[email protected]

My daughter is 8. She reads voraciously and fluently (novels now, but she
did a whole year of Calvin and Hobbes, The Far Side, Archies... but I
digress). She doesn't do much writing, although about 9 months ago or so
she became more interested and started to occasionally write a poem, or
write in her journal, or whatever. The problem is that she is
extraordinarily concerned about correct spellings, and I'm not sure what
to do, if anything.

I've always spelled words that she asked me to spell for her (okay, once
I tried the "Can you sound it out?" line and she was furious, and
rightfully so, but I know better now). I'm still happy to do that, or to
write wheat she dictates, but she wants to do this on her own now. She
actually spells most words correctly - she's quite visual and reads a lot
- but she also spells many incorrectly, and she can see that they look
wrong and is bothered by it. I think it started when she joined brownies
last year, and they were doing a project that involved writing, and Cacie
was cheerily working on it and asking the other girls if they knew how to
spell this word or that, and one girl said something like, "You don't
know how to spell *little*? What grade are you in?" in a really scornful
tone, and ever since then it's been a sore spot. I wasn't there when it
happened, but she told me later.

So, for example, Cacie will bring me a poem she's written and wants me
to read, and the first thing out of her mouth is always, "It's all
spelled wrong but I don't care." Clearly, though, she does care. Her
drama teacher is including some journalling this time, and she worries
when she has to write in class, because of her fear that that one of the
other kids will make fun or her spelling and embarrass her.

This of course doesn't help my anti-schoolkid bias, but that's another
story....

So, I've offered to help with spelling, I know there are lists of
commonly used words and I offered to get them for her... nope. I started
by stating (and restating) my positions that:

*If I can tell what she's saying, I think it's fine, because the whole
purpose of writing is to communicate ideas and she's done that.

*Kids in school spend (waste) a lot of time memorizing the spellings of
these words, and she's learned how to spell a ton of words just through
the stuff she reads, and I'm convinced that she'll spell well as an adult
because she is so visual

*It's mean to be nasty to someone who asks for help or to make fun of
someone's work, and I don't think the kids in her drama class would do
that, and I sure wouldn't.

None of this seems to make any difference. She is a bit of a
perfectionist anyway, in a lot of things. She just seems so worried about
it, and I think she enjoys writing now but feels badly about spelling
when she does it, so she doesn't do it very often. Right now I'm figuring
that I should just butt out for a bit, since I'd said my piece and made
my offers, but it's hard to watch her struggle...

Daron

Bridget E Coffman

On Sat, 8 Sep 2001 22:03:31 -0700 freeform@... writes:

>
> None of this seems to make any difference. She is a bit of a
> perfectionist anyway, in a lot of things. She just seems so worried
about
> it, and I think she enjoys writing now but feels badly about spelling
> when she does it, so she doesn't do it very often. Right now I'm
figuring
> that I should just butt out for a bit, since I'd said my piece and
made
> my offers, but it's hard to watch her struggle...
>
> Daron
>

Hey Daron,

Has she tried putting her stuff on a computer and running the spellcheck?
It's something she could do herself and she might have fun with it. I,
personally, do ALL of my creative writing at the computer because I have
a thesaurus at hand and can switch the words around for effect without
have to rewrite the whole piece.

Anyway, just thought I'd mention it.

Bridget

~~~~If electricity comes from electrons...does that mean that morality
comes from morons?~~~~
I sent my Soul through the Invisible,
Some letter of that After-life to spell;
And by and by my Soul returned to me,
And answered, "I Myself am Heaven and Hell." -- The Rubaiyat

[email protected]

My daughter went through a similar thing a few years ago. Her spelling was
pretty awful even though she is probably our biggest reader. She would
mispell words often and it caused her to feel embarrassed when it was pointed
out to her. On the pc it is easy to fix, use that spellcheck. She is now in
the habit of spellchecking even her instant messages. Then was the problem of
when she was writing aways from the pc. I did not want her to not join in
writing activities because of a fear of misspelling a word. She is also the
only one of my children who enjoys writing. And some of the other classes
that she takes (karate, 4H, service animal training) require writing. So I
bought her a little spell checker to carry with her in her pocket. I bought
it off ebay. And the more she writes the better her spelling becomes.

Just a thought.
Candace

[email protected]

I went through this with my now almost 12 year old.From the age of 9 to about
11 she didn't write at all because of her spelling (this killed me because
she wants to be a children's writer). It all started when a traditionally
schooled girl made fun of her spelling. She then became obsessed with it. But
instead of learning to spell, it was like she developed a mental block and
her spelling became worse.
She finally got over it when she started talking to other homeschooled kids
she liked and respected and found that A. they couldn't spell either or B.
they really didn't care how Hailey spelled.
She is still sef couscious around 'school' kids and sometimes turns down
classes she would othewise take because of this. I have recently bought her a
Franklin (this is the best for phonetic spellers) spell checker and that has
helped. She only uses it if she thinks others are going to see her work. She
is back to writing reams of material again...stories, poems, ect. She is even
going to edit the kids page of my zine.
All in all, I think that this is really her issue and all I can do is to let
her know that I am here if she needs me. Like reading I am fairly confident
(yes I wake up freaked out every now and then) that, like reading, she will
learn when the time is right or necessary. My son, on the other hand, has a
specific learning disability so I have just given him the tools needed to get
around spelling and to ask for assistance when he needs it.But this is a
whole other issue.
I know that I am rambling but I only have a few minutes on the computer.

[email protected]

On Sun, 9 Sep 2001 10:58:31 EDT discovery6@... writes:
> My daughter went through a similar thing a few years ago. Her spelling
was
> pretty awful even though she is probably our biggest reader. She would
> mispell words often and it caused her to feel embarrassed when it
> was pointed out to her.

Yeah, that sounds like Cacie. I have suggested the computer and
spellcheck, too, but I think her typing (hunt.... and.... peck) is so
slow that it's even more frustrating for her. She's slowly doing more
keyboarding, but generally she calls me over and asks me to type for her.
Maybe in time she'll want to do more of it on her own, she's emailing a
couple of friends now and may eventually want to send a private note..

> And some of the other classes
> that she takes (karate, 4H, service animal training) require writing.
So I
> bought her a little spell checker to carry with her in her pocket. I
> bought it off ebay.

Does she feel self-conscious using the spell checker at these activities,
or do the kids have some privacy when they are writing? Maybe I'll look
for one. I think at this point it would slow her down a lot, though.
Like, she's started writing "whish" for "wish", because I think she's
starting to realize that a lot of words with the /w/ sound actually start
that way. She's also writing "wold" for "would", because she remembers
that it has a silent "l" in it. It all makes sense, and I think it's all
part of the journey, like when she was learning to talk and went from
saying "feet" to "foots" to "feet" again. I really think she'll naturally
get better at it, I just wish I could help in the meantime...

>And the more she writes the better her spelling
> becomes.

I guess that's the most important thing for me to remember... thanks.

Daron

[email protected]

On Sun, 9 Sep 2001 11:01:08 EDT npackebush@... writes:
> I went through this with my now almost 12 year old.From the age of 9 to
about
> 11 she didn't write at all because of her spelling (this killed me
because
> she wants to be a children's writer).

Argggh. Yeah, Cacie also wants to be an author. She'll burst in with her
great idea for a mystery novel, or a science fiction novel, and tell me
how it will go in great detail, and sometimes even get a few lines on
paper... but then she gets frustrated and stops. Which is maybe okay for
now, I guess. I love her stories, I have said that she could write them
down and be a great author, but I've also said she could be a great
storyteller like Jim Weiss or Homer, too.

>It all started when a traditionally
> schooled girl made fun of her spelling. She then became obsessed with
it. But
> instead of learning to spell, it was like she developed a mental
> block and her spelling became worse.

:-( Yeah, that's what scares me. I don't want this to get in her way
because of one girl's nasty comment...

> She finally got over it when she started talking to other
> homeschooled kids
> she liked and respected and found that A. they couldn't spell either
or B.
> they really didn't care how Hailey spelled.

Most of Cacie's friends are homeschooled, and she spells as well as most
of them or better, and they don't seem to care, anyway... and she is much
more relaxed about it with them, like when they make signs for things in
their games. I guess she's started these activities with schooled kids
again and that's what has brought it up.

> She is even
> going to edit the kids page of my zine.

Ooo, that's cool! I can't wait to see it - can Cacie contribute too,
then?

> All in all, I think that this is really her issue and all I can do
> is to let
> her know that I am here if she needs me. Like reading I am fairly
> confident
> (yes I wake up freaked out every now and then) that, like reading,
> she will
> learn when the time is right or necessary.

You're right. I tend to take over her issues sometimes, or want to. I
guess I start to feel guilty, like I did something wrong. D'you know,
when Cacie was born I had this idea that if I was a "perfect" mother and
didn't make any mistakes, she'd be a "perfect" child and never be rude,
or yell, or hit, or touch things that's I'd explained were dangerous.
Yup. Right. I was an awfully young, naive mom, good thing Cacie set me
straight right off.

I have to confess, though, that I've sort of criticized other people's
spelling whejn they post stuff on public forums that is really messed up.
I know Cacie has heard me doing this, and I wonder if that's why she
thinks it's important. I honestly do have a hard time reading posts from
people who hope they won't be "lamb basted" for their "rediculous" ideas
and taking them seriously, the spelling just gets to me. Maybe I'm
fooling myself when I say I don't care about her spelling, bu I think I
see a difference between the efforts of someone just learning a skill and
someone who who supposedly has mastered it. Maybe I'm a snob, but I would
display artwork by a 4 yr old that I would pass over if the artist had 25
years of experience in the same media...

>My son, on the other
> hand, has a
> specific learning disability so I have just given him the tools
> needed to get
> around spelling and to ask for assistance when he needs it.But this
> is a whole other issue.

I know I talked to you privately about my brother, but I think some of my
stress with Cacie must relate to growing up with John, who was also
labeled with severe dyslexia at 7 and struggled with reading and writing
until he was 25 or so, when it all just clicked... but I have vivid
childhood memories of screaming, physical fights between him and my
parenst every noight for years while they tried to "help" him do his
homework, and I also stepped in as the big sister and "helped" him many
nights by doing it for him and trying to make my handwriting look
:"messy" enough... that all sucked.

Daron

Bonni Sollars

If she's reading a lot and enjoys writing, the spelling will follow. I
have worked directly with doctors most of my adult life, and most of them
can't write legibly or spell correctly. Yet they are very intelligent,
interesting people to be around. I think if she is interested in
spelling maybe she could get one of those little pocket notebooks that
have commonly used words in it. I don't know what they are called, but I
had to get one when I went to business school so I would not misspell in
business letters. I think college bookstores sell them.
Bonni