shaping our values
Leslie Moyer
In writing that last post, I was thinking about all the different things in
our lives that influence how we think/feel about things, our values and
priorities. One of my "hot buttons" is when people see themselves as
victims of their life's choices. (I'm not saying you're doing this, Pat--I
know that much of what you're writing is theoretical in order to understand
your own values....and with all I know you're competent at, I don't see you
in that role at all...the conversation just prompted these new thoughts for
me...giving you some insight into some of my own strong feelings about
certain things.)
I have a sister who is mentally ill and an alcoholic. She really relishes
the "victim" role and feels like life has been so unfair to her. I do
believe that some of her choices are crippled because of her mental illness,
but also see so many times when she did have rational, clear-thinking
choices and she chose the victim route intentionally. She has caused our
family a lot of heartache because of it. That's why "empowered choices" are
a particularly touchy subject for me.
An old friend of mine made very different parenting choices from me, but I
could look at her life and see *why* she made those kinds of choices. Her
own childhood was very unstable and she valued "independence" very strongly
as she had learned as a child that she couldn't count on anyone. I didn't
judge her for these choices--or even think any less of her at all for them.
I whole-heartedly understood why she was compelled to make these choices.
Anyway.....regarding all of the educational and parenting choices dialogue,
and knowing how much Pat is wrestling with some of these ideas, I just
wanted to say I really respect her--and many of the rest of you as I've seen
you post--for the courage to examine your ideas....as I examine my own. We
all make choices for heart-wrenching and heart-filling reasons. Just
because these are my ideas doesn't mean I think for a minute that they're
right for Pat or for anyone else. And my ideas are rarely set-in-stone!
Dialogue like this just helps me examine them--a process I enjoy.
Have a great day!
Leslie Moyer / Oklahoma
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our lives that influence how we think/feel about things, our values and
priorities. One of my "hot buttons" is when people see themselves as
victims of their life's choices. (I'm not saying you're doing this, Pat--I
know that much of what you're writing is theoretical in order to understand
your own values....and with all I know you're competent at, I don't see you
in that role at all...the conversation just prompted these new thoughts for
me...giving you some insight into some of my own strong feelings about
certain things.)
I have a sister who is mentally ill and an alcoholic. She really relishes
the "victim" role and feels like life has been so unfair to her. I do
believe that some of her choices are crippled because of her mental illness,
but also see so many times when she did have rational, clear-thinking
choices and she chose the victim route intentionally. She has caused our
family a lot of heartache because of it. That's why "empowered choices" are
a particularly touchy subject for me.
An old friend of mine made very different parenting choices from me, but I
could look at her life and see *why* she made those kinds of choices. Her
own childhood was very unstable and she valued "independence" very strongly
as she had learned as a child that she couldn't count on anyone. I didn't
judge her for these choices--or even think any less of her at all for them.
I whole-heartedly understood why she was compelled to make these choices.
Anyway.....regarding all of the educational and parenting choices dialogue,
and knowing how much Pat is wrestling with some of these ideas, I just
wanted to say I really respect her--and many of the rest of you as I've seen
you post--for the courage to examine your ideas....as I examine my own. We
all make choices for heart-wrenching and heart-filling reasons. Just
because these are my ideas doesn't mean I think for a minute that they're
right for Pat or for anyone else. And my ideas are rarely set-in-stone!
Dialogue like this just helps me examine them--a process I enjoy.
Have a great day!
Leslie Moyer / Oklahoma
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
I honor and respect what you have said here Leslie
living in abundance
lovemary
There are no victims in this world. . . only opportunities
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living in abundance
lovemary
There are no victims in this world. . . only opportunities
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pat Cald...
Leslie wrote:
+In writing that last post, I was thinking about all the different things +in
+our lives that influence how we think/feel about things, our values and
+priorities. One of my "hot buttons" is when people see themselves as
+victims of their life's choices. (I'm not saying you're doing this, Pat-+-I
+know that much of what you're writing is theoretical in order to +understand
+your own values....and with all I know you're competent at, I don't see +you
+in that role at all...the conversation just prompted these new thoughts +for
+me...giving you some insight into some of my own strong feelings about
+certain things.)
I also have a strong aversion to the "victim mentality". This is probably because I have worked very hard to overcome a difficult childhood and not be a victim myself. My siblings,all three,on the other hand, have never overcome their difficulties. My parents are both dead. When my siblings and I get together at holidays, we often talk about our childhood. As I see how their lives have been affected, I have become more angry at my parents for their ignorance. My siblings on the other hand can't understand this. They say they forgive my parents because they say they didn't know any better and they themselves never want to be judged for the flaws they have as parents. Unfortunately, their children are already suffering. I remember when I was dealing with my own problems and I found out what was causing them, I got very angry and it was that anger that gave me the energy to move forward. I want to be a good parent. It is very important to me.
Leslie and all others on this list, I am not thin skinned and appreciate your unedited thoughts and opinions. That is why I ask.
Pat
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+In writing that last post, I was thinking about all the different things +in
+our lives that influence how we think/feel about things, our values and
+priorities. One of my "hot buttons" is when people see themselves as
+victims of their life's choices. (I'm not saying you're doing this, Pat-+-I
+know that much of what you're writing is theoretical in order to +understand
+your own values....and with all I know you're competent at, I don't see +you
+in that role at all...the conversation just prompted these new thoughts +for
+me...giving you some insight into some of my own strong feelings about
+certain things.)
I also have a strong aversion to the "victim mentality". This is probably because I have worked very hard to overcome a difficult childhood and not be a victim myself. My siblings,all three,on the other hand, have never overcome their difficulties. My parents are both dead. When my siblings and I get together at holidays, we often talk about our childhood. As I see how their lives have been affected, I have become more angry at my parents for their ignorance. My siblings on the other hand can't understand this. They say they forgive my parents because they say they didn't know any better and they themselves never want to be judged for the flaws they have as parents. Unfortunately, their children are already suffering. I remember when I was dealing with my own problems and I found out what was causing them, I got very angry and it was that anger that gave me the energy to move forward. I want to be a good parent. It is very important to me.
Leslie and all others on this list, I am not thin skinned and appreciate your unedited thoughts and opinions. That is why I ask.
Pat
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]