Re: Going on strike
Jane E.
Dear Jill,
DO IT!!! Go on strike! It realy works! I did it a few years back, and let me tell you, things changed IMMEDIATELY.
I just told everyone what I was doing--the same things you said--I made sure there were groceries in the house, I would cook for myself and do my own laundry, and everyone else could do the same. My children were old enough to fix simple meals for themselves, so I knew no one would starve. It took two nights of cooking my own dinner, and things changed. The family cleaned up and started pitching in with tasks and chores.
Things started getting bad again recently, and after whining to dh about "I'm working as many hours a week as you, AND homeschooling, AND taking care of this house, with no help from you," I decided to stop whining and do it again. So we'll be on strike together!
Jane
I am absolutely going on
strike. I am not cooking for anyone until Mark jumps in here and helps.
Once he does, I'll work on the kids more, but he is setting a very poor
example. He gets home from work and either gets on the computer or goes to
bed. He only gets up to eat and walk the dogs. He is constantly yelling and
nasty and gives me no support whatsoever. I am going to feed myself and make
sure there is food in the house to eat, but everyone will have to get it
themselves, including their clean plates and utensils. I QUIT!!!!!!
DO IT!!! Go on strike! It realy works! I did it a few years back, and let me tell you, things changed IMMEDIATELY.
I just told everyone what I was doing--the same things you said--I made sure there were groceries in the house, I would cook for myself and do my own laundry, and everyone else could do the same. My children were old enough to fix simple meals for themselves, so I knew no one would starve. It took two nights of cooking my own dinner, and things changed. The family cleaned up and started pitching in with tasks and chores.
Things started getting bad again recently, and after whining to dh about "I'm working as many hours a week as you, AND homeschooling, AND taking care of this house, with no help from you," I decided to stop whining and do it again. So we'll be on strike together!
Jane
I am absolutely going on
strike. I am not cooking for anyone until Mark jumps in here and helps.
Once he does, I'll work on the kids more, but he is setting a very poor
example. He gets home from work and either gets on the computer or goes to
bed. He only gets up to eat and walk the dogs. He is constantly yelling and
nasty and gives me no support whatsoever. I am going to feed myself and make
sure there is food in the house to eat, but everyone will have to get it
themselves, including their clean plates and utensils. I QUIT!!!!!!
Sandy Kent
Hey,
Hang in there. He HAS TO HELP! The problem is some men never notice how much work we really do around the house and the family. What is even worse they do not mind the mess (your sink full of dishes being a grand example of that). Now the question is how we can get those guys to cooperate? Talking seems to do little good.
Sandy
Hang in there. He HAS TO HELP! The problem is some men never notice how much work we really do around the house and the family. What is even worse they do not mind the mess (your sink full of dishes being a grand example of that). Now the question is how we can get those guys to cooperate? Talking seems to do little good.
Sandy
----- Original Message -----
From: Jastypes@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, September 22, 1999 2:20 PM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Going on strike
From: Jastypes@...
Hello dear loopie friends. I have absolutely hit my limit here. My husband
is going to shape up, or we are getting a divorce -- and I mean it. If I'm
going to do everything alone, I might as well be alone. I went into the
kitchen to make dinner, and of course, as usual, it is a filthy, stinking,
disgusting mess. Honestly, ladies, if you saw how we live, you'd call the
authorities. I could not stand the thought of putting my hands into the
sinkful of dishes. I am seriously irritated that I have to swat flies away
from everything. This is totally unsanitary.
But there are 6 people making a mess here, and 1 person responsible for
cleaning up. NO MORE! You know, I prepared breakfast, then work everyday
from 9 to 11 at the church, then I come home, give the kids lunch, take them
somewhere to homeschool them, come home, hop on line for 1/2 an hour or so,
make dinner, then I do transcription work for about 6 hours a night, and get
to bed around 1 or 2 a.m. If I don't do it, the dishes don't get washed, the
garbage doesn't get taken out, the laundry doesn't get into hampers when
dirty, or folded and put away when clean, the kids don't get bathed, their
hair doesn't get brushed, they don't change their clothes, the tables doesn't
get cleared, the floors don't get swept, the litter boxes don't get emptied,
the rabbits don't get fed, etc. etc.
When am I supposed to do all this stuff????? I am absolutely going on
strike. I am not cooking for anyone until Mark jumps in here and helps.
Once he does, I'll work on the kids more, but he is setting a very poor
example. He gets home from work and either gets on the computer or goes to
bed. He only gets up to eat and walk the dogs. He is constantly yelling and
nasty and gives me no support whatsoever. I am going to feed myself and make
sure there is food in the house to eat, but everyone will have to get it
themselves, including their clean plates and utensils. I QUIT!!!!!!
I love you, and thank you for letting me vent. It's better than beating the
children or kicking the dogs.
--
Jill
Homeschooling Mom to Adam, Greg, Sheila & Amy
Adopted Mom to 2 dogs, 7 cats, 2 rabbits and a parakeet
Independent Typing Contractor and Church Secretary
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[email protected]
Hello dear loopie friends. I have absolutely hit my limit here. My husband
is going to shape up, or we are getting a divorce -- and I mean it. If I'm
going to do everything alone, I might as well be alone. I went into the
kitchen to make dinner, and of course, as usual, it is a filthy, stinking,
disgusting mess. Honestly, ladies, if you saw how we live, you'd call the
authorities. I could not stand the thought of putting my hands into the
sinkful of dishes. I am seriously irritated that I have to swat flies away
from everything. This is totally unsanitary.
But there are 6 people making a mess here, and 1 person responsible for
cleaning up. NO MORE! You know, I prepared breakfast, then work everyday
from 9 to 11 at the church, then I come home, give the kids lunch, take them
somewhere to homeschool them, come home, hop on line for 1/2 an hour or so,
make dinner, then I do transcription work for about 6 hours a night, and get
to bed around 1 or 2 a.m. If I don't do it, the dishes don't get washed, the
garbage doesn't get taken out, the laundry doesn't get into hampers when
dirty, or folded and put away when clean, the kids don't get bathed, their
hair doesn't get brushed, they don't change their clothes, the tables doesn't
get cleared, the floors don't get swept, the litter boxes don't get emptied,
the rabbits don't get fed, etc. etc.
When am I supposed to do all this stuff????? I am absolutely going on
strike. I am not cooking for anyone until Mark jumps in here and helps.
Once he does, I'll work on the kids more, but he is setting a very poor
example. He gets home from work and either gets on the computer or goes to
bed. He only gets up to eat and walk the dogs. He is constantly yelling and
nasty and gives me no support whatsoever. I am going to feed myself and make
sure there is food in the house to eat, but everyone will have to get it
themselves, including their clean plates and utensils. I QUIT!!!!!!
I love you, and thank you for letting me vent. It's better than beating the
children or kicking the dogs.
--
Jill
Homeschooling Mom to Adam, Greg, Sheila & Amy
Adopted Mom to 2 dogs, 7 cats, 2 rabbits and a parakeet
Independent Typing Contractor and Church Secretary
is going to shape up, or we are getting a divorce -- and I mean it. If I'm
going to do everything alone, I might as well be alone. I went into the
kitchen to make dinner, and of course, as usual, it is a filthy, stinking,
disgusting mess. Honestly, ladies, if you saw how we live, you'd call the
authorities. I could not stand the thought of putting my hands into the
sinkful of dishes. I am seriously irritated that I have to swat flies away
from everything. This is totally unsanitary.
But there are 6 people making a mess here, and 1 person responsible for
cleaning up. NO MORE! You know, I prepared breakfast, then work everyday
from 9 to 11 at the church, then I come home, give the kids lunch, take them
somewhere to homeschool them, come home, hop on line for 1/2 an hour or so,
make dinner, then I do transcription work for about 6 hours a night, and get
to bed around 1 or 2 a.m. If I don't do it, the dishes don't get washed, the
garbage doesn't get taken out, the laundry doesn't get into hampers when
dirty, or folded and put away when clean, the kids don't get bathed, their
hair doesn't get brushed, they don't change their clothes, the tables doesn't
get cleared, the floors don't get swept, the litter boxes don't get emptied,
the rabbits don't get fed, etc. etc.
When am I supposed to do all this stuff????? I am absolutely going on
strike. I am not cooking for anyone until Mark jumps in here and helps.
Once he does, I'll work on the kids more, but he is setting a very poor
example. He gets home from work and either gets on the computer or goes to
bed. He only gets up to eat and walk the dogs. He is constantly yelling and
nasty and gives me no support whatsoever. I am going to feed myself and make
sure there is food in the house to eat, but everyone will have to get it
themselves, including their clean plates and utensils. I QUIT!!!!!!
I love you, and thank you for letting me vent. It's better than beating the
children or kicking the dogs.
--
Jill
Homeschooling Mom to Adam, Greg, Sheila & Amy
Adopted Mom to 2 dogs, 7 cats, 2 rabbits and a parakeet
Independent Typing Contractor and Church Secretary
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/22/99 3:12:34 PM Pacific Daylight Time, Jastypes@...
writes:
<< If I don't do it, the dishes don't get washed, the
garbage doesn't get taken out, the laundry doesn't get into hampers when
dirty, or folded and put away when clean, the kids don't get bathed, their
hair doesn't get brushed, they don't change their clothes, the tables
doesn't
get cleared, the floors don't get swept, the litter boxes don't get emptied,
the rabbits don't get fed, etc. etc. >>
Why do you think all this is your responsibility? You let go of that and
half the battle is won.
1) I never, ever take out the trash. Period.... If the can gets full it
either runs over or I quit putting stuff in it and whatever is around that
needs to be in that can, lays around. Then when it gets bad, I refuse to go
into the kitchen period... Too unsanitary. They want meals, they'll get it
done.
2) Kids 12 and over can do their own laundry, and if they leave it in the
dryer or washer, after you've asked them to remove the stuff, open the back
door and throw it out into the yard. My former neighbors considered my house
great entertainment.
3) The only time I say anything about the shape of my kid's rooms is when it
becomes a fire hazard. If I say get it cleaned out it's a safety hazard they
get a couple of days, if it's not done, we've been known to padlock the room
and post a fire hazard sign on the door. (the funny thing about this one is
my daughter climbed in and out of her bedroom for a week and her friends did
too! They acted like there was nothing odd about it.) But, I got my brownie
pan back that had been in that room for a year with something in it... I'm
not sure what. This means that I don't put their clothes away. I stand at
the door, throw them on the bed, close the door and move on.
3) Quit, period. State that the unsanitary conditions bother you to no end
and you are no longer going to subject the family to conditions that may
cause food poisoning. Grab a book, and go read.
Usually, it's the best vacation I get in months <beg>.
Charlotte
writes:
<< If I don't do it, the dishes don't get washed, the
garbage doesn't get taken out, the laundry doesn't get into hampers when
dirty, or folded and put away when clean, the kids don't get bathed, their
hair doesn't get brushed, they don't change their clothes, the tables
doesn't
get cleared, the floors don't get swept, the litter boxes don't get emptied,
the rabbits don't get fed, etc. etc. >>
Why do you think all this is your responsibility? You let go of that and
half the battle is won.
1) I never, ever take out the trash. Period.... If the can gets full it
either runs over or I quit putting stuff in it and whatever is around that
needs to be in that can, lays around. Then when it gets bad, I refuse to go
into the kitchen period... Too unsanitary. They want meals, they'll get it
done.
2) Kids 12 and over can do their own laundry, and if they leave it in the
dryer or washer, after you've asked them to remove the stuff, open the back
door and throw it out into the yard. My former neighbors considered my house
great entertainment.
3) The only time I say anything about the shape of my kid's rooms is when it
becomes a fire hazard. If I say get it cleaned out it's a safety hazard they
get a couple of days, if it's not done, we've been known to padlock the room
and post a fire hazard sign on the door. (the funny thing about this one is
my daughter climbed in and out of her bedroom for a week and her friends did
too! They acted like there was nothing odd about it.) But, I got my brownie
pan back that had been in that room for a year with something in it... I'm
not sure what. This means that I don't put their clothes away. I stand at
the door, throw them on the bed, close the door and move on.
3) Quit, period. State that the unsanitary conditions bother you to no end
and you are no longer going to subject the family to conditions that may
cause food poisoning. Grab a book, and go read.
Usually, it's the best vacation I get in months <beg>.
Charlotte
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/22/1999 11:07:31 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
Rhiahl@... writes:
<< Grab a book, and go read.
Usually, it's the best vacation I get in months <beg>.
myself of what you just said.
Love,
Jill
Rhiahl@... writes:
<< Grab a book, and go read.
Usually, it's the best vacation I get in months <beg>.
>>Wow, Charlotte. That whole post was a keeper. I'm printing it out to remind
myself of what you just said.
Love,
Jill
faith buckley
Jill,
I know what you mean. Although, honestly, if I ask my hubby for help, he pitches
in greatly. But I''m the type that won't ask! I'll just throw a fit that I'm
doing all the work! But I seriously feel sometimes that I'm beating my head
against a wall trying to keep my house up. It doesn't help that I'm part
melancholy, and one thing out of place makes me feel like my house is a mess.
But I have four kids, too, 7, 5, 2-1/2, and 2 mos., and everytime I clean a room
they go in and thrash it! Especially my 2 year old.
But I have finally gotten to the point where I no longer care that my son (the
oldest) doesn't know how to do things perfectly, I still recruit his help whether
he likes it or not. And my five year old is more than happy to help mommy.
Although, I usually do have to go after her and redo what she's done.
I'd go on strike too (my hubby and I have even talked about it) but what my house
would look like during that time would drive me more insane than just being in
the rat race.
Best of luck on the strike!
A King's Kid...Faith
I know what you mean. Although, honestly, if I ask my hubby for help, he pitches
in greatly. But I''m the type that won't ask! I'll just throw a fit that I'm
doing all the work! But I seriously feel sometimes that I'm beating my head
against a wall trying to keep my house up. It doesn't help that I'm part
melancholy, and one thing out of place makes me feel like my house is a mess.
But I have four kids, too, 7, 5, 2-1/2, and 2 mos., and everytime I clean a room
they go in and thrash it! Especially my 2 year old.
But I have finally gotten to the point where I no longer care that my son (the
oldest) doesn't know how to do things perfectly, I still recruit his help whether
he likes it or not. And my five year old is more than happy to help mommy.
Although, I usually do have to go after her and redo what she's done.
I'd go on strike too (my hubby and I have even talked about it) but what my house
would look like during that time would drive me more insane than just being in
the rat race.
Best of luck on the strike!
A King's Kid...Faith
B & T Simpson
>>>I am absolutely going onstrike. I am not cooking for anyone until Mark jumps in here and helps.
Once he does, I'll work on the kids more, but he is setting a very poor
example. He gets home from work and either gets on the computer or goes to
bed. He only gets up to eat and walk the dogs. He is constantly yelling and
nasty and gives me no support whatsoever. I am going to feed myself and make
sure there is food in the house to eat, but everyone will have to get it
themselves, including their clean plates and utensils. I QUIT!!!!!!>>>
GO JILL , GO JILL!!!!!!!! one time when my husband got on my nerves one too many times by telling me how I should do the laundry (his way!!) I screamed I quit!!!! you do all of it!!! and he did!!! for six months!!! well, mine is a slow learner, all he had to do was ask me to throw in a load and do it anyway I want!! and I would have, but he preffered doing it himself that way he knew it was being done his way! and I didn't even do my own!!!!!
while looking for a book at the library the other day, called 401 WAYS TO GET YOUR KIDS TO WORK AT HOME, the guy at the library helping me find it suggested that the only way to accomplish that was to just leave as in vacation!!! alone and let them live in it!!! (not exactly reality but funny!!!)
good luck tell me how it turns out for you!!!
Tanya
Tanya M Simpson
Be sure to check out my online mall at
http://www.blmall.com
please enter d81371220 in the space
provided for code number
[email protected]
In a message dated 99-09-22 18:19:18 EDT, you write:
<<
I love you, and thank you for letting me vent. It's better than beating the
children or kicking the dogs.
--
Jill >>
Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself, and I think its great that you
are. What does it teach them when you do everything?
I know how you feel, as I have been close to this before with my husband. He
has really shaped up however. I think part of what helped us was his
realization that I had no trouble being on my own. At least you would know
that what you were doing was your own!!! I couldnt stand to share a house,
car, kids with someone who wasnt doing a good job and then have to share the
credit.
My husband is much better now-- not where I would feel best at, but much much
better. They think we cant live with out them. ANd we can. I am sorry for
your unhappiness, but please know that we are out here supporting you in your
reduiscovery of it.
Good luck
Rachael
<<
I love you, and thank you for letting me vent. It's better than beating the
children or kicking the dogs.
--
Jill >>
Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself, and I think its great that you
are. What does it teach them when you do everything?
I know how you feel, as I have been close to this before with my husband. He
has really shaped up however. I think part of what helped us was his
realization that I had no trouble being on my own. At least you would know
that what you were doing was your own!!! I couldnt stand to share a house,
car, kids with someone who wasnt doing a good job and then have to share the
credit.
My husband is much better now-- not where I would feel best at, but much much
better. They think we cant live with out them. ANd we can. I am sorry for
your unhappiness, but please know that we are out here supporting you in your
reduiscovery of it.
Good luck
Rachael
[email protected]
In a message dated 99-09-22 23:07:22 EDT, you write:
<<
3) The only time I say anything about the shape of my kid's rooms is when it
becomes a fire hazard. If I say get it cleaned out it's a safety hazard
they
get a couple of days, if it's not done, we've been known to padlock the room
and post a fire hazard sign on the door. >>
Charolette--
I am going to print up that letter of yours for when my kids are bigger (we
ahve toddlers right now,, soi they would just eat the trash). One question--
what about when they share a room and argue about its cleanliness (one messy
one neat!)
Great advice thank you!
Rachael
<<
3) The only time I say anything about the shape of my kid's rooms is when it
becomes a fire hazard. If I say get it cleaned out it's a safety hazard
they
get a couple of days, if it's not done, we've been known to padlock the room
and post a fire hazard sign on the door. >>
Charolette--
I am going to print up that letter of yours for when my kids are bigger (we
ahve toddlers right now,, soi they would just eat the trash). One question--
what about when they share a room and argue about its cleanliness (one messy
one neat!)
Great advice thank you!
Rachael
Tracy Oldfield
Stick to your guns Girl!!! But one thing I'd do is print out your message
here and show it to him, and say, look, this is it, I've said it already,
it's here. and then DO YOUR WORST!!!!!
Best Wishes
Tracy
here and show it to him, and say, look, this is it, I've said it already,
it's here. and then DO YOUR WORST!!!!!
Best Wishes
Tracy
> From: Jastypes@...to
> Subject: Going on strike
>
> When am I supposed to do all this stuff????? I am absolutely going on
> strike. I am not cooking for anyone until Mark jumps in here and helps.
> Once he does, I'll work on the kids more, but he is setting a very poor
> example. He gets home from work and either gets on the computer or goes
> bed. He only gets up to eat and walk the dogs. He is constantly yellingand
> nasty and gives me no support whatsoever. I am going to feed myself andmake
> sure there is food in the house to eat, but everyone will have to get itthe
> themselves, including their clean plates and utensils. I QUIT!!!!!!
>
> I love you, and thank you for letting me vent. It's better than beating
> children or kicking the dogs.
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/23/99 1:39:35 PM Pacific Daylight Time, Roop0625@...
writes:
<< I am going to print up that letter of yours for when my kids are bigger
(we
ahve toddlers right now,, soi they would just eat the trash). One
question--
what about when they share a room and argue about its cleanliness (one messy
one neat!) >>
Never had to face it. We always had 3 bedrooms. One for each of the older
ones. The younger ones still in our room. Then, by the time they were old
enough for their own rooms the older ones were gone. Blessings of a large
age gap between children I suppose. But, then again I've never had to
contend with a neat kid.
But, I have to say the trick is not to get upset. When we finally padlocked
a room it was with the very calm comment that "it's a fire hazard, you're
risking every life in this family and it's no longer acceptable, this is the
end of the discussion. You need something out of that room or, wish to go in
there to clean it, go through the window. However, you will not be allowed
to sleep in there or relax in there until it's cleaned."
But, I have to say it had become a serious fire hazard. People often comment
that stuff was laying knee deep somewhere when it's not that bad. This was
beyond knee deep. At one point I went in there and found newspapers at the
bottom of the pile from the previous year. Not to mention I kept hearing how
they had nothing to wear, which of course translated to "I can't find
anything to wear in that mess."
I'm not a screamer, yeller, spanker or any of that. But, I have my limits.
I tolerate a lot more mess in my house than I like. Simply because everyone
has different standards. At the ripe age of 43 I finally decided if it
doesn't bother anyone else why do I care. In reality, I do care and my
family has come to realize my stop point.
Now with just the three little ones at home I find myself starting over on
the pick up your stuff department. One of the things that seems to work here
is for me to say at around 8 pm once or twice a week, look I have to have
this stuff done, it's driving me nuts. And the old adage if mom ain't happy
no one is happy seems to sink in. So if everyone will just start picking up
for half an hour, I'll call us even and everyone can go about their business.
At 8:30 I yell out it's 8:30 thank you everyone, and I ignore the rest. DH
is the BEST in this situation, he'll keep the little ones moving while I work
in the kitchen...
It's not the best situation for my standards, but for now it works.
Teens are a whole other thing. I've never *assigned* chores. I probably
should but I always hated to have to do them. So I ask for help. Normally,
they will help out with things simply because when young I instilled the
"look I don't ask very often" psychology. But, I do have the standing rule
that your room is yours, the living room, kitchen etc is everyone's. Do what
you want in there, but don't drag it into the common household areas. If you
do, then you're old enough to pick up after yourselves. If they don't and I
have to ask several times to get their stuff up, I just throw it out the
front door. And, I don't discriminate. The 22 yo son I have lost a walkman
CD player to the rain. He was madder than a hornet. Well you bought it mom,
you just lost xxx dollars. I didn't lose anything, I gave you the gift, you
didn't care for it, you obviously didn't care, I tossed it out, I'm not
replacing it. Now, that's not to say I don't first try to *not go on the out
the door stuff* when there is expensive stuff laying around. Usually, I hope
they'll get it up first. The 22 yo to this day doesn't know that he had left
the cd player laying around and the 2 yo had broken it beyond repair before
it went out the door <eg>. My oldest will tell you that his biggest fear was
that he'd be let off by the school bus at the front of the house and his
underwear would be flapping from the porch post. It's a real cure. But,
it's extreme... So before you do something like this, warning is a very good
thing. I mean saying *look I've asked and asked, so any thing else I find
after 8 am tomorrow is outta here I have floors that have to be done* I
didn't just casually, daily walk around and do it... I let them know it was
coming first. After the first time, it was rare that it happened again. Be
aware that the dh tolerates it too. His only *assigned* task in the
household is garbage. He doesn't take it out, I don't go in the kitchen or,
I just pick up the trash can and throw it lock stock and barrel out the back
door. I don't want to smell that all day. Usually, this happens when the
thing is full and overflowing too, it's not as if he doesn't KNOW it needs to
go out. DH NEVER leaves his stuff laying around though. He's afraid he'll
miss the warning and something he has to have (he's the pack rat here) will
be gone.
We won't go into the period when the teens turn into college, I'm home once
every few weekends, kids. They think they are guests at that point. I'm
still working on that one. The 21 yo had to blow dry her money last week
cause I just picked up and threw her shorts into the washer without checking.
Charlotte
writes:
<< I am going to print up that letter of yours for when my kids are bigger
(we
ahve toddlers right now,, soi they would just eat the trash). One
question--
what about when they share a room and argue about its cleanliness (one messy
one neat!) >>
Never had to face it. We always had 3 bedrooms. One for each of the older
ones. The younger ones still in our room. Then, by the time they were old
enough for their own rooms the older ones were gone. Blessings of a large
age gap between children I suppose. But, then again I've never had to
contend with a neat kid.
But, I have to say the trick is not to get upset. When we finally padlocked
a room it was with the very calm comment that "it's a fire hazard, you're
risking every life in this family and it's no longer acceptable, this is the
end of the discussion. You need something out of that room or, wish to go in
there to clean it, go through the window. However, you will not be allowed
to sleep in there or relax in there until it's cleaned."
But, I have to say it had become a serious fire hazard. People often comment
that stuff was laying knee deep somewhere when it's not that bad. This was
beyond knee deep. At one point I went in there and found newspapers at the
bottom of the pile from the previous year. Not to mention I kept hearing how
they had nothing to wear, which of course translated to "I can't find
anything to wear in that mess."
I'm not a screamer, yeller, spanker or any of that. But, I have my limits.
I tolerate a lot more mess in my house than I like. Simply because everyone
has different standards. At the ripe age of 43 I finally decided if it
doesn't bother anyone else why do I care. In reality, I do care and my
family has come to realize my stop point.
Now with just the three little ones at home I find myself starting over on
the pick up your stuff department. One of the things that seems to work here
is for me to say at around 8 pm once or twice a week, look I have to have
this stuff done, it's driving me nuts. And the old adage if mom ain't happy
no one is happy seems to sink in. So if everyone will just start picking up
for half an hour, I'll call us even and everyone can go about their business.
At 8:30 I yell out it's 8:30 thank you everyone, and I ignore the rest. DH
is the BEST in this situation, he'll keep the little ones moving while I work
in the kitchen...
It's not the best situation for my standards, but for now it works.
Teens are a whole other thing. I've never *assigned* chores. I probably
should but I always hated to have to do them. So I ask for help. Normally,
they will help out with things simply because when young I instilled the
"look I don't ask very often" psychology. But, I do have the standing rule
that your room is yours, the living room, kitchen etc is everyone's. Do what
you want in there, but don't drag it into the common household areas. If you
do, then you're old enough to pick up after yourselves. If they don't and I
have to ask several times to get their stuff up, I just throw it out the
front door. And, I don't discriminate. The 22 yo son I have lost a walkman
CD player to the rain. He was madder than a hornet. Well you bought it mom,
you just lost xxx dollars. I didn't lose anything, I gave you the gift, you
didn't care for it, you obviously didn't care, I tossed it out, I'm not
replacing it. Now, that's not to say I don't first try to *not go on the out
the door stuff* when there is expensive stuff laying around. Usually, I hope
they'll get it up first. The 22 yo to this day doesn't know that he had left
the cd player laying around and the 2 yo had broken it beyond repair before
it went out the door <eg>. My oldest will tell you that his biggest fear was
that he'd be let off by the school bus at the front of the house and his
underwear would be flapping from the porch post. It's a real cure. But,
it's extreme... So before you do something like this, warning is a very good
thing. I mean saying *look I've asked and asked, so any thing else I find
after 8 am tomorrow is outta here I have floors that have to be done* I
didn't just casually, daily walk around and do it... I let them know it was
coming first. After the first time, it was rare that it happened again. Be
aware that the dh tolerates it too. His only *assigned* task in the
household is garbage. He doesn't take it out, I don't go in the kitchen or,
I just pick up the trash can and throw it lock stock and barrel out the back
door. I don't want to smell that all day. Usually, this happens when the
thing is full and overflowing too, it's not as if he doesn't KNOW it needs to
go out. DH NEVER leaves his stuff laying around though. He's afraid he'll
miss the warning and something he has to have (he's the pack rat here) will
be gone.
We won't go into the period when the teens turn into college, I'm home once
every few weekends, kids. They think they are guests at that point. I'm
still working on that one. The 21 yo had to blow dry her money last week
cause I just picked up and threw her shorts into the washer without checking.
Charlotte