rick and deborah farrington

after reading melanies post and the things she said about her dad and
husband both fell about education,, and also as i've talked with other
hs moms, i'm thinking dads (men) have a harder time with homeschooling.
i know there are some dads on this list that don't quite feel this way
but your opinion would be insightful in this .
it seems to me most dads have a harder time switching gears over to
homeschool and
worry more than moms that hs will really give thier kids the proper
education.
its that brain washing thing that the 'school way' is the best.
im having a hard time here expresing what i see, its early and im not
usually up at this time, good excuse?:-)
my dh would always complain if the kids weren't sitting at the table
with feet on the floor while working on math or whatever they were
working on.(i havent always been an unschooler) like that was the only
way they could learn the stuff.
and even now i'm havent been completely open with him about unschooling.

because he's stuck in this warp where he thinks they must have the
curriculum ect.
one thing that causes him to still think this way after 10 yrs is that
he's always working and leaves the hs up to me mostly. i've talked about
unschooling and other ideas but he never really goes into it with me.
but on certain days he decides he s gonna put in his twocents and screws
everything up for us. but if asked what he got out of school he'd say
not much and the only classes he ever really talks about are photography
and radio broadcasting, those classes he remembers the things he
learned. everything else he learned from life and pbs! and he is a
life time learner and very intellegent. hes taught himself several
different trades and has had two businesses. hes a good example for the
kids in that he does wha t he wants to do and if he cant do it he
learns from a library book or someone else.
im rambling and dont even know if i've made my point.
which is basically, are all men this way?
'this way' meaning, if they homeschool are they relutant to do it any
other way than school at home and do they alll worry about doing
anything differeently?
except those few fathers that i've read from on this list and even you
did you have a harder time letting go of the traditional ways than your
wife?
ok i'll be done
Deborah in Idaho

rick and deborah farrington

thank you David, your first paragraph was interesting to me. i was thinking
the same thing.
Lisa, yours was a good perspective to, thanks.
Sam, my dd also has taken to spelling with more care because of email and
lettter writing, she asked my for a spelling book. i bought the natural
speller off a swap board
for her. she didnt want a workbook and she picked out the natural speller from
a catalog and i found it used.
i think my dh is an unschooler and doesnt know it, he just has periods of
'freakoutness',
like alot of us have at times. him being the dad though it makes us all very
nervous when he does it!!

David Albert wrote:

> From: David Albert <shantinik@...>
>
> rick and deborah farrington wrote:
>
> > From: rick and deborah farrington <honeybee@...>
> >
> > after reading melanies post and the things she said about her dad and
> > husband both fell about education,, and also as i've talked with other
> >
> > hs moms, i'm thinking dads (men) have a harder time with
> > homeschooling.
> > i know there are some dads on this list that don't quite feel this way
> >
> > but your opinion would be insightful in this .
> > it seems to me most dads have a harder time switching gears over to
> > homeschool and
> > worry more than moms that hs will really give thier kids the proper
> > education.
>
> I guess I now qualify as a "professional homeschooling dad" and I would
> have to agree that, for me, commitment to homeschooling came (comes?) a
> little bit harder. One reason is the obvious one in our culture -- as a
> man, much (too much) of my early self-esteem was tied up in making it in
> the "outside world", and "making it" was often seen (and often
> incorrectly) as tied to "making it in the school world". It has taken
> me a long time to undo this damage in myself, and I have worked with
> other men who have come to understand similar damage in themselves. I
> would be careful in asserting that this damage is caused by schools --
> it is definitely assisted and reinforced by schools -- but I think it
> has much deeper cultural roots.
>
> But the other reason (and I don't think this is a bad thing) is that my
> wife (I think this is cultural too) sees homeschooling as somewhat more
> protective of the home and of our daughters and hence is more likely to
> be supportive of homeschooling on principle. I, on the other hand, like
> homeschooling because it works for us now, and we don't see anything
> (based upon our principles of course) that we like better now, but I'm
> probably more open to other possibilities -- who knows where life will
> lead us? Which doesn't at all detract from my advocacy for
> homeschooling -- only that I'm quicker to look at what works best than
> to defend against what doesn't!
>
> David Albert
> --
> My book "And the Skylark Sings with Me: Adventures in Homeschooling and
> Community-Based Education" will be off the press around September 20.
> To read a sample chapter, reviewers' comments, or the foreword, visit my
> website at http://www.skylarksings.com
>
> --------------------------- ONElist Sponsor ----------------------------
>
> GET WHAT YOU DESERVE! A NextCard Platinum VISA: DOUBLE Rewards points,
> NO annual fee & rates as low as 9.9 percent FIXED APR. Apply online today!
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>
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
> Check it out!
> http://www.unschooling.com

Lisa Fuller

I think it may be difficult for men who are still working and who have to
put up with the schooling attitude day in and day out. I know fathers who
say that the kids need to learn how to sit properly and how to follow
orders, etc. because that is what is needed in the 'real world'. However,
SAHMs are removed from that world and can concentrate on learning. My dh is
primarily in charge of unschooling our kids so he is more relaxed and is
even more into it than I am, I am the one who works outside the home and
find myself getting caught up in the ps mentality (I teach at a community
college). Luckily my schedule is relaxed so my dh and I actually share the
unschooling aspect, but I am the organizer, motivater, mover alonger, while
he is the hanging out let the kids do it one. Just remember that the dhs
don't have the advantage of staying home and watching the kids live and
learn over time (weekends and evenings aren't enough, the dhs aren't
immersed in it then).

Basically, I don't think it has to do with men so much as that they are the
ones working outside the home usually.

Enjoy,

Lisa F.

rick and deborah farrington wrote:

> From: rick and deborah farrington <honeybee@...>
>
> after reading melanies post and the things she said about her dad and
> husband both fell about education,, and also as i've talked with other
> hs moms, i'm thinking dads (men) have a harder time with homeschooling.
> i know there are some dads on this list that don't quite feel this way
> but your opinion would be insightful in this .
> it seems to me most dads have a harder time switching gears over to
> homeschool and
> worry more than moms that hs will really give thier kids the proper
> education.
> its that brain washing thing that the 'school way' is the best.
> im having a hard time here expresing what i see, its early and im not
> usually up at this time, good excuse?:-)
> my dh would always complain if the kids weren't sitting at the table
> with feet on the floor while working on math or whatever they were
> working on.(i havent always been an unschooler) like that was the only
> way they could learn the stuff.
> and even now i'm havent been completely open with him about unschooling.
>
> because he's stuck in this warp where he thinks they must have the
> curriculum ect.
> one thing that causes him to still think this way after 10 yrs is that
> he's always working and leaves the hs up to me mostly. i've talked about
> unschooling and other ideas but he never really goes into it with me.
> but on certain days he decides he s gonna put in his twocents and screws
> everything up for us. but if asked what he got out of school he'd say
> not much and the only classes he ever really talks about are photography
> and radio broadcasting, those classes he remembers the things he
> learned. everything else he learned from life and pbs! and he is a
> life time learner and very intellegent. hes taught himself several
> different trades and has had two businesses. hes a good example for the
> kids in that he does wha t he wants to do and if he cant do it he
> learns from a library book or someone else.
> im rambling and dont even know if i've made my point.
> which is basically, are all men this way?
> 'this way' meaning, if they homeschool are they relutant to do it any
> other way than school at home and do they alll worry about doing
> anything differeently?
> except those few fathers that i've read from on this list and even you
> did you have a harder time letting go of the traditional ways than your
> wife?
> ok i'll be done
> Deborah in Idaho
>
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> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
> Check it out!
> http://www.unschooling.com

[email protected]

In a message dated 09/16/1999 10:14:09 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
honeybee@... writes:

<< which is basically, are all men this way? >>

Deborah....

Do you think it's because we moms are always with the kids? I mean, I learn
about what my dd has learned/is learning from just listening to her everyday
conversations ... not about "schooling"....just everyday things......like
today, for instance, she had written a note to herself in ink on her hand (!)
and I happened to notice it......the child did not make even ONE mistake!!!
Now, maybe that's not a big deal to some of you, but spelling has always been
a weakness for her.....she can read very well, but when asked to turn the
process around and spell, she had trouble. Let me tell you all....this took
a LOT of faith on my part to just let it be and believe that it would work
itself out eventually. Actually, she attributes it to the increased time
she spends on email.....she uses spellcheck sometimes, but on IMs (instant
messages), it takes too long...so she learned to spell when it was necessary
to learn how to spell!!!!! Ahhhh, unschooling!!!

Sam

um muhammad

Hi,

I am new to the list. My name is Um Muhammad Briley, you can call me Um
Muhammad (mother of Muhammad-my oldest).

I am mom to two, and we are unschoolers!!

My oldest will be three the end of this year, and looking at ways to
stimulate his mind not using computer/t.v./music. Also, any good
carpentry books for the 3 year old set, let me know!!!???

Thanks,

Um MuhammadAt 02:59 PM 09/16/1999 EDT, you wrote:
>From: Sam926@...
>
>In a message dated 09/16/1999 10:14:09 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
>honeybee@... writes:
>
><< which is basically, are all men this way? >>
>
>Deborah....
>
>Do you think it's because we moms are always with the kids? I mean, I learn
>about what my dd has learned/is learning from just listening to her everyday
>conversations ... not about "schooling"....just everyday things......like
>today, for instance, she had written a note to herself in ink on her hand
(!)
>and I happened to notice it......the child did not make even ONE mistake!!!
>Now, maybe that's not a big deal to some of you, but spelling has always
been
>a weakness for her.....she can read very well, but when asked to turn the
>process around and spell, she had trouble. Let me tell you all....this took
>a LOT of faith on my part to just let it be and believe that it would work
>itself out eventually. Actually, she attributes it to the increased time
>she spends on email.....she uses spellcheck sometimes, but on IMs (instant
>messages), it takes too long...so she learned to spell when it was necessary
>to learn how to spell!!!!! Ahhhh, unschooling!!!
>
>Sam
>
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>------------------------------------------------------------------------
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>
>

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Diana Asberry

My DH does great! in the beginning i explained what i want to do and why i
want to "teach' them in the "natural learning' way...he exclaimed "you're
preachin to the choir, i'm with you on this..."
I guess I anticipated that i would have to convince him since any incident
of asking a math or physics or computer question leads into a 5-10 minute
discussion of why/how/when/etc...
(although i've caught him giving our 6yo dd a mini lecture about some nature
question she had...i did step in and reply with '...because that's the way
the world works') which is all she needed --not the lectures he sometimes
catches himself giving...
I think he realizes that it's a way of life-not a "teaching
style"...education is all around us
All we ~need~ to do is say "hey, isn't that neat" and off they're minds fly!
(that's my idea of "pushing" too...a stop to smell the roses kind of nudge
to get their attention or interest...)
my 2 cents...

DianaA.
"the world is our classroom"


----Original Message Follows----
after reading melanies post and the things she said about her dad and
husband both fell about education,, and also as i've talked with other
hs moms, i'm thinking dads (men) have a harder time with
it seems to me most dads have a harder time switching gears over to
homeschool and
worry more than moms that hs will really give thier kids the proper
education.
Deborah in Idaho

Cindy Ferguson

rick and deborah farrington wrote:
>
> which is basically, are all men this way?
> 'this way' meaning, if they homeschool are they relutant to do it any
> other way than school at home and do they alll worry about doing
> anything differeently?
>

My husband is not this way. He and I both came to understand
the idea of unschooling at about the same time but in our own
ways.

He is dyslexic and had a horrible time in school -- until in junior
high he was diagnosed with the problem/gift. He now perceives
his reading difficulty as a gift since he knows his mind works
differently from other people's and he sees that as an advantage!
Maybe that has some bearing on his views about education!

--

Cindy Ferguson
crma@...

[email protected]

In a message dated 9/16/99 4:03:00 PM EST, diasberry@... writes:

<< in the beginning i explained what i want to do and why i
want to "teach' them in the "natural learning' way...he exclaimed "you're
preachin to the choir, i'm with you on this..." >>

My DH said the same thing!! And he staunchly defends our switch to
unschooling when we get opposition from family members! He is happy to let me
do what I feel is best and steps in with supplemental things when he is home.
Blessings, Lori in TX

David Albert

rick and deborah farrington wrote:

> From: rick and deborah farrington <honeybee@...>
>
> after reading melanies post and the things she said about her dad and
> husband both fell about education,, and also as i've talked with other
>
> hs moms, i'm thinking dads (men) have a harder time with
> homeschooling.
> i know there are some dads on this list that don't quite feel this way
>
> but your opinion would be insightful in this .
> it seems to me most dads have a harder time switching gears over to
> homeschool and
> worry more than moms that hs will really give thier kids the proper
> education.

I guess I now qualify as a "professional homeschooling dad" and I would
have to agree that, for me, commitment to homeschooling came (comes?) a
little bit harder. One reason is the obvious one in our culture -- as a
man, much (too much) of my early self-esteem was tied up in making it in
the "outside world", and "making it" was often seen (and often
incorrectly) as tied to "making it in the school world". It has taken
me a long time to undo this damage in myself, and I have worked with
other men who have come to understand similar damage in themselves. I
would be careful in asserting that this damage is caused by schools --
it is definitely assisted and reinforced by schools -- but I think it
has much deeper cultural roots.

But the other reason (and I don't think this is a bad thing) is that my
wife (I think this is cultural too) sees homeschooling as somewhat more
protective of the home and of our daughters and hence is more likely to
be supportive of homeschooling on principle. I, on the other hand, like
homeschooling because it works for us now, and we don't see anything
(based upon our principles of course) that we like better now, but I'm
probably more open to other possibilities -- who knows where life will
lead us? Which doesn't at all detract from my advocacy for
homeschooling -- only that I'm quicker to look at what works best than
to defend against what doesn't!

David Albert
--
My book "And the Skylark Sings with Me: Adventures in Homeschooling and
Community-Based Education" will be off the press around September 20.
To read a sample chapter, reviewers' comments, or the foreword, visit my
website at http://www.skylarksings.com