Kolleen

>>Kolleen wrote:
>>I see some great posts from people and then I hear about their lifestyle
>>and realize why it might be easier for them to institute the actions in a
>>purely unschooling way.
>
>Tia wrote:
>I'm not sure what you're getting at here.


Bear with me and let me see if I can explain this without it sounding
like a release of one's self responsibility.

A person's self-worth is what determines their choices in life. So in
order to avoid intergenerational dysfunctions, somebody in the line has
to stop and change that path.

If a person was raised with self-worth, they will most likely make
choices that will allow unschooling to fall easier in their path. Such as
a supportive spouse. Which then snowballs into falling within the normal
realm of daily issues that arise. And the decision to unschool won't be
AS MUCH as an uphill battle as say the scenario below.

Now, lets say you have someone who had a dysfunctionally controlling
parent. This person then marries a controlling spouse. At some point,
they 'wake' up and realize that this isn't what life and parenting are
all about, and decide they want to take steps to make changes. So they
pull the kids out of school and start unschooling. The spouse is now
going nuts because dinner isn't on the table by X o'clock, the house is
messier now that the kids are home, and the spouse is unyielding and
relentless in being a thorn in the side of the parent trying to change.

This parent now has a bigger hurdle to jump, and the steps towards
unschooling may be slow even though the wishes of the parent is to make
giant ones.

Now, you might say, well that person should leave. This time I can speak
from personal experience. I left my unhusband because I did not want to
live in NYC and he would not move. Being a single mother isn't easy, and
it makes it much harder to unschool. I chose to live near a Sudbury
Valley school (my personal choice over unschooling). But it wasn't an
easy ride AND I only have one child. I can't tell another person to do
what I did. It wasn't easy and it takes a certain personality to do so. I
also ended up homeless and broke for a short period of time. Again, not a
choice I would tell someone to make. I can't imagine what a parent of 2+
kids would do. Most of them choose to stay.

I give the people credit that want to change the intergenerational
tendencies and move forward. But its sometimes yields more struggles for
one, than it does for others.

Don't let this conversation sound like one person has a bed of roses and
another doesn't. We all have our hurdles to jump. Some people have big
ones, and some have smaller ones.

And sometimes one side can't relate to the other.

regards,
kolleen

Cindy

Kolleen wrote:
>
> >>Kolleen wrote:
> >>I see some great posts from people and then I hear about their lifestyle
> >>and realize why it might be easier for them to institute the actions in a
> >>purely unschooling way.
> >
> Bear with me and let me see if I can explain this without it sounding
> like a release of one's self responsibility.
>
I see what you are getting at. But I also think that maybe you don't know
the pasts of some of the people involved!

(snip)

> Now, lets say you have someone who had a dysfunctionally controlling
> parent. This person then marries a controlling spouse. At some point,
> they 'wake' up and realize that this isn't what life and parenting are
> all about, and decide they want to take steps to make changes. So they
> pull the kids out of school and start unschooling. The spouse is now
> going nuts because dinner isn't on the table by X o'clock, the house is
> messier now that the kids are home, and the spouse is unyielding and
> relentless in being a thorn in the side of the parent trying to change.
>

I agree that this makes things a lot more difficult. If it helps any
to know, this is my second marriage and in many ways my second family.
I have an adult son who was traditionally schooled. I did a lot of
work on myself while I was single to get where I am today. I also
found a supportive spouse this time around - he's is as an unschooler
as I am!

I hope we can support you in whatever ways you need. Being a single
mother is difficult. If something ever happened where my children
needed to go to a brick-and-mortar school, I'd use a Sudbury Valley
one too. And if it helps, I have seen a lot of support for those
parents who want to unschool and who can't fully because of a spouse's
objection. Leaving isn't always an option and it isn't always in the
best interest of the child either. Sometimes it is hard to share
personal information on lists like this but it does help to understand
the specifics for each family.

--

Cindy Ferguson
crma@...

Tia Leschke

At 01:53 PM 28/01/2002 -0500, you wrote:
> >>Kolleen wrote:
> >>I see some great posts from people and then I hear about their lifestyle
> >>and realize why it might be easier for them to institute the actions in a
> >>purely unschooling way.

Thanks for the explanation. I see where you were coming from now.
Tia

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Eleanor Roosevelt
*********************************************
Tia Leschke
leschke@...
On Vancouver Island