Re: laaate nights
[email protected]
kim
<tie it up somewhere between 12:00 - 1:00 AM depending. > & <Though I sense
tension between hubby and I on the horizon.>
as i was reading your schedule with the laaaate nights i wondered about the
spousal agreeableness, then later you mentioned it! i guess it is on my mind
because i often stay up late (like now) just to get some solitude after a
long day with the four children. but hubby wishes i would snuggle in with
him.... all these needs to deal with (including my own!)
erin
<tie it up somewhere between 12:00 - 1:00 AM depending. > & <Though I sense
tension between hubby and I on the horizon.>
as i was reading your schedule with the laaaate nights i wondered about the
spousal agreeableness, then later you mentioned it! i guess it is on my mind
because i often stay up late (like now) just to get some solitude after a
long day with the four children. but hubby wishes i would snuggle in with
him.... all these needs to deal with (including my own!)
erin
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/20/1999 12:27:45 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
MORELFAM@... writes:
<< as i was reading your schedule with the laaaate nights i wondered about
the
spousal agreeableness, >>
WOW, Can I relate to this! Just want you to know that it is now 1:57 a.m. as
I sit here reading my mail before I actually go back to my transcription
work, which must be done by tomorrow morning. My husband sometimes gets
angry with me that I'm up so late, but I can't figure how else to do it all!
I have four children also, and it is very hard to work with them around me,
not to mention the fact that I'm supposed to be spending my days educating
them. But what really gets to my husband is the fact that sometimes my boys
won't go to bed until I do. Even now, my 12 and 13 year old are awake
downstairs. God help them if they make any noise. But it seems reasonable
that they would stay up late and wake up later like I do, since I'm the one
they spend all their time with. Oh well.
--
Jill
Homeschooling Mom to Adam, Greg, Sheila & Amy
Adopted Mom to 2 dogs, 7 cats, 2 rabbits and a parakeet
Independent Typing Contractor and Church Secretary
MORELFAM@... writes:
<< as i was reading your schedule with the laaaate nights i wondered about
the
spousal agreeableness, >>
WOW, Can I relate to this! Just want you to know that it is now 1:57 a.m. as
I sit here reading my mail before I actually go back to my transcription
work, which must be done by tomorrow morning. My husband sometimes gets
angry with me that I'm up so late, but I can't figure how else to do it all!
I have four children also, and it is very hard to work with them around me,
not to mention the fact that I'm supposed to be spending my days educating
them. But what really gets to my husband is the fact that sometimes my boys
won't go to bed until I do. Even now, my 12 and 13 year old are awake
downstairs. God help them if they make any noise. But it seems reasonable
that they would stay up late and wake up later like I do, since I'm the one
they spend all their time with. Oh well.
--
Jill
Homeschooling Mom to Adam, Greg, Sheila & Amy
Adopted Mom to 2 dogs, 7 cats, 2 rabbits and a parakeet
Independent Typing Contractor and Church Secretary
A.Y.
> i often stay up late (like now) just to get some solitude after aI go through the same thing. After each day, I'm worn out from the neediness,
> long day with the four children. but hubby wishes i would snuggle in with
> him....
and just want some time when I don't have to be responsible for anyone, and no
one needs me. That hardly ever happens. Even at night the four yr old is in
our bed.
ANn
Olivia
Oh boy, is this a big issue in our house right now! My 6yo doesn't go to
bed until after 10:00 almost every night. Then, by the time I get to use
the computer (DH is on until 11), and log in our days highlights and read
mail, it is midnight. Then I need time to myself to just wind down from the
day. Of course, this is the time that my husband wants my attention. Has
anyone found a solution to this type of situation? Late night is when my
son wants to read and play games with us, so I hate to miss this important
part of our unschooling. But my husband is not happy either. Is this a
common problem for home/unschoolers, when mom's time comes last at the end
of the day?
Olivia
At 12:27 AM 09/20/1999 -0400, you wrote:
bed until after 10:00 almost every night. Then, by the time I get to use
the computer (DH is on until 11), and log in our days highlights and read
mail, it is midnight. Then I need time to myself to just wind down from the
day. Of course, this is the time that my husband wants my attention. Has
anyone found a solution to this type of situation? Late night is when my
son wants to read and play games with us, so I hate to miss this important
part of our unschooling. But my husband is not happy either. Is this a
common problem for home/unschoolers, when mom's time comes last at the end
of the day?
Olivia
At 12:27 AM 09/20/1999 -0400, you wrote:
>From: MORELFAM@...
>
>as i was reading your schedule with the laaaate nights i wondered about the
>spousal agreeableness, then later you mentioned it! i guess it is on my mind
>because i often stay up late (like now) just to get some solitude after a
>long day with the four children. but hubby wishes i would snuggle in with
>him.... all these needs to deal with (including my own!)
>erin
>
Diana Asberry
Us too! DH usually goes to bed at 10 (as well as our 6 yo) ((2 yo is in
bed by 9))
and last night i was up till 1:30...granted i've been busy, since we're
moving in less than 2 weeks (gotta get those address change notices filled
out...)
DH doesn't understand that i'm not a morning person and i try to get the
kids to sleep in as much as possible so that i can get a slow start too. He
wants to "cuddle" some nights but i'm just not near sleepy enough....
with our apt. set up as it is, i can't use the computer (it's in our
bedroom) a couple times i have tried to use it with a towel over my head and
the monitor, so the light won't wake him...but i have waken him up with the
typing....
(our new place has a separate office!!!yippee)
Diana A.
"the world is our classroom"
----Original Message Follows----
Oh boy, is this a big issue in our house right now! My 6yo doesn't go to
bed until after 10:00 almost every night. Then, by the time I get to use
the computer (DH is on until 11), and log in our days highlights and read
mail, it is midnight. ...But my husband is not happy either. Is this a
common problem for home/unschoolers, when mom's time comes last at the end
of the day?
Olivia
bed by 9))
and last night i was up till 1:30...granted i've been busy, since we're
moving in less than 2 weeks (gotta get those address change notices filled
out...)
DH doesn't understand that i'm not a morning person and i try to get the
kids to sleep in as much as possible so that i can get a slow start too. He
wants to "cuddle" some nights but i'm just not near sleepy enough....
with our apt. set up as it is, i can't use the computer (it's in our
bedroom) a couple times i have tried to use it with a towel over my head and
the monitor, so the light won't wake him...but i have waken him up with the
typing....
(our new place has a separate office!!!yippee)
Diana A.
"the world is our classroom"
----Original Message Follows----
Oh boy, is this a big issue in our house right now! My 6yo doesn't go to
bed until after 10:00 almost every night. Then, by the time I get to use
the computer (DH is on until 11), and log in our days highlights and read
mail, it is midnight. ...But my husband is not happy either. Is this a
common problem for home/unschoolers, when mom's time comes last at the end
of the day?
Olivia
Olivia
At 06:25 AM 09/20/1999 -0700, you wrote:
I have gone back downstairs to use the computer after spending time with my
husband. I just have to make sure not to wake him when I get out of bed! I
feel like a kid when I get "caught" at the computer at 2:00 AM and get told
to go to bed. But it is so important to have that time to oneself without
feeling badly about neglecting someone else.
Best wishes in your move. Will you be in the same state?
Olivia
>From: "Diana Asberry" <diasberry@...>LOL. I just had to laugh here! Luckily our computer is in another room. But
>
>) a couple times i have tried to use it with a towel over my head and
>the monitor, so the light won't wake him...but i have waken him up with the
>typing....
I have gone back downstairs to use the computer after spending time with my
husband. I just have to make sure not to wake him when I get out of bed! I
feel like a kid when I get "caught" at the computer at 2:00 AM and get told
to go to bed. But it is so important to have that time to oneself without
feeling badly about neglecting someone else.
Best wishes in your move. Will you be in the same state?
Olivia
A.Y.
Yeah, this is a tough one. I just want to be LEFT ALONE at the end of the day.
My dh is happy to go to bed if I'll wake him up (Ahem) when I come to bed. I
usually would just like to decompress when I get in bed. But, life in a family is
compromise, so sometimes I wake him up, sometimes I decompress......
I keep trying to remind myself the 4 yr. old won't be in my bed forever, and that
soon no one will want to be in my bed with us. So, I'm trying to see the good
side of it. Sometimes I don't succeed to well, but I try.
Guess this is just one of the family issues that we all deal with.
Ann
Olivia wrote:
My dh is happy to go to bed if I'll wake him up (Ahem) when I come to bed. I
usually would just like to decompress when I get in bed. But, life in a family is
compromise, so sometimes I wake him up, sometimes I decompress......
I keep trying to remind myself the 4 yr. old won't be in my bed forever, and that
soon no one will want to be in my bed with us. So, I'm trying to see the good
side of it. Sometimes I don't succeed to well, but I try.
Guess this is just one of the family issues that we all deal with.
Ann
Olivia wrote:
> From: Olivia <liv2learn@...>
>
> Oh boy, is this a big issue in our house right now! My 6yo doesn't go to
> bed until after 10:00 almost every night. Then, by the time I get to use
> the computer (DH is on until 11), and log in our days highlights and read
> mail, it is midnight. Then I need time to myself to just wind down from the
> day. Of course, this is the time that my husband wants my attention. Has
> anyone found a solution to this type of situation? Late night is when my
> son wants to read and play games with us, so I hate to miss this important
> part of our unschooling. But my husband is not happy either. Is this a
> common problem for home/unschoolers, when mom's time comes last at the end
> of the day?
>
> Olivia
>
> At 12:27 AM 09/20/1999 -0400, you wrote:
> >From: MORELFAM@...
> >
> >as i was reading your schedule with the laaaate nights i wondered about the
> >spousal agreeableness, then later you mentioned it! i guess it is on my mind
> >because i often stay up late (like now) just to get some solitude after a
> >long day with the four children. but hubby wishes i would snuggle in with
> >him.... all these needs to deal with (including my own!)
> >erin
> >
>
> > Check it out!
> http://www.unschooling.com
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/20/99 5:59:07 AM Pacific Daylight Time,
liv2learn@... writes:
basically a problem with many relationships when a computer is involved and
being online. It was an issue with my ex because he wanted me be there while
he was sleeping. It's not an issue now with boyfriend because he understands
that late at nights, after the kids go to bed and he has gone to bed too,
that this is my time, me time. Late at night is the only time of the day
that I can sit at the computer undisturbed. He realizes this is my time to
unwind and since I am hard of hearing, this is my preferred way of
communication. I don't struggle to hear here like I do in the physical
world. I don't always stay up late though. About 2 or 3 nights a week I go
to bed early with him to catch up on my sleep because my boys are early
risers. My boyfriend is very understanding, I know I am lucky after what I
went through with my ex. I think this is an issue with most relationships
when a computer comes into the family. I've noticed that one adult in the
family usually takes to it more than the other.
Just my observations and experiences here.
Chelle
liv2learn@... writes:
> But my husband is not happy either. Is this aI don't think this is just a problem for unschoolers. I think this is
> common problem for home/unschoolers, when mom's time comes last at the end
> of the day?
basically a problem with many relationships when a computer is involved and
being online. It was an issue with my ex because he wanted me be there while
he was sleeping. It's not an issue now with boyfriend because he understands
that late at nights, after the kids go to bed and he has gone to bed too,
that this is my time, me time. Late at night is the only time of the day
that I can sit at the computer undisturbed. He realizes this is my time to
unwind and since I am hard of hearing, this is my preferred way of
communication. I don't struggle to hear here like I do in the physical
world. I don't always stay up late though. About 2 or 3 nights a week I go
to bed early with him to catch up on my sleep because my boys are early
risers. My boyfriend is very understanding, I know I am lucky after what I
went through with my ex. I think this is an issue with most relationships
when a computer comes into the family. I've noticed that one adult in the
family usually takes to it more than the other.
Just my observations and experiences here.
Chelle
Mary E Gates
>>But what really gets to my husband is the fact that sometimes my boysThis is our situation too! (I don't have any solutions, just want you to
>>won't go to bed until I do. >>
know you're not alone!)
Mary Ellen
Be absolutely determined to enjoy what you do.
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[email protected]
In a message dated 9/20/99 1:04:52 AM EST, Jastypes@... writes:
<< Even now, my 12 and 13 year old are awake
downstairs. God help them if they make any noise. But it seems reasonable
that they would stay up late and wake up later like I do, >>
Jill,
My guys are the same way. I don't go to bed till sometimes 2 or am, the boys
are always up till midnight or later, even if I start them to bed at 10pm,
they still find ways of staying up. My dh gets angry sometimes cause he says
they need to learn to get up in the morning. I tell him that they do get up
when they have to, but why on earth make them go to bed, and get up at a
certain time. The only reason people put their kids to bed early is to
either get them out of the way for some quiet time (which I need)! or because
they must get up early the next Day. I mean, that's the only reason adults
go to bed at a certain time, if they don't have to get up early, they stay
up late. I have always been a night person, so I guess the boys come by it
honestly. But SOME nights I just want everyone to go to bed so I can have a
minute for me! LOL
Teresa
<< Even now, my 12 and 13 year old are awake
downstairs. God help them if they make any noise. But it seems reasonable
that they would stay up late and wake up later like I do, >>
Jill,
My guys are the same way. I don't go to bed till sometimes 2 or am, the boys
are always up till midnight or later, even if I start them to bed at 10pm,
they still find ways of staying up. My dh gets angry sometimes cause he says
they need to learn to get up in the morning. I tell him that they do get up
when they have to, but why on earth make them go to bed, and get up at a
certain time. The only reason people put their kids to bed early is to
either get them out of the way for some quiet time (which I need)! or because
they must get up early the next Day. I mean, that's the only reason adults
go to bed at a certain time, if they don't have to get up early, they stay
up late. I have always been a night person, so I guess the boys come by it
honestly. But SOME nights I just want everyone to go to bed so I can have a
minute for me! LOL
Teresa
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/20/1999 11:32:13 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
Hsmotgo@... writes:
<< My dh gets angry sometimes cause he says
they need to learn to get up in the morning. >>
I've heard that argument too. When I start to worry about it, I remember
that there are many jobs that they might get someday that fits their schedule
-- just the way I did.
Jill
Hsmotgo@... writes:
<< My dh gets angry sometimes cause he says
they need to learn to get up in the morning. >>
I've heard that argument too. When I start to worry about it, I remember
that there are many jobs that they might get someday that fits their schedule
-- just the way I did.
Jill
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/20/99 9:07:44 AM EST, HellElena@... writes:
<< I think this is an issue with most relationships
when a computer comes into the family. I've noticed that one adult in the
family usually takes to it more than the other. >>
Chelle,
I think that you are right about problems with a partner being on line, I
never go on line if my dh is awake. If he is up, I try to be in the same
room with him, even if he is watching tv that I don't like. My thing has
always been, even before the puter, that I was going to have my time sometime
during the day, whether at night or during the day. I usually knit or read,
or get involved in an old movie, but it is what I want to do without having
to do for anybody. Now, on the nights that my dh wants some special alone
time, he just tells me to come on to bed, other nights he just says good
night, I go in and snuggle with him a few minutes and then I go back to what
I was doing. We both communicate what we need from each other and don't
begrudge the other what that is, computer time, reading time or snuggling
time! LOL Anyway, in our situation this is how we have worked things out
for a better understanding of each other.
Teresa
<< I think this is an issue with most relationships
when a computer comes into the family. I've noticed that one adult in the
family usually takes to it more than the other. >>
Chelle,
I think that you are right about problems with a partner being on line, I
never go on line if my dh is awake. If he is up, I try to be in the same
room with him, even if he is watching tv that I don't like. My thing has
always been, even before the puter, that I was going to have my time sometime
during the day, whether at night or during the day. I usually knit or read,
or get involved in an old movie, but it is what I want to do without having
to do for anybody. Now, on the nights that my dh wants some special alone
time, he just tells me to come on to bed, other nights he just says good
night, I go in and snuggle with him a few minutes and then I go back to what
I was doing. We both communicate what we need from each other and don't
begrudge the other what that is, computer time, reading time or snuggling
time! LOL Anyway, in our situation this is how we have worked things out
for a better understanding of each other.
Teresa
[email protected]
In a message dated 99-09-20 08:59:03 EDT, you write:
<< Then I need time to myself to just wind down from the
day. Of course, this is the time that my husband wants my attention. Has
anyone found a solution to this type of situation? >>
I have an 11 yo son who is a night owl, and then I need some time to myself
after he goes to bed. Dh goes to bed earlier than either of us. OTOH, I
have an 8 mo son and a 7 yo daughter who get up early so I lose sleep on both
ends.
Dh doesn't mind being woken up at 2 am to snuggle, though <G>.
Laura
<< Then I need time to myself to just wind down from the
day. Of course, this is the time that my husband wants my attention. Has
anyone found a solution to this type of situation? >>
I have an 11 yo son who is a night owl, and then I need some time to myself
after he goes to bed. Dh goes to bed earlier than either of us. OTOH, I
have an 8 mo son and a 7 yo daughter who get up early so I lose sleep on both
ends.
Dh doesn't mind being woken up at 2 am to snuggle, though <G>.
Laura
Diana Asberry
:~)
just moving a half-hour away...into a much bigger apartment (one with a
separate office!!!)
yippee
Diana A.
"the world is our classroom"
--apt.in Dover, NH; house in Indy
SAHM to C-C (6) and Libby (2)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Cleaning your house while the kids are little is like shoveling the
sidewalk before it stops snowing."
---Phyllis Diller
----Original Message Follows----
From: Olivia <liv2learn@...>
At 06:25 AM 09/20/1999 -0700, you wrote:
Best wishes in your move. Will you be in the same state?
Olivia
just moving a half-hour away...into a much bigger apartment (one with a
separate office!!!)
yippee
Diana A.
"the world is our classroom"
--apt.in Dover, NH; house in Indy
SAHM to C-C (6) and Libby (2)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Cleaning your house while the kids are little is like shoveling the
sidewalk before it stops snowing."
---Phyllis Diller
----Original Message Follows----
From: Olivia <liv2learn@...>
At 06:25 AM 09/20/1999 -0700, you wrote:
>From: "Diana Asberry" <diasberry@...>the
>
>) a couple times i have tried to use it with a towel over my head and
>the monitor, so the light won't wake him...but i have waken him up with
>typing....LOL. I just had to laugh here! Luckily our computer is in another room. ...
Best wishes in your move. Will you be in the same state?
Olivia
Barb and Vince
Late nights are a problem for us too. Due to my husband's work schedule he
usually goes to bed at 9:30 or 10 (this gives him an average of 6 hours
sleep). That is the time I like to spend on the computer and maybe some tv
to wind down from filling everyone's needs constantly for the past 15 hours.
The best compromise we have come up with to give my husband some attention
is to go to bed when he does and then get up later and do my thing on the
puter or whatever. Or I get him up when I go to bed. Our time together is
so limited that the main time we have for conversations is when we are in
the car together or when we are on the phone while he is at work. I am
hoping someone will post the perfect answer for those of us who are in this
similar situation.
Barb
Barb
usually goes to bed at 9:30 or 10 (this gives him an average of 6 hours
sleep). That is the time I like to spend on the computer and maybe some tv
to wind down from filling everyone's needs constantly for the past 15 hours.
The best compromise we have come up with to give my husband some attention
is to go to bed when he does and then get up later and do my thing on the
puter or whatever. Or I get him up when I go to bed. Our time together is
so limited that the main time we have for conversations is when we are in
the car together or when we are on the phone while he is at work. I am
hoping someone will post the perfect answer for those of us who are in this
similar situation.
Barb
Barb
A.Y.
After discussing this openly (with no hurt feelings), we have decided that what
you do is the best for us.
I think there is no one answer. I'm impressed how everyone seems to have
worked out was is best for their own relationship. How wonderful for our
children to be learning from us.
Wonder why so many of us aren't content with the way we have worked things out.
I guess it's the 'ole "grass is always greener" thing. We always think someone
out there must be doing a better job.
Ann
Barb and Vince wrote:
you do is the best for us.
I think there is no one answer. I'm impressed how everyone seems to have
worked out was is best for their own relationship. How wonderful for our
children to be learning from us.
Wonder why so many of us aren't content with the way we have worked things out.
I guess it's the 'ole "grass is always greener" thing. We always think someone
out there must be doing a better job.
Ann
Barb and Vince wrote:
> From: "Barb and Vince" <vriche@...>
>
> Late nights are a problem for us too. Due to my husband's work schedule he
> usually goes to bed at 9:30 or 10 (this gives him an average of 6 hours
> sleep). That is the time I like to spend on the computer and maybe some tv
> to wind down from filling everyone's needs constantly for the past 15 hours.
> The best compromise we have come up with to give my husband some attention
> is to go to bed when he does and then get up later and do my thing on the
> puter or whatever. Or I get him up when I go to bed. Our time together is
> so limited that the main time we have for conversations is when we are in
> the car together or when we are on the phone while he is at work. I am
> hoping someone will post the perfect answer for those of us who are in this
> similar situation.
> Barb
>
> Barb
>
> > Check it out!
> http://www.unschooling.com
Jeff & Diane Gwirtz
Tami,
I can't imagine that you're going to be able to change everyone's
bedtime with kids as old as yours. Is it the noise that's bothering
your husband, or does he just resent the fact that he has to go to
bed early so that he can get up early? Would something like ear
plugs or a white noise machine help? How about some relaxing music.
My dh also goes to bed before us, but it's just my 13 year old left
at home, so we're able to be pretty quiet. I do feel guilty
sometimes because he has to get up so early, but he says he kind of
likes the alone time in the morning. He says it's much better than
when the kids used to go to ps and mornings were chaotic. What he's
leaving out is that I'm NOT a morning person and being around me in
the morning is less than pleasant :-)
I can't imagine that you're going to be able to change everyone's
bedtime with kids as old as yours. Is it the noise that's bothering
your husband, or does he just resent the fact that he has to go to
bed early so that he can get up early? Would something like ear
plugs or a white noise machine help? How about some relaxing music.
My dh also goes to bed before us, but it's just my 13 year old left
at home, so we're able to be pretty quiet. I do feel guilty
sometimes because he has to get up so early, but he says he kind of
likes the alone time in the morning. He says it's much better than
when the kids used to go to ps and mornings were chaotic. What he's
leaving out is that I'm NOT a morning person and being around me in
the morning is less than pleasant :-)
Linda Wyatt
> I go through the same thing. After each day, I'm worn out fromIt gets much easier as they get older. For one thing, their immediate
> the neediness, and just want some time when I don't have to be
> responsible for anyone, and no one needs me. That hardly ever happens.
> Even at night the four yr old is in our bed.
needs are somewhat less, and for another, they can stay up later than you
with no problems.
We have an unusual schedule here. It varies, but for a while, we've been
going to bed at about 3am or so. Sometimes I get to bed a bit earlier,
sometimes my dh stays up a bit longer, but the kids have been going to bed
somewhere between 2:30 and 3am for a couple of months now.
I get up about 10am, the kids get up between noon and 1, so I get the
morning to myself. It's kind of nice. I spent quite a few years not
getting any time alone, so this has been a treat for me in some ways.
If my dh and I want time alone and the kids are awake, we simply go into
our room and lock the door- again, this is something that is possible once
your kids get older. The kids know they can knock if they really need us,
but in general, they leave us alone. We tend to get our time alone
somewhere in the night, or in the middle of the afternoon when the kids are
all busy with something.
Like I said, it's unusual, and probably wouldn't work for everyone, but
it's working well for us right now. My dh works at home, so getting up
early to go to work isn't an issue. We don't worry about the kids learning
to get up early, because we live a life where it isn't necessary, and
believe it's fairly likely that they will also be able to do that, if they
want to.
It will be interesting to see what happens with our schedules as it gets
dark earlier. Will people want to start getting up earlier in order to do
things in the light? I expect so.
Linda
--
Linda Wyatt
hilinda@...
http://www.lightlink.com/hilinda
Learning everywhere, all the time.
Algebra before breakfast
"A lie, you see, no matter how often or how vociferously repeated, may be
mistaken for the truth, but it does not become the truth." - Adam Crown
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/20/99 8:26:18 AM Central Daylight Time,
diasberry@... writes:
<< right now! My 6yo doesn't go to
bed until after 10:00 almost every night. Then, by the time I get to use
the computer (DH is on until 11), and log in our days highlights and read
mail, it is midnight. ...But my husband is not happy either. Is this a
common problem for home/unschoolers, when mom's time comes last at the end
of the day? >>
Olivia,
It sure is in our house. My husband has to be in bed by 9:30, since he
gets up at 4:30. He usually goes on to bed and leaves it up to me to get the
kids in bed. I let them all eat a snack around 9:00, then I send them up to
their room. They are all allowed to read a book or play a quiet game. The 7
yr. old and 11 yr old like to sit and talk, so sometimes I have to go up a
few times and tell them to be quiet. The 13 yr. old and 17 yr old go to
their separate bedrooms and read, so they are pretty quiet and aren't any
trouble. I usually do some last minute clean up and errands for awhile, then
I log on to the computer about 12:00 midnight. I think we are all being very
quiet (the master bedroom is on the first floor, while all the other bedrooms
are upstairs. The computer is in a nook off the kitchen, so he can't hear
any noise from it), however lately he has been screaming and yelling at all
of us. He starts doing this around 9:00, and by the time he goes to bed, he
has himself all worked up! We are really having struggles with this. My
husband has always been laid back and calm, until he started this about a
year ago. We have tried going to bed earlier, and getting up earlier, but he
still yells alot. The kids and I are NOT morning people and it is very hard
on us to go to sleep at 9:00. I have had many heartfelt talks with my
husband about this, and I am at my wits end. I just don't know what else to
do. So I know what you are saying, since I am having the exact same problem.
I would love to get some good suggestions, since I don't know what else to
try and I am really getting desperate. This is putting a burden on our
marriage! Help!
Tami
diasberry@... writes:
<< right now! My 6yo doesn't go to
bed until after 10:00 almost every night. Then, by the time I get to use
the computer (DH is on until 11), and log in our days highlights and read
mail, it is midnight. ...But my husband is not happy either. Is this a
common problem for home/unschoolers, when mom's time comes last at the end
of the day? >>
Olivia,
It sure is in our house. My husband has to be in bed by 9:30, since he
gets up at 4:30. He usually goes on to bed and leaves it up to me to get the
kids in bed. I let them all eat a snack around 9:00, then I send them up to
their room. They are all allowed to read a book or play a quiet game. The 7
yr. old and 11 yr old like to sit and talk, so sometimes I have to go up a
few times and tell them to be quiet. The 13 yr. old and 17 yr old go to
their separate bedrooms and read, so they are pretty quiet and aren't any
trouble. I usually do some last minute clean up and errands for awhile, then
I log on to the computer about 12:00 midnight. I think we are all being very
quiet (the master bedroom is on the first floor, while all the other bedrooms
are upstairs. The computer is in a nook off the kitchen, so he can't hear
any noise from it), however lately he has been screaming and yelling at all
of us. He starts doing this around 9:00, and by the time he goes to bed, he
has himself all worked up! We are really having struggles with this. My
husband has always been laid back and calm, until he started this about a
year ago. We have tried going to bed earlier, and getting up earlier, but he
still yells alot. The kids and I are NOT morning people and it is very hard
on us to go to sleep at 9:00. I have had many heartfelt talks with my
husband about this, and I am at my wits end. I just don't know what else to
do. So I know what you are saying, since I am having the exact same problem.
I would love to get some good suggestions, since I don't know what else to
try and I am really getting desperate. This is putting a burden on our
marriage! Help!
Tami
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/20/99 10:32:16 AM Central Daylight Time, Hsmotgo@...
writes:
<< My guys are the same way. I don't go to bed till sometimes 2 or am, the
boys
are always up till midnight or later, even if I start them to bed at 10pm,
they still find ways of staying up. My dh gets angry sometimes cause he
says
they need to learn to get up in the morning. I tell him that they do get up
when they have to, but why on earth make them go to bed, and get up at a
certain time. >>
Teresa,
This is the same complaint that I get from my husband. When I tell him
that we do get up early, when we have to, but why should I have them get up
early if we don't, he says "Because I have to get up early!!". We have
disagreed about this since we got married over 19 years ago. My husband is a
morning person, and he starts nodding off around 9:00 pm. I am a night
person (and always have been). I like to stay up to 2:00 am and get up at
around 10:00 or 11:00 am. My husband knew I was like this when he married
me, but now he is getting angry, because I let the kids do the same thing.
He thinks I am "ruining" them. He also says that what we are doing is wrong
and that the "real world" doesn't go by that schedule, so I shouldn't allow
our kids to. I have reminded him that I have always been that way, but he
just says that now that I have "grown up" its time that I change that. He
really seems to think that sleeping late and staying up late are like really,
really big sins or something! Aaargh!
Here lately he and I just don't seem to be communicating on the same
wavelength at all! He sure doesn't understand the sleeping thing, and he
doesn't get the "unschooling" thing at all! I feel like he is driving me
crazy! And yet he can be a very wonderful father and husband, so this is
really frustrating! I am about at the end of my rope!
Tami
writes:
<< My guys are the same way. I don't go to bed till sometimes 2 or am, the
boys
are always up till midnight or later, even if I start them to bed at 10pm,
they still find ways of staying up. My dh gets angry sometimes cause he
says
they need to learn to get up in the morning. I tell him that they do get up
when they have to, but why on earth make them go to bed, and get up at a
certain time. >>
Teresa,
This is the same complaint that I get from my husband. When I tell him
that we do get up early, when we have to, but why should I have them get up
early if we don't, he says "Because I have to get up early!!". We have
disagreed about this since we got married over 19 years ago. My husband is a
morning person, and he starts nodding off around 9:00 pm. I am a night
person (and always have been). I like to stay up to 2:00 am and get up at
around 10:00 or 11:00 am. My husband knew I was like this when he married
me, but now he is getting angry, because I let the kids do the same thing.
He thinks I am "ruining" them. He also says that what we are doing is wrong
and that the "real world" doesn't go by that schedule, so I shouldn't allow
our kids to. I have reminded him that I have always been that way, but he
just says that now that I have "grown up" its time that I change that. He
really seems to think that sleeping late and staying up late are like really,
really big sins or something! Aaargh!
Here lately he and I just don't seem to be communicating on the same
wavelength at all! He sure doesn't understand the sleeping thing, and he
doesn't get the "unschooling" thing at all! I feel like he is driving me
crazy! And yet he can be a very wonderful father and husband, so this is
really frustrating! I am about at the end of my rope!
Tami
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/20/99 7:26:03 PM Central Daylight Time,
hilinda@... writes:
<< It varies, but for a while, we've been
going to bed at about 3am or so. Sometimes I get to bed a bit earlier,
sometimes my dh stays up a bit longer, but the kids have been going to bed
somewhere between 2:30 and 3am for a couple of months now.
Sounds great! Unfortunately my husband likes going to bed early and
getting up early, and he thinks we should all do as he does. I think it is
neat that you all worked out such an agreeable schedule! I am hoping that we
will eventually work out a great compromise also. Anyway, I am working on
it....
Tami
hilinda@... writes:
<< It varies, but for a while, we've been
going to bed at about 3am or so. Sometimes I get to bed a bit earlier,
sometimes my dh stays up a bit longer, but the kids have been going to bed
somewhere between 2:30 and 3am for a couple of months now.
>>Linda,
Sounds great! Unfortunately my husband likes going to bed early and
getting up early, and he thinks we should all do as he does. I think it is
neat that you all worked out such an agreeable schedule! I am hoping that we
will eventually work out a great compromise also. Anyway, I am working on
it....
Tami
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/20/99 10:03:48 PM EST, FreeSchool@... writes:
<< Here lately he and I just don't seem to be communicating on the same
wavelength at all! He sure doesn't understand the sleeping thing, and he
doesn't get the "unschooling" thing at all! >>
Tami,
I have to empathize with you, my dh is a morning person too, however, for
some reason, mainly I think , because things are starting to go better in our
business, he can be more relaxed. When he gave me the real world thing, I
told him that this world is going to 24 hr jobs, work at home, work on the
net, work in hospitals, I worked evenings so I cold do what I wanted at night
and sleep late, The unschooling thing, I don't even go there, we do
"relaxed" the older the boys get, the more he sees what they are learning .
I hope things work out for your family and I am sure you will get lots of
good responses on the list.
Teresa
<< Here lately he and I just don't seem to be communicating on the same
wavelength at all! He sure doesn't understand the sleeping thing, and he
doesn't get the "unschooling" thing at all! >>
Tami,
I have to empathize with you, my dh is a morning person too, however, for
some reason, mainly I think , because things are starting to go better in our
business, he can be more relaxed. When he gave me the real world thing, I
told him that this world is going to 24 hr jobs, work at home, work on the
net, work in hospitals, I worked evenings so I cold do what I wanted at night
and sleep late, The unschooling thing, I don't even go there, we do
"relaxed" the older the boys get, the more he sees what they are learning .
I hope things work out for your family and I am sure you will get lots of
good responses on the list.
Teresa
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/20/99 11:06:56 PM Central Daylight Time,
jagwirtz@... writes:
<< I can't imagine that you're going to be able to change everyone's
bedtime with kids as old as yours. Is it the noise that's bothering
your husband, or does he just resent the fact that he has to go to
bed early so that he can get up early? Would something like ear
plugs or a white noise machine help? How about some relaxing music.
My dh also goes to bed before us, but it's just my 13 year old left
at home, so we're able to be pretty quiet. I do feel guilty
sometimes because he has to get up so early, but he says he kind of
likes the alone time in the morning. He says it's much better than
when the kids used to go to ps and mornings were chaotic. What he's
leaving out is that I'm NOT a morning person and being around me in
the morning is less than pleasant :-)
I do believe that some of it is resentfulness. However, he has
stressed to me for years, that he thinks sleeping late is just pure laziness!
He has always been a morning person (he gets up early on his days off too),
and he thinks staying up late is stupid (his very words). Finally, I just
asked him if he thought this was a "sin" to stay up late and sleep late.
After thinking about it for awhile, he said yes. We got into a discussion
about it. We talked about all the people that worked the night shift and
other things. He just said that "most" people aren't like that, and those
that work during the night "have to" they don't have a choice. He said that
people who chose to do so weren't "normal" people. LOL I had to laugh, but
at the same time, I am astounded at how he classifies people into those who
do it right, and those who don't. He really believes that he is right and
that my idea (and anyone who agrees with me) is wrong. I am starting to find
out that he has a narrow minded view on ALOT of issues, and I never even knew
it!! (Either that or I was to Naive to notice before). I have been married
to this man for 19 years, and didn't know he felt this way on so many issues.
The problem is, we feel differently on ALOT of things! LOL Now what do I
do?? I sure wish we had discussed these things more fully years ago. Now we
must find some way to compromise, respect each others feelings, and somehow
NOT force our views down the others throat and still get along!
Tami
jagwirtz@... writes:
<< I can't imagine that you're going to be able to change everyone's
bedtime with kids as old as yours. Is it the noise that's bothering
your husband, or does he just resent the fact that he has to go to
bed early so that he can get up early? Would something like ear
plugs or a white noise machine help? How about some relaxing music.
My dh also goes to bed before us, but it's just my 13 year old left
at home, so we're able to be pretty quiet. I do feel guilty
sometimes because he has to get up so early, but he says he kind of
likes the alone time in the morning. He says it's much better than
when the kids used to go to ps and mornings were chaotic. What he's
leaving out is that I'm NOT a morning person and being around me in
the morning is less than pleasant :-)
>>Diane,
I do believe that some of it is resentfulness. However, he has
stressed to me for years, that he thinks sleeping late is just pure laziness!
He has always been a morning person (he gets up early on his days off too),
and he thinks staying up late is stupid (his very words). Finally, I just
asked him if he thought this was a "sin" to stay up late and sleep late.
After thinking about it for awhile, he said yes. We got into a discussion
about it. We talked about all the people that worked the night shift and
other things. He just said that "most" people aren't like that, and those
that work during the night "have to" they don't have a choice. He said that
people who chose to do so weren't "normal" people. LOL I had to laugh, but
at the same time, I am astounded at how he classifies people into those who
do it right, and those who don't. He really believes that he is right and
that my idea (and anyone who agrees with me) is wrong. I am starting to find
out that he has a narrow minded view on ALOT of issues, and I never even knew
it!! (Either that or I was to Naive to notice before). I have been married
to this man for 19 years, and didn't know he felt this way on so many issues.
The problem is, we feel differently on ALOT of things! LOL Now what do I
do?? I sure wish we had discussed these things more fully years ago. Now we
must find some way to compromise, respect each others feelings, and somehow
NOT force our views down the others throat and still get along!
Tami
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/20/99 11:50:16 PM Central Daylight Time, Hsmotgo@...
writes:
<< I hope things work out for your family and I am sure you will get lots of
good responses on the list. >>
Teresa,
Thanks. Maybe I can get my husband to relax more too. I don't know,
but I am willing to keep working on it!
Tami
writes:
<< I hope things work out for your family and I am sure you will get lots of
good responses on the list. >>
Teresa,
Thanks. Maybe I can get my husband to relax more too. I don't know,
but I am willing to keep working on it!
Tami
Jeff & Diane Gwirtz
Tami,
It sounds like you may have to agree to disagree and move forward
from there. You've been married a long time as have I (21 years).
I'm still learning things about my dh too.
Your dh sounds like my mom. She seems to feel like it's a sin to
sleep late - always has. She also thinks you have to be busy doing
something every minute of the day. I don't do this, but I still
feel guilty when I sit - even to read a book. Those things that are
ingrained in us from childhood are hard to let go of. My mil is so
different and I think that has really helped. She's very laid back -
sees nothing wrong with covering yourself with a blanket and watching
a little tv. She really has time for her family. My mom is always
busy proving to the world that's she's worthy. She spends lots of
time on wonderful volunteer projects, but very little time with
family, except for my dad. She does a lot of good for the world and
I'm proud of her for that, but I think it comes with a price.
Diane from KS
jagwirtz@...
It sounds like you may have to agree to disagree and move forward
from there. You've been married a long time as have I (21 years).
I'm still learning things about my dh too.
Your dh sounds like my mom. She seems to feel like it's a sin to
sleep late - always has. She also thinks you have to be busy doing
something every minute of the day. I don't do this, but I still
feel guilty when I sit - even to read a book. Those things that are
ingrained in us from childhood are hard to let go of. My mil is so
different and I think that has really helped. She's very laid back -
sees nothing wrong with covering yourself with a blanket and watching
a little tv. She really has time for her family. My mom is always
busy proving to the world that's she's worthy. She spends lots of
time on wonderful volunteer projects, but very little time with
family, except for my dad. She does a lot of good for the world and
I'm proud of her for that, but I think it comes with a price.
Diane from KS
jagwirtz@...
Lori
All four of my children are nightowls and we spend hours snuggling in bed and reading at night. I am on the opposite end of the spectrum with regards to online time, however. I arise hours before everyone else, including dh, and have my alone time then. For this morning person, the decompression must happen first <BG>....plenty of alone time to *start* the day with caffeine before the demands of the day beset me. I can negotiate for computer time later in the day....at dawn, it is mine...all mine!
Lori
Lori
mrstar
I have been following this thread with interest. I have a tendency toward
night owlishness. Here dh has to get up early for work so we all go to bed
at 9pm. Here is what we do: I get up early with dh every day and this is
when I get my computer time in, to check mail and whatnot. Dh has school 2
nights a week and doesn't get home until 9:30 so he stays up for an hour and
has his computer time. If he wants he can wake me up (I am asleep with the
kids) and we can have 'our' time. Two other nights a week he does his
homework from his school and on those nights he goes to bed with the kids
and I stay up if I want to and many times he joins me. On Fridays (or
sometimes Saturdays) we get the kids to sleep, brew up some cappuccino and
stay up reallly late. We have some of 'our' time and we also have a late
night online Bible study with some friends in the next state. Then we sleep
in. <g> . Our kids are 7, 5, 4, 3, and 2 (she is the one who isn't really
ours, but we have her on Friday nights). The stay in our room and read books
and play quietly so we can rest a bit longer. It all works out pretty well.
(so far) but is subject to change as our schedules and needs change.
I just thought I would share what we do. It isn't the best solution but we
seem to be covering all the bases. We have to be creative when it comes to
private time and we try to communicate clearly and make note of our own
selfishness and not allow it to get in the way of our happiness.
Mary in Idaho (who would stay up until 2 every night if she was allowed but
would also sleep in til 10 if she was allowed)
night owlishness. Here dh has to get up early for work so we all go to bed
at 9pm. Here is what we do: I get up early with dh every day and this is
when I get my computer time in, to check mail and whatnot. Dh has school 2
nights a week and doesn't get home until 9:30 so he stays up for an hour and
has his computer time. If he wants he can wake me up (I am asleep with the
kids) and we can have 'our' time. Two other nights a week he does his
homework from his school and on those nights he goes to bed with the kids
and I stay up if I want to and many times he joins me. On Fridays (or
sometimes Saturdays) we get the kids to sleep, brew up some cappuccino and
stay up reallly late. We have some of 'our' time and we also have a late
night online Bible study with some friends in the next state. Then we sleep
in. <g> . Our kids are 7, 5, 4, 3, and 2 (she is the one who isn't really
ours, but we have her on Friday nights). The stay in our room and read books
and play quietly so we can rest a bit longer. It all works out pretty well.
(so far) but is subject to change as our schedules and needs change.
I just thought I would share what we do. It isn't the best solution but we
seem to be covering all the bases. We have to be creative when it comes to
private time and we try to communicate clearly and make note of our own
selfishness and not allow it to get in the way of our happiness.
Mary in Idaho (who would stay up until 2 every night if she was allowed but
would also sleep in til 10 if she was allowed)
Olivia
Tami:
I wish I had something helpful to suggest. Being a night person all my life
I have always felt at odds with the majority. During conversations with
your husband do you and he reach any agreement at all about the time issue?
I can't imagine getting up at 4:30 every day. I don't remember all your
former posts, but is he dissatisfied with his job? Sometimes people who
feel they are in a sinking ship want everybody to go down with them, so to
speak. I wonder what changed for him within the past year. Maybe he doesn't
want to be on a separate schedule from the rest of the family, like he is
missing out on family time. I don't know...just guesses and questions. My
husband had a midlife crisis last year and I didn't see it clearly in his
behavior until things came to a head. It sounds like there are other issues
affecting your husband's behavior. Hopefully someone wiser than me will
have some good suggestions.
Olivia
At 10:46 PM 09/20/1999 -0400, you wrote:
I wish I had something helpful to suggest. Being a night person all my life
I have always felt at odds with the majority. During conversations with
your husband do you and he reach any agreement at all about the time issue?
I can't imagine getting up at 4:30 every day. I don't remember all your
former posts, but is he dissatisfied with his job? Sometimes people who
feel they are in a sinking ship want everybody to go down with them, so to
speak. I wonder what changed for him within the past year. Maybe he doesn't
want to be on a separate schedule from the rest of the family, like he is
missing out on family time. I don't know...just guesses and questions. My
husband had a midlife crisis last year and I didn't see it clearly in his
behavior until things came to a head. It sounds like there are other issues
affecting your husband's behavior. Hopefully someone wiser than me will
have some good suggestions.
Olivia
At 10:46 PM 09/20/1999 -0400, you wrote:
>From: FreeSchool@...
> It sure is in our house. My husband has to be in bed by 9:30, since he
>gets up at 4:30. He usually goes on to bed and leaves it up to me to get the
>kids in bed. I let them all eat a snack around 9:00, then I send them up to
>their room. They are all allowed to read a book or play a quiet game. The 7
>yr. old and 11 yr old like to sit and talk, so sometimes I have to go up a
>few times and tell them to be quiet. The 13 yr. old and 17 yr old go to
>their separate bedrooms and read, so they are pretty quiet and aren't any
>trouble. I usually do some last minute clean up and errands for awhile, then
>I log on to the computer about 12:00 midnight. I think we are all being very
>quiet (the master bedroom is on the first floor, while all the other bedrooms
>are upstairs. The computer is in a nook off the kitchen, so he can't hear
>any noise from it), however lately he has been screaming and yelling at all
>of us. He starts doing this around 9:00, and by the time he goes to bed, he
>has himself all worked up! We are really having struggles with this. My
>husband has always been laid back and calm, until he started this about a
>year ago. We have tried going to bed earlier, and getting up earlier, but he
>still yells alot. The kids and I are NOT morning people and it is very hard
>on us to go to sleep at 9:00. I have had many heartfelt talks with my
>husband about this, and I am at my wits end. I just don't know what else to
>do. So I know what you are saying, since I am having the exact same problem.
> I would love to get some good suggestions, since I don't know what else to
>try and I am really getting desperate. This is putting a burden on our
>marriage! Help!
>Tami
Thomas and Nanci Kuykendall
I have been married
rivalry that my DH and I are what I consider to be a Soul-Match, two sides
(male and female) to the same coin. We agree on almost everyting, and I
really have to ponder here to think of something that we do not agree on.
Oh, we occassionally get hot tempered with each other, but mainly over
stress and not anything real. Always short lived and apologies following
quickly. Makes me realize again how truly fortunate we are to have found
each other.
Nanci K. in Idaho
>to this man for 19 years, and didn't know he felt this way on so manyissues.
> The problem is, we feel differently on ALOT of things! LOL Now what do Iwe
>do?? I sure wish we had discussed these things more fully years ago. Now
>must find some way to compromise, respect each others feelings, and somehowBoy, it really makes me glad reading all these messages about spousal
>NOT force our views down the others throat and still get along!
>Tami
rivalry that my DH and I are what I consider to be a Soul-Match, two sides
(male and female) to the same coin. We agree on almost everyting, and I
really have to ponder here to think of something that we do not agree on.
Oh, we occassionally get hot tempered with each other, but mainly over
stress and not anything real. Always short lived and apologies following
quickly. Makes me realize again how truly fortunate we are to have found
each other.
Nanci K. in Idaho
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/21/99 7:11:57 AM Central Daylight Time,
HarmNone@... writes:
<< I can negotiate for computer time later in the day....at dawn, it is
mine...all mine!
LOL That is me at 12:00 pm!
Tami
HarmNone@... writes:
<< I can negotiate for computer time later in the day....at dawn, it is
mine...all mine!
>>Lori,
LOL That is me at 12:00 pm!
Tami