Re: Need support
Pam Hartley
----------
Dawn: Get a life. No, I don't mean that in a nasty way. :) I mean I suggest
you quit standing over your son with a list of exciting things you'd like
him to do right now, and get a list of exciting things you'd like DAWN to do
right now, and do them. And when your son comes to you (eventually, he will
get hungry or bored or wonder where the heck you got to), invite him to join
you, and if he'd rather do something else, worry then about striking the
balance between his needs and yours, his wants and yours.
Right now, you're trying to drag him away from HIS real life, which is
watching the Magic School Bus for the third or thirty-third time in a day.
Homeschooling is not and should not be your entire life, or if it IS because
you love the whole of it so much you can't stop, then consider ways to
foster that without driving your son batty (contribute to or start a
homeschooling newsletter, think up a cool service for local homeschoolers,
answer a homeschooling help line, set up park days or event days, the
possibilities are endless).
Pam
>From: [email protected]Here it comes. Ready? :)
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Digest Number 1488
>Date: Tue, Sep 18, 2001, 6:31 PM
>
> So help me let go of this need to want to take control and also the thoughts
> that he ought to be "doing" more.
>
> He also did some math this morning with DH. He thinks it's puzzles and he
> did that for about 20 mins.
>
> So some emotional support and support that this is normal and I'll get used
> to this and the guilt will go away....
Dawn: Get a life. No, I don't mean that in a nasty way. :) I mean I suggest
you quit standing over your son with a list of exciting things you'd like
him to do right now, and get a list of exciting things you'd like DAWN to do
right now, and do them. And when your son comes to you (eventually, he will
get hungry or bored or wonder where the heck you got to), invite him to join
you, and if he'd rather do something else, worry then about striking the
balance between his needs and yours, his wants and yours.
Right now, you're trying to drag him away from HIS real life, which is
watching the Magic School Bus for the third or thirty-third time in a day.
Homeschooling is not and should not be your entire life, or if it IS because
you love the whole of it so much you can't stop, then consider ways to
foster that without driving your son batty (contribute to or start a
homeschooling newsletter, think up a cool service for local homeschoolers,
answer a homeschooling help line, set up park days or event days, the
possibilities are endless).
Pam
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/18/01 11:45:37 PM US Eastern Standard Time,
pamhartley@... writes:
he's an only child. Now, we've had some emotional stuff, family break up and
new home most obvious, so I'm not trying to push any more independence than
what he feels comfortable right now. If he feels clingy, I hug him closer.
I love the suggestion of trying things that interest me, and offering him to
help. I've tried this with cooking, painting shelves, sewing, etc. And he
usually is very interested, then gets bored and wants to go to something
else, which I completely understand. The problem comes up when he say, "I'm
done" and then wants me to stop too...in the middle of the shelves or the
half cooked meal (sewing could wait).
Any suggestions?
Brenda
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
pamhartley@... writes:
> I mean I suggestThis has been an issue for me for a bit. My son is 3, I'm a single mom and
> you quit standing over your son with a list of exciting things you'd like
> him to do right now, and get a list of exciting things you'd like DAWN to do
> right now, and do them. And when your son comes to you (eventually, he will
> get hungry or bored or wonder where the heck you got to), invite him to join
> you, and if he'd rather do something else, worry then about striking the
> balance between his needs and yours, his wants and yours.
>
he's an only child. Now, we've had some emotional stuff, family break up and
new home most obvious, so I'm not trying to push any more independence than
what he feels comfortable right now. If he feels clingy, I hug him closer.
I love the suggestion of trying things that interest me, and offering him to
help. I've tried this with cooking, painting shelves, sewing, etc. And he
usually is very interested, then gets bored and wants to go to something
else, which I completely understand. The problem comes up when he say, "I'm
done" and then wants me to stop too...in the middle of the shelves or the
half cooked meal (sewing could wait).
Any suggestions?
Brenda
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pam Hartley
----------
process of, "That's fine, you can be done, but I need to just finish up this
part" but it might not always go over well. :)
But, the drill is, "Okay, if you don't want to help me paint why don't
you... (play with your legos or go look at that book or... for a few minutes
while I get to a stopping point?
And then I hope you'll tell me he still sleeps 12 hours a day so that you
can get to a good stopping point and you have time to finish the shelves on
your own. ;)
For awhile, it's just a developmental thing -- as he gets older, he'll have
more sustained interest in HIS projects if not yours and will be more able
to do things on his own for a bit while you do what you need to. For now,
it's just the process of modeling to him that some things can't be stopped
on a dime, and some things can, and breathing deeply a lot when he doesn't
understand it in a REALLY loud way. <g>
Pam
>From: [email protected]At three, it's trickier than it is at four or five or six. You can start the
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Digest Number 1489
>Date: Wed, Sep 19, 2001, 3:29 AM
>
> I love the suggestion of trying things that interest me, and offering him to
> help. I've tried this with cooking, painting shelves, sewing, etc. And he
> usually is very interested, then gets bored and wants to go to something
> else, which I completely understand. The problem comes up when he say, "I'm
> done" and then wants me to stop too...in the middle of the shelves or the
> half cooked meal (sewing could wait).
>
> Any suggestions?
process of, "That's fine, you can be done, but I need to just finish up this
part" but it might not always go over well. :)
But, the drill is, "Okay, if you don't want to help me paint why don't
you... (play with your legos or go look at that book or... for a few minutes
while I get to a stopping point?
And then I hope you'll tell me he still sleeps 12 hours a day so that you
can get to a good stopping point and you have time to finish the shelves on
your own. ;)
For awhile, it's just a developmental thing -- as he gets older, he'll have
more sustained interest in HIS projects if not yours and will be more able
to do things on his own for a bit while you do what you need to. For now,
it's just the process of modeling to him that some things can't be stopped
on a dime, and some things can, and breathing deeply a lot when he doesn't
understand it in a REALLY loud way. <g>
Pam
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/19/01 9:50:47 AM US Eastern Standard Time,
pamhartley@... writes:
to be a night owl anyway. Thanks for all the suggestions, I've done some of
that, I think I just wondered if it was a time of age thing or not. So it's
refreshing to hear that it is. I love the breathe thing too, we both seem to
use that in a *lot* of instances. :-)
Brenda
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
pamhartley@... writes:
> And then I hope you'll tell me he still sleeps 12 hours a day so that youNope, he sleeps about 9 or ten, all at night with no daytime naps. But I tend
> can get to a good stopping point and you have time to finish the shelves on
> your own. ;)
>
to be a night owl anyway. Thanks for all the suggestions, I've done some of
that, I think I just wondered if it was a time of age thing or not. So it's
refreshing to hear that it is. I love the breathe thing too, we both seem to
use that in a *lot* of instances. :-)
Brenda
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]