I have picked up the book I never got a chance to really read Quit School and
dljones0
Get a Life. I feel so far that what I am reading feels more like my
style, but it's so unnatural for me since it's not the way I was
raised. My son didn't do well with the traditional school setting,
and I think the best thing I can do for him is to try to offer him
some alternatives until we find one that works for him and makes him
happy. Since quitting school in April, I am wondering if he needs
more time to deschool because academics is just not setting well with
him at all. He has just been diagnosed with ADD-inattentive type, so
I know that hasn't helped his self-esteem, and he says he can't pick
up a book because he can't retain anything he reads. That is so
different for him, because he always used to love reading.
What I would love is encouragement, advice on unschooling, and please
no ridiculing because it's not as easy for me to just jump in like
some of the rest of you who have done it for so long. I really admire
this way of learning instead of having everything shoved down their
throats. I grew up thinking we had to be pushed all the time and
never had the opportunity to just sit back and make the decision on
my own to learn when I wanted to. Therefore, it makes me think that
most children need a little bit of a constant push to continue acting
responsibly, which means doing homework, etc. I thought this was part
of being a parent and guiding your children to become well behaved,
responsible adults.
So, please explain where I go from here. I'm feeling like backing off
and letting him do whatever he chooses for a while. I've tried it,
but then I start feeling like he needs to learn, or should I say, do
academics. My husband's attitude about that may tend to sway me in
that direction more than I tend to want to go. My son is intelligent,
has big ideas, but has trouble implementing. I think in time,
however, he will do great things so I'm not sure why I'm concerned.
style, but it's so unnatural for me since it's not the way I was
raised. My son didn't do well with the traditional school setting,
and I think the best thing I can do for him is to try to offer him
some alternatives until we find one that works for him and makes him
happy. Since quitting school in April, I am wondering if he needs
more time to deschool because academics is just not setting well with
him at all. He has just been diagnosed with ADD-inattentive type, so
I know that hasn't helped his self-esteem, and he says he can't pick
up a book because he can't retain anything he reads. That is so
different for him, because he always used to love reading.
What I would love is encouragement, advice on unschooling, and please
no ridiculing because it's not as easy for me to just jump in like
some of the rest of you who have done it for so long. I really admire
this way of learning instead of having everything shoved down their
throats. I grew up thinking we had to be pushed all the time and
never had the opportunity to just sit back and make the decision on
my own to learn when I wanted to. Therefore, it makes me think that
most children need a little bit of a constant push to continue acting
responsibly, which means doing homework, etc. I thought this was part
of being a parent and guiding your children to become well behaved,
responsible adults.
So, please explain where I go from here. I'm feeling like backing off
and letting him do whatever he chooses for a while. I've tried it,
but then I start feeling like he needs to learn, or should I say, do
academics. My husband's attitude about that may tend to sway me in
that direction more than I tend to want to go. My son is intelligent,
has big ideas, but has trouble implementing. I think in time,
however, he will do great things so I'm not sure why I'm concerned.
Mimi Moorehead
Hi,
Sorry if it was me that seemed to ridicule you. I never intentionally
mean to do that. When I post, it's usually just to share my experiences.
I'm sure that either Tia, Sarah Carothers, Lovemary or Kolleen will be
more help to you than I can be, but I'll try.
First of all, have you read the standard unschooling books by John Holt,
Grace Llewellyn, etc.? If you haven't, you should do so. Also,
understand what "deschooling" is. I understand it requires an awful lot
of patience and a lot of time. It depends on the child, but deschooling
can take years. Remember he has been in school for close to 10 years,
constantly being told what to do, when to do it, how to do it, how much
time he has to do it in, and, even, with whom to do it. He's not used
to self-initiating those types of activities which most people would
consider to be learning activities. He has been taught for many years
that learning is WORK and that it is unpleasant because it has been
forced upon him. So, it's only natural he would have an aversion to
activities that many would consider educational.
Unschooling is all about respecting your child's choices and trusting
the fact that he will learn, on his own, what is best for him.
Didn't you say that your son was into computer programming? Well, let
him do that - all day long, all year long, if that's what he wants to
do. He can learn an awful lot from that.
This is what unschooling is to me: I basically leave my kids alone and
let them do what they want to do. I rarely tell them to do anything
(unless it has to do with their physical health, which is a big factor
with my kids). I consciously try to involve myself in as many active
(not passive) activities as possible. I am modeling for my kids. I
hope they join me, and they often do. I answer all their questions (and
there are very many of them), which often lead into pretty deep
discussions (these are definitely learning moments). I find the long
and more interesting discussions are in the car, where they are captive
and have few distractions.
I will now go through your post and interject my thoughts. Please don't
think I am being critical or I am ridiculing you. I'm just giving you
my ideas and am trying to help in the best way that I can. If we don't
answer your questions, then you must keep asking and maybe be more
specific, or word your question in another way.
Sorry if it was me that seemed to ridicule you. I never intentionally
mean to do that. When I post, it's usually just to share my experiences.
I'm sure that either Tia, Sarah Carothers, Lovemary or Kolleen will be
more help to you than I can be, but I'll try.
First of all, have you read the standard unschooling books by John Holt,
Grace Llewellyn, etc.? If you haven't, you should do so. Also,
understand what "deschooling" is. I understand it requires an awful lot
of patience and a lot of time. It depends on the child, but deschooling
can take years. Remember he has been in school for close to 10 years,
constantly being told what to do, when to do it, how to do it, how much
time he has to do it in, and, even, with whom to do it. He's not used
to self-initiating those types of activities which most people would
consider to be learning activities. He has been taught for many years
that learning is WORK and that it is unpleasant because it has been
forced upon him. So, it's only natural he would have an aversion to
activities that many would consider educational.
Unschooling is all about respecting your child's choices and trusting
the fact that he will learn, on his own, what is best for him.
Didn't you say that your son was into computer programming? Well, let
him do that - all day long, all year long, if that's what he wants to
do. He can learn an awful lot from that.
This is what unschooling is to me: I basically leave my kids alone and
let them do what they want to do. I rarely tell them to do anything
(unless it has to do with their physical health, which is a big factor
with my kids). I consciously try to involve myself in as many active
(not passive) activities as possible. I am modeling for my kids. I
hope they join me, and they often do. I answer all their questions (and
there are very many of them), which often lead into pretty deep
discussions (these are definitely learning moments). I find the long
and more interesting discussions are in the car, where they are captive
and have few distractions.
I will now go through your post and interject my thoughts. Please don't
think I am being critical or I am ridiculing you. I'm just giving you
my ideas and am trying to help in the best way that I can. If we don't
answer your questions, then you must keep asking and maybe be more
specific, or word your question in another way.
On Thursday, December 27, 2001, at 06:53 PM, dljones0 wrote:
> Get a Life. I feel so far that what I am reading feels more like my
> style, but it's so unnatural for me since it's not the way I was
> raised.
+++++++++++++++++++++++=
I wasn't raised this way either. I read "Learning all the Time" by John
Holt and it really changed the way I looked at how children learn. Read
that book if you haven't yet. Also read Alice Miller's "Thou Shall Not
Be Aware" (I think that's the title - it's been a few years since I read
it). Sorry if this sounds maudlin, but I have many faults and have had
many failures. I have analyzed them and tried to figure out where they
came from and how they came about. Of course, it all stems from my
childhood and my mother's parenting style which was almost the exact
opposite of unschooling. I consider unschooling to be more of a style
of parenting (or lifestyle) than purely a method of educating my
children. Unschooling encourages a child to grow up to be a happy,
self-confident, auto-didactic, self-regulating, self-entertaining,
curious and a self-assured person. If a person is lucky enough to have
some or all of those traits then that person's education will be a
natural and painless part of his/her life and s/he will be learning all
the time.
So, I have looked at the way I was raised and determined what was done
wrong and have chosen to raise my children in a different way which
happens to be unschooling.
+++++++++++++++++++++=
> My son didn't do well with the traditional school setting,
> and I think the best thing I can do for him is to try to offer him
> some alternatives until we find one that works for him and makes him
> happy. Since quitting school in April, I am wondering if he needs
> more time to deschool because academics is just not setting well with
> him at all.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
That's not even nine months. I would probably wait at least another
year before I would even think about introducing academics to him again,
if ever. Deschooling can take a long time and requires a lot of
patience on your part. You have to totally change your ideas of what
learning really is and how it happens. Personally, I don't think that
academics are that important yet at age 14. He has his whole life ahead
of him to learn those things, if he wishes.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
> He has just been diagnosed with ADD-inattentive type, so
> I know that hasn't helped his self-esteem, and he says he can't pick
> up a book because he can't retain anything he reads. That is so
> different for him, because he always used to love reading.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Is he referring to textbook reading or reading for pleasure? Can he
read some entertaining fiction? Perhaps you can introduce him to some
books about subjects he has an interest in, like computer programming,
sports (if that's what he's into), etc.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
> What I would love is encouragement, advice on unschooling, and please
> no ridiculing because it's not as easy for me to just jump in like
> some of the rest of you who have done it for so long.
++++++++++++++++++++
I encourage you to read the unschooling books as well as past issues of
"Growing Without Schooling". I learned a lot from them. Also, see if
you can make friends with another family that is unschooling and spend
time with them and learn from them. This is what I have done. I also
hope you stay with this list. Read the posts and ask as many questions
as you need to. I think its wonderful you are considering unschooling
for your son. All children should be so lucky.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
> I really admire
> this way of learning instead of having everything shoved down their
> throats. I grew up thinking we had to be pushed all the time and
> never had the opportunity to just sit back and make the decision on
> my own to learn when I wanted to.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Yes! And, not only when you wanted to but also what you wanted to.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
> Therefore, it makes me think that
> most children need a little bit of a constant push to continue acting
> responsibly, which means doing homework, etc. I thought this was part
> of being a parent and guiding your children to become well behaved,
> responsible adults.
> ++++++++++++++++++++
I think a child can learn about responsibility from watching the parents
do responsible things. It's all about modeling. Kids learn a lot from
that. They don't have to be taught. They just have to see you do it.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
> So, please explain where I go from here. I'm feeling like backing off
> and letting him do whatever he chooses for a while.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I think that is exactly what you should do. Try and relax (I know it's
hard). Just let him hang out and have fun. Let him do his computer
programming. I don't know what your relationship is like with him, but
do you think you two could do stuff together like go camping or do some
traveling together. I would spend lots of time with him and maybe see
if you can strengthen your relationship. Just have lots of fun with him
and FORGET school and academics. Concentrate on being HAPPY!!!
++++++++++++++++++++++++
> I've tried it,
> but then I start feeling like he needs to learn, or should I say, do
> academics. My husband's attitude about that may tend to sway me in
> that direction more than I tend to want to go. My son is intelligent,
> has big ideas, but has trouble implementing.
+++++++++++++++++++
He has big ideas!!! That's great!! I wish I had any ideas at all when
I was 14. If he has big ideas then he has goals. He has something in
mind that he wants to accomplish. I would love to know what his goals
are. I hope you share them with us.
Think back to all the courses you took in high school and all those
hours you spent in the classroom and all that homework you did. Do you
remember much of it? Do you really feel that it was all that
important? I'm sure there were a few things that may have been
worthwhile, but you probably could have learned it on your own in a
fraction of the time it took you to have it forced into you by the
school.
I suggest you think happy and positive thoughts and think about how
lucky your son is that he doesn't have to waste his time in a school.
Think about how lucky you are to have him around all day. How you can
enjoy each other's company, etc. Join homeschooling groups in your area
and introduce him to new people. Give him the opportunity to make new
friends.
With regard to your husband, I have the same problem. I suggest you try
and educate him as best you can about unschooling. Get a hold of old
"Growing Without Schooling" magazines, read them and share the articles
with him. Have them in the bathroom, so he can read them there too. My
husband has come a long way, but we still have to compromise. My boys
and I have come out on top though.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
> I think in time,
> however, he will do great things so I'm not sure why I'm concerned.
> +++++++++++++++++++++
He's lucky to have a mother with so much confidence in him. Just keep
thinking that way and try to relax.
I hope I have helped a little bit.
I hope you stay on this list. Ask for support and information. This
list can be very helpful.
Mimi
>
>
>
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>
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>
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>
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>
>
>
Mimi
Mama of Leroy & Paul, born 01/10/94
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
debbie jones
Hi,
I want to respond to all of you here and start by saying I didn't feel that anyone WAS ridiculing me. I guess I said that becuase I had posted on another unschooling board several months ago about unschooling and wanted to know more about it and I felt like I didn't belong there. I'm sorry that I made anyone here feel that they did anything wrong. I'm very thankful for the very lengthy and very helpful responses I have been getting.
We are getting ready to go away for a few days to see family and have our Christmas with them and my boys will be skiing, which they love to do. I'll be sure to stop back in as soon as I return.
I'm thinking my son's problem mostly stems from the very real need to deschool and his own guilt about not being in school. Time and my attitude will change that I hope. As far as his goals go, he just knows that he loves computers and programming and has for at least 4 years. Most kids never know, and I am not certain I ever knew what I wanted to do. He's not your everyday kid, but a joy to have around to discuss current events, politics, everything just about. If I have a computer problem, I know who to call on. He gets his knack from his dad. He has a computer science major, so I wouldn't be surprised to see my son go down that same path. Their wired a lot the same. ; ) a bunch of computer nerds in the family.
I'll take my book with me this weekend and plan to buy a few more from your list of suggestions. In time I may be able to sway my husband, but he knows that I basically make these types of decisions so if I don't get his total support, oh well. He does support homeschooling though in general.
Also, I hated high school. I only liked the social part and that became a little hard as I recall being a teenager. School work was a pain, and I couldn't wait to graduate. Spending my days with a lot of people I didn't choose to.... The way they made academics SOOO borning. Those textbooks. I hate textbooks.
Ok, I'm feeling some of the pressure leaving me right now as I give into something I should have long ago. (I've never actually wanted to go with the flo. Just did it because it was expected.) Now my only question is how to provide the necessary documentation to please the school district at the end of the year. I think that has been some of the most pressure I've been feeling. Still a prisoner and they don't even attend ps anymore.
Thanks again for all your help. :)
Debbie
Mimi Moorehead <groundhoggirl@...> wrote: Hi,
Sorry if it was me that seemed to ridicule you. I never intentionally
mean to do that. When I post, it's usually just to share my experiences.
I'm sure that either Tia, Sarah Carothers, Lovemary or Kolleen will be
more help to you than I can be, but I'll try.
First of all, have you read the standard unschooling books by John Holt,
Grace Llewellyn, etc.? If you haven't, you should do so. Also,
understand what "deschooling" is. I understand it requires an awful lot
of patience and a lot of time. It depends on the child, but deschooling
can take years. Remember he has been in school for close to 10 years,
constantly being told what to do, when to do it, how to do it, how much
time he has to do it in, and, even, with whom to do it. He's not used
to self-initiating those types of activities which most people would
consider to be learning activities. He has been taught for many years
that learning is WORK and that it is unpleasant because it has been
forced upon him. So, it's only natural he would have an aversion to
activities that many would consider educational.
Unschooling is all about respecting your child's choices and trusting
the fact that he will learn, on his own, what is best for him.
Didn't you say that your son was into computer programming? Well, let
him do that - all day long, all year long, if that's what he wants to
do. He can learn an awful lot from that.
This is what unschooling is to me: I basically leave my kids alone and
let them do what they want to do. I rarely tell them to do anything
(unless it has to do with their physical health, which is a big factor
with my kids). I consciously try to involve myself in as many active
(not passive) activities as possible. I am modeling for my kids. I
hope they join me, and they often do. I answer all their questions (and
there are very many of them), which often lead into pretty deep
discussions (these are definitely learning moments). I find the long
and more interesting discussions are in the car, where they are captive
and have few distractions.
I will now go through your post and interject my thoughts. Please don't
think I am being critical or I am ridiculing you. I'm just giving you
my ideas and am trying to help in the best way that I can. If we don't
answer your questions, then you must keep asking and maybe be more
specific, or word your question in another way.
I want to respond to all of you here and start by saying I didn't feel that anyone WAS ridiculing me. I guess I said that becuase I had posted on another unschooling board several months ago about unschooling and wanted to know more about it and I felt like I didn't belong there. I'm sorry that I made anyone here feel that they did anything wrong. I'm very thankful for the very lengthy and very helpful responses I have been getting.
We are getting ready to go away for a few days to see family and have our Christmas with them and my boys will be skiing, which they love to do. I'll be sure to stop back in as soon as I return.
I'm thinking my son's problem mostly stems from the very real need to deschool and his own guilt about not being in school. Time and my attitude will change that I hope. As far as his goals go, he just knows that he loves computers and programming and has for at least 4 years. Most kids never know, and I am not certain I ever knew what I wanted to do. He's not your everyday kid, but a joy to have around to discuss current events, politics, everything just about. If I have a computer problem, I know who to call on. He gets his knack from his dad. He has a computer science major, so I wouldn't be surprised to see my son go down that same path. Their wired a lot the same. ; ) a bunch of computer nerds in the family.
I'll take my book with me this weekend and plan to buy a few more from your list of suggestions. In time I may be able to sway my husband, but he knows that I basically make these types of decisions so if I don't get his total support, oh well. He does support homeschooling though in general.
Also, I hated high school. I only liked the social part and that became a little hard as I recall being a teenager. School work was a pain, and I couldn't wait to graduate. Spending my days with a lot of people I didn't choose to.... The way they made academics SOOO borning. Those textbooks. I hate textbooks.
Ok, I'm feeling some of the pressure leaving me right now as I give into something I should have long ago. (I've never actually wanted to go with the flo. Just did it because it was expected.) Now my only question is how to provide the necessary documentation to please the school district at the end of the year. I think that has been some of the most pressure I've been feeling. Still a prisoner and they don't even attend ps anymore.
Thanks again for all your help. :)
Debbie
Mimi Moorehead <groundhoggirl@...> wrote: Hi,
Sorry if it was me that seemed to ridicule you. I never intentionally
mean to do that. When I post, it's usually just to share my experiences.
I'm sure that either Tia, Sarah Carothers, Lovemary or Kolleen will be
more help to you than I can be, but I'll try.
First of all, have you read the standard unschooling books by John Holt,
Grace Llewellyn, etc.? If you haven't, you should do so. Also,
understand what "deschooling" is. I understand it requires an awful lot
of patience and a lot of time. It depends on the child, but deschooling
can take years. Remember he has been in school for close to 10 years,
constantly being told what to do, when to do it, how to do it, how much
time he has to do it in, and, even, with whom to do it. He's not used
to self-initiating those types of activities which most people would
consider to be learning activities. He has been taught for many years
that learning is WORK and that it is unpleasant because it has been
forced upon him. So, it's only natural he would have an aversion to
activities that many would consider educational.
Unschooling is all about respecting your child's choices and trusting
the fact that he will learn, on his own, what is best for him.
Didn't you say that your son was into computer programming? Well, let
him do that - all day long, all year long, if that's what he wants to
do. He can learn an awful lot from that.
This is what unschooling is to me: I basically leave my kids alone and
let them do what they want to do. I rarely tell them to do anything
(unless it has to do with their physical health, which is a big factor
with my kids). I consciously try to involve myself in as many active
(not passive) activities as possible. I am modeling for my kids. I
hope they join me, and they often do. I answer all their questions (and
there are very many of them), which often lead into pretty deep
discussions (these are definitely learning moments). I find the long
and more interesting discussions are in the car, where they are captive
and have few distractions.
I will now go through your post and interject my thoughts. Please don't
think I am being critical or I am ridiculing you. I'm just giving you
my ideas and am trying to help in the best way that I can. If we don't
answer your questions, then you must keep asking and maybe be more
specific, or word your question in another way.
On Thursday, December 27, 2001, at 06:53 PM, dljones0 wrote:
> Get a Life. I feel so far that what I am reading feels more like my
> style, but it's so unnatural for me since it's not the way I was
> raised.
+++++++++++++++++++++++=
I wasn't raised this way either. I read "Learning all the Time" by John
Holt and it really changed the way I looked at how children learn. Read
that book if you haven't yet. Also read Alice Miller's "Thou Shall Not
Be Aware" (I think that's the title - it's been a few years since I read
it). Sorry if this sounds maudlin, but I have many faults and have had
many failures. I have analyzed them and tried to figure out where they
came from and how they came about. Of course, it all stems from my
childhood and my mother's parenting style which was almost the exact
opposite of unschooling. I consider unschooling to be more of a style
of parenting (or lifestyle) than purely a method of educating my
children. Unschooling encourages a child to grow up to be a happy,
self-confident, auto-didactic, self-regulating, self-entertaining,
curious and a self-assured person. If a person is lucky enough to have
some or all of those traits then that person's education will be a
natural and painless part of his/her life and s/he will be learning all
the time.
So, I have looked at the way I was raised and determined what was done
wrong and have chosen to raise my children in a different way which
happens to be unschooling.
+++++++++++++++++++++=
> My son didn't do well with the traditional school setting,
> and I think the best thing I can do for him is to try to offer him
> some alternatives until we find one that works for him and makes him
> happy. Since quitting school in April, I am wondering if he needs
> more time to deschool because academics is just not setting well with
> him at all.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
That's not even nine months. I would probably wait at least another
year before I would even think about introducing academics to him again,
if ever. Deschooling can take a long time and requires a lot of
patience on your part. You have to totally change your ideas of what
learning really is and how it happens. Personally, I don't think that
academics are that important yet at age 14. He has his whole life ahead
of him to learn those things, if he wishes.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
> He has just been diagnosed with ADD-inattentive type, so
> I know that hasn't helped his self-esteem, and he says he can't pick
> up a book because he can't retain anything he reads. That is so
> different for him, because he always used to love reading.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Is he referring to textbook reading or reading for pleasure? Can he
read some entertaining fiction? Perhaps you can introduce him to some
books about subjects he has an interest in, like computer programming,
sports (if that's what he's into), etc.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
> What I would love is encouragement, advice on unschooling, and please
> no ridiculing because it's not as easy for me to just jump in like
> some of the rest of you who have done it for so long.
++++++++++++++++++++
I encourage you to read the unschooling books as well as past issues of
"Growing Without Schooling". I learned a lot from them. Also, see if
you can make friends with another family that is unschooling and spend
time with them and learn from them. This is what I have done. I also
hope you stay with this list. Read the posts and ask as many questions
as you need to. I think its wonderful you are considering unschooling
for your son. All children should be so lucky.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
> I really admire
> this way of learning instead of having everything shoved down their
> throats. I grew up thinking we had to be pushed all the time and
> never had the opportunity to just sit back and make the decision on
> my own to learn when I wanted to.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Yes! And, not only when you wanted to but also what you wanted to.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
> Therefore, it makes me think that
> most children need a little bit of a constant push to continue acting
> responsibly, which means doing homework, etc. I thought this was part
> of being a parent and guiding your children to become well behaved,
> responsible adults.
> ++++++++++++++++++++
I think a child can learn about responsibility from watching the parents
do responsible things. It's all about modeling. Kids learn a lot from
that. They don't have to be taught. They just have to see you do it.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
> So, please explain where I go from here. I'm feeling like backing off
> and letting him do whatever he chooses for a while.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I think that is exactly what you should do. Try and relax (I know it's
hard). Just let him hang out and have fun. Let him do his computer
programming. I don't know what your relationship is like with him, but
do you think you two could do stuff together like go camping or do some
traveling together. I would spend lots of time with him and maybe see
if you can strengthen your relationship. Just have lots of fun with him
and FORGET school and academics. Concentrate on being HAPPY!!!
++++++++++++++++++++++++
> I've tried it,
> but then I start feeling like he needs to learn, or should I say, do
> academics. My husband's attitude about that may tend to sway me in
> that direction more than I tend to want to go. My son is intelligent,
> has big ideas, but has trouble implementing.
+++++++++++++++++++
He has big ideas!!! That's great!! I wish I had any ideas at all when
I was 14. If he has big ideas then he has goals. He has something in
mind that he wants to accomplish. I would love to know what his goals
are. I hope you share them with us.
Think back to all the courses you took in high school and all those
hours you spent in the classroom and all that homework you did. Do you
remember much of it? Do you really feel that it was all that
important? I'm sure there were a few things that may have been
worthwhile, but you probably could have learned it on your own in a
fraction of the time it took you to have it forced into you by the
school.
I suggest you think happy and positive thoughts and think about how
lucky your son is that he doesn't have to waste his time in a school.
Think about how lucky you are to have him around all day. How you can
enjoy each other's company, etc. Join homeschooling groups in your area
and introduce him to new people. Give him the opportunity to make new
friends.
With regard to your husband, I have the same problem. I suggest you try
and educate him as best you can about unschooling. Get a hold of old
"Growing Without Schooling" magazines, read them and share the articles
with him. Have them in the bathroom, so he can read them there too. My
husband has come a long way, but we still have to compromise. My boys
and I have come out on top though.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
> I think in time,
> however, he will do great things so I'm not sure why I'm concerned.
> +++++++++++++++++++++
He's lucky to have a mother with so much confidence in him. Just keep
thinking that way and try to relax.
I hope I have helped a little bit.
I hope you stay on this list. Ask for support and information. This
list can be very helpful.
Mimi
>
>
>
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Mimi
Mama of Leroy & Paul, born 01/10/94
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Sarah Carothers
I'm going to chop up the posts, too, to respond.
When I first read this, I missed reading the subject line and
wondered if somebody had made you mad! (did anybody else miss the
subject line that led into this sentence?<G>)
I consider unschooling to be more of a
So true. When we go with the natural talents a child has, it *is* a
painless procedure. But to get there, we have to release our past
upbringing of "this is how it's done" and "this is what you need to
know" stuff. Hard to do but well worth it in the end.
Debbie wrote:
Since quitting school in April, I am wondering if he
month so in your case, a minimum of 10 months of doing *NOTHING*
schoolish (on your part anyway) would be needed. When we went
through the de-schooling process, dd had only been in Kindergarten
for about 3 months and we 'deschooled' for 6 months before she came
to me wanting to do something other than watch tv and play games. It
was well worth the wait!!!!!
Debbie wrote:
helps:
1. no florescent lighting (it can drive me crazy)
2. try tinted overlays on the page (or tinted glasses... soft pink
seems to work in our family)
3. Make sure he's reading something he's *really* interested in.
What happens in my case is while I'm reading, I'm thinking of a
thousand other things I need to do. Have him keep a notepad beside
him and when he finds he's thinking about something else, jot it down
so he won't forget about it but it will give him the sense that he's
released from trying to remember whatever 'it' is.
Debbie wrote:
my response: I hope I don't sound like I'm ridiculing anyone; I'm
sincere and if there's ever any doubt, please ask me what I meant.
People get tired of my ":-)" and "<g>" 's so I'm trying to trust that
my words will convey my message without the graphics but... :-) ;-)
Debbie wrote:
my response:
Didn't you write somewhere that your dh isn't so supportive of your
unschooling leanings? IMO, that's a battle all in itself that would
be most beneficial if you could win him over to your way of thinking.
You both need to show a face of confidence to your son that he *will*
succeed at whatever he pursues and that unschooling *is* learning
without pain (which is the way it should be!).
Debbie wrote:
Debbie wrote:
high school by "x" age? If you approach it that way, what's one year
of doing nothing? There's no catching up that needs to be done. If
your son were very ill and had to take a year off of school, would
you be in such a panic or would you sigh and say, we'll, he'll be
fine? There's no race here to the educational finish line... there
*is* no finish line! So consider this an experiemental year... you
have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Mimi wrote:
my response:
You'll have to find some things the two of you can do together once
in awhile. Sitting at home bored to tears won't work for long. You
say he's crazy about computers... can you make plans to go to a
computer show/extravaganza? How about just going to the bookstore and
finding books that interest him on computers? How about lining up a
trip for the two of you to a business that does what he's interested
in? If you called and said your son would like to spend an hour or
two with a mentor there and would anyone be interested in showing him
the business, *somebody* will be interested. Somebody will have a kid
and relate to your situation and offer help.
Mimi wrote:
my response:
And if he refuses to learn about unschooling, then tell him *you*
have done the research and *you* think this is best for your child.
If he's not willing to learn about the alternatives, then he needs to
relinquish that parenting responsibility over to you and not
criticize it! :-) I had to take this approach and although dh has
never read any John Holt other than what I've read out loud to him,
just observing our kids has brought him around full circle.
Debbie wrote:
my response:
I agree. I think you're concerned because uncharted territory is
always a little unsettling. But if you stick around the unschooling
boards and lists you'll soon start feeling more at ease with your
inclinations to unschool. Just give it *one* year and I truly
believe you'll be where you want to be.
Sarah
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
>On Thursday, December 27, 2001, at 06:53 PM, dljones0 wrote:
>
>> Get a Life.
When I first read this, I missed reading the subject line and
wondered if somebody had made you mad! (did anybody else miss the
subject line that led into this sentence?<G>)
>Mimi wrote:
I consider unschooling to be more of a
>style~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>of parenting (or lifestyle) than purely a method of educating my
>children. Unschooling encourages a child to grow up to be a
>happy,
>self-confident, auto-didactic, self-regulating,
>self-entertaining,
>curious and a self-assured person. If a person is lucky enough
>to have
>some or all of those traits then that person's education will be
>a
>natural and painless part of his/her life and s/he will be
>learning all
>the time.
So true. When we go with the natural talents a child has, it *is* a
painless procedure. But to get there, we have to release our past
upbringing of "this is how it's done" and "this is what you need to
know" stuff. Hard to do but well worth it in the end.
Debbie wrote:
Since quitting school in April, I am wondering if he
>needsMimi responded:
>> more time to deschool because academics is just not setting
>well with
>> him at all.
>+++++++++++++++++++++++
>That's not even nine months. I would probably wait at leastmy response: I've head for every year of school, deschooling takes a
>another
>year before I would even think about introducing academics to him
>again,
>if ever. Deschooling can take a long time and requires a lot of
>patience on your part. You have to totally change your ideas of
>what
>learning really is and how it happens.
>++++++++++++++++++++++++
month so in your case, a minimum of 10 months of doing *NOTHING*
schoolish (on your part anyway) would be needed. When we went
through the de-schooling process, dd had only been in Kindergarten
for about 3 months and we 'deschooled' for 6 months before she came
to me wanting to do something other than watch tv and play games. It
was well worth the wait!!!!!
Debbie wrote:
>> He has just been diagnosed with ADD-inattentive type, soI have that problem as well. Try the following to see if any of it
>> I know that hasn't helped his self-esteem, and he says he can't
>pick
>> up a book because he can't retain anything he reads. That is so
>> different for him, because he always used to love reading.
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++
helps:
1. no florescent lighting (it can drive me crazy)
2. try tinted overlays on the page (or tinted glasses... soft pink
seems to work in our family)
3. Make sure he's reading something he's *really* interested in.
What happens in my case is while I'm reading, I'm thinking of a
thousand other things I need to do. Have him keep a notepad beside
him and when he finds he's thinking about something else, jot it down
so he won't forget about it but it will give him the sense that he's
released from trying to remember whatever 'it' is.
Debbie wrote:
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>> What I would love is encouragement, advice on unschooling, and
>please
>> no ridiculing because it's not as easy for me to just jump in
>like
>> some of the rest of you who have done it for so long.
my response: I hope I don't sound like I'm ridiculing anyone; I'm
sincere and if there's ever any doubt, please ask me what I meant.
People get tired of my ":-)" and "<g>" 's so I'm trying to trust that
my words will convey my message without the graphics but... :-) ;-)
Debbie wrote:
>> I really admire~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>> this way of learning instead of having everything shoved down
>their
>> throats. I grew up thinking we had to be pushed all the time and
>> never had the opportunity to just sit back and make the
>decision on
>> my own to learn when I wanted to.
my response:
Didn't you write somewhere that your dh isn't so supportive of your
unschooling leanings? IMO, that's a battle all in itself that would
be most beneficial if you could win him over to your way of thinking.
You both need to show a face of confidence to your son that he *will*
succeed at whatever he pursues and that unschooling *is* learning
without pain (which is the way it should be!).
Debbie wrote:
>> So, please explain where I go from here. I'm feeling likeMimi responded:
>backing off
>> and letting him do whatever he chooses for a while.
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++my response: DO WHAT MIMI SAID... She's right!
>I think that is exactly what you should do. Try and relax (I
>know it's
>hard). Just let him hang out and have fun. Let him do his
>computer
>programming. I don't know what your relationship is like with
>him, but
>do you think you two could do stuff together like go camping or
>do some
>traveling together. I would spend lots of time with him and
>maybe see
>if you can strengthen your relationship. Just have lots of fun
>with him
>and FORGET school and academics. Concentrate on being HAPPY!!!
>++++++++++++++++++++++++
Debbie wrote:
>> I've tried it,my response: Debbie, look at it this way. WHO says one has to finish
>> but then I start feeling like he needs to learn, or should I
>say, do
>> academics. My husband's attitude about that may tend to sway me
>in
>> that direction more than I tend to want to go. My son is
>intelligent,
>> has big ideas, but has trouble implementing.
high school by "x" age? If you approach it that way, what's one year
of doing nothing? There's no catching up that needs to be done. If
your son were very ill and had to take a year off of school, would
you be in such a panic or would you sigh and say, we'll, he'll be
fine? There's no race here to the educational finish line... there
*is* no finish line! So consider this an experiemental year... you
have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Mimi wrote:
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>I suggest you think happy and positive thoughts and think about
>how
>lucky your son is that he doesn't have to waste his time in a
>school.
>Think about how lucky you are to have him around all day. How
>you can
>enjoy each other's company, etc.
my response:
You'll have to find some things the two of you can do together once
in awhile. Sitting at home bored to tears won't work for long. You
say he's crazy about computers... can you make plans to go to a
computer show/extravaganza? How about just going to the bookstore and
finding books that interest him on computers? How about lining up a
trip for the two of you to a business that does what he's interested
in? If you called and said your son would like to spend an hour or
two with a mentor there and would anyone be interested in showing him
the business, *somebody* will be interested. Somebody will have a kid
and relate to your situation and offer help.
Mimi wrote:
>With regard to your husband, I have the same problem. I suggest~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>you try
>and educate him as best you can about unschooling.
my response:
And if he refuses to learn about unschooling, then tell him *you*
have done the research and *you* think this is best for your child.
If he's not willing to learn about the alternatives, then he needs to
relinquish that parenting responsibility over to you and not
criticize it! :-) I had to take this approach and although dh has
never read any John Holt other than what I've read out loud to him,
just observing our kids has brought him around full circle.
Debbie wrote:
>> I think in time,Mimi wrote:
>> however, he will do great things so I'm not sure why I'm
>concerned.
> +++++++++++++++++++++~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>He's lucky to have a mother with so much confidence in him. Just
>keep
>thinking that way and try to relax.
my response:
I agree. I think you're concerned because uncharted territory is
always a little unsettling. But if you stick around the unschooling
boards and lists you'll soon start feeling more at ease with your
inclinations to unschool. Just give it *one* year and I truly
believe you'll be where you want to be.
Sarah
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Tia Leschke
> Now my only question is how to provide the necessary documentation toI was just reading recently about MA and satisfying their regs. It might
> please the school district at the end of the year. I think that has been
> some of the most pressure I've been feeling. Still a prisoner and they
> don't even attend ps anymore.
have been here, in which case you'd find it in the archives. But one of
the suggestions was for a MA hs list. If you don't find it in the
archives, maybe you could search Yahoogroups. Or it might show up on
unschooling.com. At any rate, it sounded like it wouldn't be that hard to do.
Tia
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Eleanor Roosevelt
*********************************************
Tia Leschke
leschke@...
On Vancouver Island