Joseph Fuerst

>
>Good question Mimi. . . I guess it could be or it could not be. . . it all
>depends on your intention. I dont force those words either, but the
>grandparents make a big deal out of it. . . like not giving them something
>until they say please. Got any ideas on how to handle that one?

I think kids have to learn that different people expect different things of
them. I would tend to leave it between the kids and the relatives, unless
it really seemed to bother them.

Another one I refuse to force on kids is apologies. There's nothing worse
than getting an insincere apology from someone because they were required
to say it. I'd rather have no apology than a forced one.
Tia

This can be challenging at times with other grownups....I'll never forget
when a friend's dd hit my dd. My dd was, understandably, hurt and angry.
The other mom wanted to force her dd not only to apologize, but to hug my
dd! I was thankful I was present to inform the mom that if my dd refuses a
touch, her will must be respected. The mom was upset since it is(was-i
hope) her 'policy' to make her children apologize and embrace. (Nevermind
that whatever upset the poor 3 yr old in the first place was still upsetting
her)
There's a book used in gerontology circles for folks with dementia which
describes "validation therapy", which basically means recognizing the
person's feelings and validating that feeling and, therefore, the person.
This seems like basic empathy, but recognizes the fact that the person may
not be capable of controlling how the react to the feeling.
Susan