joanna514

I have an interesting dilemma, and thought I'd throw it out here to
get opinions.
My children (ages 8 and 11) came home from their cousins house and
told me about him just not *getting* that math is all around in the
real world, and that doing math on paper isn't the only way.
They had apparently had a lengthy discussion, with my nephew telling
them they'll never learn math unless someone makes them.
They felt sorry for him.
I later heard my son telling my dd that their cousin was telling
*everyone* that they don't have to do anything for school. He was
questioned by another boy, if this was true or not, and he said yes.
I've explained to them that everyone we know, doesn't think the way
we do. That they believe children have to be taught certain things
in certain ways in order to learn. And at the same time, I kind of
encouraged them to maybe not talk so much about the way we do
things. Esp. not to brag about it, like "aren't we lucky".
My dilemma is, I feel very uncomfortable stifling my children, but
also worry about people, who I know aren't even close to the ideas of
unschooling, becomming concerned about the welfare of my kids.
I was wondering how others have explained to their kids about how
different unschooling is, and sometimes different can scare people.
Joanna

gruvystarchild

--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., "joanna514" <Wilkinson6@m...> wrote:
> I have an interesting dilemma, and thought I'd throw it out here to
> get opinions.
> My children (ages 8 and 11) came home from their cousins house and
> told me about him just not *getting* that math is all around in the
> real world, and that doing math on paper isn't the only way.
> They had apparently had a lengthy discussion, with my nephew
telling
> them they'll never learn math unless someone makes them.
> They felt sorry for him.
> I later heard my son telling my dd that their cousin was telling
> *everyone* that they don't have to do anything for school. He was
> questioned by another boy, if this was true or not, and he said
yes.
> I've explained to them that everyone we know, doesn't think the way
> we do. That they believe children have to be taught certain things
> in certain ways in order to learn. And at the same time, I kind of
> encouraged them to maybe not talk so much about the way we do
> things. Esp. not to brag about it, like "aren't we lucky".
> My dilemma is, I feel very uncomfortable stifling my children, but
> also worry about people, who I know aren't even close to the ideas
of
> unschooling, becomming concerned about the welfare of my kids.
> I was wondering how others have explained to their kids about how
> different unschooling is, and sometimes different can scare people.
> Joanna


I know what you mean Joanna. I am fairly vague with most people or I
explain that we do a lot of "hands on" activities. That usually
satisfies them.
My oldest told someone "we teach ourselves" when questioned by a
coworker the other day. That didn't get a very good response, believe
me!
Some of the other homeschooled kids have expressed a strong desire to
unschool (when their parent's weren't in the room) and seemed jealous
of my free kids. But I really think that attracting jealousy is
natural when you have a great life!!!
As I say that, all three of my older kids are screaming at each
other...sheesh. So much for peace eh?
Anway, I don't think it's your problem that it attracts some
jealousy...if they want to enjoy freedom they can! It's all a
choice. I do remind my kids to not brag about it when their friends
complain about homework and stuff.
It's hard to have so much fun in a world that doesn't!! LOL
Ren

Kolleen

>My dilemma is, I feel very uncomfortable stifling my children, but
>also worry about people, who I know aren't even close to the ideas of
>unschooling, becomming concerned about the welfare of my kids.
>I was wondering how others have explained to their kids about how
>different unschooling is, and sometimes different can scare people.
>Joanna


Agreed here that stifling the children isn't a goal of respecting
children. OTOH, my thoughts is that its time for a conversation with the
children about the real life aspect of people who feel the need to look
out for other's welfare.

You might want to address the fact that on rare instances, it is a
blessing. Such as abused children, and even point out some local, or
national incident that this belongs with.

The conversation has to express how you see life as a learning
experience, so when they talk about how well they have it (and yes,
bragging will happen) explain how they somehow need to incorporate the
idea that they ARE learning.

Talk about how people feel the need sometimes to put their beleifs upon
others and call 'authorities' who then feel that your educational ideas
are in question.

Also let them know that you are complying with whatever your state laws
are so that they understand that there is nothing wrong in what you are
doing.

I think at 8 and 11, they should get a decent picture on how others, in
wanting to be helpful, might be hurtful.

The ONLY reason for this conversation is to prevent a well-intending
neighbor, friend, stranger from calling a child welfare agency and you
having to deal with that issue. Regardless of the outcome, its not worth
the hassle.

IF there is no chance of this happening in the circle that your children
are in, just let them do their bragging and let them have their glee of
feeling they are doing what is best for themselves. I think its great
they are speaking up for themselves and they understand the concepts of
life being the teacher.

Bragging is something that happens in certain circles of people. So if
they feel the need to, its possible that someone who is not unschooled
is somehow showing superiority in unseen or unheard ways that foster that
kind of talk.

just a few thoughts on the subject,
kolleen

joanna514

***> Also let them know that you are complying with whatever your
state laws
> are so that they understand that there is nothing wrong in what you
are
> doing.***


I did talk to them about most of the things you have discussed here.
My son bursted out in the middle of the conversation, "Are we
breaking the law?!"
I said "no, but we're technically not following it in the way people
think we are suppose to be following it."
I'm not really sure if that's true though. The law says 182 days of
*instruction* in the same subjects the schools cover.
Maybe we are criminals!
My 11 and I have been through all of this, because we talk a lot. My
son can only handle short wisps of conversation, so I am giving it to
him in bits.
He knows we are different, he just doesn't realize *how* different
yet.

I will reiterate the idea of talking about how much they are
learning, and to maybe talk about their interests, when describing
their education.
Thanks for the suggestions!
Joanna



--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., Kolleen <Kolleen@m...> wrote:
> >My dilemma is, I feel very uncomfortable stifling my children, but
> >also worry about people, who I know aren't even close to the ideas
of
> >unschooling, becomming concerned about the welfare of my kids.
> >I was wondering how others have explained to their kids about how
> >different unschooling is, and sometimes different can scare people.
> >Joanna
>
>
> Agreed here that stifling the children isn't a goal of respecting
> children. OTOH, my thoughts is that its time for a conversation
with the
> children about the real life aspect of people who feel the need to
look
> out for other's welfare.
>
> You might want to address the fact that on rare instances, it is a
> blessing. Such as abused children, and even point out some local,
or
> national incident that this belongs with.
>
> The conversation has to express how you see life as a learning
> experience, so when they talk about how well they have it (and yes,
> bragging will happen) explain how they somehow need to incorporate
the
> idea that they ARE learning.
>
> Talk about how people feel the need sometimes to put their beleifs
upon
> others and call 'authorities' who then feel that your educational
ideas
> are in question.
>
> Also let them know that you are complying with whatever your state
laws
> are so that they understand that there is nothing wrong in what you
are
> doing.
>
> I think at 8 and 11, they should get a decent picture on how
others, in
> wanting to be helpful, might be hurtful.
>
> The ONLY reason for this conversation is to prevent a well-
intending
> neighbor, friend, stranger from calling a child welfare agency and
you
> having to deal with that issue. Regardless of the outcome, its not
worth
> the hassle.
>
> IF there is no chance of this happening in the circle that your
children
> are in, just let them do their bragging and let them have their
glee of
> feeling they are doing what is best for themselves. I think its
great
> they are speaking up for themselves and they understand the
concepts of
> life being the teacher.
>
> Bragging is something that happens in certain circles of people. So
if
> they feel the need to, its possible that someone who is not
unschooled
> is somehow showing superiority in unseen or unheard ways that
foster that
> kind of talk.
>
> just a few thoughts on the subject,
> kolleen

rumpleteasermom

> It's hard to have so much fun in a world that doesn't!! LOL
> Ren

It can also be dangerous. Someone thought my kids weren't learning
enough and turned us in to CPS the first year we homeschooled.
Fortunately, my girls understood the possible consequences and told
the nice lady all about the stuff they were learning. They neglected
to mention that it was just stuff they felt like doing on any given
day.
So, yes, tell your kids not to lie. But also tell them to think
about what they are actually learning and talk about that should that
type of situation arise.

Bridget