sjulian60504

I am getting a lot out of your responses - thank you! I have become
aware of conversations I need to have with my kids and of options
open to us all, as a family.

I am seeking an unschooling perspective because this is the kind of
atmosphere / lifestyle I would like to create in our home.
Specifically for us, an atmosphere where our children feel their
opinions are valued, they are trusted, and they really love
learning. (I do not always succeed & so these lists/reading/etc. are
helping me to continue moving in a positive direction.) (...for our
family!)

I don't know how much personal info. we are supposed to share (or
not) on the list, but we have been foster parents for 5 1/2 years.
Our three amazing kids were adopted at various stages during this
51/2 year adventure, and all experienced multiple forms of abuse.
One event the other night summed it all up for me; my daughter was
laying in my bed talking to me about her day. She suddenly burst
into tears and said, "I can't be myself or I won't be wanted". We
cried together and talked about all the things we have talked about
so many times over the years - how precious and unique she is, how
none of the things that happened to her were her fault, how
incredibly she is loved and cherished by us. (Her comment was in
regards to an incident at a group activity earlier in the day.)

It is so important to me that my actions communicate acceptance to my
children. Unfortunately, no matter what I say, too many people in
her short life so far have sent her the message, "you are not wanted
here, welcome here, good enough". This is her current interpretation
of the actions of most of the important adults in her life so far
(natural parents, aunts & grandparents who were relative-foster
caregivers, teachers, caseworkers, and even us - she was our first,
and we made BIG mistakes in our first year of parenting, in the form
of consequences and reward systems.)

Soooo, I guess when it comes to taking classes where they might be
told their drawing isn't "good enough", and told this 5-7 times, I
have mixed feelings about letting my child participate. I feel like
I am sending a message of "I don't trust you, you can't choose for
yourself" if I don't let Gino sign up for the class, and I feel like
I am allowing more messages like, "your best isn't good enough" to be
heaped on his consciousness if I do let him participate.

I am becoming more well-informed thanks to the discussions on this
list - thank you again for taking the time to share your opinions /
experiences.

As my grandfather passed away last night, I won't be able to check in
for about a week. We're heading from Chicago down to Texas.

Take care all.


Shelly