Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Digest Number 1403
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/2/01 1:41:34 PM US Mountain Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
the person supervising. If rehab honey wants to see him boy when he gets
out, meet him at the park. I wouldn't let him to talk to him on the phone
because you have no way of knowing what he's saying and whether it's
appropriate given his new status of early recovery. If he does get clean (at
least 1 year) then you can talk about how you can both handle raising him.
When I was in rehab 16 years ago they told us only 3 in 10 will say clean for
1 year and only 1 in 10 will stay clean 5 years or longer. I wanted to be
the "1", so I guess it depends on how much he wants to get clean and have his
family in his life.
I wish you the best at this time.... I can't imagine having kids and having
to deal with this issue.
Dawn
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Dawn Falbe
Personal Development Coach
Relocational Astrologer
(520) 579-2646
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
The Path of Least Resistance is Inside of You
www.astrologerdawn.com
Enlightening women on how to live their Soul Purpose
"The people who get on in this world
are people who get up and look for the
circumstances they want, and,
if they can't find them, make them." - George Bernard Shaw
"The only time my education was interrupted was when I was in school."-George
Bernard Shaw
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected] writes:
> so, for a 3.5 yr old boy, is not allowing this contact properly protectiveIMHO at least limited supervised visits would be necessary, with you being
> or
> over controlling?
the person supervising. If rehab honey wants to see him boy when he gets
out, meet him at the park. I wouldn't let him to talk to him on the phone
because you have no way of knowing what he's saying and whether it's
appropriate given his new status of early recovery. If he does get clean (at
least 1 year) then you can talk about how you can both handle raising him.
When I was in rehab 16 years ago they told us only 3 in 10 will say clean for
1 year and only 1 in 10 will stay clean 5 years or longer. I wanted to be
the "1", so I guess it depends on how much he wants to get clean and have his
family in his life.
I wish you the best at this time.... I can't imagine having kids and having
to deal with this issue.
Dawn
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Dawn Falbe
Personal Development Coach
Relocational Astrologer
(520) 579-2646
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
The Path of Least Resistance is Inside of You
www.astrologerdawn.com
Enlightening women on how to live their Soul Purpose
"The people who get on in this world
are people who get up and look for the
circumstances they want, and,
if they can't find them, make them." - George Bernard Shaw
"The only time my education was interrupted was when I was in school."-George
Bernard Shaw
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/2/01 4:08:14 PM US Eastern Standard Time,
NumoAstro@... writes:
would just miss them and my son would be very upset. it would be great for
him to stay clean, but i'm not looking for that to happen. i've kind of got
it in my head that if he stays clean, we can work into more free visitation,
and if not....just stay gone. i don't want to remove the possibility of a
relationship between father and son, but i also feel like it's more harmful
than helpful for my son to see him once or twice then not again for a couple
months. i don't want to be overcontrolling, but i think at this point in his
life, it's my responsibility to limit chaotic harmful relationships.
my son not having his father in his life is far from ideal, but i think
complete absence would be better than back and forth.
brenda
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
NumoAstro@... writes:
> . If rehab honey wants to see him boy when he getswe did the whole park thing before, didn't really work out. sometimes he
> out, meet him at the park. I wouldn't let him to talk to him on the phone
> because you have no way of knowing what he's saying and whether it's
> appropriate given his new status of early recovery.
would just miss them and my son would be very upset. it would be great for
him to stay clean, but i'm not looking for that to happen. i've kind of got
it in my head that if he stays clean, we can work into more free visitation,
and if not....just stay gone. i don't want to remove the possibility of a
relationship between father and son, but i also feel like it's more harmful
than helpful for my son to see him once or twice then not again for a couple
months. i don't want to be overcontrolling, but i think at this point in his
life, it's my responsibility to limit chaotic harmful relationships.
my son not having his father in his life is far from ideal, but i think
complete absence would be better than back and forth.
brenda
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/2/01 2:41:34 PM Mountain Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:
<< I truly am fascinated by this subject, it's not sarcasm when I say that I
*never* would have imagined that on this of all lists people would say that
they shout in anger at their children and don't feel that it's wrong (I can
understand shouting in anger and feeling dreadful about it and trying to
stop, but the idea that it's perfectly all right to do that with your own
family is honestly astounding to me. Seriously.)
feel really shitty after yelling most of the time. Just wanted to clarify. If
I could have a wish granted it would be to be Zen mommy. That said I still
feel yelling is better than a calm parent who shames and blames or calls
names. I witnessed this this weekend. No clenched teeth just a parent
saying"stop being a brat". All said w/ a smile and going on about the
business. personally I think people act a behavior they are not the behavior.
this is more damaging than yelling.
NICKI~
[email protected] writes:
<< I truly am fascinated by this subject, it's not sarcasm when I say that I
*never* would have imagined that on this of all lists people would say that
they shout in anger at their children and don't feel that it's wrong (I can
understand shouting in anger and feeling dreadful about it and trying to
stop, but the idea that it's perfectly all right to do that with your own
family is honestly astounding to me. Seriously.)
>>I just wrote about our original families yelling and how I yell. I do
feel really shitty after yelling most of the time. Just wanted to clarify. If
I could have a wish granted it would be to be Zen mommy. That said I still
feel yelling is better than a calm parent who shames and blames or calls
names. I witnessed this this weekend. No clenched teeth just a parent
saying"stop being a brat". All said w/ a smile and going on about the
business. personally I think people act a behavior they are not the behavior.
this is more damaging than yelling.
NICKI~
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/2/01 2:41:34 PM Mountain Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:
<< f they get angry enough to be saying "I'm tired of ...." or "SOMEONE moved
my..." or "I can't find my..." I let them finish their tirade and if I did
the bad thing, I say "I'm sorry, I did that. It's in the den." Or
whatever
it is. Sometimes I ask if they could try to ask nicer next time. But
usually when someone comes to that point they are tired, hungry, sick or
pressed for time. And since I expect them to keep their word and be
punctual
AND I let them sleep late, sometimes I myself have contributed to the
situation. So it's the same as if another adult friend of mine were
freaking
out about not having the key or checkbook or receipt or phone number needed
for the imminent need. I let them vent and then we fix the situation up.
yelling b/c it was becoming habitual that day. Kinda like she was PMSing at 5
years old. So yes my dd yells at me too. Did I create this or is this nature?
As I said before this kid is a loud one from birth.?????????
NICKI~
[email protected] writes:
<< f they get angry enough to be saying "I'm tired of ...." or "SOMEONE moved
my..." or "I can't find my..." I let them finish their tirade and if I did
the bad thing, I say "I'm sorry, I did that. It's in the den." Or
whatever
it is. Sometimes I ask if they could try to ask nicer next time. But
usually when someone comes to that point they are tired, hungry, sick or
pressed for time. And since I expect them to keep their word and be
punctual
AND I let them sleep late, sometimes I myself have contributed to the
situation. So it's the same as if another adult friend of mine were
freaking
out about not having the key or checkbook or receipt or phone number needed
for the imminent need. I let them vent and then we fix the situation up.
>>Exactly how it works here. Though yesterday Zoe and I had a talk about not
yelling b/c it was becoming habitual that day. Kinda like she was PMSing at 5
years old. So yes my dd yells at me too. Did I create this or is this nature?
As I said before this kid is a loud one from birth.?????????
NICKI~
Julie Stauffer
<<"stop being a brat">>
Now in our family, no one would think twice about that and no one would
consider it name calling. Our phrase is "don't be such a jerk" which
translates into "I really don't like what you are doing. Could you please
do it somewhere else?" It is kind of like dh can flip me off and I laugh
but if somebody else did it, I would get mad.
I don't think it really comes down to the words or the tone but the intent
behind it, trying to hurt someone vs. expressing yourself.
Julie
Now in our family, no one would think twice about that and no one would
consider it name calling. Our phrase is "don't be such a jerk" which
translates into "I really don't like what you are doing. Could you please
do it somewhere else?" It is kind of like dh can flip me off and I laugh
but if somebody else did it, I would get mad.
I don't think it really comes down to the words or the tone but the intent
behind it, trying to hurt someone vs. expressing yourself.
Julie