Joseph Fuerst

Tia,
In thinking this through, I was thinking that I've always respected my
children's ability in their 'gut' feelings. They seem to naturally avoid
interaction with certain relatives; and I let them (and the relative, if
need be) know that these boundaries are to be respected.
I have an older brother that used to beat me mercilessly, and "tickle
torture" me (quite literally). I have not talked this over with my
children - though I certainly will when they ask about it. I have worked
through my own problems about this; and respect that he has changed in some
ways...he seems to be trying, at least. However, my children are terribly
afraid of him. They even ask that he not be invited to family gatherings -
especially birthdays...(he like sto do the spanking for each year and a
pinch to grow an inch). At any rate, he's (my brother) actually beginning
to try different ways to relate to my children. (Don't get me wrong, I
would not leave my children around him without one of us parents to
intervene for them.)
Anyway, my point is that, I do see how my children have to be better
off....after all, I was reared to dis-connect from my own intuition....it's
a long road beck to one's self sometimes. My children are encouraged to
know and trust their feelings.
Thanks for the input!
Susan

>
> I don't think this is necessarily so. I think that if you explain to the
> kids why you're disconnecting, they're going to understand, at least
> eventually. And I don't think you have to be disrespectful when
> disconnecting. Forceful yes, but not disrespectful. Of course the kind
of
> parent who needs to be disconnected from is going to *call* it
> disrespectful, but it's really just setting boundaries and making sure
that
> they are respected.
> Tia
>
> No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
> Eleanor Roosevelt
> *********************************************
> Tia Leschke
> leschke@...
> On Vancouver Island
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> ________________________________________________________________________
> ________________________________________________________________________
>
> Message: 11
> Date: Fri, 28 Dec 2001 22:25:47 -0800
> From: Tia Leschke <leschke@...>
> Subject: Re: Snappy comebacks
>
>
> >I'm at the point now
> >where when people ask me
> >why I homeschool I usually just say Cuz I went to
> >conventional schools and I remember.
>
> I often say that our three older ones all went to school and it served
none
> of them well.
> Tia
>
> No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
> Eleanor Roosevelt
> *********************************************
> Tia Leschke
> leschke@...
> On Vancouver Island
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> ________________________________________________________________________
> ________________________________________________________________________
>
> Message: 12
> Date: Fri, 28 Dec 2001 22:31:35 -0800
> From: Tia Leschke <leschke@...>
> Subject: Re: relationships
>
>
> >
> >And just FWIW: we've tried every distraction in the book to get him
> >to quit. First off, he has to want to quit, and he doesn't.
>
> My mother smoked almost all her life. I knew not to hassle her about it,
> having been a smoker myself. About the only thing I said to her in the
> last few years was to mention what a drag it would be to have to be hooked
> up to oxygen all the time. (She has a touch of emphysema.) Well she just
> happened to mention on the phone early this summer that she hadn't smoked
> for a week. I'm sure she could hear my jaw dropping. <g> She said it
had
> nothing to do with health worries. She just woke up one morning thinking
> she didn't want to do that anymore. She talks now about how nice it is to
> have more money to spend on other things. She will be 86 in February and
> she still isn't smoking.
> Tia
>
> No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
> Eleanor Roosevelt
> *********************************************
> Tia Leschke
> leschke@...
> On Vancouver Island
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> ________________________________________________________________________
> ________________________________________________________________________
>
> Message: 13
> Date: Fri, 28 Dec 2001 22:34:17 -0800
> From: "Lynda" <lurine@...>
> Subject: Re: Re: grandparents
>
> I wasn't talking about to unschool or not to unschool. I was talking
about
> flogging that old dead horse "vegetarian/unschooling take yourself off to
> another list" comments that are almost word for word part of a supposed
> flame war that went on a couple of months ago.
>
> Lynda
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Sarah Carothers" <puddles@...>
> To: <[email protected]>
> Sent: Friday, December 28, 2001 8:31 PM
> Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Re: grandparents
>
>
> > Lynda asked:
> > <I believe that it was stated that old stuff wouldn't be rehashed. Did
I
> > miss something or is it o.k. to do the same old tired let's compare
> > vegetarians to unschoolers and go somewhere else if you don't unschool
my
> > way discussion?>
> >
> > keep reading the posts, Lynda. It may have been a repeat of sorts but
the
> message is still the same...
> > if somebody is coming to an unschooling list asking questions, they're
> looking for unschooling support and not the message of "it won't work".
> > Please read the rest of the thread
> > Sarah
> >
> >
> >
> > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> >
> >
> >
> > Message boards, timely articles, a free newsletter and more!
> > Check it all out at: http://www.unschooling.com
> >
> > To unsubscribe, set preferences, or read archives:
> > http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Unschooling-dotcom
> >
> > Another great list sponsored by Home Education Magazine!
> > http://www.home-ed-magazine.com
> >
> >
> >
> > Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to
http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
> >
> >
>
>
>
> ________________________________________________________________________
> ________________________________________________________________________
>
> Message: 14
> Date: Fri, 28 Dec 2001 23:27:35 -0800
> From: "Lynda" <lurine@...>
> Subject: Re: Re: Don't despair, was Superior parents...was digest 1710
>
> It is always hard to tell if what you are doing is "working" or if you are
> making some giant horrendous mess of everything. I think it is human and,
> in particular, mommy nature to worry about our parenting skills. And
> particularly for those of us who didn't have the greatest examples to
learn
> from!
>
> Over the years we've had our ups and downs and our little "family" has
grown
> and shrunk depending on how many foster and "adopted" children we
currently
> have living with us.
>
> But, when it is all said and done, the holidays always bring a card or
phone
> call from one of "our" kidlets that tells me "ya ain't doing so bad, keep
> following the same path."
>
> Here's what was written in a card we received on Christmas Day from one of
> our "adopted" boys. This kinda card makes it all worthwhile and makes the
> self-doubts go away at least for a little while!
>
> You two have given me
> what no one else can,
> Respect and responsibility to
> be a young man.
>
> You shone light on the darkness
> and opened my eyes,
> To learn from my mistakes
> and go on with my life.
>
> From drama with mama
> or trouble in court
> You two would never stop
> givin me support.
>
> But I can't pay you back
> for all the good that you've done
> But I recognize the family
> that loves me like a son.
>
> Now when I speak,
> it's HONESTY before fear!
> Merry Christmas and
> have a Happy New Year.
>
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Kolleen" <Kolleen@...>
>
>
> > I think this has to do with how much damage was done and how much
> > insecurities it caused.
> > I spent many years oblivious of my own insecurities, still trying to get
> > my 'mother's approval'.
> >
> > Now I've been working on cutting that line for many years. Sometimes, I
> > don't always keep my confidence and her words shake me. Sometimes, I can
> > shake them off.
> >
> > > The wounds inflicted (knowingly or not) by parents seem to linger
at
> > >least a lifetime. Have you found families you actually have
friendships
> > >with who have manged to develop adult-adult relationships with grown
> > >children?
>
>
>
>
> ________________________________________________________________________
> ________________________________________________________________________
>
> Message: 15
> Date: Sat, 29 Dec 2001 01:14:00 -0800
> From: Helen Hegener <HEM-Editor@...>
> Subject: Re: relationships
>
> At 10:31 PM -0800 12/28/01, Tia Leschke wrote:
> > She just woke up one morning thinking
> >she didn't want to do that anymore.
>
> How wonderful, Tia! That's the kind of decision that usually stays
decided! <g>
>
> Dad quit smoking after his stroke in September, and didn't even want
> to smoke for several weeks afterwards, but then one day he just up
> and started in again.
>
> > She talks now about how nice it is to
> >have more money to spend on other things.
>
> Tell me about it! Mom had cigs on a shopping list of things I picked
> up for her the other evening - four packs of cigarettes came to over
> $17.00! I was flabbergasted - and then my sister told me the price is
> going up by sixty cents a pack next week!
>
> > She will be 86 in February and
> >she still isn't smoking.
>
> Well, bless her heart!
>
> Helen
>
>
>
> ________________________________________________________________________
> ________________________________________________________________________
>
>
>
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
>
>
>