationship with my parents.� It is always very one sided, and I cannot forgive their past behavior when they continue it every time I see/talk to them.� I know that they are not going to change, and I am not
> willing to accept their abuse.� Even my DH does not like to spend time with them, although they are usually nice to him.� He does not enjoy watching them torture me.� He will often ask my dad, after he has goaded me into getting really upset (ONCE AGAIN) "Why do you do that to her??"� Of course
> he knows the reasons.� It's a power trip for him.� But that doesn't make it hurt less or be less upsetting.
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> For us, the distance is a blessing.� It enables us to maintain (mostly) peaceful relations, if sparing in frequency.� It enables the boys to maintain a positive image of their grandparents while they are little.� It does not allow my parents to interfere with my child rearing, degrade my self esteem, judge me, emotionally abuse my children in the same ways they did me, etc.
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> Now, my inlaws are completely another story.� They are coming for a long weekend in mid Oct. and we can all hardly wait.� They are very affectionate grandparents and very down-to-earth people.� We would really enjoy seeing more of them in our lives, but they live near my parents.
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> Nanci K. in Idaho

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