Heather Woodward

If you don't mind sharing this with me ... someone made this statement..

btw: In our household, there are no chores, no TV limits, no limits
besides self imposed ones.

Does this mean that you do all the chores or that the kids participate willingly? My kids are young - but I would like them to grow up and participate as family members... the unschooling mindset would seem to suggest you wouldn't use a "chore list/chart" or have consequences for things not done -

I have a question about this - as I have an issue with this in my life- in my household there is this problem... my husband likes everything really neat (insanely neat) - he pitches in and definitely does more than his "fair" share - but as far as the kids go there is this stress. I don't tend to have them pick up everything.... books are everywhere. If we are working on a project, I have no problem leaving it out.. etc. I have little ones, and they seem to make incredible messes - and I could go crazy running around and picking up after them.... but when dad comes home - instead of dinner and fun and games it is a major clean-up which just ends in tears for all involved...

So what are the suggestions here - as far as having kids do chores, or being responsible for their "room". I have heard from many people that in order for kids to learn to do these things and take control of their belongings, etc they need to be made to do chores - however small they may be... I just have not been organized enough to do this - it seems quicker for me to just do it - which doesn't seem to help the overall situation....

Suggestions......

Thanks,

Heather
----- Original Message -----
From: Kolleen
To: Unschooling.com
Sent: Sunday, January 27, 2002 7:22 PM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Balance


>Tia wrote:
>I think the people on this list handle the idea of chores in a lot of
>different ways. I think I'm somewhere near the middle. I do insist on one
>kitchen chore daily.
[snip]


This is interesting considering the flavour of the topics in the past
week. I'm going to use this line as an example, but I'm not saying that
its only the mindset of Tia.

Okay, let me walk through my thought process and you can let me know if
you see the same two-sided monster that I do.

Everything is learning, hence life itself is educational.

A parent chooses to enforce one 'rule' such as a chore, yet finds issue
with any other enforcements such as TV control.

Now, doesn't that then make every idea fall under people being allowed
to be somewhere in the middle and still be considered an unschooler?

thoughts please,
kolleen

btw: In our household, there are no chores, no TV limits, no limits
besides self imposed ones. This is all purely in theory as to why I ask.

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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Kolleen

>Heather wrote:
>If you don't mind sharing this with me ... someone made this statement..
>
>>btw: In our household, there are no chores, no TV limits, no limits
>>besides self imposed ones.
>

The self-imposed restrictions are from trial and error.

My son was 4ish when I gave him full reign of his room. He subsequently
turned it into an area that was impossible to walk through. He soon
realized that he couldn't find most pieces to his toys and suffered for
months.

Eventually he asked me to help him and I did. We cleaned it up and
organized the mess. It took 3 days and lots of plastic bins. As we did
this, I discussed with him how he could choose to put away things before
he moved onto the next.

Now thats what he does and he's quite happy to find all his stuff. The
fact that the plastic bins, drawer and other storage helpers are around
makes it a breeze to put back together.

If he makes a mess that a bit overwhelming, he might ask me to help and I
do. Because we ask eachother for help.

I might be up in the bedroom and ask him to bring me something. He does
most of the time. But he knows he isn't obligated and will tell me, I
can't or I'm busy if he is.

Its something that has evolved out of letting him see how things work one
way and how things work another way.

He helps me cook some things. But only certain things that he likes. And
as far as cleaning, we pick up our plates from the table, or floor where
we ate and put them in the sink. I might ask him to put the trash bag in
the can and he is glad to help.

As far as bedtime. He chooses his own. And its usually very late. Between
11-1. Because we have a family bed, sometimes he waits up for me and
sometimes he goes to bed just because I am. There's no set rules about it.

He needs to be at basketball by 9am on Saturday. So after a many weeks of
feeling icky in the morning, he finally said to me 'I'm going to go to
bed at 10 on the night before basketball'. This was self-declared and it
just happened this past weekend.

Now, it will take a few more months to realize that he can't choose 10 on
one night and 1 on the other nights because he'll never get to sleep on
the 10 night. So in the next few weeks, I will discuss this with him when
the issue comes up. I don't have an agenda about it. It will just happen.

TV is something that I don't mind him watching. But most of the time its
MY fault that he might watch it too much. Either I'm not offering
environmental stimulation or I'm to under the weather to. When he has
options, he chooses the best one for him.

His father can't understand why he would rather watch TV than go to work
with him. But he hasn't quite caught up with the whole unschooling thing.
He thinks that the kid just wants to watch TV. He hasn't put together the
options he's offering.

If I walk over and say 'lets go to the zoo and carasel (sp)', the kid is
dressed and bugging me to leave.

I hope that gives you a good idea what I mean by self-imposed. And at
this point I am unschooling my son and my unhusband. The latter being a
bit harder since his brain is way hardwired in one direction :-)

regards,
kolleen

ECHSA

Hi
Heather asked about chores. As a new unschooler I have no idea whether or
not this fits under the cover of 'unschooling' (!!!) but this is what works
for us. My kids have the whole day to do their thing. But there are 2 times
designated as 'tidy-up time' - 8h00 and 17h30. (Oh, and the older kids clear
up after meals.)
This because I become tense and stressed if my home is always upside down.
So at those times, whoever is home pitches in and tidies up whatever is out
of place. At all other times
(unless mother-in-law is coming for tea!!!) I ignore the mess and let them
live.
The children didn't have much say in deciding this; it was instituted when
the first was a baby. It has become one of our family habits, and generally
it works without problems.
There is a lot of focus on the list about respecting and trusting children -
this has been wonderful.However, I also feel that my children need to
consider me. So whether or not it is what they would chose, there are some
things that really infringe on my enjoyment of our home, and I therefore
expect them to be sensitive to this in the same way as what I try to be
sensitive to their needs.
Comments from any 'experienced' unschoolers?
Regards
Cathy