lainie duro

My almost 5-year old son is insisting that he go to kindergarten. He went
through a phase like this before after seeing "The Magic School Bus" for the
first time, but after about 6 months of his school obsession, he proudly
declared himself a homeschooler.

Now he's saying he wants to be a homeschooler until he's 5, and then he
wants to go to kindergarten school...and he wants to be a homeschooler,
too...when he gets home from school.

I have a feeling this has something to do with baby brother, who is now
almost 1 and spends a lot of time getting into big brother's stuff. There's
been a difficult period of adjustment lately.

I don't want to send him off to public school, but I also don't want to
tread on him. I believe in giving a child choices...but I just don't know if
this is a prudent choice for him to make. Do I have to pull the "I'm the
mommy" card on him?

I'm so confused and broken hearted over this because I know Monk honestly
feels like he'd get more attention at school, without his baby brother
present...but I know it's the wrong kind of attention!

argh!

Anyone been through this? Any words of wisdom?

livelifelove
Lainie

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Can he visit school with a friend or relative?

Sandra

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On Sat, 29 Sep 2001 09:46:00 -0500 "lainie duro" <lainie@...>
writes:
> Now he's saying he wants to be a homeschooler until he's 5, and then
> he
> wants to go to kindergarten school...and he wants to be a
> homeschooler,
> too...when he gets home from school.

He's got a year though, right? And a lot of things might be different
then.

Have you asked him exactly what parts of going to school he is interested
in? I've known some kids who really just wanted to play on the school
playground, or ride the school bus, or have a uniform... and I think the
big mystery of what's going on in there can be hard to resist, too. Maybe
you could visit - private schools especially tend to be more open to
that, if they think you might be considering enrolling next year. Maybe
another kind of "class" would fill his need, like an art class or
whatever he's into - just something where he could go by himself and wave
good-bye to you at the door and tell you all sorts of new stuff later.

Also, does he have friends who don't school? In the homeschool groups
we've been part of, the kids who start going to park days and activities
as toddlers or preschoolers generally have a pretty strong social network
of homeschooled kids by the time they reach 5, and the idea of school
just doesn't come up much.

With all that said, if he does decide to go next year, I'd let him make
that choice, with the understanding that he can stop whenever he wants.
It does seem that some kids need to actually experience it and make the
conscious choice not to go there...

Daron
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Well, that's my gut instinct, Mary. I'm hard at work trying to figure
out a solution to the problem, and I appreciate all of the input.
Thankfully, I have a pretty strong unpreschool group and we're all
going through this or potentially going through this in one form or
another. So I'm going to start doing 2-3 playgroups a week and get
some more outside lessons (we were doing gymnastics, but that ended
at the end of summer & I never signed him up for anything new,
although he's DYING to take a tap dance class...)

I think a big stumbling block is dad. While my husband is not against
homeschooling, he's also not as rabidly anti-public school as I am &
he can't see the harm in "letting" Monk try school out. I feel like
that's just a bad bad idea...but I have not tangible reason why,
especially for Kindergarten...except for the fact that it seems like
I've worked awfully hard to build up a network of homeschool kids and
if we are out of the loop for a year, I'm afraid we'll lose those
relationships...

Anyway...whoever said that I have a year to work it out, thanks. I
don't have to freak out about this right now, and I think the more I
talk about it with Monk, the more stubborn he will be. So all
discussion is going to stop now, and I'm just going to quietly work
harder so baby brother isn't so much of a barrier.

Thanks again...

livelifelove
lainie

--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., Unschoolingmommy@a... wrote:
> Dear Lainie,
>
> Keep him home.
>
> Mary

[email protected]

Hold your ground with your husband. As long as he sees that you are
determined to make it work, it will be fine. You have also gotten a
closeness with your child and that is the relationship that you have worked
so hard to build up, not really with the other groups. That is the
relationship that is worth keeping him home to be with you. He is so little.
It will not be another 5-6 years that you start to see him as getting older
and even then they are so young. Your kids need you and all that you have to
give to them, you love, your values, your morals, and all of your time
together that is irreplaceable. I think it is important to make the decision
now, not a year from now. I think having all the friends for your kids is
very important, and to work on exposing them to different things in and out
of the home. Create an environment at home that gives them places to play.
All you need to be thinking about is what all of you can do together. As we
saw 2 weeks ago, our time with our families is the most important and we
never know how much time we have. Enjoy your kids, they are a gift from God.
Make the decision now and hold your ground. You know it is the right one.

Love,
Mary

[email protected]

Finding small, short classes as trial runs might make all involved feel
better. Kirby didn't do so well (socially and behaiorally) in a dance class
he REALLY wanted to take when he was five (where they were super strict and
he cried), and in an art class (where they loved him but he didn't follow
directions well at all, so he was disruptive). Those made it easier for both
of us to forget about kindergarten for a while (which turned into ten years
and counting).

Whatever decision you make today could keep changing, but if you spend the
remaining "free pre-school time" letting him dabble in stuff you'll have a
better basis for decision, and more than your own personal fears and
thoughts--you'll have evidence, and he'll have different motivations in a
year than now.

A couple of things which have helped us and other families: lunch boxes and
bus rides.

Packing a lunch in a school lunchbox and going to the park can be fun. Some
park-and-ride events use school buses here, and so the kids got to be in a
school bus. Riding the city bus a couple of times put a fear of buses into
them for a while. You have time to de-mystify some things.

Going to plays or concerts at elementaries might help too. We've done that
when friends' kids were performing, and my kids were surprised at the vast
numbers of kids seated in rows and told to shush, don't wiggle, pay
attention. The school bells scared them.

Sandra

[email protected]

My daughter also went through this stage. At first, while we were
swimming during the last warm days of September or the first warm
days of May, or while we were wandering an empty zoo during October,
or seeing the Christmas decorations during an uncrowded weekday in
December, I would remind her that if she were going to "regular"
school, she wouldn't be able to enjoy this. "Just think of your poor
friends sitting at a desk in a school right now." I would say. That
seemed to pacify her for a while, but then she would start asking
about going to school again.

Last summer I signed her up for a week long course, mornings only, at
my alma mater, Alverno, which was described as "Harry Potter Wacky
Wizardry" school. She's a nut about Harry Potter and had enough Harry
Potter outfits for all five days. The first day she went with her
Harry Potter backpack filled with a wizard's robe and hat and some
Bertie Botts every flavored beans we had bought at a novelty store.
She never opened it. The class turned out to be a kitchen science
class, all the home type of experiments that we'd already done many
times as unschoolers. Only one other child had a Harry Potter shirt
on and so did the teacher. When I got to class to pick her up I got
to listen to the teacher droning on about what they would be doing
tomorrow (if she didn't forget any of the equipment like she had
today) while they sat quietly in their places, in a hot
unairconditioned room waiting for today to be finished. By
Wednesday she chose not to wear a Harry Potter outfit, as no one else
was and that evening she asked if she could not go anymore, but I
convinced her to try one more day. If she had really copped a fit, I
would have let her quit, but I wanted her to get a good taste of the
tedium of every day, every day, same old, same old. She managed to
finish the entire week of the program and was pleased with herself for
finishing, but is now very glad that she never has to go to school. I
think I'm even off the hook for these short summer classes, too!