Need advice
Melanie Shimokawa
I am about to have another baby. My two year old is a wonderful little
boy - so perfectly well behaved, and, well, just an angel. I'm having a
lot of trouble keeping up with him lately - he wants me to take him
outside and play soccer (I had been until about two months ago), and
take him for long walks to the park, etc. Everybody I talk to tells me
to put him in baby genius school. This is why I'm writing to the list.
When the baby comes, I'm afraid I won't have much time for ds at all.
What do you all do? I have no family nearby - my family all lives in
the States (wish I did, too), and I think dh would be more supportive if
he wasn't so depressed and burnt out with his job. As it is, I don't
have the energy to clean the house, or read much to ds. I make sure
that I rock him and snuggle him and sing to him, that kind of thing. We
talk together and play together sometimes, but as it is, I feel so
guilty that I'm not spending enough time with him. Right now, he's
taking a nap (normally he doesn't, but he was up all night with a fever)
- I should be too. He likes to "read" to himself for about half an hour
at a time, but all his friends go to baby genius school, so it's just
the two of us all day long. It's really nice. I'm just worried. I
remember my younger brothers and sisters all whining because they didn't
get enough attention when the next one came along (I'm the oldest of
seven. I'm sure I whined, too). I've got some ideas - taking both kids
to the park - letting Mook (ds) play while I take care of the newborn,
etc. But does anybody have any more ideas? Sorry to go on. I just got
off the phone with my mom - I cried to her for over an hour because Mook
does so much for me, but I can't do anything for him, etc. - and she
told me it just gets worse.
Sorry to go on. Any advice would be appreciated.
Love, Melanie in Japan
BTW, we're safe and ok. The nuclear accident happened in Ibaraki (I
believe that's north of here), and evidently isn't as bad as was
reported overseas. (Either that or the media here is really playing it
down.) According to the news here, nobody was killed, and everybody
within a 1/2 km radius was evacuated. That's all. We're not affected
by it. We're fine.
boy - so perfectly well behaved, and, well, just an angel. I'm having a
lot of trouble keeping up with him lately - he wants me to take him
outside and play soccer (I had been until about two months ago), and
take him for long walks to the park, etc. Everybody I talk to tells me
to put him in baby genius school. This is why I'm writing to the list.
When the baby comes, I'm afraid I won't have much time for ds at all.
What do you all do? I have no family nearby - my family all lives in
the States (wish I did, too), and I think dh would be more supportive if
he wasn't so depressed and burnt out with his job. As it is, I don't
have the energy to clean the house, or read much to ds. I make sure
that I rock him and snuggle him and sing to him, that kind of thing. We
talk together and play together sometimes, but as it is, I feel so
guilty that I'm not spending enough time with him. Right now, he's
taking a nap (normally he doesn't, but he was up all night with a fever)
- I should be too. He likes to "read" to himself for about half an hour
at a time, but all his friends go to baby genius school, so it's just
the two of us all day long. It's really nice. I'm just worried. I
remember my younger brothers and sisters all whining because they didn't
get enough attention when the next one came along (I'm the oldest of
seven. I'm sure I whined, too). I've got some ideas - taking both kids
to the park - letting Mook (ds) play while I take care of the newborn,
etc. But does anybody have any more ideas? Sorry to go on. I just got
off the phone with my mom - I cried to her for over an hour because Mook
does so much for me, but I can't do anything for him, etc. - and she
told me it just gets worse.
Sorry to go on. Any advice would be appreciated.
Love, Melanie in Japan
BTW, we're safe and ok. The nuclear accident happened in Ibaraki (I
believe that's north of here), and evidently isn't as bad as was
reported overseas. (Either that or the media here is really playing it
down.) According to the news here, nobody was killed, and everybody
within a 1/2 km radius was evacuated. That's all. We're not affected
by it. We're fine.
Sandy Kent
Melanie,
Oh, please do not despair. It is probably just your hormones going wild.
I found that actually older children require more attention than newborns or infants.
Babies to not actually have to take all your time and attention. What really worked
for me was attachment parenting. Well, it is actually funny because it is being with a
baby all the time and yet it frees you up at the same time. Attachment parenting means
that you breastfeed your baby till it the child is ready to wean himself off, you sleep
with the baby and you wear it. I had a sling and the baby was always with me. I could
take long hikes, do housework, read books. It freed me up enormously to do a lot of
things I would not be able to do should I have used a crib or a stroller. It also cuts
down on baby crying. You are right there to respond quickly to baby's needs and the
body closeness baby feels actually calms him down.
Co-sleeping can actually save your sanity. The only time I had a sleepless night was
when my child had a cold. Again, if your baby wakes up you are there to respond right
away before it really wakes himself and you up. You are right there to cuddle and nurse
and I remember quite often nursing practically in my sleep. I didn't even have to get out
of bed but the next morning I was fresh and ready to do whatever. You will sure have
more energy for your older son.
All this seems to be great for moms and kids. Actually a lot of non-technical cultures
practice this way of raising children. It seems like a very natural way of doing so.
There are books on it, but the one l like best is the Baby Book by Dr. Sears and his wife.
Your son could feel abandoned if you sent him to school when a new baby arrives. Still,
if you feel you really cannot manage and you do not have enough support that might be
the best way for you. And do not feel guilty whatever decision you make. Not all ideals
work for everybody. If taking care of two children proves to be too much for you it makes
no sense to make a martyr out of yourself. Find any help you can.
I wish I were there to give you a big hug and help you when the new baby arrives.
Your mom is wrong though, it does not have to get worse.
All the best to you
Sandy
Oh, please do not despair. It is probably just your hormones going wild.
I found that actually older children require more attention than newborns or infants.
Babies to not actually have to take all your time and attention. What really worked
for me was attachment parenting. Well, it is actually funny because it is being with a
baby all the time and yet it frees you up at the same time. Attachment parenting means
that you breastfeed your baby till it the child is ready to wean himself off, you sleep
with the baby and you wear it. I had a sling and the baby was always with me. I could
take long hikes, do housework, read books. It freed me up enormously to do a lot of
things I would not be able to do should I have used a crib or a stroller. It also cuts
down on baby crying. You are right there to respond quickly to baby's needs and the
body closeness baby feels actually calms him down.
Co-sleeping can actually save your sanity. The only time I had a sleepless night was
when my child had a cold. Again, if your baby wakes up you are there to respond right
away before it really wakes himself and you up. You are right there to cuddle and nurse
and I remember quite often nursing practically in my sleep. I didn't even have to get out
of bed but the next morning I was fresh and ready to do whatever. You will sure have
more energy for your older son.
All this seems to be great for moms and kids. Actually a lot of non-technical cultures
practice this way of raising children. It seems like a very natural way of doing so.
There are books on it, but the one l like best is the Baby Book by Dr. Sears and his wife.
Your son could feel abandoned if you sent him to school when a new baby arrives. Still,
if you feel you really cannot manage and you do not have enough support that might be
the best way for you. And do not feel guilty whatever decision you make. Not all ideals
work for everybody. If taking care of two children proves to be too much for you it makes
no sense to make a martyr out of yourself. Find any help you can.
I wish I were there to give you a big hug and help you when the new baby arrives.
Your mom is wrong though, it does not have to get worse.
All the best to you
Sandy
----- Original Message -----
From: Melanie Shimokawa
To: list
Sent: Thursday, September 30, 1999 9:48 PM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Need advice
From: Melanie Shimokawa <sfamily@...>
I am about to have another baby. My two year old is a wonderful little
boy - so perfectly well behaved, and, well, just an angel. I'm having a
lot of trouble keeping up with him lately - he wants me to take him
outside and play soccer (I had been until about two months ago), and
take him for long walks to the park, etc. Everybody I talk to tells me
to put him in baby genius school. This is why I'm writing to the list.
When the baby comes, I'm afraid I won't have much time for ds at all.
What do you all do? I have no family nearby - my family all lives in
the States (wish I did, too), and I think dh would be more supportive if
he wasn't so depressed and burnt out with his job. As it is, I don't
have the energy to clean the house, or read much to ds. I make sure
that I rock him and snuggle him and sing to him, that kind of thing. We
talk together and play together sometimes, but as it is, I feel so
guilty that I'm not spending enough time with him. Right now, he's
taking a nap (normally he doesn't, but he was up all night with a fever)
- I should be too. He likes to "read" to himself for about half an hour
at a time, but all his friends go to baby genius school, so it's just
the two of us all day long. It's really nice. I'm just worried. I
remember my younger brothers and sisters all whining because they didn't
get enough attention when the next one came along (I'm the oldest of
seven. I'm sure I whined, too). I've got some ideas - taking both kids
to the park - letting Mook (ds) play while I take care of the newborn,
etc. But does anybody have any more ideas? Sorry to go on. I just got
off the phone with my mom - I cried to her for over an hour because Mook
does so much for me, but I can't do anything for him, etc. - and she
told me it just gets worse.
Sorry to go on. Any advice would be appreciated.
Love, Melanie in Japan
BTW, we're safe and ok. The nuclear accident happened in Ibaraki (I
believe that's north of here), and evidently isn't as bad as was
reported overseas. (Either that or the media here is really playing it
down.) According to the news here, nobody was killed, and everybody
within a 1/2 km radius was evacuated. That's all. We're not affected
by it. We're fine.
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In a message dated 10/1/99 6:01:30 AM, kentsx3@... writes:
<<Babies to not actually have to take all your time and attention. What
really worked
for me was attachment parenting. Well, it is actually funny because it is
being with a
baby all the time and yet it frees you up at the same time. Attachment
parenting means
that you breastfeed your baby till it the child is ready to wean himself off,
you sleep
with the baby and you wear it. I had a sling and the baby was always with me.
I could
take long hikes, do housework, read books. It freed me up enormously to do a
lot of
things I would not be able to do should I have used a crib or a stroller. It
also cuts
down on baby crying. You are right there to respond quickly to baby's needs
and the
body closeness baby feels actually calms him down.>>
This is a great recommendation. I really believe in attachment parenting.
I want to point out that slings seem to work better for pear-shaped women
than for apple-shaped woman. (An apple-shaped woman has hips that are not
very big and a waist that is not very small. It's harder to carry a larger
baby on your hip if you are built like this.) Other types of carriers may
work better for a woman who isn't pear -shaped.
Betsy
<<Babies to not actually have to take all your time and attention. What
really worked
for me was attachment parenting. Well, it is actually funny because it is
being with a
baby all the time and yet it frees you up at the same time. Attachment
parenting means
that you breastfeed your baby till it the child is ready to wean himself off,
you sleep
with the baby and you wear it. I had a sling and the baby was always with me.
I could
take long hikes, do housework, read books. It freed me up enormously to do a
lot of
things I would not be able to do should I have used a crib or a stroller. It
also cuts
down on baby crying. You are right there to respond quickly to baby's needs
and the
body closeness baby feels actually calms him down.>>
This is a great recommendation. I really believe in attachment parenting.
I want to point out that slings seem to work better for pear-shaped women
than for apple-shaped woman. (An apple-shaped woman has hips that are not
very big and a waist that is not very small. It's harder to carry a larger
baby on your hip if you are built like this.) Other types of carriers may
work better for a woman who isn't pear -shaped.
Betsy
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/1/99 4:52:36 AM !!!First Boot!!!, sfamily@...
writes:
<< Sorry to go on. Any advice would be appreciated. >>
(1) Stop cleaning the house -- as much as possible.
(2) Remember that babies sleep a lot. This means one-on-one time for Mook.
(3) Go take a nap.
(4) 2 is very different from the 7 you grew up with.
(5) Big brothers can help with little ones. This makes them feel included
even if it does mean more work for you.
Well, you did ask for advice. Enjoy!!!!!!!!!!
Nance
writes:
<< Sorry to go on. Any advice would be appreciated. >>
(1) Stop cleaning the house -- as much as possible.
(2) Remember that babies sleep a lot. This means one-on-one time for Mook.
(3) Go take a nap.
(4) 2 is very different from the 7 you grew up with.
(5) Big brothers can help with little ones. This makes them feel included
even if it does mean more work for you.
Well, you did ask for advice. Enjoy!!!!!!!!!!
Nance
A. Yates
Melanie,
I was thinking about the time my second son arrived.
It was very stressful. I wish I had looked at it more realistically. I
wish I had been prepared for the jealousy.
Of course there will not be the same about of time as before for your son,
but in a family with more than one child, all the children must learn to
share the attention, and to entertain themselves. I think this is a good
thing, but it is a hard thing for them to learn.
I was very stressed, but I was also trying much to hard.
Remember that an infant can just "be there" when you are doing things with
your son. They don't really need stimulation all the time.
Your son can help with many things with the baby too.
Relax with your son now, snuggling and taking naps together. Don't worry ,
it won't help. You'll just have to take it one day at a time. Don't be too
hard on yourself. It is a hard time, take it easy!
Ann
I was thinking about the time my second son arrived.
It was very stressful. I wish I had looked at it more realistically. I
wish I had been prepared for the jealousy.
Of course there will not be the same about of time as before for your son,
but in a family with more than one child, all the children must learn to
share the attention, and to entertain themselves. I think this is a good
thing, but it is a hard thing for them to learn.
I was very stressed, but I was also trying much to hard.
Remember that an infant can just "be there" when you are doing things with
your son. They don't really need stimulation all the time.
Your son can help with many things with the baby too.
Relax with your son now, snuggling and taking naps together. Don't worry ,
it won't help. You'll just have to take it one day at a time. Don't be too
hard on yourself. It is a hard time, take it easy!
Ann
faith buckley
Melanie-
You say that you can't do anything for Mook. You are doing the most
important thing you can for him by staying home with him. I think the
stay-at-home mom/parent has been extremely under-rated. They have the most
important jobs on earth. And they are doing the highest good for their
kids. I understand and am not putting down anyone that works. Please don't
get me wrong. I was a single mother for a number of years and I had to work
to support me and my son, but I praise God that I was finally able to stay
home.
I have 4 kids - 7, 5, 2, and 2mos. so I understand also about 2 yo and
baby. My daughter had to learn that the world no longer revolved around her
as it had when she was a baby. As children grow up they need to understand
that they are part of a family not the center of it. That way, when they
grow up, they are well adjusted to a world that does not revolve around them
and it is easier to cope with basic life (things not going their way all the
time). I just went through a class at our church called Growing Kids God's
Way. It was awesome! My hubby and I have seen such a positive change in
our kids because of basic principles we are now living by.
But don't let mom get you down. He might be a handful at first b/c of baby
but he'll adjust. I had my 2yo potty trained before baby was born and she
started 'relapsing' after. But we just took it one day at a time and she's
doing fine now. Every once in a while she tries to put baby's diaper on but
then we remind her she isn't a baby anymore, but a big girl who can do much
more things than baby. And she smiles and goes off to play (something baby
can't do).
Keep your chin up! It'll be fine, and so will Mook!
Living for Him,
Faith
You say that you can't do anything for Mook. You are doing the most
important thing you can for him by staying home with him. I think the
stay-at-home mom/parent has been extremely under-rated. They have the most
important jobs on earth. And they are doing the highest good for their
kids. I understand and am not putting down anyone that works. Please don't
get me wrong. I was a single mother for a number of years and I had to work
to support me and my son, but I praise God that I was finally able to stay
home.
I have 4 kids - 7, 5, 2, and 2mos. so I understand also about 2 yo and
baby. My daughter had to learn that the world no longer revolved around her
as it had when she was a baby. As children grow up they need to understand
that they are part of a family not the center of it. That way, when they
grow up, they are well adjusted to a world that does not revolve around them
and it is easier to cope with basic life (things not going their way all the
time). I just went through a class at our church called Growing Kids God's
Way. It was awesome! My hubby and I have seen such a positive change in
our kids because of basic principles we are now living by.
But don't let mom get you down. He might be a handful at first b/c of baby
but he'll adjust. I had my 2yo potty trained before baby was born and she
started 'relapsing' after. But we just took it one day at a time and she's
doing fine now. Every once in a while she tries to put baby's diaper on but
then we remind her she isn't a baby anymore, but a big girl who can do much
more things than baby. And she smiles and goes off to play (something baby
can't do).
Keep your chin up! It'll be fine, and so will Mook!
Living for Him,
Faith
> I cried to her for over an hour because Mook
> does so much for me, but I can't do anything for him, etc. - and she
> told me it just gets worse.
>
> Sorry to go on. Any advice would be appreciated.
>
> Love, Melanie in Japan
>
> BTW, we're safe and ok. The nuclear accident happened in Ibaraki (I
> believe that's north of here), and evidently isn't as bad as was
> reported overseas. (Either that or the media here is really playing it
> down.) According to the news here, nobody was killed, and everybody
> within a 1/2 km radius was evacuated. That's all. We're not affected
> by it. We're fine.
>
> > Check it out!
> http://www.unschooling.com
mrstar
Melanie,
My first son was almost 3 when my second son was born. He was a great
helper. He would get me things when I was nursing and he would sit with me
and he would talk to the baby. I have a great picture of him 'reading' his
favorite book to the baby. It was so sweet, he could remember most of the
words and he did the whole dramatic inflection that mommy uses when she
reads. There has never been much of a problem with jealousy between them.
Where our problem is, is with our next child who was born when my second son
was only 14 months old. At the very same time we also got my then 2 yr old
step daughter full time (more than 4 days a week) so we went from a family
of 2 to a family of 4 over night. Now my second son (4) and my daughter (3)
are constantly at odds. They were just too close. My step daughter seems to
get along great however. But now we also have a 2 yr old who isn't ours but
is with us 5 days a week and she and the 3 yr old are best buddies one
minute and totally jealous the next.
Anyway, my point is if you involve Mook in the goings on of the baby and you
also make sure he has his own time with you and dh and also with baby you
should do fine. Be sure to involve him now. My oldest would rub my tummy
and listen and feel for baby kicking. When I was nursing baby once he even
pulled up his shirt and pretended to nurse his teddy bear. (sooo cute) He
really felt involved and didn't see baby as a threat to his relationship
with us. Emphasize family and don't sweat the small stuff (like the dishes)
I would carry baby in a carrier or sling and managed to do quite a bit
around the house and with my oldest. It can be done. Just don't stress out,
that is the worse thing you can do. Blessings to you. When are you due?
Mary in Idaho (who thinks two is easy now, unschooling 5 children 2-7 yrs
old because you can't do that many any other way <g>)
My first son was almost 3 when my second son was born. He was a great
helper. He would get me things when I was nursing and he would sit with me
and he would talk to the baby. I have a great picture of him 'reading' his
favorite book to the baby. It was so sweet, he could remember most of the
words and he did the whole dramatic inflection that mommy uses when she
reads. There has never been much of a problem with jealousy between them.
Where our problem is, is with our next child who was born when my second son
was only 14 months old. At the very same time we also got my then 2 yr old
step daughter full time (more than 4 days a week) so we went from a family
of 2 to a family of 4 over night. Now my second son (4) and my daughter (3)
are constantly at odds. They were just too close. My step daughter seems to
get along great however. But now we also have a 2 yr old who isn't ours but
is with us 5 days a week and she and the 3 yr old are best buddies one
minute and totally jealous the next.
Anyway, my point is if you involve Mook in the goings on of the baby and you
also make sure he has his own time with you and dh and also with baby you
should do fine. Be sure to involve him now. My oldest would rub my tummy
and listen and feel for baby kicking. When I was nursing baby once he even
pulled up his shirt and pretended to nurse his teddy bear. (sooo cute) He
really felt involved and didn't see baby as a threat to his relationship
with us. Emphasize family and don't sweat the small stuff (like the dishes)
I would carry baby in a carrier or sling and managed to do quite a bit
around the house and with my oldest. It can be done. Just don't stress out,
that is the worse thing you can do. Blessings to you. When are you due?
Mary in Idaho (who thinks two is easy now, unschooling 5 children 2-7 yrs
old because you can't do that many any other way <g>)
Kris
Okay, weve had all the discussions about kids and dentists, brushing teeth
etc. Jonathan, prone to being inflexible and explosive, usually balks at
brushing his teeth. Not just I dont want to but NO!!, screaming even.
There are rare times when I can just hand him the toothbrush and he brushes
them as if its no issue at all.
Ive opted for the road of non-coercion in this area and calmly explained
that clean teeth have a better chance of staying healthy. However, he
seldom agrees to the brushing thing.
Last night he complained of some pain in his cheek, Im guessing a cavity
and I can see a spot there. Ive found a good pediatric dentist near us but
I can almost guarantee the reaction to this idea. He has been exceptionally
rigid and fearful of things since we moved. He never wants to go anywhere,
not even toy store or play place. He only goes places because I have to go
and he wont leave my side, I cant leave the house without him.
I would really appreciate input, especially how to stand tough with the
dentist in explaining how things are with Jonathan. Do I incur major trauma
for him to have the tooth treated? Do I let it go until the pain motivates
him? Im sure my own fears of the dentist, my mom says I screamed bloody
murder the first time I saw one, and was punished for my hysteria, of
course.
I know, Im working on a calm façade and I wont lie to Jonathan, Im just
looking for some stay tough advice from those who understand that his
emotional health is more important than anything.
Kris
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
etc. Jonathan, prone to being inflexible and explosive, usually balks at
brushing his teeth. Not just I dont want to but NO!!, screaming even.
There are rare times when I can just hand him the toothbrush and he brushes
them as if its no issue at all.
Ive opted for the road of non-coercion in this area and calmly explained
that clean teeth have a better chance of staying healthy. However, he
seldom agrees to the brushing thing.
Last night he complained of some pain in his cheek, Im guessing a cavity
and I can see a spot there. Ive found a good pediatric dentist near us but
I can almost guarantee the reaction to this idea. He has been exceptionally
rigid and fearful of things since we moved. He never wants to go anywhere,
not even toy store or play place. He only goes places because I have to go
and he wont leave my side, I cant leave the house without him.
I would really appreciate input, especially how to stand tough with the
dentist in explaining how things are with Jonathan. Do I incur major trauma
for him to have the tooth treated? Do I let it go until the pain motivates
him? Im sure my own fears of the dentist, my mom says I screamed bloody
murder the first time I saw one, and was punished for my hysteria, of
course.
I know, Im working on a calm façade and I wont lie to Jonathan, Im just
looking for some stay tough advice from those who understand that his
emotional health is more important than anything.
Kris
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 11/13/03 11:20:52 AM, louisa@... writes:
<< I know, I’m working on a calm façade and I won’t lie to Jonathan, I’m just
looking for some “stay tough” advice from those who understand that his
emotional health is more important than anything. >>
I would call and find a dentist who "caters to cowards" as ads sometimes say.
I would (personally) request nitrous oxide, and I would stay with him and
hold his hand and smile and distract him some unless he was fine.
Kirby is fine with the dentist. All my kids are, but Kirby's the one least
likely to have been. I projected my own fears on to him.
Sandra
<< I know, I’m working on a calm façade and I won’t lie to Jonathan, I’m just
looking for some “stay tough” advice from those who understand that his
emotional health is more important than anything. >>
I would call and find a dentist who "caters to cowards" as ads sometimes say.
I would (personally) request nitrous oxide, and I would stay with him and
hold his hand and smile and distract him some unless he was fine.
Kirby is fine with the dentist. All my kids are, but Kirby's the one least
likely to have been. I projected my own fears on to him.
Sandra
Heidi Wordhouse-Dykema
Some pediatric dentists will allow the parent to sit in the chair and
cradle the child while dental care/cleaning is going on.
Yours might too.
HeidiWD
Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything. - Frank Dane
cradle the child while dental care/cleaning is going on.
Yours might too.
HeidiWD
Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything. - Frank Dane
Tia Leschke
>You also might want to rethink the pediatric dentist idea. I've heard from
>
>I would call and find a dentist who "caters to cowards" as ads sometimes say.
>I would (personally) request nitrous oxide, and I would stay with him and
>hold his hand and smile and distract him some unless he was fine.
a number of people that the ped. dentists they took their kids to were
awful to the kids. The "caters to cowards" is a better idea, but if you can
find a ped. dentist who *listens* to the child and the parent, that would
be best.
Tia
Kris
I got a recommendation from several people who like this dentist, they even
have a web site. The parents are encouraged to be there during the
procedure and the doctors spend time with the child before doing anything,
even giving them a tour of the office. They have live animals and video
games.
I'm going to ask about nitrous oxide, it might be exactly what Jonathan
needs. I've decided that even if the pain isn't from his tooth that we will
be going in for an exam, a positive experience there will help when real
work needs to be done. I'm hoping they also use plastic fillings.
Thanks for all the advice.
Kris
-----Original Message-----
From: Tia Leschke [mailto:leschke@...]
Sent: Thursday, November 13, 2003 11:27 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Need advice
a number of people that the ped. dentists they took their kids to were
awful to the kids. The "caters to cowards" is a better idea, but if you can
find a ped. dentist who *listens* to the child and the parent, that would
be best.
Tia
have a web site. The parents are encouraged to be there during the
procedure and the doctors spend time with the child before doing anything,
even giving them a tour of the office. They have live animals and video
games.
I'm going to ask about nitrous oxide, it might be exactly what Jonathan
needs. I've decided that even if the pain isn't from his tooth that we will
be going in for an exam, a positive experience there will help when real
work needs to be done. I'm hoping they also use plastic fillings.
Thanks for all the advice.
Kris
-----Original Message-----
From: Tia Leschke [mailto:leschke@...]
Sent: Thursday, November 13, 2003 11:27 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Need advice
>say.
>
>I would call and find a dentist who "caters to cowards" as ads sometimes
>I would (personally) request nitrous oxide, and I would stay with him andYou also might want to rethink the pediatric dentist idea. I've heard from
>hold his hand and smile and distract him some unless he was fine.
a number of people that the ped. dentists they took their kids to were
awful to the kids. The "caters to cowards" is a better idea, but if you can
find a ped. dentist who *listens* to the child and the parent, that would
be best.
Tia
v_malott
--- In [email protected], "Kris" <louisa@b...>
wrote:
hates to brush, wound up with an abcessed tooth, which I only
discovered because he complained of pain in his cheek. So, if you
haven't looked, take a look to make sure. If you see a sore on the
gum, it does need to be treated with antibiotics before any dental
work needs to be done.
The nice thing is that dentistry has changed DRASTICALLY since the
time WE were kids, thanks to the specialty of pediatric dentistry.
I'm not a big fan of doctor specialists (like pediatricians, since we
don't tow the well-child-visits line), but I think pedi dentists are
WONDERFUL and we've had very positive experiences with ours. I think
they understand that if a child has a really negative experience with
a dentist, it means they'll avoid dental maintenance for a long time
and pay BIG TIME when they're adults (how many of us are out there?).
My son's first dental experience was when he was about 4. We went to
see a "family" dentist and the guy chewed me out for letting my son's
teeth get so rotten. He showed me disgusting pictures of people
(adults, mind you) who never got dental treatment until it was too
late. He essentially told me I was a bad parent for "letting [my]
son drink pop and eat sweets." Nice, right in front of my scared
4yo. Butthead! Then we saw the pedi who was soooo laid back, like
he had seen this problem thousands of times and explained that some
people are just born with bad teeth and that he'd take care of things
with the least trauma possible. Whew! I wasn't a bad parent. Son
was treated for abcess and wound up needing a root canal, which he
got through with flying colors.
Does he take care of his teeth now? No. Oh well. At least the
dentist won't chew me out.
Hope that helps,
Valerie in OH
wrote:
> Last night he complained of some pain in his "cheek", I'm guessingDid you take a look at the gum near the affected tooth? My son, who
> a cavity and I can see a spot there. I've found a good pediatric
> dentist
hates to brush, wound up with an abcessed tooth, which I only
discovered because he complained of pain in his cheek. So, if you
haven't looked, take a look to make sure. If you see a sore on the
gum, it does need to be treated with antibiotics before any dental
work needs to be done.
The nice thing is that dentistry has changed DRASTICALLY since the
time WE were kids, thanks to the specialty of pediatric dentistry.
I'm not a big fan of doctor specialists (like pediatricians, since we
don't tow the well-child-visits line), but I think pedi dentists are
WONDERFUL and we've had very positive experiences with ours. I think
they understand that if a child has a really negative experience with
a dentist, it means they'll avoid dental maintenance for a long time
and pay BIG TIME when they're adults (how many of us are out there?).
My son's first dental experience was when he was about 4. We went to
see a "family" dentist and the guy chewed me out for letting my son's
teeth get so rotten. He showed me disgusting pictures of people
(adults, mind you) who never got dental treatment until it was too
late. He essentially told me I was a bad parent for "letting [my]
son drink pop and eat sweets." Nice, right in front of my scared
4yo. Butthead! Then we saw the pedi who was soooo laid back, like
he had seen this problem thousands of times and explained that some
people are just born with bad teeth and that he'd take care of things
with the least trauma possible. Whew! I wasn't a bad parent. Son
was treated for abcess and wound up needing a root canal, which he
got through with flying colors.
Does he take care of his teeth now? No. Oh well. At least the
dentist won't chew me out.
Hope that helps,
Valerie in OH
Tia Leschke
>Since I've known people who had the exact opposite experience, I think the
>
>The nice thing is that dentistry has changed DRASTICALLY since the
>time WE were kids, thanks to the specialty of pediatric dentistry.
>I'm not a big fan of doctor specialists (like pediatricians, since we
>don't tow the well-child-visits line), but I think pedi dentists are
>WONDERFUL and we've had very positive experiences with ours. I think
>they understand that if a child has a really negative experience with
>a dentist, it means they'll avoid dental maintenance for a long time
>and pay BIG TIME when they're adults (how many of us are out there?).
important thing is to find out the dentist's philosophy about treating kids
before subject a child to their care. Some regular dentists are wonderful
with children, and some ped dentists are horrible.
Tia
Kris
Just an update, Jonathan woke up with no pain and there doesn't seem to be
any swelling. Maybe he just slept on a bump in the blanket.
I called the ped dentist and grilled them, they are VERY pro child and said
that if he's too nervous they don't push anything. The receptionist said
that the kids have free run of the office, good key words for me to hear.
They even use plastic fillings which was a must for me and another mom who
uses them says they don't even flinch when you refuse fluoride.
I've decided to keep the first appointment and make it a pleasant trip, just
a tour and exam if he will let them.
Kris
any swelling. Maybe he just slept on a bump in the blanket.
I called the ped dentist and grilled them, they are VERY pro child and said
that if he's too nervous they don't push anything. The receptionist said
that the kids have free run of the office, good key words for me to hear.
They even use plastic fillings which was a must for me and another mom who
uses them says they don't even flinch when you refuse fluoride.
I've decided to keep the first appointment and make it a pleasant trip, just
a tour and exam if he will let them.
Kris
[email protected]
> Simply tell them she is shy and needs timeI'd skip the label.
> to feel comfortable.
Was it your daughter's idea to be at grandma's, or was she just along for the
ride? Was she happily playing something at home when suddenly it was "time
to go"? Was she ready for a nap? A snack?
Because she's like this only at certain times or places, it sounds like it
may be situation-specific.
My son is definitely not shy, but he will retreat if someone gets in his
face. He's more comfortable if he's the one who does the approaching.
I agree with the advice to hold her close. Ask that grandma "Just give her a
couple of minutes, please."
Mary J
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