: sibling fighting
Jill
I have two boys who are close in age and at various times fight a lot and
other times less. The thing that helped me most when they were young is
difficult to achieve in a homeschooling environment. What helped was having
one on one time with each child. At that stage I had my children in
preschool so I put them in on a different day. Made such a difference. I
have tried to have one child go on a play date and the other stay with me
but being close in age that is difficult. If you can work out a way to
accomplish this I would recommend it.
In the short term - I find separating them works well. If they fight they
go to different areas of the house and when they are ready to play together
cooperatively they can be together.
In general, I find the more I can stay out of the disputes the better.
I have also found it helpful to try to step in before they fight but when I
see the play becoming boring or changing. Its been good to start some floor
play - playful wrestling, tickling at this time and it seems to give them
positive attention and helps with transitions. This isn't easy to do but
works very well. It also reduces the interruptions to my activities. I can
spend a few minutes pro-actively or be irritated with them later.
When I intervene successfully in a dispute it has been because I haven't
taken sides. I haven't done this in a while but it worked well - I would
intervene and just hold each of the boys - one arm each and be quiet until
they settled. Harder to get them to sit now they are older - often one
removes themselves. When/If they quiet and each give their version they
usually work it out themselves. I often tell them that I will take the toy
or game away from them if they can't work it out - it puts them on the same
side against me. They nearly always figure a way out.
The rest of the time I take heart in the research that shows that siblings
learn a lot about getting along with people and working out who they are
based on their interactions with children.
I also like the book, "Siblings without rivalry". Good luck.
Jill
other times less. The thing that helped me most when they were young is
difficult to achieve in a homeschooling environment. What helped was having
one on one time with each child. At that stage I had my children in
preschool so I put them in on a different day. Made such a difference. I
have tried to have one child go on a play date and the other stay with me
but being close in age that is difficult. If you can work out a way to
accomplish this I would recommend it.
In the short term - I find separating them works well. If they fight they
go to different areas of the house and when they are ready to play together
cooperatively they can be together.
In general, I find the more I can stay out of the disputes the better.
I have also found it helpful to try to step in before they fight but when I
see the play becoming boring or changing. Its been good to start some floor
play - playful wrestling, tickling at this time and it seems to give them
positive attention and helps with transitions. This isn't easy to do but
works very well. It also reduces the interruptions to my activities. I can
spend a few minutes pro-actively or be irritated with them later.
When I intervene successfully in a dispute it has been because I haven't
taken sides. I haven't done this in a while but it worked well - I would
intervene and just hold each of the boys - one arm each and be quiet until
they settled. Harder to get them to sit now they are older - often one
removes themselves. When/If they quiet and each give their version they
usually work it out themselves. I often tell them that I will take the toy
or game away from them if they can't work it out - it puts them on the same
side against me. They nearly always figure a way out.
The rest of the time I take heart in the research that shows that siblings
learn a lot about getting along with people and working out who they are
based on their interactions with children.
I also like the book, "Siblings without rivalry". Good luck.
Jill