Thomas and Nanci Kuykendall

>My parents are in Florida. In the ten years that I have lived in Michigan,
my
>mom has been here once. If we move to KS, we will still be the same distance
>away from them. They are going to think that there is something wrong with
>them if I always live 1000 miles from them! LOL
>Stephanie


Well, unfortunately I felt the need to move 9 hours away from my parents on
purpose. When the opportunity arose, I jumped on it. I also have no
desire to go visit their house any time in the near future. Since we moved
in March, they have already been out to visit us once, for a weekend. That
is about all that I can handle of them, one weekend in MY house, MY rules.
They are much easier for me, and DH, to handle that way. I make sure that
my kids know who they are, talk to them on the phone and have a positive
image of them and relationship with them.

Right now I am using my energy to work on stability and growth in our
immediate family. I do not have the energy or desire left right now to
work on the relationship with my parents. It is always very one sided, and
I cannot forgive their past behavior when they continue it every time I
see/talk to them. I know that they are not going to change, and I am not
willing to accept their abuse. Even my DH does not like to spend time with
them, although they are usually nice to him. He does not enjoy watching
them torture me. He will often ask my dad, after he has goaded me into
getting really upset (ONCE AGAIN) "Why do you do that to her??" Of course
he knows the reasons. It's a power trip for him. But that doesn't make it
hurt less or be less upsetting.

For us, the distance is a blessing. It enables us to maintain (mostly)
peaceful relations, if sparing in frequency. It enables the boys to
maintain a positive image of their grandparents while they are little. It
does not allow my parents to interfere with my child rearing, degrade my
self esteem, judge me, emotionally abuse my children in the same ways they
did me, etc.

Now, my inlaws are completely another story. They are coming for a long
weekend in mid Oct. and we can all hardly wait. They are very affectionate
grandparents and very down-to-earth people. We would really enjoy seeing
more of them in our lives, but they live near my parents.

Nanci K. in Idaho

Cindy Ferguson

Thomas and Nanci Kuykendall wrote:
> >
> Well, unfortunately I felt the need to move 9 hours away from my parents on
> purpose. When the opportunity arose, I jumped on it. I also have no
> desire to go visit their house any time in the near future.

Nancy,
It sounds like we have similar parents! Mine were here last week
for a visit. My father and I got into it and they ended their
trip 2 days early. I am a 4.5 day drive from them (4 or so hours
by plane) and I like it that way.

Like you I am focusing on my children, husband and myself. I can
do nothing to help them change -- that must come from within
themselves! Your comment about your father's power trip opened
my eyes to why my father does that type of thing -- thank you!

Blessings! I have really enjoyed hearing about your Pagan beliefs.
My Samhain will be very different this year -- I'm more Buddhist
than any other belief but I'm being drawn more and more to Pagan
celebrations.

--

Cindy Ferguson
crma@...