need more advice...
[email protected]
I think 4yods needs more time with me. He spends all day outside
with his friends - I need to take care of 1 1/2yodd. I do spend as
much time as I can outside with dd. When I go inside to take care of
dd, he runs off where I can't see him and don't know where he is.
His behavior is getting worse - becoming more and more aggressive. I
would like to have a time where I can spend with him alone, but most
days, that's impossible without neglecting his sister. During her
naptime (whenever she falls asleep), he is usually playing outside
with his friends. I can play with him, though his friends don't
appreciate it, but I feel we do need some time alone, just the two of
us. I also worry about him playing where I can't see him for safety
reasons.
Anyway, is this just a stage I should let him be? He's only started
this since the weather got warm enough to be outside. The more time
he spends with his friends, the more aggressive he gets. Should I
limit his time with his friends??
I kind of wish one of you experienced unschooling parents would come
over and show me how it's done. But I guess I'll just have to settle
for asking a million questions. Often I can trust my feelings and
judgement, but sometimes, I don't know what my feelings are...
Melanie in Indiana
with his friends - I need to take care of 1 1/2yodd. I do spend as
much time as I can outside with dd. When I go inside to take care of
dd, he runs off where I can't see him and don't know where he is.
His behavior is getting worse - becoming more and more aggressive. I
would like to have a time where I can spend with him alone, but most
days, that's impossible without neglecting his sister. During her
naptime (whenever she falls asleep), he is usually playing outside
with his friends. I can play with him, though his friends don't
appreciate it, but I feel we do need some time alone, just the two of
us. I also worry about him playing where I can't see him for safety
reasons.
Anyway, is this just a stage I should let him be? He's only started
this since the weather got warm enough to be outside. The more time
he spends with his friends, the more aggressive he gets. Should I
limit his time with his friends??
I kind of wish one of you experienced unschooling parents would come
over and show me how it's done. But I guess I'll just have to settle
for asking a million questions. Often I can trust my feelings and
judgement, but sometimes, I don't know what my feelings are...
Melanie in Indiana
Tanya
Maybe try to get him to come in during nap time and sit him in your lap &
read to him. He may need that extra contact with you. That seems to have
worked for me when my now 7 year old was 4 & I had his brother who was about
6 months then. Mine didn't nap easily either but I tried to stop whatever
else I was doing when it did happen because he was one that needed that
extra bit of attention.
Tanya
read to him. He may need that extra contact with you. That seems to have
worked for me when my now 7 year old was 4 & I had his brother who was about
6 months then. Mine didn't nap easily either but I tried to stop whatever
else I was doing when it did happen because he was one that needed that
extra bit of attention.
Tanya
----- Original Message -----
From: <vouget@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Wednesday, May 09, 2001 11:39 AM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] need more advice...
> I think 4yods needs more time with me. He spends all day outside
> with his friends - I need to take care of 1 1/2yodd. I do spend as
> much time as I can outside with dd. When I go inside to take care of
> dd, he runs off where I can't see him and don't know where he is.
> His behavior is getting worse - becoming more and more aggressive. I
> would like to have a time where I can spend with him alone, but most
> days, that's impossible without neglecting his sister. During her
> naptime (whenever she falls asleep), he is usually playing outside
> with his friends. I can play with him, though his friends don't
> appreciate it, but I feel we do need some time alone, just the two of
> us. I also worry about him playing where I can't see him for safety
> reasons.
>
> Anyway, is this just a stage I should let him be? He's only started
> this since the weather got warm enough to be outside. The more time
> he spends with his friends, the more aggressive he gets. Should I
> limit his time with his friends??
>
> I kind of wish one of you experienced unschooling parents would come
> over and show me how it's done. But I guess I'll just have to settle
> for asking a million questions. Often I can trust my feelings and
> judgement, but sometimes, I don't know what my feelings are...
>
> Melanie in Indiana
>
>
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--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., Tanya <tanyab2@s...> wrote:
Melanie in Indiana - finding four-leaf clovers all over the place
> Maybe try to get him to come in during nap time and sit him inyour lap &
> read to him. He may need that extra contact with you.*Getting him to come in is the problem. Any ideas??
Melanie in Indiana - finding four-leaf clovers all over the place
Tanya
Maybe offer him a treat to start, something he really likes.I think that he
might be avoiding you like that to deal with his jealousy. My 7 year old
still will withdraw & it's almost like pulling teeth to find out what's
bothering him. He will get involved in anything to avoid his insecurities.
But once you get through he is very loving. My boys don't have friends
around during the day because others are in school or daycare in our
neighborhood. But if I notice them acting more aggressive or any other
behavior that is out of their usual character I do limit their playing with
others for a day or so. After all ,the aggression is part of the problem of
the school systems that I want to avoid. He may then get to realize that his
sister is getting old enough to play with.
Tanya
might be avoiding you like that to deal with his jealousy. My 7 year old
still will withdraw & it's almost like pulling teeth to find out what's
bothering him. He will get involved in anything to avoid his insecurities.
But once you get through he is very loving. My boys don't have friends
around during the day because others are in school or daycare in our
neighborhood. But if I notice them acting more aggressive or any other
behavior that is out of their usual character I do limit their playing with
others for a day or so. After all ,the aggression is part of the problem of
the school systems that I want to avoid. He may then get to realize that his
sister is getting old enough to play with.
Tanya
> *Getting him to come in is the problem. Any ideas??
>
> Melanie in Indiana - finding four-leaf clovers all over the place
>
Diana Tashjian
I think my ds was a little older when this came up and he doesn't have any siblings but when he started to have playdates and really spend time with his friends his behavior towards me was sometimes quite nasty. I talked it over with several moms and found that this was not uncommon. And we all agreed that we just don't accept that kind of behavior. So no being patient or understanding, the behavior was not acceptable and we went from there. And now he is much better about making the transition from playing with his buds and then coming back into the family.
I think you're probably also right in that he needs some time and attention - good luck! And, of course, take what you like and leave the rest :o)
Diana Tashjian
I think you're probably also right in that he needs some time and attention - good luck! And, of course, take what you like and leave the rest :o)
Diana Tashjian
----- Original Message -----
From: vouget@...
To: [email protected]
I think 4yods needs more time with me. He spends all day outside
with his friends - I need to take care of 1 1/2yodd. I do spend as
much time as I can outside with dd. When I go inside to take care of
dd, he runs off where I can't see him and don't know where he is.
His behavior is getting worse - becoming more and more aggressive. I
would like to have a time where I can spend with him alone, but most
days, that's impossible without neglecting his sister. During her
naptime (whenever she falls asleep), he is usually playing outside
with his friends. I can play with him, though his friends don't
appreciate it, but I feel we do need some time alone, just the two of
us. I also worry about him playing where I can't see him for safety
reasons.
Anyway, is this just a stage I should let him be? He's only started
this since the weather got warm enough to be outside. The more time
he spends with his friends, the more aggressive he gets. Should I
limit his time with his friends??
I kind of wish one of you experienced unschooling parents would come
over and show me how it's done. But I guess I'll just have to settle
for asking a million questions. Often I can trust my feelings and
judgement, but sometimes, I don't know what my feelings are...
Melanie in Indiana
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Judie C. Rall
> I allowed my now 11yo ds to spend lots of time playing outside withWhen my son was very young, he did NOT play with neighborhood
> the neighborhood children. Though it seemed to be a good idea at the
> time, my son developed a severe case of peer orientation which
> extended into his public school career. He never really learned to
> rely on himself for entertainment and still struggles with this issue
> to this day.
children. I would arrange a play date with some children I approved
of, and either he would go to their house, or them to our house. He
is now 10. Last summer, I did allow him more freedom to play
outside and be around neighborhood kids. But he never stayed out
with them very long. Some of them would come to our door and
ask if he could play. He'd be standing to the side whispering "tell
them to go away." They were too rough, didn't play fair, were
always fighting about something stupid, and stealing his things. I
had to go down to their house more than once to get back
something that belonged to him. He just didn't enjoy being around
them because of their bad behavior. He always learned to play
nice, with kids whose parents made sure they learned manners.
Judie
[email protected]
Seems to me the friends need to go home. You need to be able to see where
the 4 yo is at all times. And too much of a good thing has gotten out of
hand. And he needs down time, spent partly with you and partly by himself.
Quiet is a good thing.
An unattended 4 yo is not a good thing.
My 2 cents.
Nance
In a message dated 05/10/2001 4:20:23 AM !!!First Boot!!!, vouget@...
writes:
the 4 yo is at all times. And too much of a good thing has gotten out of
hand. And he needs down time, spent partly with you and partly by himself.
Quiet is a good thing.
An unattended 4 yo is not a good thing.
My 2 cents.
Nance
In a message dated 05/10/2001 4:20:23 AM !!!First Boot!!!, vouget@...
writes:
> I think 4yods needs more time with me. He spends all day outside[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> with his friends - I need to take care of 1 1/2yodd. I do spend as
> much time as I can outside with dd. When I go inside to take care of
> dd, he runs off where I can't see him and don't know where he is.
> His behavior is getting worse - becoming more and more aggressive. I
> would like to have a time where I can spend with him alone, but most
> days, that's impossible without neglecting his sister. During her
> naptime (whenever she falls asleep), he is usually playing outside
> with his friends. I can play with him, though his friends don't
> appreciate it, but I feel we do need some time alone, just the two of
> us. I also worry about him playing where I can't see him for safety
> reasons.
>
> Anyway, is this just a stage I should let him be? He's only started
> this since the weather got warm enough to be outside. The more time
> he spends with his friends, the more aggressive he gets. Should I
> limit his time with his friends??
>
> I kind of wish one of you experienced unschooling parents would come
> over and show me how it's done. But I guess I'll just have to settle
> for asking a million questions. Often I can trust my feelings and
> judgement, but sometimes, I don't know what my feelings are...
>
> Melanie in Indiana
>
>
[email protected]
Melanie,
I allowed my now 11yo ds to spend lots of time playing outside with
the neighborhood children. Though it seemed to be a good idea at the
time, my son developed a severe case of peer orientation which
extended into his public school career. He never really learned to
rely on himself for entertainment and still struggles with this issue
to this day. If I had to do it all over again, I would have
portioned out the amount of time he spent with other children.
Raeshel
I allowed my now 11yo ds to spend lots of time playing outside with
the neighborhood children. Though it seemed to be a good idea at the
time, my son developed a severe case of peer orientation which
extended into his public school career. He never really learned to
rely on himself for entertainment and still struggles with this issue
to this day. If I had to do it all over again, I would have
portioned out the amount of time he spent with other children.
Raeshel