not guilt but appreciation
[email protected]
woops, one last thought, and this is on the catering to husbands out of guilt
that you are having such freedom with your time...
we can certainly appreciate the sacrifices our spouses make to provide us the
opp. to be with our children! but we can empower them to change if they are
miserable, to benefit their quality of life, too --OR not cater out of guilt,
but out of true appreciation for that loving providing that he is doing!!!!
if we do feel guilty for having our freedom, it may be then fostering an
underlying resentment on his part... sometimes we dont see our days turning
into years very well, a quote that struck me well is "the way we spend our
days is the way we spend our lives." (that is a good one to shake any of us
up, esp after spending a couple hours in front of the computer!!!)
for all of us, listing the costs and benefits of our choices helps to clarify
if we are really where we need to be at this place in time. then we can
offer our support whole-heartedly if a person decides to make changes OR if
they realize that where they are isnt so bad afterall and is actually
allowing some pretty great things to happen in their family and-- without
them--those things would stop!!!
erin
also, another book you may already be familiar with is "what color is your
parachute?"
that you are having such freedom with your time...
we can certainly appreciate the sacrifices our spouses make to provide us the
opp. to be with our children! but we can empower them to change if they are
miserable, to benefit their quality of life, too --OR not cater out of guilt,
but out of true appreciation for that loving providing that he is doing!!!!
if we do feel guilty for having our freedom, it may be then fostering an
underlying resentment on his part... sometimes we dont see our days turning
into years very well, a quote that struck me well is "the way we spend our
days is the way we spend our lives." (that is a good one to shake any of us
up, esp after spending a couple hours in front of the computer!!!)
for all of us, listing the costs and benefits of our choices helps to clarify
if we are really where we need to be at this place in time. then we can
offer our support whole-heartedly if a person decides to make changes OR if
they realize that where they are isnt so bad afterall and is actually
allowing some pretty great things to happen in their family and-- without
them--those things would stop!!!
erin
also, another book you may already be familiar with is "what color is your
parachute?"
[email protected]
Something my husband and I did was ask each other, when he came home each
day, "What can I do to make your day better?" This helped tremendously, and
there was always something I would've never thought of!! It has helped ease
the trouble of thinking you're doing the right thing when it really isn't and
getting incredibly frustrated.
Blessings to all, Lori in TX
day, "What can I do to make your day better?" This helped tremendously, and
there was always something I would've never thought of!! It has helped ease
the trouble of thinking you're doing the right thing when it really isn't and
getting incredibly frustrated.
Blessings to all, Lori in TX
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/21/99 11:37:59 AM Central Daylight Time,
RRAINENJ@... writes:
<< Something my husband and I did was ask each other, when he came home each
day, "What can I do to make your day better?" This helped tremendously, and
there was always something I would've never thought of!! >>
Lori,
That is another good idea! Now I just hope I can remember it each day,
in the rush of everything else we have planned. I think we have too much
"stuff and activities" in our life right now. I don't know how it got this
way. We purposely slowed down our life a couple of years ago, when we
started unschooling (you know---simplify, simplify), but somehow things are
getting out of control again. It isn't so much "activities" as it is that
more and more people have "needed" something. You feel like you should be
helping and then before you know it your life has gotten out of control as
you run here one night and there another. We need to slow down and focus on
us again. (I don't mean that those people don't have legitimate needs. They
do! And I like helping them. But when you help one person on Monday nights,
another on Tuesdays, someone else on Wednesdays, run errands or help with
errands for someone on Thursdays, then keep someones kids all weekend so they
can work---well that leaves no time for family!! Somehow, I am going to have
to renegotiate. We have over expanded ourselves again!)
Tami
RRAINENJ@... writes:
<< Something my husband and I did was ask each other, when he came home each
day, "What can I do to make your day better?" This helped tremendously, and
there was always something I would've never thought of!! >>
Lori,
That is another good idea! Now I just hope I can remember it each day,
in the rush of everything else we have planned. I think we have too much
"stuff and activities" in our life right now. I don't know how it got this
way. We purposely slowed down our life a couple of years ago, when we
started unschooling (you know---simplify, simplify), but somehow things are
getting out of control again. It isn't so much "activities" as it is that
more and more people have "needed" something. You feel like you should be
helping and then before you know it your life has gotten out of control as
you run here one night and there another. We need to slow down and focus on
us again. (I don't mean that those people don't have legitimate needs. They
do! And I like helping them. But when you help one person on Monday nights,
another on Tuesdays, someone else on Wednesdays, run errands or help with
errands for someone on Thursdays, then keep someones kids all weekend so they
can work---well that leaves no time for family!! Somehow, I am going to have
to renegotiate. We have over expanded ourselves again!)
Tami