Thomas and Nanci Kuykendall

>Finally, I've come to the conclusion that the process is more important
than the end >result. Just because they don't finish a project, a book, a
class, etc. doesn't mean >that they didn't learn what they needed to at
that time. I have
>found though, that sometimes the kids are more willing to give
>something a try because they know they'll have a say in whether they
>continue.
>
>Diane from KS


My parents used to force me into all kinds of things that were not their
place to at all, not just school, but medical things, dance lessons,
relationships with others, etc. At the same time they ignored my pleas to
get involved in things that I was interested in or my feelings about things
they were forcing on me. I hated them for it, and they taught me to hate
myself for "never being able to finish anything I start." The used to tell
me all the time when I was a child that I "Never do anything right" or
"Fail at everything I try" or "Just do not try hard enough." I still feel
like a failure and am just now learning to grow and see beyond my parents
false expectations and pronouncements.

Even if I might have enjoyed something for myself, I often failed anyway
due to feeling forced, choiceless, coerced, etc. Like when they forced me
into college at 16 even though I told them I was not ready. It was either
that, or they were going to kick me out of the house. So I went. I did
get A's in several subjects that I really enjoyed, but others I just
stopped going to and took a failing grade. I would have been much more
successful had it been my own choice or had I any options.

Nanci K. in Idaho

[email protected]

Nanci wrote:
<< Like when they forced me
into college at 16 even though I told them I was not ready. >>

Wow, Nanci, this brings back a lot of bad memories. I was a youngster when I
graduated from h.s. (16) and I BEGGED my parents to let me stay home for at
least another year and work (I had a good job that I liked) and take a couple
of classes at a community college. Because although I was bright and got
good grades, I had NO idea what I wanted to do with my life.
They absolutely refused. Instead, they opted to pay for a high-price
freshman year at a private school where I proceeded to pretend like I was
older than I was, collect as many boyfriends as I could, go to as many
parties as I could, sleep in as late as I could, etc., etc., etc.
I wasn't consciously trying to punish them, I don't think. But, I felt like
I was almost giving up...kind of saying: well, if people won't take me
seriously, I guess I won't be serious!
It took me a long time to get to the point where I trusted my own desires and
needs...in fact, I struggle with it on a daily basis.
Thanks for sharing...
Carol from WI