Re: Digest Number 212
[email protected]
<< But what really gets to my husband is the fact that sometimes my boys
won't go to bed until I do. >>
WOW! Can I relate to this! My sons are only 8 but they are on my schedule
also! It's hard to explain to other people why my kids and I are watching the
Discovery Channel at 11:30 at night. One of my sons says "that's when all the
good shows are on," meaning "INSECTIA", his favorite show! We all wake up by
9:00 and start working by 11:00. We get it all done, so I must be doing
something that works!
-Karen in WV :)
won't go to bed until I do. >>
WOW! Can I relate to this! My sons are only 8 but they are on my schedule
also! It's hard to explain to other people why my kids and I are watching the
Discovery Channel at 11:30 at night. One of my sons says "that's when all the
good shows are on," meaning "INSECTIA", his favorite show! We all wake up by
9:00 and start working by 11:00. We get it all done, so I must be doing
something that works!
-Karen in WV :)
A.Y.
> We get it all done, so I must be doingAs long as it works for you that's all that matters!
> something that works!
Ann
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/20/99 7:04:38 AM !!!First Boot!!!,
[email protected] writes:
<< as i was reading your schedule with the laaaate nights i wondered about
the
spousal agreeableness, then later you mentioned it! i guess it is on my
mind
because i often stay up late (like now) just to get some solitude after a
long day with the four children. but hubby wishes i would snuggle in with
him.... all these needs to deal with (including my own!)
erin >>
OK, I had a wonderful response to this all typed out and got booted from the
computer! In short, what I said was that a man cannot expect a woman to run
all of the household duties and service him too. The old, you can't have
your cake and eat it too thing. My hubby would try desparately to sit on the
couch by at least 9:00 and remain there for the evening. this is not my idea
of romance, relaxing, or good use of time. So I took this time to do
something I needed to do. he can't come back now and complain about it... I
tried to get him out of it, he demands that he is entittled to that time.
So, isn't it somewhat strange that the time I demanded for myself is indeed
spent working.
I doth think that some of the hubby population gets too comfortable and sees
us more as furniture than as partners. You can't ignore me, then when I go
away, call me back. I'm out of here!
But for us, I will not sacrifice my boys' day anymore for the work, that is
why I quit a year ago...to be with the boys and be an active parent. So now
that I am back, I do have to make sure that the work schedule doesn't prevent
my parenting or their exploration and branching on interests. Though I did
not want this schedule, I do seem to be able to get more of my household
duties done and keep on top of things better. The work I do is good too
because I am very creative after the sun goes down. All in all, I do feel a
bit more focused and somewhat more productive.
It may be scary for my hubby to have to interact with the boys so much
now...I say tough! He should have been doing it a long time ago...and not
just during baseball season! He will get used to it, he will find other cool
little people to snuggle with <g>. And he will be loved and remembered as a
good Pop to his boys. And he will be able to play a lot more now too and
have more fun. I do think hubbies have to learn their are other ways to
relax and interacting with your family isn't work! I don't get to play, I
have to work :o(
I may have gone to the opposite extreme here on being harsh with the hubby.
But I know a lot of us homeschooling moms don't get the help and support we
need from our spouses to do this. Asking Dad to take over bedtime routine,
even if we aren't working another job, isn't asking too much in my book. We
do have to work on our partnership that we committed our lives to. But that
partnership does have to work for her as well as him.
I can sacrifice myself into a hole where I simply don't exist for myself
anymore. or I can demand to have some value for myself and enjoy some of
what life has to offer too. I have supported and helped my husband get more
joy out of his life. I insisted he do no more side work, just his straight
40, and that he take his moments to re-energize and heal from the day. He is
a good man and he does love his job. I also got back into this job to ensure
that he would not have to take on side work to meet any of our needs and we
can live comfortably, enjoy traveling and learning on the road, and do big
projects like we have dreamed of.
I do love my hubby intensely, and he loves me intensely. we have a good
marriage. Bu things can't just work for him, they have to work for me too.
This sometimes means sacrifices and biting your tongue for the good of the
other.
So I will try to get my work done as quickly as possible in as few hours as I
can. That I can try. I don't work the weekend evenings and usually let one
weeknight fly also. Now I am behind and am in panic to catch up. So I need
to commit to my time for my work and stop worrying about hubby. he is a big
boy now, he can handle it.
And just as an example to those who may feel I am being unfair or unloving to
my hubby. I took Friday night off..we watched a movie... nothing else. I
took Saturday night off, the boys spent the night over friends .... and we
watched TV, until 12:30 AM...nothing else. I took Sunday night off, our 12th
wedding anniversary, we got home from my folks around 10:00 PM, he watched
some TV so i went online for a bit...nothing else. So, tonight I am going
back to my work schedule, guilt-free, and wanting to hear no more on this
"but you don't spend time with me" nonsense.
Maybe he will miss me by Thursday <g>. he and the children have me from 5:00
Pm till 8:00 Pm too. So I don't think this deal is too bad for any of us.
Except me who has to start work at 8:00 Pm at night! Well, hubby has to take
the boys to Pokemon League on Tuesdays and Thursdays starting this week. And
the boys spend Wednesday evening at church. So maybe all of this will
actually smooth itself out in the next couple of weeks. My schedule should
actually slow down after this intitial development and grantwriting crunch.
Then 3 nights a week may be all I will need to get my work done ... maybe....
or am I just dreaming....
Sorry so long. I just feel very strong about this subject. I have given so
much to others that there is very little left of me. And what is left is
screaming out in defense of her existence. Sorry she is so loud right now <g>
Kim
[email protected] writes:
<< as i was reading your schedule with the laaaate nights i wondered about
the
spousal agreeableness, then later you mentioned it! i guess it is on my
mind
because i often stay up late (like now) just to get some solitude after a
long day with the four children. but hubby wishes i would snuggle in with
him.... all these needs to deal with (including my own!)
erin >>
OK, I had a wonderful response to this all typed out and got booted from the
computer! In short, what I said was that a man cannot expect a woman to run
all of the household duties and service him too. The old, you can't have
your cake and eat it too thing. My hubby would try desparately to sit on the
couch by at least 9:00 and remain there for the evening. this is not my idea
of romance, relaxing, or good use of time. So I took this time to do
something I needed to do. he can't come back now and complain about it... I
tried to get him out of it, he demands that he is entittled to that time.
So, isn't it somewhat strange that the time I demanded for myself is indeed
spent working.
I doth think that some of the hubby population gets too comfortable and sees
us more as furniture than as partners. You can't ignore me, then when I go
away, call me back. I'm out of here!
But for us, I will not sacrifice my boys' day anymore for the work, that is
why I quit a year ago...to be with the boys and be an active parent. So now
that I am back, I do have to make sure that the work schedule doesn't prevent
my parenting or their exploration and branching on interests. Though I did
not want this schedule, I do seem to be able to get more of my household
duties done and keep on top of things better. The work I do is good too
because I am very creative after the sun goes down. All in all, I do feel a
bit more focused and somewhat more productive.
It may be scary for my hubby to have to interact with the boys so much
now...I say tough! He should have been doing it a long time ago...and not
just during baseball season! He will get used to it, he will find other cool
little people to snuggle with <g>. And he will be loved and remembered as a
good Pop to his boys. And he will be able to play a lot more now too and
have more fun. I do think hubbies have to learn their are other ways to
relax and interacting with your family isn't work! I don't get to play, I
have to work :o(
I may have gone to the opposite extreme here on being harsh with the hubby.
But I know a lot of us homeschooling moms don't get the help and support we
need from our spouses to do this. Asking Dad to take over bedtime routine,
even if we aren't working another job, isn't asking too much in my book. We
do have to work on our partnership that we committed our lives to. But that
partnership does have to work for her as well as him.
I can sacrifice myself into a hole where I simply don't exist for myself
anymore. or I can demand to have some value for myself and enjoy some of
what life has to offer too. I have supported and helped my husband get more
joy out of his life. I insisted he do no more side work, just his straight
40, and that he take his moments to re-energize and heal from the day. He is
a good man and he does love his job. I also got back into this job to ensure
that he would not have to take on side work to meet any of our needs and we
can live comfortably, enjoy traveling and learning on the road, and do big
projects like we have dreamed of.
I do love my hubby intensely, and he loves me intensely. we have a good
marriage. Bu things can't just work for him, they have to work for me too.
This sometimes means sacrifices and biting your tongue for the good of the
other.
So I will try to get my work done as quickly as possible in as few hours as I
can. That I can try. I don't work the weekend evenings and usually let one
weeknight fly also. Now I am behind and am in panic to catch up. So I need
to commit to my time for my work and stop worrying about hubby. he is a big
boy now, he can handle it.
And just as an example to those who may feel I am being unfair or unloving to
my hubby. I took Friday night off..we watched a movie... nothing else. I
took Saturday night off, the boys spent the night over friends .... and we
watched TV, until 12:30 AM...nothing else. I took Sunday night off, our 12th
wedding anniversary, we got home from my folks around 10:00 PM, he watched
some TV so i went online for a bit...nothing else. So, tonight I am going
back to my work schedule, guilt-free, and wanting to hear no more on this
"but you don't spend time with me" nonsense.
Maybe he will miss me by Thursday <g>. he and the children have me from 5:00
Pm till 8:00 Pm too. So I don't think this deal is too bad for any of us.
Except me who has to start work at 8:00 Pm at night! Well, hubby has to take
the boys to Pokemon League on Tuesdays and Thursdays starting this week. And
the boys spend Wednesday evening at church. So maybe all of this will
actually smooth itself out in the next couple of weeks. My schedule should
actually slow down after this intitial development and grantwriting crunch.
Then 3 nights a week may be all I will need to get my work done ... maybe....
or am I just dreaming....
Sorry so long. I just feel very strong about this subject. I have given so
much to others that there is very little left of me. And what is left is
screaming out in defense of her existence. Sorry she is so loud right now <g>
Kim
Diana Asberry
One of my favorite quotes: If mama ain't happy; no one's happy.
you go goirl!
Your cup cannot runneth over if everyone's gulping it down!
Diana A.
"the world is our classroom"
----Original Message Follows----
...Sorry so long. I just feel very strong about this subject. I have given
so
much to others that there is very little left of me. And what is left is
screaming out in defense of her existence. Sorry she is so loud right now
<g>
Kim
you go goirl!
Your cup cannot runneth over if everyone's gulping it down!
Diana A.
"the world is our classroom"
----Original Message Follows----
...Sorry so long. I just feel very strong about this subject. I have given
so
much to others that there is very little left of me. And what is left is
screaming out in defense of her existence. Sorry she is so loud right now
<g>
Kim