Jeanmarie Shingleton

Wow! That's my first reaction to finding this group. I came on just a few
posts before Valerie's first post about her daughter and I've never felt so
validated about what has happened around here than I did after reading that.
Thank you!!

Now, I'll give you a quick intro of myself. I'm the mother of 3 children -
1 daughter, 21 and 2 boys 18 & 13. The first 2 did traditional school. My
21 yr old is graduating from college this year and my 18 yo is graduating
from high school. But due to a very bad 7th grade year for my now 13 yo we
opted to not send him back to Jr High (the horror grade level of public
school, in my opinion) and we were planning on doing a traditional
home-schooling program this past year. Well, it didn't happen. For several
reasons... the big one being his attitude about being pressured and also the
fact that I work 32 hrs/week (4 days).

Anyway, we played with history books, and bought math books and everything
ended up sliding and we just ended up enjoying each other. His personality
has improved 100% and his self-esteem at least that much. But all along
I've had to deal with the question... "So, how's that homeschooling coming?"
from the people I work with and with family members. And trying to explain
that we're not is really difficult.

I had to convince myself that I wasn't going to worry about what he did and
didn't do and if we got nothing else out of this year but him feeling better
and behaving better I could call it successful. Well, as the "school" year
rolls down I'm seeing that it was successful. But convincing his older
siblings of that is tough. (My dd is graduating with a bachelors in
Psychology and works with troubled children so she knows "everything" about
how we're doing this all wrong).

Thanks again for making me feel good about this and for being here. I know
I'll have a ton of questions as I get to know everyone.

Jeanmarie (in Utah)
_________________________________________________________________
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Valerie

Welcome Jean Marie,

Well, your post gave me a few tears! Thank you!

The Psychology line gave me a laugh. I was taking an Adolescent
Psychology class in college last year. The professor learned early on
that I was outspoken and a bit of a class clown. Those college
students are so uptight...afraid to say a word. I would try to loosen
them up a bit. Well, he was discussing the PROPER way to parent a
child and I disagreed with him. I told him what I had done and he
laughed and said in a very sarcastic tone, "I can only imagine how
your child turned out." It just so happens that we had gotten the
Annuals that day. There were two full pages devoted to Laurie and her
unschooling and accomplishments in college. I reached down and pulled
out the book and opened it to those pages and said, "That's her." He
looked for a brief second, looked into my face, and started to speak
a few times. I think I noticed a twitch. lol... he then went back to
teaching, but his voice sounded a bit different. One of the
highlights of college for me!!!

Valerie

--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., "Jeanmarie Shingleton"
<Jmarie_s02qlt@h...> wrote:
> Wow! That's my first reaction to finding this group. I came on
just a few
> posts before Valerie's first post about her daughter and I've never
felt so
> validated about what has happened around here than I did after
reading that.
> Thank you!!
>
> Now, I'll give you a quick intro of myself. I'm the mother of 3
children -
> 1 daughter, 21 and 2 boys 18 & 13. The first 2 did traditional
school. My
> 21 yr old is graduating from college this year and my 18 yo is
graduating
> from high school. But due to a very bad 7th grade year for my now
13 yo we
> opted to not send him back to Jr High (the horror grade level of
public
> school, in my opinion) and we were planning on doing a traditional
> home-schooling program this past year. Well, it didn't happen.
For several
> reasons... the big one being his attitude about being pressured and
also the
> fact that I work 32 hrs/week (4 days).
>
> Anyway, we played with history books, and bought math books and
everything
> ended up sliding and we just ended up enjoying each other. His
personality
> has improved 100% and his self-esteem at least that much. But all
along
> I've had to deal with the question... "So, how's that homeschooling
coming?"
> from the people I work with and with family members. And trying to
explain
> that we're not is really difficult.
>
> I had to convince myself that I wasn't going to worry about what he
did and
> didn't do and if we got nothing else out of this year but him
feeling better
> and behaving better I could call it successful. Well, as
the "school" year
> rolls down I'm seeing that it was successful. But convincing his
older
> siblings of that is tough. (My dd is graduating with a bachelors in
> Psychology and works with troubled children so she
knows "everything" about
> how we're doing this all wrong).
>
> Thanks again for making me feel good about this and for being
here. I know
> I'll have a ton of questions as I get to know everyone.
>
> Jeanmarie (in Utah)
> _________________________________________________________________
> Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com

Johanna

welcome Jeanmarie
Johanna
Life is the ultimate learning experience!
----- Original Message -----
From: Jeanmarie Shingleton
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, May 01, 2001 4:06 AM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Hi - I'm new and thrilled to be here


Wow! That's my first reaction to finding this group. I came on just a few
posts before Valerie's first post about her daughter and I've never felt so
validated about what has happened around here than I did after reading that.
Thank you!!

Now, I'll give you a quick intro of myself. I'm the mother of 3 children -
1 daughter, 21 and 2 boys 18 & 13. The first 2 did traditional school. My
21 yr old is graduating from college this year and my 18 yo is graduating
from high school. But due to a very bad 7th grade year for my now 13 yo we
opted to not send him back to Jr High (the horror grade level of public
school, in my opinion) and we were planning on doing a traditional
home-schooling program this past year. Well, it didn't happen. For several
reasons... the big one being his attitude about being pressured and also the
fact that I work 32 hrs/week (4 days).

Anyway, we played with history books, and bought math books and everything
ended up sliding and we just ended up enjoying each other. His personality
has improved 100% and his self-esteem at least that much. But all along
I've had to deal with the question... "So, how's that homeschooling coming?"
from the people I work with and with family members. And trying to explain
that we're not is really difficult.

I had to convince myself that I wasn't going to worry about what he did and
didn't do and if we got nothing else out of this year but him feeling better
and behaving better I could call it successful. Well, as the "school" year
rolls down I'm seeing that it was successful. But convincing his older
siblings of that is tough. (My dd is graduating with a bachelors in
Psychology and works with troubled children so she knows "everything" about
how we're doing this all wrong).

Thanks again for making me feel good about this and for being here. I know
I'll have a ton of questions as I get to know everyone.

Jeanmarie (in Utah)
_________________________________________________________________
Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com


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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Eileen M.

I LOVED this story!! It *is* in your book, isn't it?

I can't tell you how reassuring it is to read your
posts. My parents are fretting away, keep trying to
push me into scheduling up our days more. It's nice
to know that it's at least *possible* that my son can
grow up to be functional even if I go with my heart
and don't *push* him into achievement. I think we
*all* fear that he will only do what is easy and avoid
anything that requires sustained effort... learned
helplessness is a huge issue in my family, and my son
shows every sign of being a chip off the familial
block.

I read too much, I think; half of the 'experts' say
that children shouldn't be pushed too hard, the other
says that their anxieties and fears will overwhelm
them later if they don't learn how to deal with them
by overcoming teasing etc. in childhood. I end up
feeling pilloried between the conflicting assertions,
damned if I do and damned if I don't.

I'm going to get your book as soon as it's out, and
keep it by the bed to read when I wake up in the wee
sma's panicked about my child becoming some useless
piece of flotsom floating in the wake of The Effective
People, homeless or jobless or worst of all, an Actor.

<note to all Theater Moms who are even now
sharpening up their ball point pens to thrust through
my evil heart: JUST KIDDING!!!>

Eileen


--- Valerie <valfitz@...> wrote:
Well, he was discussing the PROPER
> way to parent a
> child and I disagreed with him. I told him what I
> had done and he
> laughed and said in a very sarcastic tone, "I can
> only imagine how
> your child turned out." It just so happens that we
> had gotten the
> Annuals that day. There were two full pages devoted
> to Laurie and her
> unschooling and accomplishments in college. I
> reached down and pulled
> out the book and opened it to those pages and said,
> "That's her." He
> looked for a brief second, looked into my face, and
> started to speak
> a few times. I think I noticed a twitch. lol...

__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Auctions - buy the things you want at great prices
http://auctions.yahoo.com/

[email protected]

In a message dated 4/30/01 9:06:29 PM Pacific Daylight Time,
Jmarie_s02qlt@... writes:

<< But all along
I've had to deal with the question... "So, how's that homeschooling coming?"
from the people I work with and with family members. And trying to explain
that we're not is really difficult. >>

Hi Jeanmarie and welcome...I can relate to what you're saying somewhat
because we didn't start of as unschoolers. First we became disallusioned
with the school system, then we went to homeschooling, and finally we went to
unschooling. I WISH we had unschooled from the beginning with all of our
kids. The more structured homeschooling always "deteriorated" into doing
whatever because I wasn't that motivated to stick with much of a structure.
But I used to feel like I should be doing "better" with all of that.
Finally, I started reading more unschooling books and realized that it seemed
like the best thing. All the other stuff involved too much forcing of kids
to do something they don't want to do.
So my oldest three sons, ages (almost) 17, 13, and 13, have been
unschooling the past few years and my younger two, ages 9 and 4, will get to
unschool completely. I hope school and my misguided homeschooling attempts
in years past haven't caused too much harm to my older kids!
Anyway, maybe you can just tell people the homeschooling is coming
around wonderfully. Now you don't have to feel that you're not doing
anything; you're unschooling, letting him find his own rightful path, doing
things he's interested in, which he's much more likely to remember anyway.
In case you haven't already read it, I would highly recommend reading
The Teenage Liberation Handbook by Grace Llewellyn (sp?). It's great and he
might like reading some of it, too. And of course, when Val's book comes
out, it will be great! Best wishes....

Lucy in California

Valerie Stewart

But convincing his older
siblings of that is tough. (My dd is graduating with a bachelors in
Psychology and works with troubled children so she knows "everything" about
how we're doing this all wrong).
Jeanmarie (in Utah)

***Hi Jeanmarie (that's my sister's name, btw) :)

I'm way behind reading my posts. But I laughed when I saw the above. How
about nicely telling your daughter that you'll let her ruin her own children
if she'll let you ruin yours?

Valerie in Tacoma

Valerie

At your suggestion, I will find a place for that story in the book.

Smile at your parents and assure them that you are doing the right
thing. Or just smile. That's what I did with mine. (while I was
ruining my daughter's life). It's more than possible that your son
can grow up to be functional. It's probable if he's unschooled. I
don't know how old your son is, but there were years when Laurie did
as little as possible. I kept the faith open and my mouth shut. When
he finds his passion, he'll put forth the effort necessary, and it
won't even seem like effort to him.

Maybe if your son is given the freedom to choose how he spends his
time he won't end up a being like the members of the family who had
no choices early in life. Support ANYTHING he does, including playing
computer games all day, watching tv, whatever... it's what he needs
right now and if he has support and no "comments" about wasting his
life, he'll get past it much faster.

AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH to kids needing to be teased so they can deal with it
when they are older. AAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH to the morons that say such
things. Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will kill
me. I STILL remember the teasing taunts of childhood and vow to
someday get back at those creeps! Calm down Valerie...I am teasing
about getting them back, btw. I'll just let them shine my shoes.

Not to be totally insensitive...but I bet flotsom is not useless.;-)
I had to say that since Laurie acted in her first play last week at
the college. She co-wrote the play and was marvelous!

And in reply to being pilloried... damn it...do nothing and watch him
bloom and take charge of his own life.

Unschooling = Patient Parent
Valerie


--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., "Eileen M." <ravensegg@y...> wrote:
> I LOVED this story!! It *is* in your book, isn't it?
>
> I can't tell you how reassuring it is to read your
> posts. My parents are fretting away, keep trying to
> push me into scheduling up our days more. It's nice
> to know that it's at least *possible* that my son can
> grow up to be functional even if I go with my heart
> and don't *push* him into achievement. I think we
> *all* fear that he will only do what is easy and avoid
> anything that requires sustained effort... learned
> helplessness is a huge issue in my family, and my son
> shows every sign of being a chip off the familial
> block.
>
> I read too much, I think; half of the 'experts' say
> that children shouldn't be pushed too hard, the other
> says that their anxieties and fears will overwhelm
> them later if they don't learn how to deal with them
> by overcoming teasing etc. in childhood. I end up
> feeling pilloried between the conflicting assertions,
> damned if I do and damned if I don't.
>
> I'm going to get your book as soon as it's out, and
> keep it by the bed to read when I wake up in the wee
> sma's panicked about my child becoming some useless
> piece of flotsom floating in the wake of The Effective
> People, homeless or jobless or worst of all, an Actor.
>
> <note to all Theater Moms who are even now
> sharpening up their ball point pens to thrust through
> my evil heart: JUST KIDDING!!!>
>
> Eileen
>
>
> --- Valerie <valfitz@y...> wrote:
> Well, he was discussing the PROPER
> > way to parent a
> > child and I disagreed with him. I told him what I
> > had done and he
> > laughed and said in a very sarcastic tone, "I can
> > only imagine how
> > your child turned out." It just so happens that we
> > had gotten the
> > Annuals that day. There were two full pages devoted
> > to Laurie and her
> > unschooling and accomplishments in college. I
> > reached down and pulled
> > out the book and opened it to those pages and said,
> > "That's her." He
> > looked for a brief second, looked into my face, and
> > started to speak
> > a few times. I think I noticed a twitch. lol...
>
> __________________________________________________
> Do You Yahoo!?
> Yahoo! Auctions - buy the things you want at great prices
> http://auctions.yahoo.com/

Jeanmarie Shingleton

>From: " Valerie Stewart" <vlos@...>

>***Hi Jeanmarie (that's my sister's name, btw) :)
>
>I'm way behind reading my posts. But I laughed when I >saw the above. How
>about nicely telling your daughter >that you'll let her ruin her own
>children if she'll let >you ruin yours?

But, Valerie, that's no fun... right now she's swearing she'll never have
children.!!! Of course, she's only 21 and has a lot of growing up to do
yet.

I'm glad I was able to give you a laugh, though! .... And I thought I was
the only Jeanmarie around. My parent's always told me it was unique.
Hmmph, there goes that bubble!!!!

Jeanmarie (no longer "the only"!!) <grin>
_________________________________________________________________
Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com

Valerie Stewart

I'm glad I was able to give you a laugh, though! .... And I thought I was
the only Jeanmarie around. My parent's always told me it was unique.
Hmmph, there goes that bubble!!!!

Jeanmarie (no longer "the only"!!) <grin>

***If it makes you feel better, my sister's name is Jean Marie (Marie being
the middle name) and we call her Jean. Only our mother calls her Jean Marie
sometimes, and you know what it means when she does...

Valerie in Tacoma

Johanna

What!! I have known many french-canadians named Jeanmarie
Johanna
Life is the ultimate learning experience!
----- Original Message -----
From: Jeanmarie Shingleton
To: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, May 03, 2001 3:33 AM
Subject: RE: [Unschooling-dotcom] Hi - I'm new and thrilled to be here


>From: " Valerie Stewart" <vlos@...>

>***Hi Jeanmarie (that's my sister's name, btw) :)
>
>I'm way behind reading my posts. But I laughed when I >saw the above. How
>about nicely telling your daughter >that you'll let her ruin her own
>children if she'll let >you ruin yours?

But, Valerie, that's no fun... right now she's swearing she'll never have
children.!!! Of course, she's only 21 and has a lot of growing up to do
yet.

I'm glad I was able to give you a laugh, though! .... And I thought I was
the only Jeanmarie around. My parent's always told me it was unique.
Hmmph, there goes that bubble!!!!

Jeanmarie (no longer "the only"!!) <grin>
_________________________________________________________________
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Angela

But, Valerie, that's no fun... right now she's swearing she'll never have
children.!!! Of course, she's only 21 and has a lot of growing up to do
yetJeanmarie (no longer "the only
[Angela]
My sister actually told me that I am too opinionated about children so she
can't have any!!! I think she is afraid I won't approve of how she will
raise them. Afterall, if she doesn't attachment parent, nurse, unschool,
etc. then she won't be doing it right! LOL I think she just has to find
her own path and also find out what she is passionate about. I am
passionate about kids, esp. my own.

Angela ( who is way behind on emails because she has been out enjoying the
90 degree weather here in Maine. We went from winter to summer without
spring)


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Jeanmarie Shingleton

>From: "Johanna" <saninocencio1@...>

>What!! I have known many french-canadians named Jeanmarie
>Johanna
>Life is the ultimate learning experience!

Well, of course, that explains it. When I was growing up I used to have
people always ask me if my name was French. It's not... it was my parent's
way of making two families happy.

Jean - my father's sister, + marie (Mary) my mother's sister. At first it
was two words, but my mother DID NOT want me called Jean. Hmmmmm
interesting, huh???!! LOL!!

Anyway, that's how I got my name!

Jeanmarie
_________________________________________________________________
Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com

Eileen M.

--- Valerie <valfitz@...> wrote:
> At your suggestion, I will find a place for that
> story in the book.
>
Good! Seems like it would be a good Forward...

I
> don't know how old your son is,

Just turned 11, getting out of an extremely rigorous
'excellerated' magnet school for the gifted... he's
rather an odd duck there, a creative, intuitive,
chaotic, disorganized goofball in a school whose entry
exams were designed to test for an organized, logical,
academic, goal/achievement orientation. I think it's
going to take a while before he stops looking for the
'right' answer and wanting desperately to be spoonfed
the answers...

> Maybe if your son is given the freedom to choose how
> he spends his
> time he won't end up a being like the members of the
> family who had
> no choices early in life. Support ANYTHING he does,
> including playing
> computer games all day, watching tv, whatever...
> it's what he needs
> right now and if he has support and no "comments"
> about wasting his
> life, he'll get past it much faster.

My parents seem torn between fearing that I will do
too much for him and the fear that I will not do
enough and let him just float along doing nothing and
leave him unprepared for college. I know it will be
awfully hard to let him 'goof around' all day for
years... I don't know that I have that much faith. I
think I can do it for one year, though, and hopefully
I will have learned more myself by then!
>
> Not to be totally insensitive...but I bet flotsom is
> not useless.;-)
> I had to say that since Laurie acted in her first
> play last week at
> the college. She co-wrote the play and was
> marvelous!

Sounds lovely! I really was kidding, because acting
is one of my son's big talents... he gets it from his
mum!

Thank you SO much for your support and comments... I
almost feel like my son might survive this!

Eileen

__________________________________________________
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Valerie

I added it to the book today!

Oh wow.. I bet that takes some time to get over...I have faith in
your patience. I had to ignore my parents. They meant well, but I had
a path to follow that did not include nagging Laurie to "do
something."

love, Valerie

--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., "Eileen M." <ravensegg@y...> wrote:
>
> --- Valerie <valfitz@y...> wrote:
> > At your suggestion, I will find a place for that
> > story in the book.
> >
> Good! Seems like it would be a good Forward...
>
> I
> > don't know how old your son is,
>
> Just turned 11, getting out of an extremely rigorous
> 'excellerated' magnet school for the gifted... he's
> rather an odd duck there, a creative, intuitive,
> chaotic, disorganized goofball in a school whose entry
> exams were designed to test for an organized, logical,
> academic, goal/achievement orientation. I think it's
> going to take a while before he stops looking for the
> 'right' answer and wanting desperately to be spoonfed
> the answers...
>
> > Maybe if your son is given the freedom to choose how
> > he spends his
> > time he won't end up a being like the members of the
> > family who had
> > no choices early in life. Support ANYTHING he does,
> > including playing
> > computer games all day, watching tv, whatever...
> > it's what he needs
> > right now and if he has support and no "comments"
> > about wasting his
> > life, he'll get past it much faster.
>
> My parents seem torn between fearing that I will do
> too much for him and the fear that I will not do
> enough and let him just float along doing nothing and
> leave him unprepared for college. I know it will be
> awfully hard to let him 'goof around' all day for
> years... I don't know that I have that much faith. I
> think I can do it for one year, though, and hopefully
> I will have learned more myself by then!
> >
> > Not to be totally insensitive...but I bet flotsom is
> > not useless.;-)
> > I had to say that since Laurie acted in her first
> > play last week at
> > the college. She co-wrote the play and was
> > marvelous!
>
> Sounds lovely! I really was kidding, because acting
> is one of my son's big talents... he gets it from his
> mum!
>
> Thank you SO much for your support and comments... I
> almost feel like my son might survive this!
>
> Eileen
>
> __________________________________________________
> Do You Yahoo!?
> Yahoo! Auctions - buy the things you want at great prices
> http://auctions.yahoo.com/