Introducing Myself (long)
Tea Lover Denise
Good Morning!
I just joined the list and have checked out the website. Very
impressive. I am involved in a couple of other homeschool/unschool email
loops, but this one is by far the most active! I honestly don't know if
I'll be able to keep up with it, even in digest form. I'll try....
I am 44 yrs old and live outside of Charleston, SC; I was raised in
Illinois, about 40 miles west of Chicago. Nice small town, cornfield in
the backyard, went to ps in a great school system (Geneva, IL). I did
not go to college, which has always been my regret. I was not a good
student. It wasn't until probably my early 30's that I really found an
interest in certain things and most of what I have learned (and I'm
still learning and loving it) has been since then. For the past seven
years, I've worked at my church, first as bookkeeper and then as
Ministerial Assistant to the Pastor. I quit my job in January, but am
still the Women's Ministry Director.
We have 3 children:
My oldest daughter is married and just bore our first grandchild in
February. She and her husband live here in our town, although I fully
expect them to move one of these days. She is 9 hours shy of receiving
her BS in Math from Winthrop University. Jennifer was a model student in
school ... always studied, loved learning and was "teacher pleaser,"
never got in trouble, took advance classes, and had a wonderful public
school experience. She always had a motivation to go to college, and it
happened. She is 22 yrs old now.
Our middle child, a son, had a TERRIBLE high school experience. While we
always worked hard never to compare the two, he just wasn't turned on to
what they were teaching in school. He's a *very* social person, and
school was great FUN for him in that respect. However, early on, the
administration marked him because of some stupid (though not serious)
pranks JB was involved, and for five years (yes, 5) it was like a prison
for him. He was *always* either being suspended or receiving detention
for having his shirt untucked, being tardy, etc., etc. You know the
tune. His high school years were h*** for him and us, and it really took
a toll on our marriage as well. My husband was adament that he graduate
(he was a hs drop-out who earned a GED) and he was *constantly* on JB's
case about homework, etc. Looking back on it now, I realize what a waste
of energy that was. Finally, when JB had earned enough credits to
graduate, turned out he was failing one course (CP Chemistry) by TWO
POINTS. Failing the class would mean he'd have to go to summer school
and graduate with a summer school ceremony ~ after FIVE YEARS in high
school. My husband and I met with the principal and the chemistry
teacher. We asked him to double-check his gradebook, which he did; still
two points shy of passing. We asked if JB could do some extra work to
make up the two points so he could "walk" with his class and get out of
there. The answer was no. No extra work, no giving him the two points.
That was it. THEN we find out, after asking the guidance counselor to do
a double-check on his credits, that he was actually only ONE HALF CREDIT
shy of the required 20 credits, but guess what? They still made him take
a summer course (correspondence, because he SWORE he'd never set foot in
that school again) and he finally did graduate. He was 18 then; he's 20
now.
Our youngest daughter just finished her sophomore year. Meg has always
been a "marginal" student (their term) and showed no motivation or
interest in school at all. Very much like her brother, only not so much
into the "social" thing at school. She struggled with her studies and
could never focus or concentrate. She will be 17 yrs old this fall.
For the most part, I've always been a working mom. We always said I
"had" to work. But then late last year, some things in my life started
to change ~ me! I don't know if it was a mid-life crisis or what, but I
really started taking stock of my life and what time was left in my
life. My husband and I talked about it and I decided (with him in
agreement) that in my heart I really wanted to be home, and always had.
I love being home. I think maybe the experience with JB, and the things
we were going through with Meg in high school now, taught us something.
Anyway, I decided to quit my job and stay at home for a couple of
reasons:
1) To offer to babysit my new grandson during the day (my daughter and
sil both work full-time). I want to be present in this child's life
during the time that I can ... my kids unfortunately never had this in
their lives.
2) To get to know Meg. At the time I quit, I had not even DREAMED of
homeschooling. I only knew that, being a "low-maintenance" child, she
had virtually raised herself, and that I needed to get to know her and
connect with her.
3) I felt like my time working at the church was good, but I was really
spinning my wheels doing a little bit of a lot of things; I wanted to
concentrate on making a positive contribution to this world on a more
personal level. How, I don't know; am still on that journey.
So, I prayed for God to show me just how I was to do this thing with
Meg. And that's where the homeschooling thing happened. I felt like God
told me to pull her out of ps and homeschool her. This was something I
NEVER would have imagined! I knew a little bit about it because some
families in our church homeschool their little ones (no teens), but my
interpretation of homeschooling was "school in a box" and I KNEW that
that would never work for my kids and I really had a kind of negative
view about homeschooling. Most people in my church use A Beka and I just
couldn't fathom setting Meg in front of a VCR all day with a workbook.
Er go, my negative opinion of homeschooling.
I decided to go on the quest by myself. I started reading everything I
could about homeschooling; I did lots of internet research; joined some
homeschool email groups; networked with anyone I could find who was
homeschooling, asking questions, etc. And then, while flipping through
The Elijah Company catalog, I came upon the concept of unschooling.
Bingo. I knew that was the way to go, both for me and for Meg.
Unschooling is exactly what I think I've been doing to myself all these
years, and knowing Meg the way I do, I believe it's right for her.
She was very open to it ~ high school was becoming a burden for her. She
was getting terrible headaches; teachers would bring up her brother's
name and be sarcastic to her about him; and then it got to where she
wasn't wanting to go at all.
When we finally made the decision to JUST DO IT, I must admit, it was
difficult. As someone said, unschooling isn't a method, it's a different
way of thinking and, I would say, of living, as well. And since NO ONE
around us unschools, it was pretty scary. But we knew she couldn't ride
it out until the end of the school year, so about a month ago we joined
a homeschool association (to make it legal) and I called them up and
told them she was never coming back.
Resistance? Yes, some of her teachers have had very sarcastic things to
say to her; when she went back to the school one day to turn in a
textbook, the principal (a Ph.D.) ~ who knew why she had pulled out of
public school ~ smiled and said to her, "So, you quitting school?"
THings like that REALLY REALLY REALLY make me mad, but after all the
reading I've done, I understand their FEAR.
So.....we begin. The timing is good for deschooling since it's summer.
It's been amazing to see the change in Meg, and so quickly. She's become
fascinated with the baby and I think is learning so much just by being
around him here every day; the other night she went to the store for me
to pick up some things and she came back with a cage and a NEWT! She
said, "Mom... it's educational!" I thought to myself, "Go for it!" (BTW,
his name is Duke.) And for the past few days,I've "caught" her playing
the "Where in the US is Carmen San Diego" on the computer ...
(geography), on her own. It's so cool. We're very excited as we look
forward to the fall and the things we want to do ... museums, concerts,
reading, etc. She still has a long way to go, don't get me wrong. She
misses her friends a lot, and the "unstructure" is something so new to
her, after being herded from stall to stall all day long in school. But
I really believe this is the right thing to do, and something that
honors God and my family, as well as my heart.
Let me say this about our son, too. He's been out of school for a couple
of years now. He just finished taking 3 classes at a tech college, which
he failed. He started out going to class, but then quit. He's just not
interested. But now, that's okay with me and with his Dad. (Well, with
me anyway; his Dad is trying to understand.) We've come to terms with
the fact that JB will find his niche when it's his time. Right now, he's
working as a waiter and LOVES it because he's such a people-person. I
doubt he'll want to be a waiter for the rest of his life, but he's still
on the road to self-discovery, and it's neat to sit back and watch. He's
turned in to a very "responsible, productive citizen." And that happened
AFTER he was out of school.
I wish I had homeschooled JB when he as in high school, but for whatever
reason, I wasn't led to do it at that time.
Two more comments, and then I'll close:
1) I want to say that the book that gave me the confidence to make my
unschooling decision was Grace Llewellyn's "The Teenage Liberation
Handbook ~ How To Quit School And Get A Real Life and Education." It is
fabulous! I think everyone who is homeschooling or thinking of
homeschooling a teenager should read it. Also, John Gatto's, "Dumbing Us
Down," helped me get a grip on, as he puts it, "the hidden curriculum of
compulsory schooling."
2) Regarding "are our kids learning?" I think the biggest weapon Satan
uses in this world, and especially in the church because I see it
everyday, is comparison. So many moms and dads are so obsessed with
comparing their children to another's children. It's destructive. My
kids are my kids and designed uniquely from any others. Just let your
kids be who they are and let them develop at their own pace. Comparison
breeds dissatisfaction and jealousy and envy. Not good things. Our kids
will learn when they are ready. I know I did.
Sorry this is so long, but I am just so excited about unschooling and
about finally "taking charge" of my life, it's exhilerating!
As for comments people make to me about unschooling, I just ignore them.
I think that the women who say negative things to me about my decision
are secretly feeling that they wish they had the courage to do what I
did for the sake of my daughter. (Most women stay at home when the kids
are little, not when they are teens.) When I challenge them to do the
same, they say, "Well, we can't financially..." blah blah blah I used to
say that, too. But it's working out so far. Where there's a will,
there's a way, for sure!
Looking forward to learning even more...
Denise, a Tea Lover
South Carolina
Visit my homepage at http://www.angelfire.com/sc/tealover
I just joined the list and have checked out the website. Very
impressive. I am involved in a couple of other homeschool/unschool email
loops, but this one is by far the most active! I honestly don't know if
I'll be able to keep up with it, even in digest form. I'll try....
I am 44 yrs old and live outside of Charleston, SC; I was raised in
Illinois, about 40 miles west of Chicago. Nice small town, cornfield in
the backyard, went to ps in a great school system (Geneva, IL). I did
not go to college, which has always been my regret. I was not a good
student. It wasn't until probably my early 30's that I really found an
interest in certain things and most of what I have learned (and I'm
still learning and loving it) has been since then. For the past seven
years, I've worked at my church, first as bookkeeper and then as
Ministerial Assistant to the Pastor. I quit my job in January, but am
still the Women's Ministry Director.
We have 3 children:
My oldest daughter is married and just bore our first grandchild in
February. She and her husband live here in our town, although I fully
expect them to move one of these days. She is 9 hours shy of receiving
her BS in Math from Winthrop University. Jennifer was a model student in
school ... always studied, loved learning and was "teacher pleaser,"
never got in trouble, took advance classes, and had a wonderful public
school experience. She always had a motivation to go to college, and it
happened. She is 22 yrs old now.
Our middle child, a son, had a TERRIBLE high school experience. While we
always worked hard never to compare the two, he just wasn't turned on to
what they were teaching in school. He's a *very* social person, and
school was great FUN for him in that respect. However, early on, the
administration marked him because of some stupid (though not serious)
pranks JB was involved, and for five years (yes, 5) it was like a prison
for him. He was *always* either being suspended or receiving detention
for having his shirt untucked, being tardy, etc., etc. You know the
tune. His high school years were h*** for him and us, and it really took
a toll on our marriage as well. My husband was adament that he graduate
(he was a hs drop-out who earned a GED) and he was *constantly* on JB's
case about homework, etc. Looking back on it now, I realize what a waste
of energy that was. Finally, when JB had earned enough credits to
graduate, turned out he was failing one course (CP Chemistry) by TWO
POINTS. Failing the class would mean he'd have to go to summer school
and graduate with a summer school ceremony ~ after FIVE YEARS in high
school. My husband and I met with the principal and the chemistry
teacher. We asked him to double-check his gradebook, which he did; still
two points shy of passing. We asked if JB could do some extra work to
make up the two points so he could "walk" with his class and get out of
there. The answer was no. No extra work, no giving him the two points.
That was it. THEN we find out, after asking the guidance counselor to do
a double-check on his credits, that he was actually only ONE HALF CREDIT
shy of the required 20 credits, but guess what? They still made him take
a summer course (correspondence, because he SWORE he'd never set foot in
that school again) and he finally did graduate. He was 18 then; he's 20
now.
Our youngest daughter just finished her sophomore year. Meg has always
been a "marginal" student (their term) and showed no motivation or
interest in school at all. Very much like her brother, only not so much
into the "social" thing at school. She struggled with her studies and
could never focus or concentrate. She will be 17 yrs old this fall.
For the most part, I've always been a working mom. We always said I
"had" to work. But then late last year, some things in my life started
to change ~ me! I don't know if it was a mid-life crisis or what, but I
really started taking stock of my life and what time was left in my
life. My husband and I talked about it and I decided (with him in
agreement) that in my heart I really wanted to be home, and always had.
I love being home. I think maybe the experience with JB, and the things
we were going through with Meg in high school now, taught us something.
Anyway, I decided to quit my job and stay at home for a couple of
reasons:
1) To offer to babysit my new grandson during the day (my daughter and
sil both work full-time). I want to be present in this child's life
during the time that I can ... my kids unfortunately never had this in
their lives.
2) To get to know Meg. At the time I quit, I had not even DREAMED of
homeschooling. I only knew that, being a "low-maintenance" child, she
had virtually raised herself, and that I needed to get to know her and
connect with her.
3) I felt like my time working at the church was good, but I was really
spinning my wheels doing a little bit of a lot of things; I wanted to
concentrate on making a positive contribution to this world on a more
personal level. How, I don't know; am still on that journey.
So, I prayed for God to show me just how I was to do this thing with
Meg. And that's where the homeschooling thing happened. I felt like God
told me to pull her out of ps and homeschool her. This was something I
NEVER would have imagined! I knew a little bit about it because some
families in our church homeschool their little ones (no teens), but my
interpretation of homeschooling was "school in a box" and I KNEW that
that would never work for my kids and I really had a kind of negative
view about homeschooling. Most people in my church use A Beka and I just
couldn't fathom setting Meg in front of a VCR all day with a workbook.
Er go, my negative opinion of homeschooling.
I decided to go on the quest by myself. I started reading everything I
could about homeschooling; I did lots of internet research; joined some
homeschool email groups; networked with anyone I could find who was
homeschooling, asking questions, etc. And then, while flipping through
The Elijah Company catalog, I came upon the concept of unschooling.
Bingo. I knew that was the way to go, both for me and for Meg.
Unschooling is exactly what I think I've been doing to myself all these
years, and knowing Meg the way I do, I believe it's right for her.
She was very open to it ~ high school was becoming a burden for her. She
was getting terrible headaches; teachers would bring up her brother's
name and be sarcastic to her about him; and then it got to where she
wasn't wanting to go at all.
When we finally made the decision to JUST DO IT, I must admit, it was
difficult. As someone said, unschooling isn't a method, it's a different
way of thinking and, I would say, of living, as well. And since NO ONE
around us unschools, it was pretty scary. But we knew she couldn't ride
it out until the end of the school year, so about a month ago we joined
a homeschool association (to make it legal) and I called them up and
told them she was never coming back.
Resistance? Yes, some of her teachers have had very sarcastic things to
say to her; when she went back to the school one day to turn in a
textbook, the principal (a Ph.D.) ~ who knew why she had pulled out of
public school ~ smiled and said to her, "So, you quitting school?"
THings like that REALLY REALLY REALLY make me mad, but after all the
reading I've done, I understand their FEAR.
So.....we begin. The timing is good for deschooling since it's summer.
It's been amazing to see the change in Meg, and so quickly. She's become
fascinated with the baby and I think is learning so much just by being
around him here every day; the other night she went to the store for me
to pick up some things and she came back with a cage and a NEWT! She
said, "Mom... it's educational!" I thought to myself, "Go for it!" (BTW,
his name is Duke.) And for the past few days,I've "caught" her playing
the "Where in the US is Carmen San Diego" on the computer ...
(geography), on her own. It's so cool. We're very excited as we look
forward to the fall and the things we want to do ... museums, concerts,
reading, etc. She still has a long way to go, don't get me wrong. She
misses her friends a lot, and the "unstructure" is something so new to
her, after being herded from stall to stall all day long in school. But
I really believe this is the right thing to do, and something that
honors God and my family, as well as my heart.
Let me say this about our son, too. He's been out of school for a couple
of years now. He just finished taking 3 classes at a tech college, which
he failed. He started out going to class, but then quit. He's just not
interested. But now, that's okay with me and with his Dad. (Well, with
me anyway; his Dad is trying to understand.) We've come to terms with
the fact that JB will find his niche when it's his time. Right now, he's
working as a waiter and LOVES it because he's such a people-person. I
doubt he'll want to be a waiter for the rest of his life, but he's still
on the road to self-discovery, and it's neat to sit back and watch. He's
turned in to a very "responsible, productive citizen." And that happened
AFTER he was out of school.
I wish I had homeschooled JB when he as in high school, but for whatever
reason, I wasn't led to do it at that time.
Two more comments, and then I'll close:
1) I want to say that the book that gave me the confidence to make my
unschooling decision was Grace Llewellyn's "The Teenage Liberation
Handbook ~ How To Quit School And Get A Real Life and Education." It is
fabulous! I think everyone who is homeschooling or thinking of
homeschooling a teenager should read it. Also, John Gatto's, "Dumbing Us
Down," helped me get a grip on, as he puts it, "the hidden curriculum of
compulsory schooling."
2) Regarding "are our kids learning?" I think the biggest weapon Satan
uses in this world, and especially in the church because I see it
everyday, is comparison. So many moms and dads are so obsessed with
comparing their children to another's children. It's destructive. My
kids are my kids and designed uniquely from any others. Just let your
kids be who they are and let them develop at their own pace. Comparison
breeds dissatisfaction and jealousy and envy. Not good things. Our kids
will learn when they are ready. I know I did.
Sorry this is so long, but I am just so excited about unschooling and
about finally "taking charge" of my life, it's exhilerating!
As for comments people make to me about unschooling, I just ignore them.
I think that the women who say negative things to me about my decision
are secretly feeling that they wish they had the courage to do what I
did for the sake of my daughter. (Most women stay at home when the kids
are little, not when they are teens.) When I challenge them to do the
same, they say, "Well, we can't financially..." blah blah blah I used to
say that, too. But it's working out so far. Where there's a will,
there's a way, for sure!
Looking forward to learning even more...
Denise, a Tea Lover
South Carolina
Visit my homepage at http://www.angelfire.com/sc/tealover
A.Y.
Hi Denise,
I grew up in Lake Forest. I know live about 4 hours from you, near Tryon
NC.
Small world huh??
Ann
I grew up in Lake Forest. I know live about 4 hours from you, near Tryon
NC.
Small world huh??
Ann
Andi Kaufman
welcome priss. my partner is not too keen on unschooling either which is
why we do some workbook stuff but i dont push it very hard.
Andi...domestic goddess and active volunteer
mom to Isaac
tl2b@...
Never Underestimate the Power of This Woman!
why we do some workbook stuff but i dont push it very hard.
Andi...domestic goddess and active volunteer
mom to Isaac
tl2b@...
Never Underestimate the Power of This Woman!
A.Y.
Priss! Hi!
Your so close to us!!
We love Saluda, and were just there yesterday playing with our very best and
favorite friends.
You should come visit us some time.
Ann
Priss1000@... wrote:
Your so close to us!!
We love Saluda, and were just there yesterday playing with our very best and
favorite friends.
You should come visit us some time.
Ann
Priss1000@... wrote:
> From: Priss1000@...
>
> >> I know live about 4 hours from you, near Tryon, NC<<
>
> I haven't been able to catch up entirely on all the digests of the last day,
> but I wanted to do a quick intro and tell Ann in NC that I'm near Greenville,
> SC, not far away. Also we're looking hard and heavy into moving up your way.
> We want to move to Saluda which is right down the road from you. We have real
> estate guides from up there coming out of our ears right now! It's probably a
> pipe dream until our 18 year old gets out of college though :( Maybe we can
> meet sometime?
>
> I've been homeschooling my 8 year old son for a year now. I'm didn't unschool
> this year but I'm so intrigued by it. My husband is supportive of
> homeschooling but not of unschooling. He is an engineer so he insists that we
> cover math every day. I love math myself and want my son to enjoy it so I
> like working with him on it. Other than that we were pretty loose, but I
> cannot claim the unschooling tag. We are taking a little summer break from
> even the math right now and my son has delighted us by immediately wanting to
> learn about Native Americans and ancient Egypt. If the summer continues like
> this, perhaps my husband will look more favorably upon unschooling.
>
> I also have two older children, daughters 18 and nearly 22. They weren't
> homeschooled but now that they see how much fun their brother has, they wish
> they had been. I never considered it when they were young since I thought
> homeschooling could only be very structured and very religious, neither of
> which we were. There are many many homeschoolers in Greenville but they are
> nearly all fit that profile. (Greenville is the home of Bob Jones University,
> known for very structured homeschooling materials) Since we don't want to
> join a statement of faith homeschool group, we don't have too many homeschool
> families to hang out with. I have met a few though and I'd love to meet more.
>
> That's about it for us. I'm enjoying this list but I don't know when I'll
> ever catch up with all the mail!!
>
> Priss in SC
>
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
> Looking to expand your world?
> http://www.onelist.com
> ONElist has nearly 160,000 e-mail communities from which to chose!
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
> Check it out!
> http://www.unschooling.com
[email protected]
In a message dated 6/3/99 11:06:24 AM Central Daylight Time,
jalecroy@... writes:
<< Regarding "are our kids learning?" I think the biggest weapon Satan
uses in this world, and especially in the church because I see it
everyday, is comparison. So many moms and dads are so obsessed with
comparing their children to another's children. It's destructive. My
kids are my kids and designed uniquely from any others. Just let your
kids be who they are and let them develop at their own pace. Comparison
breeds dissatisfaction and jealousy and envy. Not good things. Our kids
will learn when they are ready. I know I did. >>
Denise,
Your letter was Awesome! Don't apologize for it being long, I loved it.
It brings up alot of my own public school memories (I got good grades, but
school was hell for me) as well as my own childrens. I think that alot of
people (especially me) need to be reminded about how bad the public school
system is and how it is failing our children. That itself will help give up
the courage to go on with what we are doing, and the encouragement to know
that it is the right thing to do. Thank you!
Tami IN
jalecroy@... writes:
<< Regarding "are our kids learning?" I think the biggest weapon Satan
uses in this world, and especially in the church because I see it
everyday, is comparison. So many moms and dads are so obsessed with
comparing their children to another's children. It's destructive. My
kids are my kids and designed uniquely from any others. Just let your
kids be who they are and let them develop at their own pace. Comparison
breeds dissatisfaction and jealousy and envy. Not good things. Our kids
will learn when they are ready. I know I did. >>
Denise,
Your letter was Awesome! Don't apologize for it being long, I loved it.
It brings up alot of my own public school memories (I got good grades, but
school was hell for me) as well as my own childrens. I think that alot of
people (especially me) need to be reminded about how bad the public school
system is and how it is failing our children. That itself will help give up
the courage to go on with what we are doing, and the encouragement to know
that it is the right thing to do. Thank you!
Tami IN