Kolleen

>Sarah wrote:
>She has a goal.. a schedule... an agenda and
>she's not met her own expectations. She is
>disappointed yet she is still moving
>forward. My role as her parent, is to point out
>that what she perceives as
>'behind' isn't really behind at all if she
>considers that she's way ahead in
>other areas.

*Ahh, that fateful question :-)*

Sarah, these are pre-teen, or teenage children? This seems to be more of
mentoring situation.

How would you handle it if a dear friend or close relative came to you
with this question?

If someone came to me about not meeting expectations, a sister, a friend,
I'd ask them if they are telling me this because they want my help, or
because they just need to let it out.

Then according to the answer, I'd ask if they need help or suggestions.
Or I'd just let them let the steam out and go merrily on the way.

If they need suggestions, I'd talk about goals and setting realistic
ones. I'd talk about setting smaller goals that eventually lead up to the
big one.

I would also 'check-in' with them on occasion and ask how its going with
that issue. Again, according to the response, I'd tailor my conversation
accordingly.

For example, I've got issues that I'm having a hard time getting through
on my own. These are not parenting issues. I'm quite secure in that area.
These are issues concerning goals and expectations of myself in certain
areas of my life.

If I went to a mentor and wanted help with this issue, I wouldn't want to
hear 'but thats okay because you're a great parent'. I want to hear about
this issue and how I can get help to eventually overcome it.

regards,
kolleen