Becky Wollenslegel

Joel wrote:
> He believes much "independence" that people are so proud of in their
children is actually displaced dependence which winds up being dependence on
peers. So you wind up with peer dependent kids role modeling themselves
after their peer group which is a highly abnormal and dangerous state of
affairs given that children don't really have all they need to guide each
other. Many of these kids appear very independent but looks are deceiving.<

This is what bothers me so much about day care - you hear so much about how
day care fosters independence - but somehow I always thought babies were
supposed to be dependent!

What I read was about how these very young children are transferring their
dependence from parents/family to other kids - so what appears to be
independence isn't! Then suddenly they are teenagers and at the place in
their life when they should be questioning/moving away from parental
attachment - and with an unhealthy dependence on their peer group and no use
for their family - and no respect for the value system of their family.
It's like they don't have the parental attachment to balance against the
peer attachment that would naturally happen at that age As more and more
kids are being "raised" by strangers in institutions the problem continues
to grow.

It also seems like alot of people are eager for their children to be
independent so they can get on with their owns lives/interests. Meanwhile
the kids dangle somewhere in search of a family attachment - and their peer
group becomes their "family"

Bothers me alot - I cared for children in my home for many years - and those
kids had the advantage of our family as their extended one. I'm not sure
their parents realized how attached to me/my family they were and how
wrenching it was for them when they started school or moved and had to
seperate from us. Children have always been cared for by people other than
their parents - but at least in the old "governess" days they were in their
own home with their siblings instead of being dropped off in an instution
and warehoused for most of their day.

Can you tell this is one of the things that I get on my soap-box about?
Thanks, Joel, for the reminder.

Becky in Ohio

D.J. Brewer

I have seen this post a bit the last couple of days:

>He believes much "independence" that people are so proud of in their
children is actually displaced dependence which winds up being
dependence on peers. So you wind up with peer dependent kids role
modeling themselves after their peer group which is a highly abnormal
and dangerous state of affairs given that children don't really have all
they need to guide each other. Many of these kids appear very
independent but looks are deceiving.<

No duh looks are deceiving!
I have seen this post repeated several times, and MAN, I am SO glad
somebody is on the ball about this false independence thing. All it is,
is definitely displaced dependence on peers!

A child desperately needs the love and support of a family. That is why
they were born into one. It is horrific the kind of weird social groups
that kids create at peer-grouped institutions. And because these
institutions are ubiquitous, the majority of people think that they are
good, despite repeated murders that take place at them, despite the rise
in young teens having babies as a result of twisted relationships
spawned at these institutions, despite the verbal cruelty kids dish out
to one another on a daily basis at public schools, despite the tears of
kids each day who come home humiliated. And THIS is our national
standard of "socialization." Then God help our society!

I think too many parents are kicking their kids into a world they are in
no way prepared to deal with at way too young an age. These kids' role
models are television characters and mouthy popular kids at school who
hide their feelings with smart remarks and put downs. The "real world"
that homeschoolers supposedly shelter their kids from is NOT real at
all. It is largely made up of immature "shunnings," as well as poorly
informed, loudlyvoiced opinions, and celluloid characters whom few know
yet many adore without question. There ya go. There's "real" for ya!

Homeschooled kids deal with the real world on a daily basis -- a world
populated with REAL people of all ages. Homeschooled children know and
meet people of all interests, all occupations. They are not forced
into a "herd mentality" due to ridicule if you don't ascribe to the
popularly held views of your peers.

I know studies have been done that show public school fosters peer
dependency. I thought that after the Littleton, Colorado incident we
would have an awakening and people would see that alienation is a
dangerous lifestyle to practice.

Instead it brought on a host of paranoid rules -- students must now own
see-through backpacks, they cannot wear trenchcoats, there are increased
regulations in appearance and EVEN THOUGHT!!! The thought police are now
no longer a piece of science fiction! They are the counselors and
teachers (even the students) at any public school. If someone overhears
you say something, their word is enough to get the police onto your
case. Our youth are being raised bereft of fundemental rights and are
being prepared perfectly to fit into a police state. It's downright
scary.

Really, what they needed to do was get kids together and have them
overcome their prejudices and cruelties practiced against one another.
The jocks, preppies, goths, druggies, skateboarders, surfers,
Caucasions, Latinos, Asians, African Americans (African Africans,
Carribean Africans, etc.) all just need talk to one another as human
beings, get over it and get along.

But the structure they are existing in is not likely to foster that kind
of mentality. Only a family can do that. Government rules the masses,
but love rules the family.

DJ Brewer