More late night antics
[email protected]
Ok, Ok, so a lot of us seem to have the same problem here, hmmmmmm.
Well, I don't have to worry about waking my husband up, he would put a
hurtin' on me! I don't have to worry about having to jump in the sack with
him when he turns in, he doesn't usually ask me to. So, I have those two
problems licked. Of course, I am not the kind of woman who will wait on him
hand and foot either, so maybe he grown to accept that I am going to do what
I am going to do. It does help that he is a loner type of guy, and he likes
to sleep... a lot if he can help it. That gives me some slack when I need
it, which is a lot, because I am extremely independent. So, if he is just
looking for me to sit or lie next to him out of habit, I am not playing
along. That is when I feel like furniture. And since I have started working
again, I don't feel like furniture as much anymore :o)
He will just throw some attitude around till I corner him and make him spill
his guts. Then I will let him know how selfish he is and let him know how
much I love him!
Hey, families are complex things. It is hard to get everything right all of
the time, or even part of the time. But I think homeschooling does put an
interesting, more complex twist on things. Those of us at home with the
kiddies can get pretty overwhelmed by around 7:00 Pm. we have NO time to
ourselves all day, not even to go potty!!!! We do ache for time to de-stress
and absorb what our day has brought us...anticipating the next and things we
need to address or change. Things we need to get done. Growth phases of the
kids to figure out and very high levels of patience to maintain. And who are
we in all of this? Are we only our children or our spouses? Or do we have
an identity and interests unique to ourselves? I don't think I gave up being
an individual and a person when I got married and had children... I don't
think I ever agreed to totally eliminate any sense of self. Though I have
been the first to sacrifice my needs and wants in support of my spouse and
children. There are times when that is just not feasable or warranted.
No solutions here. I have no answers. Just keep honestly communicating. It
is nothing to lose a marriage over. But you can't lose your own identity for
your marriage either. If your mate loves and respects you, they will allow
you your space and come up with other ways to make time together. I only
know to respond in defense when I feel myself slipping away and I feel as
though I can't identify myself. Like someone said, "if Mama aint happy, aint
no body happy!". And that is true in my house. dad got a call at work today
about his selfish, defiant son from his frantic, I have had it, wife.
Needless to say a family conference was held when he got home! And I let
them all have it! We had the "more joy in giving than receiving
conversation" as I glared at my hubby <g>. And more of the "stop taking
advantage my patience and commitment to you" and "do you see the socks on the
floor or dirty dishes in the sink, who you leavin' em for????" Younger Ds of
course starts having to go the bathroom in fear of the pending nothing. But
it generally takes mom having a hairy kiniption fit to get the guys
motivated. And that saddens me greatly. Makes me wonder if I have any value
other than to be taken advantage of and be manipulated into being a household
servant. When I work, and am doing things publically for work, I get a lot
of credit and encouragement and thanks for the work I do. But I wish I got
more of that at home.
Yeah, I would say we as parents, definitely have to take our time to heal
ourselves, reflect, look forward, and just be ourselves ... if we can
remember who we are. I am going to set up date night with hubby once a
week...that is probably enough for him <g>. I do enjoy talking with him and
spending time with him. I am sure we can commit to carving out a notch of
time everyday while I am preparing dinner or something like that. If we are
committed to each other, we will make it work. Not me making it work for
him. Us making it work for each other.
One thing that helps is that I am an eternal optimist and know there is
indeed a solution to every problem I face. Though it may not manifest itself
to me at that moment, in due time and with patience, it will work itself out.
So I needn't freak out nealry as much as I used to. I only need to get
online with this list, visit a friend, go shopping, talk to my mom, or just
spend time in the tub with my candles and a bottle of Zima once in a great
while <g>.
Now, I have to go back to work and get something accomplished or I will be
spending more time with my hubby than I think, hahaha. A grantwriter who
writes no grants is of no good use ... wouldn't ya say?
Kim
Well, I don't have to worry about waking my husband up, he would put a
hurtin' on me! I don't have to worry about having to jump in the sack with
him when he turns in, he doesn't usually ask me to. So, I have those two
problems licked. Of course, I am not the kind of woman who will wait on him
hand and foot either, so maybe he grown to accept that I am going to do what
I am going to do. It does help that he is a loner type of guy, and he likes
to sleep... a lot if he can help it. That gives me some slack when I need
it, which is a lot, because I am extremely independent. So, if he is just
looking for me to sit or lie next to him out of habit, I am not playing
along. That is when I feel like furniture. And since I have started working
again, I don't feel like furniture as much anymore :o)
He will just throw some attitude around till I corner him and make him spill
his guts. Then I will let him know how selfish he is and let him know how
much I love him!
Hey, families are complex things. It is hard to get everything right all of
the time, or even part of the time. But I think homeschooling does put an
interesting, more complex twist on things. Those of us at home with the
kiddies can get pretty overwhelmed by around 7:00 Pm. we have NO time to
ourselves all day, not even to go potty!!!! We do ache for time to de-stress
and absorb what our day has brought us...anticipating the next and things we
need to address or change. Things we need to get done. Growth phases of the
kids to figure out and very high levels of patience to maintain. And who are
we in all of this? Are we only our children or our spouses? Or do we have
an identity and interests unique to ourselves? I don't think I gave up being
an individual and a person when I got married and had children... I don't
think I ever agreed to totally eliminate any sense of self. Though I have
been the first to sacrifice my needs and wants in support of my spouse and
children. There are times when that is just not feasable or warranted.
No solutions here. I have no answers. Just keep honestly communicating. It
is nothing to lose a marriage over. But you can't lose your own identity for
your marriage either. If your mate loves and respects you, they will allow
you your space and come up with other ways to make time together. I only
know to respond in defense when I feel myself slipping away and I feel as
though I can't identify myself. Like someone said, "if Mama aint happy, aint
no body happy!". And that is true in my house. dad got a call at work today
about his selfish, defiant son from his frantic, I have had it, wife.
Needless to say a family conference was held when he got home! And I let
them all have it! We had the "more joy in giving than receiving
conversation" as I glared at my hubby <g>. And more of the "stop taking
advantage my patience and commitment to you" and "do you see the socks on the
floor or dirty dishes in the sink, who you leavin' em for????" Younger Ds of
course starts having to go the bathroom in fear of the pending nothing. But
it generally takes mom having a hairy kiniption fit to get the guys
motivated. And that saddens me greatly. Makes me wonder if I have any value
other than to be taken advantage of and be manipulated into being a household
servant. When I work, and am doing things publically for work, I get a lot
of credit and encouragement and thanks for the work I do. But I wish I got
more of that at home.
Yeah, I would say we as parents, definitely have to take our time to heal
ourselves, reflect, look forward, and just be ourselves ... if we can
remember who we are. I am going to set up date night with hubby once a
week...that is probably enough for him <g>. I do enjoy talking with him and
spending time with him. I am sure we can commit to carving out a notch of
time everyday while I am preparing dinner or something like that. If we are
committed to each other, we will make it work. Not me making it work for
him. Us making it work for each other.
One thing that helps is that I am an eternal optimist and know there is
indeed a solution to every problem I face. Though it may not manifest itself
to me at that moment, in due time and with patience, it will work itself out.
So I needn't freak out nealry as much as I used to. I only need to get
online with this list, visit a friend, go shopping, talk to my mom, or just
spend time in the tub with my candles and a bottle of Zima once in a great
while <g>.
Now, I have to go back to work and get something accomplished or I will be
spending more time with my hubby than I think, hahaha. A grantwriter who
writes no grants is of no good use ... wouldn't ya say?
Kim
[email protected]
Kim and everyone that was so kind in addressing my discussion,
I waited until my husband came home from work, then I "invited" him to
go out with me tonight, so we could talk. I am not sure that we fixed
everything in one night, but we at least had a good conversation.
I discovered tonight, that my husband has always had these feelings
about "early risers" and "late risers". He just figured that as I "matured"
that I would become more "normal ". We discussed this in length, and I
discovered that he really thought that almost everyone was like him. He
figured that there was just a very small minority that actually liked staying
up late, sleeping late, and working 2nd or 3rd shift if they had to work out
of the home. He also tends to think that those who choose to live that type
of lifestyle are lazy! Well, I went through all the different types of
workers that work 2nd or 3rd (including doctors, nurses, firemen, emergency
team personnel, policeman, factory workers, restaurant workers, etc). He
said that these people only work that shift because they "have" to, that they
can't find another 1st shift job that pays as well and that when they do,
they would become part of the majority that works 1st shift! I had to
clarify to him, that this "idea" of his wasn't necessarily true. I think
that he finally agreed "a little", but he hasn't really changed his mind
about it. He did say that he doesn't care if we all stay up late, if we
really keep quiet so that he can get some sleep before work. Of course, I
agreed upon this! This is what I have been trying to do all along!
Unfortunately, he added on the end of the conversation, that we should
still get up at a "reasonable" hour. When I asked him what this was, he
mentioned between 7:00 am and 8:00 am. Of course, this seemed to begin the
whole conversation all over again, so I almost felt like I had gotten
absolutely nowhere!!! Anyway, we talked all over again, how the words
"reasonable hour" means different things to different people. Anyway, I did
stress that as long as we accomplished everything in our day, that someone
that rises and goes to bed early does, that is shouldn't matter. He did
agree to this, but he still things people like me are weird! :) Oh well, I
couldn't quite deny that, since I probably am! Ha ha.
We also discussed his temper. He said that he hadn't realized that he
had been yelling like that, but that he hadn't gotten used to the earlier
hours of his new job yet, and that he has been feeling really tired in the
morning. He said that he sometimes felt like he was fighting off sleep on
the way to work! I told him that he needed to let me and the kids know that,
so we could let him go to bed even earlier, and we could be quiet alot
earlier in the evening.
I was very happy with the turnout of our discussion tonight. I know
that we will still probably have to "work" at it and adapt to each others
schedule, but at least we finally know where the other person stands. I
wasn't aware that he thought that he could change me (after 19 years) and I
imagine that he is a little dissapointed to find out that I probably won't
change. However, we did agree to compromise at times, and to be sensitive to
how the other person feels about things. We also agreed to try and accept
those things about each other that are so different.
I know that this doesn't mean there won't ever be any more problems, but
I do feel like we are back to communicating and getting along. Tonight was
so much better! The kids are playing in a different bedroom (he said that
even when they were quiet, in the bedroom above ours, he could still hear
every tiny noise. He said that that was what was keeping him up at nights),
so that they don't keep their dad awake. He hasn't yelled or came out of the
bedroom even once tonight, so so far, so good! Thanks for all the advice
and shared woes!
Tami
I waited until my husband came home from work, then I "invited" him to
go out with me tonight, so we could talk. I am not sure that we fixed
everything in one night, but we at least had a good conversation.
I discovered tonight, that my husband has always had these feelings
about "early risers" and "late risers". He just figured that as I "matured"
that I would become more "normal ". We discussed this in length, and I
discovered that he really thought that almost everyone was like him. He
figured that there was just a very small minority that actually liked staying
up late, sleeping late, and working 2nd or 3rd shift if they had to work out
of the home. He also tends to think that those who choose to live that type
of lifestyle are lazy! Well, I went through all the different types of
workers that work 2nd or 3rd (including doctors, nurses, firemen, emergency
team personnel, policeman, factory workers, restaurant workers, etc). He
said that these people only work that shift because they "have" to, that they
can't find another 1st shift job that pays as well and that when they do,
they would become part of the majority that works 1st shift! I had to
clarify to him, that this "idea" of his wasn't necessarily true. I think
that he finally agreed "a little", but he hasn't really changed his mind
about it. He did say that he doesn't care if we all stay up late, if we
really keep quiet so that he can get some sleep before work. Of course, I
agreed upon this! This is what I have been trying to do all along!
Unfortunately, he added on the end of the conversation, that we should
still get up at a "reasonable" hour. When I asked him what this was, he
mentioned between 7:00 am and 8:00 am. Of course, this seemed to begin the
whole conversation all over again, so I almost felt like I had gotten
absolutely nowhere!!! Anyway, we talked all over again, how the words
"reasonable hour" means different things to different people. Anyway, I did
stress that as long as we accomplished everything in our day, that someone
that rises and goes to bed early does, that is shouldn't matter. He did
agree to this, but he still things people like me are weird! :) Oh well, I
couldn't quite deny that, since I probably am! Ha ha.
We also discussed his temper. He said that he hadn't realized that he
had been yelling like that, but that he hadn't gotten used to the earlier
hours of his new job yet, and that he has been feeling really tired in the
morning. He said that he sometimes felt like he was fighting off sleep on
the way to work! I told him that he needed to let me and the kids know that,
so we could let him go to bed even earlier, and we could be quiet alot
earlier in the evening.
I was very happy with the turnout of our discussion tonight. I know
that we will still probably have to "work" at it and adapt to each others
schedule, but at least we finally know where the other person stands. I
wasn't aware that he thought that he could change me (after 19 years) and I
imagine that he is a little dissapointed to find out that I probably won't
change. However, we did agree to compromise at times, and to be sensitive to
how the other person feels about things. We also agreed to try and accept
those things about each other that are so different.
I know that this doesn't mean there won't ever be any more problems, but
I do feel like we are back to communicating and getting along. Tonight was
so much better! The kids are playing in a different bedroom (he said that
even when they were quiet, in the bedroom above ours, he could still hear
every tiny noise. He said that that was what was keeping him up at nights),
so that they don't keep their dad awake. He hasn't yelled or came out of the
bedroom even once tonight, so so far, so good! Thanks for all the advice
and shared woes!
Tami
Linda Wyatt
> From: FreeSchool@...I think it's interesting that he is having some trouble adjusting to a
> We also discussed his temper. He said that he hadn't realized that he
> had been yelling like that, but that he hadn't gotten used to the earlier
> hours of his new job yet, and that he has been feeling really tired in the
> morning. He said that he sometimes felt like he was fighting off sleep on
> the way to work! I told him that he needed to let me and the kids know
> that, so we could let him go to bed even earlier, and we could be quiet
> alot earlier in the evening.
schedule change, yet wishes everyone else would change theirs. :-)
> I was very happy with the turnout of our discussion tonight.It sounds like you handled it very, very well.
Linda
--
Linda Wyatt
hilinda@...
http://www.lightlink.com/hilinda
Learning everywhere, all the time.
Algebra before breakfast
"A lie, you see, no matter how often or how vociferously repeated, may be
mistaken for the truth, but it does not become the truth." - Adam Crown
Thomas and Nanci Kuykendall
We discussed this in length, and I
people who are night owls. Did you know that Winston Churchill was a night
owl? During WWII his advisors and generals all had to wait around till
after noon to meet with him. But he was up all night handling problems,
War doesn't stop when the sun goes down!
Anyway, you could probably find lots of statistics and information at the
local library about folks who are night owls, or prefer the night shift.
Perhaps you can show your husband that some public figures he may admire or
respect were/are night people, or that there are a LOT more of us than he
suspects.
I think that for almost everyone who lives this lifestyle it is a conscious
choice and they prefer the night. I know I do. We have a whole family
full of night owls here. The only problem is that the 2.5 year old also
wants to get up at 6am (UGH!!) If I could just get him to sleep in with
the rest of us, maybe we could pare down that three hour afternoon nap!
Every time I try to skip his nap to get him on a schedule more amenable to
Mom and Dad he ends up face down in his dinner by 5:30pm, sleeps fitfully
all night, and wakes up an impossible grouch the next day. Sigh....anyone
have any suggestions about HIM?
Nanci K. in Idaho
>discovered that he really thought that almost everyone was like him. Hestaying
>figured that there was just a very small minority that actually liked
>up late, sleeping late, and working 2nd or 3rd shift if they had to work outMaybe you need to get some "proof" that your husband can digest about the
>of the home. He also tends to think that those who choose to live that type
>of lifestyle are lazy! Well, I went through all the different types of
>workers that work 2nd or 3rd (including doctors, nurses, firemen, emergency
>team personnel, policeman, factory workers, restaurant workers, etc).
people who are night owls. Did you know that Winston Churchill was a night
owl? During WWII his advisors and generals all had to wait around till
after noon to meet with him. But he was up all night handling problems,
War doesn't stop when the sun goes down!
Anyway, you could probably find lots of statistics and information at the
local library about folks who are night owls, or prefer the night shift.
Perhaps you can show your husband that some public figures he may admire or
respect were/are night people, or that there are a LOT more of us than he
suspects.
I think that for almost everyone who lives this lifestyle it is a conscious
choice and they prefer the night. I know I do. We have a whole family
full of night owls here. The only problem is that the 2.5 year old also
wants to get up at 6am (UGH!!) If I could just get him to sleep in with
the rest of us, maybe we could pare down that three hour afternoon nap!
Every time I try to skip his nap to get him on a schedule more amenable to
Mom and Dad he ends up face down in his dinner by 5:30pm, sleeps fitfully
all night, and wakes up an impossible grouch the next day. Sigh....anyone
have any suggestions about HIM?
Nanci K. in Idaho
[email protected]
Tami,
WooHoo! I am so happy for you. Communication is the best thing in the
world. We find that we didn't even know what was right before our eyes.
Here you all thought you were being so quiet and you were upset because you
had all been doing so much to keep quiet, yet, your husband could hear
everything upstairs. He thought you knew that and didn't care. Round and
Round it goes, doesn't stop until we TALK! I think we all have to just keep
reminding ourselves of that, it is very easy to loose sight of.
I have to commend you, it takes courage to really sit down and confront
issues, so, congrats , you go girl!!
Teresa
WooHoo! I am so happy for you. Communication is the best thing in the
world. We find that we didn't even know what was right before our eyes.
Here you all thought you were being so quiet and you were upset because you
had all been doing so much to keep quiet, yet, your husband could hear
everything upstairs. He thought you knew that and didn't care. Round and
Round it goes, doesn't stop until we TALK! I think we all have to just keep
reminding ourselves of that, it is very easy to loose sight of.
I have to commend you, it takes courage to really sit down and confront
issues, so, congrats , you go girl!!
Teresa
Victoria Lawson
>conscious
> I think that for almost everyone who lives this lifestyle it is a
> choice and they prefer the night. I know I do. We have a whole familyHi,
> full of night owls here. The only problem is that the 2.5 year old also
> wants to get up at 6am (UGH!!) If I could just get him to sleep in with
> the rest of us, maybe we could pare down that three hour afternoon nap!
> Every time I try to skip his nap to get him on a schedule more amenable to
> Mom and Dad he ends up face down in his dinner by 5:30pm, sleeps fitfully
> all night, and wakes up an impossible grouch the next day. Sigh....anyone
> have any suggestions about HIM?
>
> Nanci K. in Idaho
>
I just joined this list a few days ago, and thought I would chime in since I
had this same problem with my youngest son. Long afternoon naps early
riser.. the only thing that worked with him was getting older (sorry! I
know that is probably NOT what you want to hear!) Once he got a little
older (I think by about 3 or 3 1/2) he quit taking naps and ended up
sleeping later in the morning.
It's frustrating for everyone, but it is also likely to change by itself.
Good luck!
Vicki in California
unschooling (with) two very rambunctious children :-)
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/22/99 10:26:21 AM Central Daylight Time,
tn-k4of5@... writes:
<< Maybe you need to get some "proof" that your husband can digest about the
people who are night owls. Did you know that Winston Churchill was a night
owl? During WWII his advisors and generals all had to wait around till
after noon to meet with him. But he was up all night handling problems,
War doesn't stop when the sun goes down!
Anyway, you could probably find lots of statistics and information at the
local library about folks who are night owls, or prefer the night shift.
Perhaps you can show your husband that some public figures he may admire or
respect were/are night people, or that there are a LOT more of us than he
suspects.
I think that for almost everyone who lives this lifestyle it is a conscious
choice and they prefer the night. I know I do. We have a whole family
full of night owls here. The only problem is that the 2.5 year old also
wants to get up at 6am (UGH!!) If I could just get him to sleep in with
the rest of us, maybe we could pare down that three hour afternoon nap!
Every time I try to skip his nap to get him on a schedule more amenable to
Mom and Dad he ends up face down in his dinner by 5:30pm, sleeps fitfully
all night, and wakes up an impossible grouch the next day. Sigh....anyone
have any suggestions about HIM? >>
Nanci,
Hey, what a great idea! I really think it might work, if I show him
people that he actually admires. I am going to tell him the story about
Winston Churchill, and then I am going to look up some more people. That is
such a coooolllll idea!
I am not sure what to tell you to do about your son. My kids were
always wanting to stay up late with mom and dad. It was always such a
struggle to get them to bed at night, that we would finally give in and let
them stay up with us (except for when they were school age and in public
school----boy, I'm glad we're not going that route any more!). When we
started letting them stay up until 10:00 or 11:00 at night, they went to
sleep quicker and slept much later in the morning. As a matter of fact, my
daughter did this before she turned a year old and scared me half to death!
I came awake and shook her (gently but very frightened!) as she lay next to
me! She was so deeply asleep that she barely seemed to be breathing, and
here it was 10:00 in the morning and she hadn't woke me up yet! Of course, I
may have slept through her last nursing since she generally nursed on & off
all night, while we both slept! LOL
Tami
tn-k4of5@... writes:
<< Maybe you need to get some "proof" that your husband can digest about the
people who are night owls. Did you know that Winston Churchill was a night
owl? During WWII his advisors and generals all had to wait around till
after noon to meet with him. But he was up all night handling problems,
War doesn't stop when the sun goes down!
Anyway, you could probably find lots of statistics and information at the
local library about folks who are night owls, or prefer the night shift.
Perhaps you can show your husband that some public figures he may admire or
respect were/are night people, or that there are a LOT more of us than he
suspects.
I think that for almost everyone who lives this lifestyle it is a conscious
choice and they prefer the night. I know I do. We have a whole family
full of night owls here. The only problem is that the 2.5 year old also
wants to get up at 6am (UGH!!) If I could just get him to sleep in with
the rest of us, maybe we could pare down that three hour afternoon nap!
Every time I try to skip his nap to get him on a schedule more amenable to
Mom and Dad he ends up face down in his dinner by 5:30pm, sleeps fitfully
all night, and wakes up an impossible grouch the next day. Sigh....anyone
have any suggestions about HIM? >>
Nanci,
Hey, what a great idea! I really think it might work, if I show him
people that he actually admires. I am going to tell him the story about
Winston Churchill, and then I am going to look up some more people. That is
such a coooolllll idea!
I am not sure what to tell you to do about your son. My kids were
always wanting to stay up late with mom and dad. It was always such a
struggle to get them to bed at night, that we would finally give in and let
them stay up with us (except for when they were school age and in public
school----boy, I'm glad we're not going that route any more!). When we
started letting them stay up until 10:00 or 11:00 at night, they went to
sleep quicker and slept much later in the morning. As a matter of fact, my
daughter did this before she turned a year old and scared me half to death!
I came awake and shook her (gently but very frightened!) as she lay next to
me! She was so deeply asleep that she barely seemed to be breathing, and
here it was 10:00 in the morning and she hadn't woke me up yet! Of course, I
may have slept through her last nursing since she generally nursed on & off
all night, while we both slept! LOL
Tami
B & T Simpson
The kids are playing in a different bedroom (he said that
the hall outside of his door to help with the noise? my husband works four
days of day shift, followed by four days offf and then four days of night
shift! so he has gone to putting the fan in the room or turning on the
airconditioner to help block the noise and it really helps alot!!! also you
should probably do like I did with my husband who sounds an awful lot like
mine! look him in the face and explain to him that he is who he is and you
will never be him not now not ever, you are you and he will never be you no
matter how hard you try to make him you it won't happen so he needs to stop
trying to turn you and your family into him!!!! it helps for a while but
they need reminding frequently that differences in people are what make the
world so wonderful if we were all the same we would have to kill one
another!!!!
Tanya
http://www.blmall.com
please enter d81371220 in the space
provided for code number-------------------------- ONElist
Sponsor ----------------------------
>even when they were quiet, in the bedroom above ours, he could still hearnights),
>every tiny noise. He said that that was what was keeping him up at
>so that they don't keep their dad awake. He hasn't yelled or came out ofthe
>bedroom even once tonight, so so far, so good! >>>>>Tami, have you tried a noise machine or a simple box fan in his room or in
the hall outside of his door to help with the noise? my husband works four
days of day shift, followed by four days offf and then four days of night
shift! so he has gone to putting the fan in the room or turning on the
airconditioner to help block the noise and it really helps alot!!! also you
should probably do like I did with my husband who sounds an awful lot like
mine! look him in the face and explain to him that he is who he is and you
will never be him not now not ever, you are you and he will never be you no
matter how hard you try to make him you it won't happen so he needs to stop
trying to turn you and your family into him!!!! it helps for a while but
they need reminding frequently that differences in people are what make the
world so wonderful if we were all the same we would have to kill one
another!!!!
Tanya
>-Tanya M SimpsonBe sure to check out my online mall at
http://www.blmall.com
please enter d81371220 in the space
provided for code number-------------------------- ONElist
Sponsor ----------------------------
>
>Share your special moments with family and friends- send PHOTO Greetings
>at Zing.com! Use your own photos or choose from a variety of funny,
> cute, cool and animated cards.
> <a href=" http://clickme.onelist.com/ad/zing9 ">Click Here</a>
>
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Check it out!
>http://www.unschooling.com
>
>
B & T Simpson
The only problem is that the 2.5 year old also
definitely a night owl and my 81/2 yo son is an early bird! up anywhere
between 6:30-7:30 everyday and last year he had a self imposed bed time of
8:30!! not one minute later! he would just walk in look at us and say see ya
I'm going to bed! even if we ate dinner late and were still at the table, he
would get frantic about not going to bed on his time table!! ( he is alot
like his dad!!!) my oldest does most of her working on things late, she
will sit in her room working on math, english, reading whatever just hanging
out! and this makes my husband nuts, he thinks they should all be in bed by
8:00 so we have the night alone, which I don't understand anyway because he
never even sits down, hes always all over the house working on projects???
weird some day I will get him to understand that that is how her body works
and to just let her be productive!!!
Tanya who has them swinging in both directions also!!!
>wants to get up at 6am (UGH!!) If I could just get him to sleep in withinternal clock!!! I also am a somewhat of a night owl, my oldest is
>the rest of us, maybe we could pare down that three hour afternoon nap!
>Every time I try to skip his nap to get him on a schedule more amenable to
>Mom and Dad he ends up face down in his dinner by 5:30pm, sleeps fitfully
>all night, and wakes up an impossible grouch the next day. Sigh....anyone
>have any suggestions about HIM?>>>
>
>Nanci , sounds to me like you might be trying to interfere with his
definitely a night owl and my 81/2 yo son is an early bird! up anywhere
between 6:30-7:30 everyday and last year he had a self imposed bed time of
8:30!! not one minute later! he would just walk in look at us and say see ya
I'm going to bed! even if we ate dinner late and were still at the table, he
would get frantic about not going to bed on his time table!! ( he is alot
like his dad!!!) my oldest does most of her working on things late, she
will sit in her room working on math, english, reading whatever just hanging
out! and this makes my husband nuts, he thinks they should all be in bed by
8:00 so we have the night alone, which I don't understand anyway because he
never even sits down, hes always all over the house working on projects???
weird some day I will get him to understand that that is how her body works
and to just let her be productive!!!
Tanya who has them swinging in both directions also!!!
>
>>Check it out!
>http://www.unschooling.com
>
>
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/23/99 6:40:17 AM Pacific Standard Time,
michigan@... writes:
<< Tami, have you tried a noise machine or a simple box fan in his room or in
the hall outside of his door to help with the noise? >>
I second this! My dh sleeps with the fan on(for the noise). After 19 years,
it STILL drives ME nuts!! BUT, he never complains about the noise that me and
the kids make while he's trying to sleep! Also, you could get him those
earplugs that are made out of rubber or foam or something. They really work.
In MY house, it's my 14 yo dd who complains about the noise we make in the
morning--and I'm not talking about EARLY morning, either! I'm talking 9:00
am! We just try to ignore her tirades, though! I feel sorry for her future
husband!
Mary Ellen (with the dd who thinks she's QUEEN)
michigan@... writes:
<< Tami, have you tried a noise machine or a simple box fan in his room or in
the hall outside of his door to help with the noise? >>
I second this! My dh sleeps with the fan on(for the noise). After 19 years,
it STILL drives ME nuts!! BUT, he never complains about the noise that me and
the kids make while he's trying to sleep! Also, you could get him those
earplugs that are made out of rubber or foam or something. They really work.
In MY house, it's my 14 yo dd who complains about the noise we make in the
morning--and I'm not talking about EARLY morning, either! I'm talking 9:00
am! We just try to ignore her tirades, though! I feel sorry for her future
husband!
Mary Ellen (with the dd who thinks she's QUEEN)
[email protected]
In a message dated 09/23/1999 2:40:39 PM !!!First Boot!!!,
michigan@... writes:
<< Tami, have you tried a noise machine or a simple box fan in his room or in
the hall outside of his door to help with the noise? >>
I am also one that can verify that after a few nights of the fan, you do not
hear a thing! When I left my first husband, I slept very lightly, and had
nothing on. He is a stalker, etc. and I wanted to be sure that I could hear
EVERYTHING. (He stole our children from my college, and other various things
happened)
When I remarried, my husband could not sleep without background noise,
grrr. After a few sleepless nights, my mind was trying to search out the
children, I finally crashed, and now can sleep with the cd player (which is
on random, making a horrible shuffling noise) and the fan. I do not hear the
children until they want something! Normally FOOD...
The fan is an exellent idea. and you can still hear the alarm clock.
Stephanie
michigan@... writes:
<< Tami, have you tried a noise machine or a simple box fan in his room or in
the hall outside of his door to help with the noise? >>
I am also one that can verify that after a few nights of the fan, you do not
hear a thing! When I left my first husband, I slept very lightly, and had
nothing on. He is a stalker, etc. and I wanted to be sure that I could hear
EVERYTHING. (He stole our children from my college, and other various things
happened)
When I remarried, my husband could not sleep without background noise,
grrr. After a few sleepless nights, my mind was trying to search out the
children, I finally crashed, and now can sleep with the cd player (which is
on random, making a horrible shuffling noise) and the fan. I do not hear the
children until they want something! Normally FOOD...
The fan is an exellent idea. and you can still hear the alarm clock.
Stephanie
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/23/99 8:04:22 AM Pacific Daylight Time,
Kitchen38@... writes:
<<
I second this! My dh sleeps with the fan on(for the noise). After 19 years,
it STILL drives ME nuts!! >>
I used a fan, drove my dh nuts. So gradually I was able to cut back to a
small desktop air cleaner. Works great.
Charlotte
Kitchen38@... writes:
<<
I second this! My dh sleeps with the fan on(for the noise). After 19 years,
it STILL drives ME nuts!! >>
I used a fan, drove my dh nuts. So gradually I was able to cut back to a
small desktop air cleaner. Works great.
Charlotte
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/23/99 9:42:56 AM Pacific Standard Time, Rhiahl@...
writes:
<< I used a fan, drove my dh nuts. So gradually I was able to cut back to a
small desktop air cleaner. Works great.
Charlotte >>
Hmmm. That's an idea...Does it help with the cigarette smoke? (that's
something else that drives me nuts!) It seems like everytime he rolls over,
he lights up. Grrr!!
I don't want to give the impression that EVERYTHING drives me nuts, but
between the fan and the smoke, I'm about ready to get my own room.
Mary Ellen.
writes:
<< I used a fan, drove my dh nuts. So gradually I was able to cut back to a
small desktop air cleaner. Works great.
Charlotte >>
Hmmm. That's an idea...Does it help with the cigarette smoke? (that's
something else that drives me nuts!) It seems like everytime he rolls over,
he lights up. Grrr!!
I don't want to give the impression that EVERYTHING drives me nuts, but
between the fan and the smoke, I'm about ready to get my own room.
Mary Ellen.
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/23/99 6:15:59 PM Pacific Daylight Time,
Kitchen38@... writes:
<< Hmmm. That's an idea...Does it help with the cigarette smoke? (that's
something else that drives me nuts!) It seems like everytime he rolls over,
he lights up. Grrr!! >>
Not really... it just gets smellier as the filter gets dirtier. But, I'm
the smoker in this family not the dh... I smoke in the house, but not in the
bedrooms, just the common area. Not to say that it doesn't smell like smoke
all over the house, but, I just don't light up in the bedroom. You know my
mom always had candle lit all over her house for cigarette smoke. Seemed to
help, I'm not sure why though.
Charlotte
Kitchen38@... writes:
<< Hmmm. That's an idea...Does it help with the cigarette smoke? (that's
something else that drives me nuts!) It seems like everytime he rolls over,
he lights up. Grrr!! >>
Not really... it just gets smellier as the filter gets dirtier. But, I'm
the smoker in this family not the dh... I smoke in the house, but not in the
bedrooms, just the common area. Not to say that it doesn't smell like smoke
all over the house, but, I just don't light up in the bedroom. You know my
mom always had candle lit all over her house for cigarette smoke. Seemed to
help, I'm not sure why though.
Charlotte
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/23/99 9:40:25 AM Central Daylight Time,
michigan@... writes:
<< Tami, have you tried a noise machine or a simple box fan in his room or in
the hall outside of his door to help with the noise? my husband works four
days of day shift, followed by four days offf and then four days of night
shift! so he has gone to putting the fan in the room or turning on the
airconditioner to help block the noise and it really helps alot!!! also you
should probably do like I did with my husband who sounds an awful lot like
mine! look him in the face and explain to him that he is who he is and you
will never be him not now not ever, >>
Tanya,
That sounds like a good idea to try also. I will have to run in by my
husband and see if he would mind putting a fan in the room to make noise.
I'll see what he says.
Yes, I have told him that I am not him and never will be. You are
right, I guess I will have to remind him again,,,,and again,,,,,,,,and
again,,,,,,,,,,LOL
Tami
michigan@... writes:
<< Tami, have you tried a noise machine or a simple box fan in his room or in
the hall outside of his door to help with the noise? my husband works four
days of day shift, followed by four days offf and then four days of night
shift! so he has gone to putting the fan in the room or turning on the
airconditioner to help block the noise and it really helps alot!!! also you
should probably do like I did with my husband who sounds an awful lot like
mine! look him in the face and explain to him that he is who he is and you
will never be him not now not ever, >>
Tanya,
That sounds like a good idea to try also. I will have to run in by my
husband and see if he would mind putting a fan in the room to make noise.
I'll see what he says.
Yes, I have told him that I am not him and never will be. You are
right, I guess I will have to remind him again,,,,and again,,,,,,,,and
again,,,,,,,,,,LOL
Tami
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/23/99 10:04:28 AM Central Daylight Time,
Kitchen38@... writes:
<< In MY house, it's my 14 yo dd who complains about the noise we make in the
morning--and I'm not talking about EARLY morning, either! I'm talking 9:00
am! We just try to ignore her tirades, though! I feel sorry for her future
husband! >>
Mary Ellen,
I understand exactly how your daughter feels! :) That is how I
feel on Saturdays mornings, and my husband sure doesn't keep the kids quiet
for me!!! Of course, he just tries to ignore me too and I am sure he thinks
that I am acting like a Queen!!! LOL
Funny how all of us "opposites" look at each others habits huh? This post
has made me realise that there are sure two sides to every coin! However,
the next time my husband complains about the noise (when I am trying very
hard to keep the kids quiet), I am just going to wait until Saturday morning,
then I am going to act the exact same way and show him what he sounds like!
LOL
Tami
Kitchen38@... writes:
<< In MY house, it's my 14 yo dd who complains about the noise we make in the
morning--and I'm not talking about EARLY morning, either! I'm talking 9:00
am! We just try to ignore her tirades, though! I feel sorry for her future
husband! >>
Mary Ellen,
I understand exactly how your daughter feels! :) That is how I
feel on Saturdays mornings, and my husband sure doesn't keep the kids quiet
for me!!! Of course, he just tries to ignore me too and I am sure he thinks
that I am acting like a Queen!!! LOL
Funny how all of us "opposites" look at each others habits huh? This post
has made me realise that there are sure two sides to every coin! However,
the next time my husband complains about the noise (when I am trying very
hard to keep the kids quiet), I am just going to wait until Saturday morning,
then I am going to act the exact same way and show him what he sounds like!
LOL
Tami
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/23/99 12:09:28 PM Central Daylight Time,
LifesLearn@... writes:
<< When I left my first husband, I slept very lightly, and had
nothing on. He is a stalker, etc. and I wanted to be sure that I could hear
EVERYTHING. (He stole our children from my college, and other various things
happened)
When I remarried, my husband could not sleep without background noise,
grrr. After a few sleepless nights, my mind was trying to search out the
children, I finally crashed, and now can sleep with the cd player ( >>
Stephanie,
How awful that must have been for you! I probably would have never
gotten any sleep at all. I am glad that you aren't going through that any
more. What a change your life has gone through, if you can sleep peacefully
through the night with noise going on now. That means that you have a peace
within yourself, knowing that everything is okay. That is so great, and it
is a big accomplishment after enduring such a worrisome past!
Tami
LifesLearn@... writes:
<< When I left my first husband, I slept very lightly, and had
nothing on. He is a stalker, etc. and I wanted to be sure that I could hear
EVERYTHING. (He stole our children from my college, and other various things
happened)
When I remarried, my husband could not sleep without background noise,
grrr. After a few sleepless nights, my mind was trying to search out the
children, I finally crashed, and now can sleep with the cd player ( >>
Stephanie,
How awful that must have been for you! I probably would have never
gotten any sleep at all. I am glad that you aren't going through that any
more. What a change your life has gone through, if you can sleep peacefully
through the night with noise going on now. That means that you have a peace
within yourself, knowing that everything is okay. That is so great, and it
is a big accomplishment after enduring such a worrisome past!
Tami
[email protected]
In a message dated 09/24/1999 3:14:02 AM !!!First Boot!!!, FreeSchool@...
writes:
<< Stephanie,
How awful that must have been for you! I probably would have never
gotten any sleep at all. I am glad that you aren't going through that any
more. What a change your life has gone through, if you can sleep peacefully
through the night with noise going on now. That means that you have a peace
within yourself, knowing that everything is okay. That is so great, and it
is a big accomplishment after enduring such a worrisome past!
Tami
get so caught up in my fear of him that I do not think of how blessed I am to
have all I have now. I am *safe* now, and I rationalize my thoughts, so that
when I am at Walmart, I do not instinctively *search* for him. He has
contacted us since we left. He is a stalker, and I KNEW this when we got
together. That is part of the reason that I chose to homeschool, he was
showing up at the school and scaring the children. I feel so much safer with
my present husband home. I know that my ex will not try too much around him
(for fear of being buried in Lake Huron...) Since the Protection Order
expired August 19, we have seen or heard from him 3 times. I do not like
going to far from home, but here, I have that peace. Thanks for your post.
Stephanie
Who is looking up information about stalking TODAY!
writes:
<< Stephanie,
How awful that must have been for you! I probably would have never
gotten any sleep at all. I am glad that you aren't going through that any
more. What a change your life has gone through, if you can sleep peacefully
through the night with noise going on now. That means that you have a peace
within yourself, knowing that everything is okay. That is so great, and it
is a big accomplishment after enduring such a worrisome past!
Tami
>>It is a good feeling, and I just got a sense of peace in reading your post. I
get so caught up in my fear of him that I do not think of how blessed I am to
have all I have now. I am *safe* now, and I rationalize my thoughts, so that
when I am at Walmart, I do not instinctively *search* for him. He has
contacted us since we left. He is a stalker, and I KNEW this when we got
together. That is part of the reason that I chose to homeschool, he was
showing up at the school and scaring the children. I feel so much safer with
my present husband home. I know that my ex will not try too much around him
(for fear of being buried in Lake Huron...) Since the Protection Order
expired August 19, we have seen or heard from him 3 times. I do not like
going to far from home, but here, I have that peace. Thanks for your post.
Stephanie
Who is looking up information about stalking TODAY!
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/24/99 10:38:45 AM Central Daylight Time,
LifesLearn@... writes:
<< He is a stalker, and I KNEW this when we got
together. That is part of the reason that I chose to homeschool, he was
showing up at the school and scaring the children. I feel so much safer with
my present husband home. I know that my ex will not try too much around him
(for fear of being buried in Lake Huron...) Since the Protection Order
expired August 19, we have seen or heard from him 3 times. >>
Stephanie,
That is terrible! Isn't there anything more that the law can do to
protect you from that?
I admit that I am pretty naive about stuff like that, but it sure seems like
there should be something out there for your protection. It is horrible that
anyone should have to go through life with the fear of being stalked. Thank
goodness you have your husband to protect you! Good luck on looking up
stalking. I sure hope you find out something that will help you!
Tami
LifesLearn@... writes:
<< He is a stalker, and I KNEW this when we got
together. That is part of the reason that I chose to homeschool, he was
showing up at the school and scaring the children. I feel so much safer with
my present husband home. I know that my ex will not try too much around him
(for fear of being buried in Lake Huron...) Since the Protection Order
expired August 19, we have seen or heard from him 3 times. >>
Stephanie,
That is terrible! Isn't there anything more that the law can do to
protect you from that?
I admit that I am pretty naive about stuff like that, but it sure seems like
there should be something out there for your protection. It is horrible that
anyone should have to go through life with the fear of being stalked. Thank
goodness you have your husband to protect you! Good luck on looking up
stalking. I sure hope you find out something that will help you!
Tami
[email protected]
In a message dated 09/25/1999 5:31:50 AM !!!First Boot!!!, FreeSchool@...
writes:
<< Stephanie,
That is terrible! Isn't there anything more that the law can do to
protect you from that?
I admit that I am pretty naive about stuff like that, but it sure seems like
there should be something out there for your protection. It is horrible
that
anyone should have to go through life with the fear of being stalked. Thank
goodness you have your husband to protect you! Good luck on looking up
stalking. I sure hope you find out something that will help you!
Tami >>
Tami-
The laws on stalking are so nondescript. Police are usually defiant about
dealing with women in stalking situations, for women "make up things, are so
overemotional, want to get back at the ex, and don't think before they
react". Believe me, when my exhusband went to my son's school and WALKED into
HIS classroom, these were some of the answers that I heard as to why I was
calling the police. It is something that police DO NOT want to deal with. I
called one night (around 7p, just afterdark) because I was having someone
knock on my back door, leave cute packages, and run. The packages contained
things such as my daughter's first birthday invite, my son's school homework,
my car registration... The police first said that they would be out when they
could come around, and when they got to my apt (after midnight), said many
things. That someone was going thru my trash (my car registration? Stacie's
birthday was 9 months previous), that since I lived in a poor section of
town, they could not say it was him, and that I should just get on with my
life and leave him alone. What!!! My ex was in criminal justice classes, and
when I had him arrested he was one semester away from academy. I am firm in
my belief that he knows what lines to walk, and exactly how to do it, because
criminal psychology was already studied. He knows what he is doing. I have
not told him that we are homeschooling. I am hoping that he will just think
htat the children are at another school, and give me some freedom for my
children. I have become a women's rights advocate, and I want to have women
know that it is possible for that real great guy that is just sonosey, and
does not want them to dress (or behave, whatever) a certian way, is the first
steps. My goal is to make women aware that men (and women) are out there, and
that these people will hurt you!
Sorry, I went off in my little world. I do that every now and again.
My children want lunch, I should feed them.
Stephanie
writes:
<< Stephanie,
That is terrible! Isn't there anything more that the law can do to
protect you from that?
I admit that I am pretty naive about stuff like that, but it sure seems like
there should be something out there for your protection. It is horrible
that
anyone should have to go through life with the fear of being stalked. Thank
goodness you have your husband to protect you! Good luck on looking up
stalking. I sure hope you find out something that will help you!
Tami >>
Tami-
The laws on stalking are so nondescript. Police are usually defiant about
dealing with women in stalking situations, for women "make up things, are so
overemotional, want to get back at the ex, and don't think before they
react". Believe me, when my exhusband went to my son's school and WALKED into
HIS classroom, these were some of the answers that I heard as to why I was
calling the police. It is something that police DO NOT want to deal with. I
called one night (around 7p, just afterdark) because I was having someone
knock on my back door, leave cute packages, and run. The packages contained
things such as my daughter's first birthday invite, my son's school homework,
my car registration... The police first said that they would be out when they
could come around, and when they got to my apt (after midnight), said many
things. That someone was going thru my trash (my car registration? Stacie's
birthday was 9 months previous), that since I lived in a poor section of
town, they could not say it was him, and that I should just get on with my
life and leave him alone. What!!! My ex was in criminal justice classes, and
when I had him arrested he was one semester away from academy. I am firm in
my belief that he knows what lines to walk, and exactly how to do it, because
criminal psychology was already studied. He knows what he is doing. I have
not told him that we are homeschooling. I am hoping that he will just think
htat the children are at another school, and give me some freedom for my
children. I have become a women's rights advocate, and I want to have women
know that it is possible for that real great guy that is just sonosey, and
does not want them to dress (or behave, whatever) a certian way, is the first
steps. My goal is to make women aware that men (and women) are out there, and
that these people will hurt you!
Sorry, I went off in my little world. I do that every now and again.
My children want lunch, I should feed them.
Stephanie
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/25/99 11:08:01 AM Central Daylight Time,
LifesLearn@... writes:
<< He knows what he is doing. I have
not told him that we are homeschooling. I am hoping that he will just think
htat the children are at another school, and give me some freedom for my
children. I have become a women's rights advocate, and I want to have women
know that it is possible for that real great guy that is just sonosey, and
does not want them to dress (or behave, whatever) a certian way, is the
first
steps. My goal is to make women aware that men (and women) are out there,
and
that these people will hurt you!
Sorry, I went off in my little world. I do that every now and again. >>
Stephanie,
That is quite all right. You are entitled to do that after what you
have been through.
I guess I have really been naive, since I have never known anybody that had
to deal with something like that.
My best friends husband left her over a year ago. They had been married
for about 10 years and had two kids. Three years previously, he had suddenly
started acting really strange. He had an affair and his behavior was very
"odd" in other ways. He was arrested a few times for "indecent behavior" and
mouthing off at a policemen, and also for being drunk. They finally found
out that he was manic depressive and put him on medication.
The problem is that ever since highschool, her husband had been a "con"
and a "manipulator". She thought it was fun when they first met, but after
they had kids, she wanted him to grow up. Well, when he went off his
medicine (for being manic) again, over a year ago, he started doing all those
"weird" things again. He got arrested again a few times, then ended up in
the Physciatric Ward (he voluntarily went in). During this time, he ran into
the girl that he had the affair with years earlier, and they started up
again. He asked my friend for a divorce, then moved in with the other girl.
Well, after he got back on the medicine, he asked for my friend to get
back with him (even though he was still living with the other girl, and had
even asked her to marry him). My friend refused, saying that she and the
children couldn't live with his "wild outbursts" anymore. (He gets very
violent and abusive when he's manic).
Well, to make a long story short, he has married this other girl (who
had had a good job and has saved back alot of money-----poor girl, he is
taking her for as much as she has got!). Now he is taking my friend to
court, to try to get the kids. He has behaved very badly to my 17 year old
son while he was babysitting (kept calling every few minutes and yelling at
the kids, because he thought that he should have them not the
babysitter-----but because of his "manic" past, he isn't allowed to have them
without supervision). Well, he has "conned" and "manipulated" enough people
into believing that there is NOTHING wrong with him, that my friend is a
lier, that she leaves the kids with no babysitter (my 17 year old son was
that babysitter, and he is almost 18), and that he is stable and a great
father. The scary thing is, that it seems to be working!!!! He is trying to
get out of paying child support, medical bills or anything else. He is
constantly calling my friend (at work, at home----sometimes every 10 to 15
minutes!, he even pages her when she is out somewhere!) She is getting very
paranoid. Although he isn't quite "stalking" her, he is driving her crazy,
and he isn't letting her live her own life, although he sure is going on with
his!! I am beginning to get a taste of what the law does in these cases,
as he seems to be getting all the breaks, and she is getting none! Oh well,
we will see what happens on their court date.
Thank you for telling me your story. It has sure opened up my eyes! I
sure hope that he leaves you alone after this! Good luck.
Tami
LifesLearn@... writes:
<< He knows what he is doing. I have
not told him that we are homeschooling. I am hoping that he will just think
htat the children are at another school, and give me some freedom for my
children. I have become a women's rights advocate, and I want to have women
know that it is possible for that real great guy that is just sonosey, and
does not want them to dress (or behave, whatever) a certian way, is the
first
steps. My goal is to make women aware that men (and women) are out there,
and
that these people will hurt you!
Sorry, I went off in my little world. I do that every now and again. >>
Stephanie,
That is quite all right. You are entitled to do that after what you
have been through.
I guess I have really been naive, since I have never known anybody that had
to deal with something like that.
My best friends husband left her over a year ago. They had been married
for about 10 years and had two kids. Three years previously, he had suddenly
started acting really strange. He had an affair and his behavior was very
"odd" in other ways. He was arrested a few times for "indecent behavior" and
mouthing off at a policemen, and also for being drunk. They finally found
out that he was manic depressive and put him on medication.
The problem is that ever since highschool, her husband had been a "con"
and a "manipulator". She thought it was fun when they first met, but after
they had kids, she wanted him to grow up. Well, when he went off his
medicine (for being manic) again, over a year ago, he started doing all those
"weird" things again. He got arrested again a few times, then ended up in
the Physciatric Ward (he voluntarily went in). During this time, he ran into
the girl that he had the affair with years earlier, and they started up
again. He asked my friend for a divorce, then moved in with the other girl.
Well, after he got back on the medicine, he asked for my friend to get
back with him (even though he was still living with the other girl, and had
even asked her to marry him). My friend refused, saying that she and the
children couldn't live with his "wild outbursts" anymore. (He gets very
violent and abusive when he's manic).
Well, to make a long story short, he has married this other girl (who
had had a good job and has saved back alot of money-----poor girl, he is
taking her for as much as she has got!). Now he is taking my friend to
court, to try to get the kids. He has behaved very badly to my 17 year old
son while he was babysitting (kept calling every few minutes and yelling at
the kids, because he thought that he should have them not the
babysitter-----but because of his "manic" past, he isn't allowed to have them
without supervision). Well, he has "conned" and "manipulated" enough people
into believing that there is NOTHING wrong with him, that my friend is a
lier, that she leaves the kids with no babysitter (my 17 year old son was
that babysitter, and he is almost 18), and that he is stable and a great
father. The scary thing is, that it seems to be working!!!! He is trying to
get out of paying child support, medical bills or anything else. He is
constantly calling my friend (at work, at home----sometimes every 10 to 15
minutes!, he even pages her when she is out somewhere!) She is getting very
paranoid. Although he isn't quite "stalking" her, he is driving her crazy,
and he isn't letting her live her own life, although he sure is going on with
his!! I am beginning to get a taste of what the law does in these cases,
as he seems to be getting all the breaks, and she is getting none! Oh well,
we will see what happens on their court date.
Thank you for telling me your story. It has sure opened up my eyes! I
sure hope that he leaves you alone after this! Good luck.
Tami
[email protected]
Tami-
Tell your friend to GET IT IN WRITING! This is so important with Friend of
the Court. She needs to start hitting him with harassment charges and she can
request that e has a psych evaluation before she allows him any visitation. I
have so much to say... First give her a hug, and tell her that you back her.
We do not like to hear it all the time, but boy does it feel good at two in
the morning after the 12th phone call from the ex. Feel free to give her my
email addy (if she can access email) and let her know that she needs to stand
firm. I do know how the courts will look at him, and then her, and then side
with him. It is so frustrating, and it makes you sooo mad to know that he is
pulling all the right strings. She just needs to be firm. I ended up getting
Privacy manager on my phone this month. It does not allow any unknown, out of
area, or blocked calls to come thru my phone. Tell her not to change her
beeper, phone, or anything. He will know that it gets to her, and keep
finding the new numbers anyhow. That is common of manipulators. Documentation
is so important. Tell her to screen the calls, and to ignore him. Do not
change messages. But change the route that she takes for work, school etc.
And the same with the children. Let someone know the new route, so that if
something happens, someone knows where they should be. It is so mind blowing
when you are going thru it, or knows someone in it. We actually taught my son
that he is to run to doors, and bang and force his way in if need be, to get
away from my ex. We gave him good houses to head for if he saw my ex, but was
not approached. Children know when something is not good. I hope and pray
that your friend will be ok, and that she makes the court see, and he gets
his just reward.
Stephanie
Tell your friend to GET IT IN WRITING! This is so important with Friend of
the Court. She needs to start hitting him with harassment charges and she can
request that e has a psych evaluation before she allows him any visitation. I
have so much to say... First give her a hug, and tell her that you back her.
We do not like to hear it all the time, but boy does it feel good at two in
the morning after the 12th phone call from the ex. Feel free to give her my
email addy (if she can access email) and let her know that she needs to stand
firm. I do know how the courts will look at him, and then her, and then side
with him. It is so frustrating, and it makes you sooo mad to know that he is
pulling all the right strings. She just needs to be firm. I ended up getting
Privacy manager on my phone this month. It does not allow any unknown, out of
area, or blocked calls to come thru my phone. Tell her not to change her
beeper, phone, or anything. He will know that it gets to her, and keep
finding the new numbers anyhow. That is common of manipulators. Documentation
is so important. Tell her to screen the calls, and to ignore him. Do not
change messages. But change the route that she takes for work, school etc.
And the same with the children. Let someone know the new route, so that if
something happens, someone knows where they should be. It is so mind blowing
when you are going thru it, or knows someone in it. We actually taught my son
that he is to run to doors, and bang and force his way in if need be, to get
away from my ex. We gave him good houses to head for if he saw my ex, but was
not approached. Children know when something is not good. I hope and pray
that your friend will be ok, and that she makes the court see, and he gets
his just reward.
Stephanie
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/25/99 6:51:25 PM, FreeSchool@... writes:
<< He is constantly calling my friend (at work, at home----sometimes every 10
to 15 minutes!, he even pages her when she is out somewhere!) >>
I hope it is possible to get his phone records, or logs from the phone system
from her employer and prove this harrassment in court. That would help make
him look bad.
Betsy
<< He is constantly calling my friend (at work, at home----sometimes every 10
to 15 minutes!, he even pages her when she is out somewhere!) >>
I hope it is possible to get his phone records, or logs from the phone system
from her employer and prove this harrassment in court. That would help make
him look bad.
Betsy
[email protected]
In a message dated 09/26/1999 1:58:59 PM !!!First Boot!!!, ECSamHill@...
writes:
<< I hope it is possible to get his phone records, or logs from the phone
system
from her employer and prove this harrassment in court. That would help make
him look bad.
is great proof, and thanks Besy for the idea!
Stephanie
writes:
<< I hope it is possible to get his phone records, or logs from the phone
system
from her employer and prove this harrassment in court. That would help make
him look bad.
>>She can call the phone company and have all her incoming calls logged. That
is great proof, and thanks Besy for the idea!
Stephanie
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/25/99 9:51:23 PM EST, FreeSchool@... writes:
<< Although he isn't quite "stalking" her, >>
This is stalking! She needs to go to police.
<< Although he isn't quite "stalking" her, >>
This is stalking! She needs to go to police.
[email protected]
In a message dated 09/27/1999 12:20:07 AM !!!First Boot!!!, Hsmotgo@...
writes:
<< < Although he isn't quite "stalking" her, >>
This is stalking! She needs to go to police. >>
YES! Document!!! And Bug the Heck out of the police until she gets somewhere!
Stephanie
writes:
<< < Although he isn't quite "stalking" her, >>
This is stalking! She needs to go to police. >>
YES! Document!!! And Bug the Heck out of the police until she gets somewhere!
Stephanie
Joel Hawthorne
Yes! Squeaky wheels (preferably with a litigationous lawyer in tow) get the
grease.
LifesLearn@... wrote:
best wishes
Joel
All children behave as well as they are treated. The Natural Child
Project http://naturalchild.com/home/
Work together to reinvent justice using methods that are fair; which conserve,
restore and even create harmony, equity and good will in society i.e. restorative
justice.
We are the prisoners of the prisoners we have taken - J. Clegg
http://www.cerj.org
grease.
LifesLearn@... wrote:
> From: LifesLearn@...--
>
> In a message dated 09/27/1999 12:20:07 AM !!!First Boot!!!, Hsmotgo@...
> writes:
>
> << < Although he isn't quite "stalking" her, >>
> This is stalking! She needs to go to police. >>
> YES! Document!!! And Bug the Heck out of the police until she gets somewhere!
> Stephanie
>
> > Check it out!
> http://www.unschooling.com
best wishes
Joel
All children behave as well as they are treated. The Natural Child
Project http://naturalchild.com/home/
Work together to reinvent justice using methods that are fair; which conserve,
restore and even create harmony, equity and good will in society i.e. restorative
justice.
We are the prisoners of the prisoners we have taken - J. Clegg
http://www.cerj.org
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/25/99 10:15:45 PM Central Daylight Time,
LifesLearn@... writes:
<< Tell your friend to GET IT IN WRITING! This is so important with Friend of
the Court. She needs to start hitting him with harassment charges and she
can
request that e has a psych evaluation before she allows him any visitation.
I
have so much to say... First give her a hug, and tell her that you back her.
We do not like to hear it all the time, but boy does it feel good at two in
the morning after the 12th phone call from the ex. Feel free to give her my
email addy (if she can access email) and let her know that she needs to
stand
firm. I do know how the courts will look at him, and then her, and then side
with him. It is so frustrating, and it makes you sooo mad to know that he is
pulling all the right strings. She just needs to be firm. I ended up getting
Privacy manager on my phone this month. It does not allow any unknown, out
of
area, or blocked calls to come thru my phone. Tell her not to change her
beeper, phone, or anything. He will know that it gets to her, and keep
finding the new numbers anyhow. That is common of manipulators.
Documentation
is so important. Tell her to screen the calls, and to ignore him. Do not
change messages. But change the route that she takes for work, school etc.
And the same with the children. Let someone know the new route, so that if
something happens, someone knows where they should be. It is so mind blowing
when you are going thru it, or knows someone in it. We actually taught my
son
that he is to run to doors, and bang and force his way in if need be, to get
away from my ex. We gave him good houses to head for if he saw my ex, but
was
not approached. Children know when something is not good. I hope and pray
that your friend will be ok, and that she makes the court see, and he gets
his just reward. >>
Stephanie,
She has been keeping a log of everything that he says and does. Her
lawyer has asked that I start doing the same (he kept calling me all the
time, when they first broke up, pretending to need someone to talk to;
however his conversations kept going to the subject of sex. My friend said
that he had become "fixated" with me about a year before he left her. She
was afraid that he was trying to get together with me. I was very
embarrassed at the things he would say on the phone, so my husband took the
phone from me one night and told him to quit calling me.) since I have
started keeping her kids on the weekends. She just began a new job where she
works from Friday, Saturday, and Sunday for 15 hour shifts (from 3:00 pm the
previous day to 7:00 am the next morning, then she goes home and gets a few
hours of sleep and has to be back to work at 3:00 pm again.). I have the
kids from Friday after school until she picks them up at 7:20 am Monday
morning to take them to school. She took this new job because the pay will
be fantastic (she is a COTA----Certified Occupation Therapy Assistant) and
she has all week to spend with the kids. Anyway her ex is really ticked,
because he thinks that he should have the kids while she works on weekends,
so he is causing a stink about it. So now I also have to keep a log of every
time he calls here to talk to me or one of the kids.
Thanks for telling me about not changing her number. She had just
decided to try changing her pager number so that he can't keep paging her all
the time. I will pass on what you said to her about that.
Unfortunately she can't afford to buy a computer or get on the internet
(she just graduated from college in December, and she is just now getting a
good job. Before she was only making $7.00 an hour, and her ex was not
giving her child support. (He was supposed to be, but our court system here
is really slow about going after the dads that are failing to pay). They
just took her off of food stamps and free lunches for her kids at school.
She is feeling like she is sinking right now, and it really bothers her to
watch her husband take off on vacations, buy a new computer and get on the
internet, go out and spend hundreds of dollars on CDs at Barnes & Nobles, and
buy the kids expensive presents every time she turns around. She can barely
make ends meet, and she feels like there is no way that she can compete with
everything he keeps getting the kids.
However, even with all the presents, her kids really don't want to go see
their dad, because of the way he acts. She has been very good with
visitation however (even though that means that she has to spend a few hours
in his presence also, since he only has visitation with her supervision).
She always makes sure that he sees the kids at least twice a week, and
sometimes ever 3 or 4 times. She is trying to give him the benefit of the
doubt through all of this (he claims that he has changed, and needs to be
given the chance to prove it) and not keep the kids from their father.
However, with all the things he has pulled lately (like taking her back to
court to get custody of the kids, and then lying to people about her
reputation), it is really getting hard for her to keep it up. Anyway, since
she doesn't have a computer hooked to the internet, I can't give her your
e-maid address.
I will pass on your messages though, and she can use mine if there is
anything she needs to talk to you about.
Well thanks for all your advice. I will tell her the things you have
told me.
Tami
LifesLearn@... writes:
<< Tell your friend to GET IT IN WRITING! This is so important with Friend of
the Court. She needs to start hitting him with harassment charges and she
can
request that e has a psych evaluation before she allows him any visitation.
I
have so much to say... First give her a hug, and tell her that you back her.
We do not like to hear it all the time, but boy does it feel good at two in
the morning after the 12th phone call from the ex. Feel free to give her my
email addy (if she can access email) and let her know that she needs to
stand
firm. I do know how the courts will look at him, and then her, and then side
with him. It is so frustrating, and it makes you sooo mad to know that he is
pulling all the right strings. She just needs to be firm. I ended up getting
Privacy manager on my phone this month. It does not allow any unknown, out
of
area, or blocked calls to come thru my phone. Tell her not to change her
beeper, phone, or anything. He will know that it gets to her, and keep
finding the new numbers anyhow. That is common of manipulators.
Documentation
is so important. Tell her to screen the calls, and to ignore him. Do not
change messages. But change the route that she takes for work, school etc.
And the same with the children. Let someone know the new route, so that if
something happens, someone knows where they should be. It is so mind blowing
when you are going thru it, or knows someone in it. We actually taught my
son
that he is to run to doors, and bang and force his way in if need be, to get
away from my ex. We gave him good houses to head for if he saw my ex, but
was
not approached. Children know when something is not good. I hope and pray
that your friend will be ok, and that she makes the court see, and he gets
his just reward. >>
Stephanie,
She has been keeping a log of everything that he says and does. Her
lawyer has asked that I start doing the same (he kept calling me all the
time, when they first broke up, pretending to need someone to talk to;
however his conversations kept going to the subject of sex. My friend said
that he had become "fixated" with me about a year before he left her. She
was afraid that he was trying to get together with me. I was very
embarrassed at the things he would say on the phone, so my husband took the
phone from me one night and told him to quit calling me.) since I have
started keeping her kids on the weekends. She just began a new job where she
works from Friday, Saturday, and Sunday for 15 hour shifts (from 3:00 pm the
previous day to 7:00 am the next morning, then she goes home and gets a few
hours of sleep and has to be back to work at 3:00 pm again.). I have the
kids from Friday after school until she picks them up at 7:20 am Monday
morning to take them to school. She took this new job because the pay will
be fantastic (she is a COTA----Certified Occupation Therapy Assistant) and
she has all week to spend with the kids. Anyway her ex is really ticked,
because he thinks that he should have the kids while she works on weekends,
so he is causing a stink about it. So now I also have to keep a log of every
time he calls here to talk to me or one of the kids.
Thanks for telling me about not changing her number. She had just
decided to try changing her pager number so that he can't keep paging her all
the time. I will pass on what you said to her about that.
Unfortunately she can't afford to buy a computer or get on the internet
(she just graduated from college in December, and she is just now getting a
good job. Before she was only making $7.00 an hour, and her ex was not
giving her child support. (He was supposed to be, but our court system here
is really slow about going after the dads that are failing to pay). They
just took her off of food stamps and free lunches for her kids at school.
She is feeling like she is sinking right now, and it really bothers her to
watch her husband take off on vacations, buy a new computer and get on the
internet, go out and spend hundreds of dollars on CDs at Barnes & Nobles, and
buy the kids expensive presents every time she turns around. She can barely
make ends meet, and she feels like there is no way that she can compete with
everything he keeps getting the kids.
However, even with all the presents, her kids really don't want to go see
their dad, because of the way he acts. She has been very good with
visitation however (even though that means that she has to spend a few hours
in his presence also, since he only has visitation with her supervision).
She always makes sure that he sees the kids at least twice a week, and
sometimes ever 3 or 4 times. She is trying to give him the benefit of the
doubt through all of this (he claims that he has changed, and needs to be
given the chance to prove it) and not keep the kids from their father.
However, with all the things he has pulled lately (like taking her back to
court to get custody of the kids, and then lying to people about her
reputation), it is really getting hard for her to keep it up. Anyway, since
she doesn't have a computer hooked to the internet, I can't give her your
e-maid address.
I will pass on your messages though, and she can use mine if there is
anything she needs to talk to you about.
Well thanks for all your advice. I will tell her the things you have
told me.
Tami
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/26/99 8:58:59 AM Central Daylight Time,
ECSamHill@... writes:
<< I hope it is possible to get his phone records, or logs from the phone
system
from her employer and prove this harrassment in court. That would help make
him look bad.
minutes and left nasty, ugly and screaming messages on the answering machine.
Her answering machine has the little tapes that you can take out and keep,
so she keeps buying new ones and keeping the old ones to use as proof in
court. This is at least one thing she has going for her as evidence. Her ex
is a real smooth operator, and we will need these tapes to prove that he is
lying!
Tami
ECSamHill@... writes:
<< I hope it is possible to get his phone records, or logs from the phone
system
from her employer and prove this harrassment in court. That would help make
him look bad.
>>Thankfully alot of it is on tape. He has actually called her every 15
minutes and left nasty, ugly and screaming messages on the answering machine.
Her answering machine has the little tapes that you can take out and keep,
so she keeps buying new ones and keeping the old ones to use as proof in
court. This is at least one thing she has going for her as evidence. Her ex
is a real smooth operator, and we will need these tapes to prove that he is
lying!
Tami
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/26/99 7:20:04 PM Central Daylight Time, Hsmotgo@...
writes:
<< This is stalking! She needs to go to police.
Tami
writes:
<< This is stalking! She needs to go to police.
>>She has told her lawyer about it, but I will pass this message on. Thanks.
Tami