groundhoggirl

There could be many different reasons. Two that immediately come to
mind are:

1. Perhaps they need more attention/patience/love/hugs/time with and
from their parents. 2. It could be a medical condition, such as
Juvenile Diabetes (High and/or low blood sugar which will definitely
affect behaviour). Or, perhaps a child is on steroids because of asthma
or some other breathing problem.

Mimi


On Sunday, November 25, 2001, at 09:21 PM, sheran@... wrote:

> Ok, so I've been reading all the posts about not punishing/setting
> limits, etc. Everyone knows kids that no one likes to be around.
> They throw a tantrum whenever they can't have their own way, their
> parents can't stand to take them to the store with them because they
> always whine that they want everything and misbehave in the store,
> other parents don't want their kids to play with them because of
> their behavior, etc.
>
> So the question I'll throw out is--Why do some kids act this way?
> Sheila
>
>
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Ok, so I've been reading all the posts about not punishing/setting
limits, etc. Everyone knows kids that no one likes to be around.
They throw a tantrum whenever they can't have their own way, their
parents can't stand to take them to the store with them because they
always whine that they want everything and misbehave in the store,
other parents don't want their kids to play with them because of
their behavior, etc.

So the question I'll throw out is--Why do some kids act this way?
Sheila

[email protected]

On Mon, 26 Nov 2001 03:21:27 -0000 sheran@... writes:
> Ok, so I've been reading all the posts about not punishing/setting
> limits, etc. Everyone knows kids that no one likes to be around.
> They throw a tantrum whenever they can't have their own way, their
> parents can't stand to take them to the store with them because they
> always whine that they want everything and misbehave in the store,
> other parents don't want their kids to play with them because of
> their behavior, etc.
>
> So the question I'll throw out is--Why do some kids act this way?

I think generally that kids - or anyone - act this way because they
aren't respected (they're bribed, manipulated, punished, etc., so they
naturally use these techniques on others), they don't get good, fun
attention (playing games, reading to them, talking with them), and
possibly some of it is kids who are unaware of how their behavior affects
others and don't know any other, better ways to respond.

Dar, who has years of experience working with people whose behavior
doesn't conform to societal standards
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[email protected]

When my youngest daughter was a baby, she threw tantrums quite
frequently--we're talking the ones where you have to leave the store.... She
was also the kid that you "had to watch" in a group of kids because she was
a biter. Should I also mention that she was breast fed for 2 1/2 years and
slept in the family bed? On the other side of the coin, her dad and I were
battling viciously most of the time..... After we (her dad and I separated),
her tantrums stopped and she mellowed into the most even-tempered person
you'll ever meet. I did notice, however, she was more likely to have tantrums
around lunch time or naptime, so I learned to scheduled my errands around
her needs.
Nancy (who usually lurks...)

Tia Leschke

> I did notice, however, she was more likely to have tantrums
>around lunch time or naptime, so I learned to scheduled my errands around
>her needs.

Which is our responsibility as parents to do. Children, especially little
children, often don't even have the words to tell us what's
wrong. Sometimes it only shows up in their behavior.

On another list, a mother was telling how her daughter had misbehaved
horribly at a ballet performance, something she had attended before with no
problems. Hours later it came out that the girl was still upset about the
way she had been treated earlier that day by neighbourhood kids. She
hadn't known any other way of showing her distress than misbehaving. They
discussed things she could have done to get help from her mother in dealing
with her upset, and I'm sure they'll be able to go to the ballet again
without problems. We just don't know, sometimes, what's bothering our own
kids, let alone someone else's.
Tia

Tia Leschke leschke@...
On Vancouver Island
********************************************************************************************
It is the answers which separate us, the questions which unite us. - Janice
Levy

[email protected]

On Mon, 26 Nov 2001 17:28:05 -0800 Cindy <crma@...> writes:
> My 4 year old has tantrums sometimes when he doesn't get his way.
> They usually happen when there are additional stress factors
> involved :
> hunger or fatigue are the two usual ones.

I call those meltdowns. I find it helpful to distinguish between behavior
that is pretty much under a child's control and intended to get a certain
results (which I call tantrums) and behavior that may look awfully
similar but is really the result of the child being overwhelmed or
overtired or stressed or in some other way unable to cope.

My daughter had a lot of those, especially at 5 and 6. Seven and eight
have been much better, although lately life has been stressful and she's
been more "melty". Tia's description of Skye reminded me somewhat of
Cacie, especally Cacie melting down. When she was 5 and 6 and life was
pretty stressful, sometimes I spent an hour or more physically grappling
with her, while she tried to hit me, kick me, spit on me, etc. (she was
in kindergarten that year, which I think matters). It sucked, but I truly
think she was doing the best she could do at the time, with the skills
she had and the situation she was in.

Dar
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Fetteroll

on 11/25/01 10:21 PM, sheran@... at sheran@... wrote:

> So the question I'll throw out is--Why do some kids act this way?

I think for some it's just a matter of learning what to do with emotion.
Some people *do* feel things much more strongly than others. Some people are
more affected by their environment than others. For some a feeling might be
like a wave from a passing motor boat. For others it's like a tsunami. It
isn't fair to compare a kid who quickly learns to handle motor boat waves
with a kid who can't handle tsunamis.

If you're really curious, lots of people with high needs kids find Raising
Your Spirited Child helpful.

Some are higher in social intelligence so pick up social rules earlier than
others.

For some it is lack of communication as others pointed out. If a kid wants
to tell his mom he's hungry or bored without being able to put words to what
he's feeling so he can't really communicate something he doesn't understand
so all he really knows is that he feels his world isn't right, and his mom
is insistent on finishing her business, he's going to melt down.

For others it's a learned behavior. If a child is communicating that he
wants something and he's constantly told he can't have it, he's going to
blow. If you kept trying to tell your husband you needed something and he
kept saying effectively that's not important, that doesn't matter, how would
you react? And if you got a response to the blow up, wouldn't you go to the
blow up more quickly the next time he wasn't listening?

Joyce


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