monstermomma8080

Hi everyone. I've been lurking for a few hours. I'm on a few lists
for unschooling but am stumped as to why I haven't joined this one
earlier.

A short intro (I promise):

My name is Christine (27), dh Christopher (30), and we are
unschooling two boys in NJ. Aiden 4.5 and Max Ronin 2. We've been
unschooling since...ever since... Minus Aiden's short stint at a
montessori preschool--when at that time, I thought I was making the
best desicions. After listening to Aiden, I realized homeschooling
would be a better option for us but wasn't sold on the idea
of "school at home". It really put me off and I had wished we could
just use what came naturally to us...learning through living. When
voila! I came across unschooling.com and all our dreams came true =)
Unschooling goes beyond an "educational method" for us, it's our
lifestyle.

So now it's time for my question:

Dh is a very hands on kind of dad. During the weekends though, I
*wish* that he would take more initiative into coming up with cool
ideas of things we could possibly do as a family. Everyone in the
house is pretty much used to me coming up with ideas. Ideas like
going to the park, shopping, boardwalk, visiting friends/family, fun
projects, etc. We don't limit anything--we really let the kids just
naturally flow. Sometimes their natural flow leads them to watching
hours of tv which I don't mind. However, I don't see anything wrong
with saying "Hey guys, wanna make a fort outside? Wanna make
something out of clay? Anyone want to come with me to the park?" Most
times, the boys will 86 the tv and be more than willing to do
something else. Dh loves to lounge with them on weekends in front of
the tv, pc, or varying video game consoles. Again, I don't mind this
but at the same time...*should* I expect dh to initiate more?
*Should* I just leave him be and continue to be the sole "initiator"
of other fun things to do? Dh also isn't into "floor play" like he
doesn't play with them and their toys or role play. He does different
stuff with them mostly conversation, cuddling, reading, tecno
stuff, ... Am I "expecting" too much? Or being too persnippity? Is
what Dh does with the kids enough? See. I don't want to make dh be
someone he is not. I don't want to "diss" his parenting style. So
basically I am looking for advice, suggestions, your experience,
anything.

Thanks in advance.
monstermomma

gruvystarchild

---Hey Christine,
Ren here...haven't seen you for a while!! How are things at the
Oxygen boards? Tell Frances I said Hi.
I can relate to your struggle. But after 15 years of being with dh,
12 of which we've been parents, I have realized that we each offer
different things to our children. Not better or worse, just different.
He loves playing board games...I have to be convinced, he loves doing
active stuff outdoors with them, I'm better at coming up with fun
activities, projects or outings.
If he is involved and you are a happy family, I say just accept your
differences and enjoy them!
There is nothing wrong with one person being more of the "initiator"
for activities. You are just better at it probably.
Now if you're feeling resentful at being the one to always do this,
then it's worth discussing with him. But I have found acceptance to
be a great thing in our marriage.
I have learned to really value what he contributes, as different as
we are sometimes.
And I think it's great to offer activities,outings or ideas as much
as you want...as long as "No thanks" is a definite option for them
(which I can't imagine you wouldn't be open too!).
Keep with the flow...it's working right?
I sometimes get the "comparisonitis" problem when I see these Dads
that ALWAYS come on outings or to park days and wonder why my dh
doesn't enjoy that kind of thing.
But the way we are works for us. I really don't mind him not coming
on all of our noisy outings....I just can't compare him to other
Dads. We are unique, and I love what he offers to our children.
Good to have you here.
Ren








In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., "monstermomma8080" <imtired@o...> wrote:
> Hi everyone. I've been lurking for a few hours. I'm on a few lists
> for unschooling but am stumped as to why I haven't joined this one
> earlier.
>
> A short intro (I promise):
>
> My name is Christine (27), dh Christopher (30), and we are
> unschooling two boys in NJ. Aiden 4.5 and Max Ronin 2. We've been
> unschooling since...ever since... Minus Aiden's short stint at a
> montessori preschool--when at that time, I thought I was making the
> best desicions. After listening to Aiden, I realized homeschooling
> would be a better option for us but wasn't sold on the idea
> of "school at home". It really put me off and I had wished we could
> just use what came naturally to us...learning through living. When
> voila! I came across unschooling.com and all our dreams came true
=)
> Unschooling goes beyond an "educational method" for us, it's our
> lifestyle.
>
> So now it's time for my question:
>
> Dh is a very hands on kind of dad. During the weekends though, I
> *wish* that he would take more initiative into coming up with cool
> ideas of things we could possibly do as a family. Everyone in the
> house is pretty much used to me coming up with ideas. Ideas like
> going to the park, shopping, boardwalk, visiting friends/family,
fun
> projects, etc. We don't limit anything--we really let the kids just
> naturally flow. Sometimes their natural flow leads them to watching
> hours of tv which I don't mind. However, I don't see anything wrong
> with saying "Hey guys, wanna make a fort outside? Wanna make
> something out of clay? Anyone want to come with me to the park?"
Most
> times, the boys will 86 the tv and be more than willing to do
> something else. Dh loves to lounge with them on weekends in front
of
> the tv, pc, or varying video game consoles. Again, I don't mind
this
> but at the same time...*should* I expect dh to initiate more?
> *Should* I just leave him be and continue to be the
sole "initiator"
> of other fun things to do? Dh also isn't into "floor play" like he
> doesn't play with them and their toys or role play. He does
different
> stuff with them mostly conversation, cuddling, reading, tecno
> stuff, ... Am I "expecting" too much? Or being too persnippity? Is
> what Dh does with the kids enough? See. I don't want to make dh be
> someone he is not. I don't want to "diss" his parenting style. So
> basically I am looking for advice, suggestions, your experience,
> anything.
>
> Thanks in advance.
> monstermomma

Fetteroll

on 2/22/02 10:33 AM, monstermomma8080 at imtired@... wrote:

> During the weekends though, I
> *wish* that he would take more initiative into coming up with cool
> ideas of things we could possibly do as a family

I'd agree with Ren that that's just the type of guy he is. I suspect that it
isn't that he depends on you to find things to do so much as it isn't a top
priority with him. Perhaps he enjoys going along on activities (if he does)
but sitting around with the family is just as enjoyable to him. If tractor
pulls were a top priority in your life you'd probably go looking for them.
But I bet they're not and you're not ;-) Same with him and activities. How
could he persuade you to be more proactive in looking for tractor pulls (or
game software or curling on TV or anything you have no interest in) for the
family to do every weekend together?

> He does different
> stuff with them mostly conversation, cuddling, reading, tecno
> stuff

And lots of fathers don't even do that.

> Am I "expecting" too much? Or being too persnippity? Is
> what Dh does with the kids enough?

Yes and yes and yes. As with unschooling kids, you can strew they're paths
with things you think they'd like to do and things you think are important
but you can't make them pick the stuff up. You can help make it easier and
more fun for him to interact the way you'd like him to, but you can't make
him unless he wants to do it.

Joyce


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Bonni Sollars

My advice is be thankful he is a good father and allow nature to take its
course. To try and mold him into your image of the father/teacher is to
do just what public school does to the student. I hope this doesn't
sound harsh. I'm writing in a hurry.
Bonni

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